Parents of the HS Class of 2023

My son’s boarding school has the whole post-grad thing, mostly b/c it’s got a nationally ranked sports team and those kids are burnishing their recruiting chances. Anyway, I guess that’d be an option too; have not considered it, nor would my kid (definitely not an athlete!)

My kiddo is kind of doing a gap, or more like a redo year this year. After a year of cyber school in 2020-2021, she transferred to a boarding school this year and is enjoying an amazing and more normal year, while also repeating 11th grade to make up for a “lost” year.

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I have several friends whose kids gapped and they all say the same thing – apply during your senior year b/c some things like getting transcripts sent and having teachers upload recommendations are easier when you are a student than as a graduate.

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Very interesting interview re: college admissions stress among high achieving students and the recent documentary “Try Harder!” Stress Among High School High-Achievers: Filmmaker Debbie Lum on "Try Harder!"

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I took a gap year . . . way back in the day. I travelled around the world (literally - Egypt, Indonesia, Sweden, Germany, Iceland, etc.) It was cool, but there was a specific reason at the time). My son 0 HS '14) wanted to do that, but I told him not to. Each kid is different. If there is something specific and meaningful - - maybe. But, it is a year.

I do think that delaying a year that is VIRTUAL - is a year worthy of a GAP for some kids. But, just burning a year for the sake of gapping may not be worth it. JMHO.

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I think what makes it harder is not a lot of countries are open and I have had different people who travelled during this Christmas break and then got stuck because they tested positive and had to stay extra 7-10 days that were not planned for in the country. I will hate for that to happen to my kid. My dd is planning on doing a study abroad in fall24 and even then, I pray things are much better than they are now but I don’t know.

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Taking deep breaths. It will all be okay. He will land where he needs to be.

I’m going to repeat this until after finals next week.

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Everything is so up in the air, still. I know this - my D23 does not love school. School has been just stress and bother. It hasn’t provided the community or activities or fun or growth or sense of direction that high school gave me back in the 80’s. So she’s burnt out on it and I don’t blame her. At one point we were looking into programs like AFS (study abroad but it’s basically a second senior year of high school that doesn’t "count’ toward college admissions at all) and CIEE. More cultural enrichment than achievement oriented but that is what I think she really needs - to be exposed to interesting things to get more of an idea of what she wants in life. We took a family trip to Switzerland a few years ago and she loved it, and going back there has been a recurring theme, including nannying there for a year before college. (Yes, that would take a lot of research to figure out!) If she decides she does want to take a year before heading off to college, I would absolutely have her apply her senior year and defer. Her large HS is hard enough to deal with while she is there full-time, I cannot imagine their being remotely helpful once she’s graduated. Anyway-gap year or heading off to freshman year in college somewhere-I’m all for either. Just really, really hope she does not have to study virtually from this house because she will be ready to fly.

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Planning a gap year overseas during this pandemic is risky in that it is very difficult to anticipate which countries will enact what restrictions (quarantine, air travel, lack-downs, etc.). It is such a tough time for high school kids right now.

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I’m stepping away from CC for awhile. S23 just got himself suspended. We need to deal with his mental health emergently. The reason was a bit surprising. This teen has the ability to do the academic work but is pushing all sorts of boundaries. No clue if college is at all a possibility and for certain he won’t get any tuition rewards now.

I am sorry you are going through this. You, and your family, are in my thoughts.

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I’m sorry, things sound very hard right now. Hopefully, in a few years you can both look back on this time as the start of recovery and growth.

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I’m so sorry. Hang in there, and know you are not alone - even if it feels like that at the moment. So many kids are dealing with mental health crises this past year+, its unprecedented. The most important thing right now is his health. College will be there, do not worry about that right now.

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So sorry your family is going through this. This pandemic is pushing things past the breaking point in unexpected ways for so many. All my best!

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hugs

I’m sorry y’all are going through this

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I am so sorry. I know something of your feelings rn - my D19 withdrew from college last spring semester with a mental health crisis (she is back, doing great and didn’t lose her scholarship) – it can bring everything to a screeching halt, and that’s good, because it’s what needs to happen for healing to begin.

Focus on him and what you need to do to be there for him. We will be here when you return. I’m pulling for you.

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So sorry you and your family are going through this. Much hugs To you all

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Sending support @2plustrio ! Times are so hard right now for kids and parents! I’m not sure if you are reading this, but I’ve read MANY a story about kids who have had major bumps in high school and still found success with their college search. Please don’t make the mistake I’ve made (and I share this humbly and from learning from the experience) by sharing doomsday thoughts with your DS and adding to his pressure or struggle. I know from previous threads your son has a lot going for him. If you would like some support off-forum, send me a PM; and I hope have you have support with your school system and locally. You are not alone…the more I share our struggles the more I learn that there are so many similar out there now.

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@2plustrio - oh my goodness, hang in there. Hoping things smooth out for you over the next few weeks.

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Vaping and possession of drug paraphernalia.

Suspension is already formally over. We meet with the associate principal tomorrow to ensure his needs are being met and get us all on the same page. He meets with the music department team Friday. He’s already talked to track and football coaches and how this could affect his participation. Everyone is really shocked.

Legally, he has given $$$$ of tickets but the school officer said there was no need to fingerprint him and do formal criminal charges based on the content and context. Kid has offered no explanations except “I was bored.”

My ex (his dad) and I disagree on how to approach. It’s also finals week. Kid is at my house currently and I have taken away his car until he does a drug test. His phone gets taken away at night. He’s lost computer time and the ability to see friends or go to the gym for now. I recommended a therapist or psych eval as kid says he struggles with attention and focus. I also am not sure if some anxiety and depression are in there. Dad says that the kid is being disrespectful to both of us right now but that Im being too restrictive and the kid just needs love and support. The kid is getting plenty of love and support here. But also boundaries and consequences.

He sees the judge in March.
Parenting is hard.