I think I’ve said before I’m not usually a big crier, but this week I’ve already teared up twice. First one, I was at Costco and a mom and her little girl came around the corner to the Christmas decoration area. The girl shouted, “Mom, look, I see a snowman!” in the most excited squeaky little voice that sounded exactly like D19 when she was little. Next was tonight when a girl about 6 years old came to my door to trick or treat just with her dad, she was so talkative and told me how she would share her candy with her dad, it was just so sweet.
Luckily we leave tomorrow for parents weekend so that should help!
I grew up in Jerusalem, which id really close the the Great Rift. I’ve been through a number of earth quakes that I remember. It was… interesting.
The last a n actually destructive one hit the areas was in the 19th century.
In other news, D19 has the performance by her dance company this coming week. This is the first performance of hers that I haven’t attended the 14 years or so that she’s danced. It’s being filmed, and we’ll get a copy, but it’s not the same thing…
Being born and raised and still living in the Bay Area, I totally get the “kind of cool” feeling about earthquakes on some weird level, lol. However, I always chant “please stop, please stop, please stop” whenever one happens. As long is they do stop, I think they’re kind of cool ; )
As an East Coaster, we don’t typically get earthquakes. However, the first one I experienced was actually while visiting colleges when I was in high school. We were staying with relatives on Long Island and I woke up feeling the earth shaking. I thought they lived near train tracks! Turns out it was a mild earthquake. We actually had one in MD about six or seven years ago that was strong enough to knock things of shelves.
Dh is from the Bay Area so he has experienced quite a few but none that caused significant damage. I slept through one once when we were visiting his family.
I’ve shifted from melancholy back to jealousy. I asked kiddo about what he did for Halloween. He and a friend dressed up and went ghost hunting in the local cemetery, ran into friends who showed them how to break into the castle where they sat on the ruined ramparts looking out to sea drinking wine after midnight. Round about 1 AM they convinced themselves they did see a ghost and went running back into town.
It was a huge event for us- we got to see her text around 1-2 AM our time, the next day she called with excitement describing how she put her quick reflect to use - she avoided the shampoo bottle from dropping on her head, only to hit her head hard on the bunk bed
No doubt it was a little scary - but it’s one of those experiences one is certainly glad to have, hence “kind of cool”
One more post about earthquake - I was in Japan for a business trip and we were on the 80th floor of a very tall building. 3 times within a week we witnessed the building swinging back and forth for a few seconds, strong enough that things slide off the tables. The Americans were all freaking out, the wall/window were all glass we could clearly see the point of reference, so for us the shake was pretty scary. The Japanese didn’t even look up. They kept doing whatever they were doing as if nothing happened lol.
Re earthquakes, I’m from southern California, so I am okay w/ them unless they are destructive. I know they are always waiting for “The Big One” in California, so fingers crossed! I don’t know what is going on in California. Growing up, I don’t recall all of these fires happening like they are. I heard that the UCLA dorms had to evacuate last week, that is scary.
I was going to post here last week and got caught up with something. Anyway @Reebtoor, I’m glad the cat pillow was well received! My 19D says she sometimes cries when she sees her cat pillow. She seems to miss the cat a lot.
I went to visit my 19D three weeks ago in Phoenix/ Tempe, seems like a long time ago. It was over a long weekend, so I got three whole days to visit. We had fun, just the two of us. She stayed at the hotel with me, and we did some light hiking (Instagram hiking?) sat at the pool, Jacuzzi, shopping, etc. fun girl stuff. All three of her roomies went home for the weekend, so I got her all to myself. This coming weekend is family weekend, which stinks because I’m not going. I thought it was too close to Thanksgiving, which it is, but we’re not going to see her over Thanksgiving anyway. But she will be home two weeks after that, so I’ll just have to keep myself busy until then.
My 19D is going to France after the spring semester is over. Since she is at the honors college at ASU, they have additional credits they have to get for the honors program. She will get six credits for this three week “class”. Pretty neat, kinda expensive, but at least all of her roommates are going too, and some other friends that they’ve made. This might be her one big travel outing since she might have an internship or something come next summer.
@jellybean5 The constant threat of wildfires every year was not normal when I was growing up in CA either. We did not have fires like this every year. California’s vulnerability has definitely been exposed in these past 5 years especially. I don’t know what the solution is to help prevent these, but something more than cutting the power needs to happen. We create and invent so many ingenious things, I’d like to think someone is working on something to help make us less vulnerable. Fires scare me much, much more than earthquakes so.
They didn’t end up evacuating the dorms, but it looked close last Monday. We don’t have any family in So Cal, but I do work with a lot of people in LA. I was amazed at how quickly I had houses B, C and D lined up for my daughter to go to. It gives you something to think about in case there is a natural disaster where your college student is. If they had to evacuate, is there somewhere they could go? I’m sure all colleges have evacuation plans in place, but having your own idea of a safe place to go isn’t a bad idea. While I was biting my nails quite a bit last Tuesday and Wednesday, I’m glad to know I have 4 families I can count on now if something comes up.
On another note, my D19 was talking about this “hook up” culture that she sees around her at school. It sounds so empty to me. She really would like to meet a nice guy and date and is definitely not partaking in this hookup culture stuff, but she says she sees it at all frat parties she goes to. She said if she’s dancing with friends and guys come up to dance she knows what they want. I had to look this up to see if was a thing and I guess it is: https://www.psychotherapynetworker.org/blog/details/726/what-hookup-culture-means-for-the-future-of-millennial
This seems so weird to me that this is so prevalent especially in a time when enthusiastic consent is supposedly such a big thing. My D19 says girls are just drunk and it happens (making out) and then they don’t talk to these guys again. She’s going to branch out from the frat party scene and look for other social outlets, which I think is a great idea. I just find it so rotten that guys think this is okay. Dancing with a girl is not an invitation to make out. It’s fine if you’re both into it, I suppose, but from what my D19 says, it’s guys taking advantage of drunk girls most of the time. I think guys and girls should be more responsible around this. I’m no prude, but this just seems sad and empty and could lead to some real trouble.
