Living this right now. How does S get great grades on all the Calc homework, teacher reports he’s paying attention and asking questions in class, but getting C’s on all the exams? Coach at ED school told him they will be watching that grade to make sure it doesn’t drop any further. Somehow S is not worried at all?!
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I have a kid at Ithaca and one just graduated from UPS. Both did/are doing music. Let me know if you need a compare and contrast on anything!
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Yes, I think this is correct. I think the student’s part has to be complete before the parent can complete theirs.
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Are any of your kids concerned about the party aspect of college? My D23 is the life of the party (too many parties at times), but my S25 has recently made some comments that imply that he does not realize how much drinking etc goes on in college and he’s worried about it.
He’s very health conscious and we were discussing sleep in college last night and I said something about it being hard to sleep when your roommate comes home drunk at 2am. He was shocked that this is a thing that could happen and then wanted to know if that was allowed. I was really thrown because he’s a senior in high school, is popular but nerdy with a large group of friends, and he doesn’t seem to understand what happens in college. Our daughter certainly was looking forward to the party part of school and he seems clueless. He’s very mature and I wouldn’t have said naive at all.
He’s applying to some schools that have big party scenes because of their business programs, SMU, W&L, Richmond, Miami Ohio. He likely won’t participate, he has a heart condition where he really needs to stay very healthy, but now I’m concerned that he applied to all the wrong places if he is that worried about a party culture.
Anyone have any experiences?
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I know a lot of very very serious, non partiers that loved their time at Miami of Ohio and found their people. I think that at most big schools he’ll find his people, no matter what the culture. Hopefully the school where he matriculates has a a good roommate matching so he can communicate things like sleeping habits.
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Other parents will have more insights than I. But I would imagine that at schools that are not too small, you’re likely to have a variety of students. He might have to seek out people, but they will exist. Of the ones you listed, W&L and Miami are both in small towns. It might be a little harder to escape the partiers, just because there aren’t many places to go. But they are both large enough to have students who don’t party. That said, I work at a SLAC with a business major and the partying demographic is definitely attracted to that major. However, that is certainly not how I would characterize all the students.
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If nothing else, when it comes to roommate matching time he can note that he goes to bed earlier and wakes up earlier and would like someone similar. In the case of college “early” isn’t like 9 but more like 11ish. That might help weed out some partiers. Although there will be partiers everywhere, there will also certainly be people for whom that isn’t a big deal. My S22 made some close friends with the guys who hit the gym early in the morning - if your son has some kind of activity like that, it might help steer his friend group to the more healthy folks. Also, if the heart condition gets him an IEP or accommodation now, it shouldn’t be that hard to transfer it to the school office of accessibility services - if he needs certain living situations, like a room with guaranteed air conditioning or a single, the OAS office should be able to help with that. Even if he doesn’t have an IEP, if you reach out to OAS and talk with them about his health concerns they may be able to help steer him towards more academic-y dorms (honors dorms? LLCs for something academic?) or give suggestions for how to manage it.
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That’s an interesting idea to speak with the OAS, thank you. He doesn’t need any accommodations as of now, he’s an excellent athlete and that’s kept the need for surgery away for the moment, but I am concerned about college.
I think we’re going to set some realistic expectations about the behavior of others too. My sister suggested an Animal House viewing party 
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He can also note that he’s an athlete, and interested in working out, playing club sports or whatever on his roommate interest/matching list. That might help him find folks in a similar situation who are also careful about their physical health and well-being.
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So happy to hear this my D26 has this school as her number one choice due to it’s figure skating options but is a serious/ nerdy academic and anti sorority so color me surprised when she picked the #7party school. She does know several other skaters that currently attend so she sees a lot of their socials and states that it is there if you desire it but there a good amount of others that choose not to partake and are happy with their social circle. She is also currently coaching with someone who is the cautionary tale of what happens if you over indulge in the party scene at Miami of Ohio!! She plans on living in the honor dorm.
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IMO all schools have a pretty big segment who aren’t super into partying and that if he is socially inclined enough to have a friend group in HS he will find his people in college…
I do think it is kind of funny he didn’t know a roommate could come back to a room at 2am drunk. My kids seem somewhat oblivious to college life too…I attribute it somewhat to their media being very different than mine. They spend a lot of time on niche youtube videos and a lot fewer movies about college (or even HS) than I did…
… then again I had an adult friend the other day not realize that some colleges (most?) allow 21+ students to have alcohol in their rooms. They went to a dry (christian) college and didn’t realize the dry dorm part was not always the case..
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Me too! I was really shocked because he’s such a worldly kid in general. But you’re right that his media is very niche. He’s obsessed with his sport and his guitar and nothing else really enters his mind.
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My S24 is a freshman at Richmond (business undergrad major)- he’s English/Italian, so for sure not afraid of a party or a few drinks, and they’re certainly around. At the same time he’s an athlete on some sort of gym/health drive and he’s been saying that there’s many people around who don’t drink and keep a “streamlined” (his words 
) lifestyle. The roommate-matching algo asks many questions about sleeping/studying habits and so on, and it’s worked really well for him and all of his friends. He probably won’t be BBF with his roommate, but they definitely get along well (similar intersts and routines) and don’t get on each other’s nerves.
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That was a big factor for my S25 when choosing a school. He is going to a Christian SLAC. That said, I think he might still be a bit shocked with college life, as he is an athlete who avoids parties and crowds at all costs.
Also, a friend recommended this book, which I have bought for S25 as a Christmas gift: The Naked Roommate: And 107 Other Issues You Might Run into in College (Cohen)
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As parents of the class of 2025, it’s quite nerve-wracking. We didn’t apply to many schools, only putting in an early application to one, and we didn’t apply to any out-of-state state schools either. Seeing others already receiving acceptance letters from various schools makes us regret not applying more broadly. Waiting every day is quite taxing.
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Maybe check some of the housing rules for the schools he’s looking at. Some of the ones D25 looked at had strict curfews and if you were later than curfew you had to have the door opened by the RD and they would be able to tell if you were drunk. These rules usually go with schools that had strict no drinking policies.
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Next to the bureaucracy the waiting game is tough! So long as you have some good safe options selectivity wise that are affordable you’re in a good position. I’ve been following these forums for quite a few years now and every year students and parents are both posting about waiting. This is my D’s year and we get to all wait together. Then we’ll celebrate together and we’ll comfort together when needed. I’m glad we’re all here!
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wrong reply!
My kid is definitely not into partying either, and will not join a fraternity. I think he will find his people just like he has in HS, even though he is applying to some ‘party’ type schools - SMU, Tulane, UMiami as well as others. Maybe our kids will end up at the same school and be just the chill, cool kids 
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ED aside, the 1st of May is the deadline for everyone, regardless of when notifications arrive. Seriously, no need to worry.
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