I think this (hooking up) happened plenty in some crowds back when I was in college. Though I think it was less one-time-only and more friends-with-benefits or occasional (possibly repeated) hookups.
It likely is more prevalent on some campuses or in some groups than others. Is it more likely to occur on small campuses (population) or large? Certain geographical areas (west coast vs east coast vs south vs midwestern)? Perhaps.
It likely occurs some on my D’s campus but I wouldn’t hear about it. The type of guys my D hangs out with are more likely to spend the night gaming than hooking up. But I guess the point is you aren’t hanging out with the guys you are hooking up with, eh?
Hooking up seemed fairly common back in my college days (and I went to a Jesuit/Catholic college). We didn’t have frats so it wasn’t that. It didn’t necessarily involve sex (in fact, I think it mostly did not) but make out sessions into the night that often led to the “walk of shame” the next morning. In addition to “hooking up,” we also jokingly called it “co-habitating.” However, there was plenty of regular dating and relationships. Many of my friends had boyfriends/girlfriends at our school.
To me, it seems like the frequency of “hooking up” isn’t that much different than when I was in college. However, for a lot of the high school and college students I work with, going on actual dates isn’t as common. There is a lot of “hanging out”. S19 wasn’t that interested in dating or hooking up in high school but did have a girlfriend for the last couple months of school. Even though we have talked a lot about being respectful of women and about consent and I believe he has very good manners around girls, I still thought he might be inclined to hook up a bit with the freedom of college. So, I have been surprised that he has a new girlfriend and they seem to spend a good bit of time together (seems strange to me). But he’s happy and he’s still working hard and making time for friends so I’m glad he’s enjoying that experience.
Re hooking up: I cannot imagine that S19 will give me any info on anything like that or even tell us if he is dating. His older brother is like that too and we (the whole family) are left to sleuth when he brings a guest to family vacations–except the ‘guest’ who loved to call for him by bellowing ‘My Love’ across crowded European plazas during a family vacation…much to his siblings’ enduring amusement. In fact this may be why S19 is so careful. There is karma to be repaid and his older brother is waiting…
I am now investing in teaching S19 adulting skills by having him search for and buy his on flights home and back after break. I so just want to do it myself but I know from D16 that it is better to suffer now so that he learns to do it and takes charge of his own calendar and setting up rides (aka bus) to the airport.
Registration for next semester has been accomplished. She has 3 theatre classes, Comp II, and a recreation class. Pretty sweet line-up for her. I asked if she should be more concentrated on the recreation major since that one is the priority, but she said freshmen only take the two rec classes that she will have had. So she’s getting a lot of the theatre major (or minor) checked off. She is excited to take Acting with one of her favorite professors.
She’ll be home this weekend because my brother is performing a show in our town, then one week of class and a week off for Thanksgiving!
@bjscheel that’s so nice that your D gets to come home for your brother’s show. And a whole week off for Thanksgiving is nice. My D only gets Thursday and Friday off, so we decided she would just stay put. She will be home two weeks later for winter break after finals. I was going to have us (me, DH and D22) fly there, but it gets pretty expensive. And I’ve already been to Phoenix four times this year including campus tour, orientation, etc. She already has invitations from all of her roommates to go w/ them for Thanksgiving, so that’s nice. We will miss her but we can recreate Thanksgiving when she gets home in December.
My D registered for her classes also. She decided to try and have a Film-something minor. She loves movies, but who doesn’t? LOL. One of the advisors said based on her major she should probably take on a minor, so she’s trying out one class next semester that would count anyway if she decides against the minor.
We are bringing my D home for Thanksgiving even though it’s just the four day weekend, but it’s been a huge source of strife looking ahead to future years. I’m of the opinion that once both girls are in college and far from us (we are moving this summer and will be pretty far from both of them), it will be too expensive and time consuming for them to come home for Thanksgiving. Hubby is adamant that they must be brought home every year no matter what. I guess we will see how that plays out.
D is in the midst of applying for the critical language institute in Tanzania next summer. She knows she has next to no shot, but she wants to try anyway. Her teachers were happy to write the recommendations, even on short notice (found out about it two days ago and the app is due next Tuesday).
In an interesting twist for D20, she’s been contacted by a recruiter for a dance team- I had NO clue dancers could be recruited athletes- so that is something new to learn about now.
D19 gets off from the Wednesday of thanksgiving week. Then it’s just a couple of weeks after that break ends before their long winter break. Will be interesting having her home for a while again, though I’m guessing a couple of weeks of it (when all the colleges are on break and all her high school friends will be in town) we’ll hardly see her.
She’s got 3 of 4 midterm results back - 2 As and a B+. I’m really pleased for her as I think she still carries a bit of “imposter syndrome”, and this should help reassure her that she ”belongs” there. Also, she hasn’t been working that hard according to her - seems her high pressure high school prepared her well for this. She’s even had time to develop a new hobby - which I had been at first worried was a means to procrastination, but given her results so far, no complaint. And it’s great for her to develop her creative, arty side too.
