@liska21 yeah we didn’t know that he wouldn’t be allowed to retake MV. During orientation week, Bowdoin had a meeting with all kids who took MV in high school and told them all that they need to move on to Linear Algebra and that they will be fine. S19 is ok so far. I think he’s currently hovering at a low A but it’s hard and completely different than any math he’s ever taken. Now he’s thinking about not taking math next semester but still taking physics. We will see. He needs to talk to his advisor. I think it’s ok to take a semester off of math even if he decides to go back to it. The next class after LA is some crazy math reasoning class that’s supposed to be really challenging. He only needs to take it if he wants to major in math. If he wants to minor, he can skip over it and start taking some stats classes. I think he has to choose classes in about a month.
Glad to hear your S is enjoying school and the outdoor club!
I did so well when we moved D19 in. When it was time to say goodbye, I was able to give her a tear-free hug and head off with the rest of the family on a summer vacation. I was patting myself on the back for being so serene. Then, for the first two months it was hard to really miss her because she was swept up in the excitement of it all and every text and call was pure sunshine. It was like she was falling in love with her school, the people, the classes—everything was awesome.
A couple weeks ago, we went to parents weekend. We had a great time with her, but on the last morning, the sadness descended for me. I didn’t want to leave. Since then, I’ve been missing her more—the house is too quiet, plans are too simple, I miss her friends hanging out late at night in my kitchen, and I’ve even been missing stuff they did back in middle school like roam the neighborhood playing flashlight tag. Luckily for me, she’s been calling more just to check in. Plus, D21 is in a show next weekend, and D19 has decided to surprise her sand come home! It’s not the cheapest trip for such a short time, but D21 will be thrilled, and DH and I couldn’t resist the chance to see her. (I am going to be over-the-moon like @InfiniteWaves !)
D19’s hardest class is philosophy. She says she’s never had to work so hard to make heads or tails of the material in any subject! Luckily, the class is small and the professor encourages questions, discussion and students at office hours.
@Sailaway everyone I know who has gone to parent weekends have had a much harder time saying goodbye than when they originally dropped their kids. I guess it just seems more real the second time. I’m bracing myself. We go to family weekend in six days. I haven’t seen S19 in seven weeks. Before now, the longest we’ve been away from him was five days. I can’t wait to get to him! I’m going to try to find solace in the fact that he will be home for Thanksgiving just four weeks after family weekend. I hope his seeing us doesn’t make him too homesick!
@3SailAway I discovered that with D17, I missed her so much more second semester after she returned to school from her winter break. I think it was partly because she missed US so when she came home for winter break she actually hung out with us more than usual. Like instead of disappearing up to her room to watch Netflix, sleep, whatever, she would hang out in the family with us a lot more than she did in high school and just spent more time with us socially than when she lived with us in h.s. We also had so many meaningful, mature conversations. So once she left, I really noticed her absence more than when we first left her behind first semester.
S19 has fall break right now but he has a home game so was unable to take advantage of the very short time off. However, his team was off last weekend and he doesn’t have classes Friday, so we made a spur of the moment decision to buy him a train ticket home the night before and he came home last Friday. He wasn’t going to come but then heard a few of his friends would be home for their breaks, so he got to see them. I thought it might make him feel a little better being stuck at school this week when all of his friends have gone home or to visit friends. All except his roommate, and that situation has not gotten any better. He and his suitemates met with their RA last week and are meeting with the RD next week. Hopefully, the roommate will get moved.
Unlike most here, I’ve gotten to see S19 quite a bit as we’ve gone to all of his home games and one away game (the team they played is local to us). I’m going up tomorrow with my parents who haven’t been to his school so they wanted to get up to a game and see the campus. Dh is staying home this time since S21 has his Homecoming dance tomorrow night.
@homerdog enjoy your visit next week! Hopefully the fall foliage won’t be past it’s prime. Maine is so beautiful (when I was dating Dh, he was stationed in Bath when he was in the Navy, right down the road from Brunswick). I’m looking forward to seeing some foliage this weekend!
