S23 was sick 1st semester, but I don’t think he was tested for mono - just Covid, flu, and strep.
S25 currently has mono and is missing a game tonight. Very bummed! Lots of kids at his high school have it right now.
My high schooler is in one of those trials. It was safe and effective in adults so they launched the adolescent trial. And I was so thrilled when I figured out he hadn’t gotten the placebo (injection site got a little red and sore). He’s lucky to be one of the first people ever to be vaccinated for EBV!
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s23 is super stressed. He wants to live with his friends but his frat is really pushing living in the house as he is pledge class president. He will disappoint people either way and he doesn’t like that.
Please Help me convince my son to NOT live in the house (no, he’s not an officer).
He has a GREAT dorm on campus (and 99% chance of getting it again next year).
I can’t have his GPA tank because he can’t concentrate. He studies at his desk/room, not the library/some academic building.
His dorm is centrally located/near classes. He can roll out of his bed in his dorm right now and be in class in less than 10minutes.
Dorm has: cafeteria, full kitchen, gym, laundry, mail, a fun lounge per floor, meeting rooms.
Right now, he can head to the frat house/party/and head home, get good sleep and study.
What points can I use to deter him from switching from his great dorm to a distanced frat house?
Yes, frat living saves us a few $1000s but I rather spend the money for less distractions.
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Does he have good friends who are staying in the dorms? I think it’s easier to preserve those relationships if not in the frat house, while no matter what he will spend time and for bonds with his brothers. It’s also nice to have another space to go to, not for studying, but emotionally. Every one needs a little distance every once in a while. (Not that a 19yo kid will buy this perspective).
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We had this conversation when D23 was figuring out what kind of housing she was going to apply for and who she was planning to live with next year. At first, she was super set on rooming with college bestie (same major, same sorority, same sport).
I talked with D23 about the necessity of having breathing room. For both her and bestie (super sweet and awesome!). After thinking about it for a bit, D23 and bestie decided to not room together…and they both chose their current roommates (getting along great) to live with again next year.
Now all the stress about housing is whether D23 will get a ‘good’ housing time to choose a room and pull her roommate in, or whether her roommate will get the better time and ‘pull’ D23 into the room. Also, which dorm will still have space when they (with sophomore standing) get their time.
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Have him read this:
It isn’t just distractions - it is a much deeper problem than that.
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D22 got a terrible draw time and ended up without a room (this just means they will assign you a random room in the summer). It was not ideal but fine in the end. She is definitely hoping for a better number this year.
That is D23 and roommate’s fear. The other big fear is that one of the current first year dorms has been reassigned as an upperclassmen dorm…and they don’t want to live there! I’m almost worried that the amount of energy they’ve spent stressing about that possibility is going to made that a reality (like they reverse “Secret” that into existence).
Tell them to hang in there. If they are drawing as a double they will likely find something. D has put her stress into something productive and made a very detailed spreadsheet. She’s been particularly busy identifying hidden gems.
This is what I am trying to get him to remember. If he continues in a frat “officer” role, he may need some breathing room. Sure the frat house is slightly cheaper. But I also know that he is a kid who thrives in wearing multiple hats and I think living in the frat house forces too much of one hat (if that makes sense). I think living with his not in the same frat buddies will ground him a bit.
He does worry about getting a bad lottery pick with sophomore housing though too. He had such a great dorm this year he doesn’t want a bad one. And in his mind there are more bad sophomore dorms than good ones. In particular, he does not want to live on south campus which requires a trolley ride to get to campus and is not at all walkable to anything.
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Thanks everyone! Updates below.
Thank you. I’m so sorry you went through that. Yes, they are having her meet with a doctor there weekly. I was also able to make an appointment for her to see her regular doctor while she’s home for spring break.
Me too!
Thank you. They’ve told her no dance until after break -she’s scheduled to be re-evaluated for that restriction the Wednesday after break ends, which will be one month since start of symptoms. If they still don’t want her to dance at that point, she’s planning to withdraw from her ballet class.
The doctor at the Health Center said absolutely no activity that carries a risk of falling, including dance. It’s not common for her to fall during dance, but it does happen, especially when she’s learning new choreo. I’ll have her talk about it with her regular doctor when she’s home but honestly would rather be too cautious, especially since she’s worked it out with her other movement based classes.
Unfortunately for ballet, the rule is that if you have to sit out then you observe the class and write a 2-3 page reaction paper on what the class did. So she’s having to do two of those each week that she’s out. Good thing she’s also a writer, I guess?
I’m driving to get her next Thursday and I can’t wait to have her home. Here’s hoping for a restful and healing spring break!
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Oh, I’m so sorry. It sounds like she’s in good hands with the docs and her family. I hope she heals up nicely and doesn’t have too much disruption to her semester. Summer is just around the corner and I hope she’ll be back to normal by fall. I’m glad you’re encouraging her to prioritize her healing.
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Perhaps I’m in the minority, but I wouldn’t focus so much on trying to convince him of anything. I would explain the advantages of living in the dorm, but ultimately leave it up to him to decide where to live.
Mostly, college is safe, warm bubble where our kids can make low-stakes choices. Sure, we all know from experience that the fewer distractions the better in college. But I believe it’s important for emerging adults to have freedom of choice and the opportunity to also learn from experience.
If he lives in the frat house, maybe his GPA won’t tank. Maybe his habits will change and he’ll figure out on his own that he needs to study elsewhere and/or another way to minimize distractions. Maybe he’ll return to the dorm. I say trust him enough to let him make the decision.
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Thank you very very much.
All very true.
The only concern here is that while MIT guarantees 4 years on campus housing, that clause is voided once you leave campus housing. So if he switches to frat house, there is no guarantee that he can get on-campus housing if he were to change his mind.
With Cambridge being so expensive and limited housing options, I really would hate to lose that security of easy/accessible on-campus housing guarantee.
Sharing the absurdity of the main reason why he wants to not return to this dorm next year:
- “(bleeping) freshmen keep on burning the popcorn in the microwave, setting off the fire alarms and so everyone has to go outside at 3am in 10degrees weather”
So 4-5 times a year of inconvenience would push you to have longer commute to class EVERYDAY?
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Hi everyone!
How are you all doing and hoping all the children are settled and happy wherever they are!
My D had tough time trying to get in to clubs/ Fraternities and had a good dose of humble pie but she is resilient and keeps trying!
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Rushing a frat is insanely time intensive. Especially as pledge class president. But hes liking being able to work the music room (as a music major).
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So your son is in to music? That’s something would love to learn!
She liked the experience of rushing! Apparently there was only 20% acceptance rate for that fraternity she rushed. She didn’t complain as she did when she didn’t get in to start up clubs etc. So I am happy she is learning about real life!
My D did get in to film club ! So I am super excited as I would love to make movies 
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S23 is still doing great! He’s like the proverbial kid in a candy store. Happy and excited and super busy with everything (fully packed class schedule, time consuming engineering project team, orchestra, chamber music, campus job etc…)
In retrospect, I am glad he was so busy in HS that he was forced to learn great time management skills. I worried at the time that he was too busy and not getting enough time to “be a kid,” and 11th grade was a little bit crazy… but he came out of HS with an amazing ability to juggle all sorts of responsibilities, get his work done, and have time left over for his friends and family and himself.
I can only hope that D26 gets better at time management… 
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