Its kind of weird, this getting used to her not being there. My next door neighbor also has a D19 as her eldest - we have spent a bit of time commiserating with each other!
@milgymfam I can see that discussion happening at our house, too. Thanksgiving breaks can be so short and there is just NO getting cheap flights, airports are super crowded, weather can be a factor, etc…and then holiday break is just a few weeks later.
On the other hand, the older I get, the more I appreciate Thanksgiving itself…no shopping or parties or other activities, it’s really just a family, one location (for us) kind of day.
Honestly my D, who is now a college junior, could probably take or leave coming home on that cross country flight for Thanksgiving. And things will probably change again when she is in the work world and doesn’t have that gigantic holiday break. Perhaps Thanksgiving will be for us, and Christmas to stay at her new home (gulp), or the other way around.
@TS0104 unfortunately for my husband, his is an empty argument. Our D19 is only 3 hours away right now and we still almost couldn’t afford for her to come home for Thanksgiving- the train tickets bumped in price and we can’t afford the round trip gas/tolls to pick her up and take her back. There is NO way we will be able to afford two sets of plane tickets once they’re both a plane ride away- that is pure wishful thinking on his part, but he is a stubborn kind of guy. For now, though, I’ll just be glad she’s coming home this year while she’s close and before we all spread to the winds.
Feeling for all those stressed about Thanksgiving travel plans!! I would be a puddle of tears without S19 here. But he’s my holidays-are-everything kid, like me.
Sometimes I wish he wouldn’t share so much. From a call today:
Completely forgot (?) about 3 homework assignments due at midnight yesterday; after a 6 hour work spree got the last one submitted at 11:55.
On-campus housing requests for next year due tomorrow. "Yea, I'm meeting with some guys tonight to talk about it." Uh, dude, you don't have a backup plan, apartments near campus are already taken.
Lost his school card which, among many other things, is used for meals. "It will turn up. I've just been eating Clif bars for a couple days." Ple-e-ease go eat a real meal, you can charge the credit card.
He sounds unruffled. TMI for me.
And WHY do they have to decide housing for next year so early???
I just looked it up, and D’s school they put in their housing requests for next year in March, and the lottery is run in April. She’s hoping to apply to be Customs person, so I have no clue how that plays into it.
I thought housing opened 11/4 but that was for next year’s freshmen. She will get an email with instructions and a date “by the end of the semester.” We don’t know how fast the on-campus apartments fill up so she wants to be set to go on opening day.
DD’s plan is either staying with her current roommate, or going in with three other theatre girls. She is waiting for roommate to decide.
SO D19 has just declared her major. She’s really happy, and seems to be having a great time there. She loves most of her classes, and is really fitting in socially. Dating is more bumpy, though. The last girl she liked got drunk when they went to a party, and having to get a friend to help get her back to her dorm room and make sure that she was OK kind of cooled my D’s interest. D19 drinks, but is no fan of “let’s get drunk” behavior.
Her dance group’s dance show was excellent, and she really enjoyed it.
We’re going to my parents’ for TG, so she’ll be flying from Midd to LA and back, and we’ll get to see her. She would likely not be doing it, but it’s the only time we can celebrate my mother’s 80th birthday.
Did everyone’s kiddos already register for next semester? My S19 was bummed as he was one credit shy of sophomore status from AP and dual enrollment credits. So although he is a freshman registering for several sophomore classes, he got a pretty good schedule.
Hopefully roommate preference is not for a while as I’m not certain he’s connected enough with other students. I’m also hoping he’ll start the process to become an RA but I’m not certain how that works.
My daughter is preregistered, which is what freshman have to do. She filled her enrollment cart and the advisor must approve it- her spots are held based on the preregistration though. She has six courses registered for what will ultimately be four. They have a shopping week for classes and she’s deciding which she likes best that week. Two are 100% solid, one is required for everyone and one required for her, and the rest can duke it out for the last two slots on her roster. Ha.
D19 got into all 3 of the classes for Phase 1. She has 1 more class for Phase 2 and looks like she should be able to get into that one too. It’s a huge class size.
My D19 registered for spring classes on October 21. I guess they add all of the courses into their “cart” on their portal, and then when they are allowed to register, just push a button and get their classes (or not). Fortunately she got all of the classes she wanted. Of course, there were internet issues, etc. but she adulted! She used her iphone as a hotspot for her computer and was able to complete her request.
Also registered for next year’s housing this week. She is going to room w/ her current roommates, and all four of them are moving into the next set of housing in the honors college into a 4/4 apartment type unit. They were very lucky to be able to reserve one, the “quads” were very popular and were all filled up by 1:00pm the same day my D19 was able to reserve theirs earlier in the day.
D19 is registered for 18 credits in spring, of which 15 are calc-chem-physics-mechanics-microecon? (and the remaining credits are two classes, one a prereq for all the industrial engineering classes and the other a business mini-class).
She was complaining about feeling like she had too much downtime this semester. I don’t think that’ll be an issue in the spring.