DD just left from a quick overnight here. Think now it’s going to be a month before she’s back. Last night she had handed me an envelope with some refund checks and I saw it also included a handwritten letter but I decided not to read it until she was gone.
Ah, my heart! She thanked me for putting up with her during the college search (it was a pretty rough time) and for not letting her dismiss the idea of going to the one she is at because she now sees it was the perfect choice. (I knew it a long time ago!) Also helping her with high school and life in general, making her do all the scholarships, staying up late listening to her many many times, and being an awesome mom. :bawling: So I’m not actually crying because as she said in the letter I’m not mushy but it sure was nice.
@elena13 a little late to the party, but work has been nuts so I haven’t had time to comment, but wow, I loved reading what your son did. I tell my kids all the time to really be there for your friends and this was 100% being there for your friends. It’s tough in this world when everyone is so busy and we often forget how important this type of stuff is. Your son obviously has this built into his DNA, but I know you had a hand in making him who he is. This was so incredibly kind and thoughtful. It made my (busy) day reading it. 100% pure kindness. We need so much more of that in the world today. Thanks for sharing
D is on her train back to school. She slipped back into home with ease but I could tell she was excited to get back to classes and her teams and friends. Unfortunately it worked out to be far too expensive for us to go and watch her regatta next weekend, so that’s a bummer, but I know she’ll tell me all about it and we’ll hopefully get to one in the spring. We are all now looking forward to thanksgiving weekend, when we will decorate for Christmas and get our tree.
Also, I just booked thanksgiving train tickets for D. Wow, Amtrak really ramped prices for the holiday- it was like 2-3x the usual cost round trip. She is now traveling on thanksgiving day to save money- and going back early Monday and right to classes too. Wednesday to Sunday was completely unattainable. Oof.
@homerdog and @4kids4us , thanks. Somehow I feel better knowing that others who were fine saying goodbye at move-in had trouble other times. I expect sending D19 back to school after winter break won’t be easy.
@homerdog , seven weeks is just plain long when we are used to seeing them every day. Have a wonderful family weekend, and at least the next separation will be much shorter.
@bjscheel , love the note from your daughter! I actually remember the time in my life when I started to realize what I put my parents (mostly my mom) through as a teenager and was finally able to appreciate them on a deeper level. Of course, some kids can appreciate all along, but I was particularly stubborn!
@elena13 , I’m going to ask D19 about birthdays on her hall etc. to get her thinking about doing something like what your son did for someone who might need it.
D19 had to go to the ER a few weeks back with a super bad migraine that just wouldn’t break. We’ve taken her five or six times over the years, so she’s familiar with the procedure and the IV cocktail they give her, but she’s never had to go alone.
She called us when she decided that it was so bad that the ER was the only choice. We were going to stay on the phone with her while she waited for the Uber. I was worried about her going alone because I know it’s hard to even think with a severe migraine. But then a guy who lives on the floor above her ran into her, asked her what was wrong, dropped everything for the afternoon and went with her to the hospital! Her dorm is small, so they had met and talked before, but it was just so kind of him—he stayed the whole time and came back to campus with her.
We got to meet him and take him out to dinner during family weekend. I hope my kids will take any opportunity they see to be that person for someone else. It makes a huge difference.
@3SailAway what an amazing young man to do that for your daughter! It sure is a scary feeling when your child is far from home and needs to navigate a visit to the hospital alone (happened to me last year with D17). I hope his parents know what a wonderful thing he did for your daughter and glad you were able to meet him and properly thank him. So sorry to hear about your daughter’s migraines. D17’s roommate has migraines like that as well.
Well, S19 ended up not coming this weekend due to a campus commitment he could not miss. So, we had the “reality has set in” phone call home yesterday. S19 survived midterms. But he is now going through some of the “not connecting with people yet” stuff. I’m feeling for him.