@ninakatarina , you have a brave son! I’ve visited that cemetery in St. Andrews and there is absolutely no way you would ever find me there after dark!
I came across an article like the one @crknwk2000 read, and found it very troubling. But when I did more searching, I came across a lot of evidence that “hookup culture” does not dominate on college campuses today. It may be present in certain sub-cultures such as Greek life and athletic teams, but the majority of kids are still monogamous. Hooking up is also no more prevalent now than it was in the 1980’s, so this generation is not any “worse” than ours was.
I’m not saying that casual sexual activity isn’t happening or isn’t a risk factor for all sorts of problems (especially when alcohol is added). But a lot of data says it doesn’t dominate and it isn’t getting worse. There is plenty of regular dating, and plenty of kids still abstain.
@crknwk2000 I think your D is wise to go beyond frat parties. I wish I had looked for more varied social outlets earlier in college. I pledged a sorority, so my first two years were mostly Greek functions. I made wonderful friends in my sorority, but frat parties weren’t the healthiest. Later, I found the outdoor club and triathalon training, which were great—wish I had sought that sooner.
I would say there isn’t so much of a hookup culture at D’s school, that she’s run into- a little bit of it, within what I would consider a normal range, and always consensual. Most people who are dating are in monogamous relationships, including her (which is a big step for her as she’s never really been interested in dating at all). All relationships aren’t sexual, though most are (hers isn’t, and yes I do actually believe I would know).
On another topic, she’s very excited to vote for the first time today; she’s been asking me how to find balanced resources for what’s on the ballot and how to explore candidates deeper. She is also getting ready to register for spring and anticipating a bit of push back because she is hoping to take two courses within one department, which isn’t against the rules but is frowned upon.
DD is planning on 3 classes within one department next semester, but she has so many gen eds done already she really just has to dive in to her double majors. Not sure when registration happens but it’s all worked out and ready, and advisor-approved.
DD probably isn’t fully aware of what the hook-up culture level is there, but I have heard anecdotally of one guy she knew who was racking up quite a list. Generally the get-togethers she goes to are board game nights. She has a BF from home of about 1 year that she misses terribly though she sees him at least every two weeks. She’s an hour from his house. Not sure where he’ll end up for college next year though. Unfortunately he wouldn’t be able to play football at DD’s school so it’s probably off the list.
This is the sort of thing both parents and kids need to be more aware of.
Just because negative behaviors are engaged in by some people does not make it widespread.
Yeah, I know it’s as fashionable as ever to say that the Kids These Days™ are horrible and all, but binge drinking, unplanned pregnancy, drug use, criminal activity, et cetera rates are all down for the current crop of teens and 20somethings. (And the unplanned pregnancy stats do seem to be related to less casual sex/hooking up, not simply from increased rates of birth control use.)
The moral panic is unjustified. The kids are all right.
Sorry, but we all need to find something else to obsess over.
They aren’t allowed to declare majors until spring of sophomore year, and freshman year they’re supposed to explore as many departments as they can- D is already certain of her major and has been for years, and she’s just so excited about all the courses in the department that are available. She came up with her backup class this morning in case she’s shut down.
@dfbdfb
The moral panic is unjustified. The kids are all right.
Sorry, but we all need to find something else to obsess over.
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Hiya, no moral panic over here and I’m not obsessed. I had just literally never heard of this and it does seem to be a big topic in college life based on all the articles I found. Thanks to @3SailAway 's article and others I read, I was glad to see that this isn’t the norm for everyone and that nice guys and dating can still exist for our kids. I do think from what I read that this happens most prevalently at frat parties where girls are let in free and non-brothers are not let in free and often not let in at all. This leads me to think that these frat bros are trying to rack up as many hookups as they can and most likely boast about it. I think that should change. I will certainly talk to my 14 year old son that bragging rights about randomly “hooking” up with girls you don’t know and will never speak to again just for the sake of saying you hooked up is not cool.
I’m glad I know about this so I can have honest conversations with both my kids. And D19 said she’s really glad she can talk to me about it, too.
The kids are definitely all right, but as parents it’s good for us to know what’s going on out there.
Thanks for the article @crknwk2000. After reading it, I remembered that happening to a friend’s daughter a few years ago. She thought she was going into a fairly serious one on one relationship, but the boy had other plans all along. So I guess it happens. I am not worried about my D19, she’s a tough one to impress anyway. @crknwk2000 glad UCLA didn’t actually have to evacuate. I went back and read my friend’s FB post again, later she added that the kids were supposed to be ready to evacuate at 5am the next morning. And how does that happen? Did they have buses ready to drive them away from harm or how was that all supposed to work?
Hm. I thought hook up culture was a pretty standard thing in college. Not that one has to partake but hasn’t it been like that for a long time? Of course people date as well. I’m sure relationships run the gambit and kids just do what they want to do. No one should be surprised if they hook up with someone they don’t know well one night and then that person doesn’t want to continue the “relationship” the next morning. Maybe don’t go home with someone after a party if you’re looking for a real relationship. Join groups so that you meet people with similar interests and go on dates!