Penn State is a big school. A few of his good friends from high school are there. But they are all in different majors. And different dorms. And they are starting to drift from each other a bit. In a good way! Finding their own crowds and interests. But I think S19 is now feeling a bit untethered.
Where he is differs from his high school friends is that he is in ROTC (the source of this weekend’s campus commitment ). He loves it, is involved with a few ROTC-related clubs, and likes a lot of his fellow ROTC students. He is also in one club outside of ROTC. The new friendship forming is just slow going. As it should be. He might not even realize that his high school friends could be feeling that he is drifting too.
While he has dabbled in a bit of “very light partying” he’s not interested in the hardcore partying going on around him. Hasn’t attended a football game. But he’s totally cool with others going for all that it if it’s their thing. If any other ROTC kids like D&D, they are keeping it to themselves. The one non-ROTC “nerdy” club he joined is good but “they were all already friends and it is hard to break in to the group.” This is all normal college freshman transition stuff. It just has him feeling a bit down right now.
I’m really thankful that he’s comfortable sharing how he’s feeling with Mr. InfiniteWaves and me. We listened. We reminded him that it has only been eight weeks and that he’s doing great considering all of the transitions he’s going through! He just needs to keep staying open to new people and new experiences. It’s a huge school and the best thing he can do is keep putting himself out there to make connections and find people with similar interests. The new friendships will come. Just keep at it.
Anyway, I’m sharing here with you all because just listening and being all adult-to-adult-reassuring as any good parent-friend would be is a transition I’m going through. I’m doing okay. BUT I JUST WANNA MAKE IT ALL BETTER FOR MY BABY.
So now, he might come home this weekend. Hopefully, ROTC won’t get in the way. LOL!
@InfiniteWaves We have friends with a freshman daughter at Penn State and she feels the same way. She goes to class and the cafeteria to eat but studies in her room and feels pretty alone. Her parents have told her to get out there. She’s joined a few clubs but they don’t meet too often. I even think going to the library or some other place to study is better than their room. At least they’ll be around people and there’s a chance they’ll maybe run into people from a class or something. Or sit at a table with someone and strike up a conversation. Just feel less alone if they are out of the room.
Also, maybe there are study sessions for classes? That might be a way to meet people too. It is hard though. Not really a way around it.
A shout-out to campus health centers!! (At least the one at U of SC.) S19 went in for what he thought was strep (it wasn’t). Was impressed by how quickly they got him in as a walk-in, how efficient. “And while you are here, let’s just do the flu shot.” Sure. And after doing the obligatory mental health screen, they had him chat with the onsite psychologist just to talk through some things and make sure he is okay (it takes months in our town to even get an appointment.) Overall, he is doing okay, but the guy suggested doing a few regular appointments just to make sure S19 doesn’t head down a hole of negative thinking (a past issue). Wow!
Been away a while - it’s fun reading the updates, but I’m not all the way through yet. Funny, because posts had gotten pretty slow for a while there.
DS seems to be doing great. I don’t think he finds his academics too challenging, but he hasn’t gotten many grades back yet either. He has some frustrations with his FSem class/professor, but nothing too major. He has joined the debate team, which is pretty demanding - anyone on campus can go and be a part of the debate team at whatever level of commitment they want, but if you want to travel with the team, you have to go to at least 2 practices a week and then, of course, on weekends when they travel or host, the tournaments take up the entire weekend. He traveled to Bard for a tournament and then HWS hosted a tournament about 2 weeks later. He has missed out on a number of social activities/outings with friends as well as other clubs/activities he has wanted to engage in because they either meet at the same time or he is otherwise engaged with the weekend tournament. So, we’ll see if he continues with that. He’s working 3 hours a week on campus, so that gives him a little spending money without dipping too much into his study time.
His roommate is a total sweetheart - really great kid. In fact, the roommate goes around telling people how he’s the “ideal guy.” Lol! He really kind of is. There’s partying going on in the friend group, but DS is not partaking. Seems to be OK. Main complaint is lack of on-campus dining on weekends and late at night. He may go speak with the President about it.
It’s so nice to get happy reports back after a year of trying to light a fire under him and worrying about where he was going to end up.
@Trixy34 Yay for the happy reports and the great roommate!
@InfiniteWaves I totally understand! If DD ever calls home with a problem I am the same way. Had a phone call Monday that started out sad because she was lonely on Sunday but as she said sometimes it just helps her to cry it out a little and by the time we finished she had a game night on her floor to go to.
DD has a lot of friends now but most came from doing the Freshman theatre showcase so I wonder where she’d be without having done that. She is so social and I believe living in this environment with peers available nearly 24/7 pumps her up so much that time alone (like she had Sunday) is hard.
I really think my D is getting into her groove and settling in at her university. This week I had 3 texts from her (3 days in a row) that each really made my day.
The first text on Monday was about a Freshman English Class (Expo) assignment that just got returned to her. The professor passed it back to my D and asked her to see her after class. Of course my D was freaking out. Turns out the professor liked it so much she asked for my D’s permission to use it as an example in future classes. Very cool.
The next text on Tuesday was super sweet. My D sent a picture of a gift bag filled with items such as a throw blanket and a bunch of snacks. She purchased the items and a greeting card and was sending me a pic right before she was about to have all of her floor mates sign it. It was a gift for a student on her floor who went into the hospital two weeks ago (for depression, I believe). They are not sure he will be back this semester but his roommates have visited him a few times (he is still in the hospital in area) and she wanted to make sure he knew the floor was thinking of him and wishing him the best. She was giving the gift to one of his roommates to deliver. This is completely my D. It’s what she does.
Lastly I get yet another text today with a picture of a website of a Rotaract Club from another university. She texted me that her school doesn’t have this club yet (although they have 100 clubs!). She is investigating how she can bring this club to campus. Even though she is already in 4 clubs (Kindness Club , Non-profit Club, Her Campus Club, and Outdoor Club), and also participating in the service learning program this semester where she volunteers in a local elementary school once a week, AND she is actively involved in the Women’s Leadership program - she still feels she needs a club she can lead and plan. My D thrives when she is busy and in charge so I get it. Plus honestly I think it’s awesome if she pulls this off because Rotaract is the college division of the Rotary. In HS my D was the President of Interact, the HS division of Rotary. In HS the Interact club was fairly new to her school and my D really made a difference in that club. She attended monthly local Rotary luncheons and thought of and planned new-to-the-school, large-scale fundraisers (for amazing charities both local and global). If she can pull off establishing a college division of Rotaract at her university - I will be “Wow”ed and excited to watch how it evolves.
Funny thing is she started off being terrible at communicating with us this semester. I think she forgot she wanted independence and naturally fell back to texting us details about what’s going on in her week. I’m really happy about that! I love hearing about what’s going on with her without having to ask her first.
I’ve been making some email introductions for D19 with friends of mine in the art world, as her career goal is working for a gallery or auction house. One friend owns an art moving/packing/storage company, and another is a former gallery staffer who now leads high-end art tours and does other consulting. They’ve both responded warmly. It’ll be great for D19 to have some real-world experts to hear from about what it’s really like to have a job like the one she wants, especially while she’s in her foundation year at Parsons and not yet taking her management or art history classes. Glad to be able to help.
D just finished her first regatta. She is pretty pumped- her boat rowed the fastest their women have finished, and they came in the top ten. She’d been worried that they would come in last or not finish at all- they’re all novices and have only practiced together twice. We didn’t get to travel up and all our family bailed last minute, but she is having an absolute blast. I can’t wait to watch a race in the spring.
). He loves it, is involved with a few ROTC-related clubs, and likes a lot of his fellow ROTC students. He is also in one club outside of ROTC. The new friendship forming is just slow going. As it should be. He might not even realize that his high school friends could be feeling that he is drifting too.