Yes to the Sunbelt states! Denver popped up on our list too and, with the merit offer, DU is a solid option for D25 
. Hopefully it’s not snowing and cloudy during the planned visit in March! Snow is ok. Gloomy isn’t.
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We get over 300 days of sunshine in Colorado. It very rarely remains cloudy for a full day. So many blue bird days.
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This is one of the reasons I had S25 apply to Mines and CU Boulder. Cold but sunny sure beats cold and dark, which would describe most other non UC schools to which he applied. (To be clear, I’m more worried about the weather than he is because…as I mentioned…he’s basically oblivious to most variables at most schools. My silver lining take on this? He’s not picky!)
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My husband grew up in Anchorage and then went to school in Oregon. He claims that he never noticed any sort of seasonal impact until he was in Oregon and thinks the street light reflection off of the snow in Alaska was what made the difference. Oregon was just dark, wet and cold. S23 also goes to school in Oregon and shows no signs of seasonal affective disorder, but I encourage vitamin D supplements so maybe that helps too.
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Thanks for sharing about your C19. My D25 is anxiously awaiting a decision from Hofstra which is her #1. We’ve visited twice and loved it. She applied EA and had an interview a few weeks ago that went incredibly. Praying she’s accepted. We’re OOS from MA.
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@beebee3 not to bother picking up a topic from a few days ago, but just to clarify – that message has lots of manifestations. Such as when someone suggests that maybe someone with “lower” test scores might not thrive in a certain school. or when people get rejected and someone says “oh everything happens for a reason” (subtext: the reason being you didn’t belong there or you wouldn’t thrive there), or “that just wasn’t the right place for you.” So lots of versions of that root narrative out there, and many (most?) of them based in an academic tilt. And I would counter all of them by pointing out that many recruited athletes thrive at super competitive schools that they never would have gotten into without being an athlete. If they can thrive while balancing 30 hours a week of sports, probably a kid whose test scores were lower than the 25th%-ile could also. :).
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100%. To clarify, I was happy I’d never heard someone say something like that as it is a mean and wrong thing to say.
I am someone who believes that things happen for a reason, but that reason is almost never “You didn’t deserve good things”.
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I hear you. I agree most people are well-intentioned. But the “everything happens for a reason” narrative is problematic (in my opinion) for lots of reasons that are outside of the scope of our posts here. But at a very reductive level, though, if one qualified kid gets into (let’s just say…) Harvard and another qualified kid doesn’t (as most don’t), it’s a pretty crummy/dismissive narrative for the kid who didn’t. Like: I was meant to go here, but you, my friend, were not. Again, just a very random, imperfect example. :). I totally get that a kid who gets rejected from Harvard can and likely will go on to find another home and be very happy there. But I do think that speaks to resilience and ability to bloom where planted, more than “this amazing thing was just not meant for you for magical reasons – waves arms in air – that we don’t understand.” (Outside of scope of this discussion but for further exploration on the problems with the “everything happens for a reason” narrative I would suggest Kate Bowler’s excellent book Everything Happens for a Reason and Other Lies I’ve Loved…the context there is her cancer diagnosis, and her perspective is Christian, so different circumstances of course).
Anyway – don’t mean to hijack the direction of the thread, but wanted to clarify my point above. :).
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Getting into college is the hardest part honestly.
Not a thread hijack at all, but a related and interesting discussion. I wonder if I’ve fallen into this mentality a little bit. I don’t think I’ve said “everything happens for a reason”, but I suspect I’ve said similar, and now I’m thinking about how to handle situations like that differently.
Like, for example, with the Harvard’s of the world, we all know that tons of well qualified kids who could be successful at those schools will not be accepted, simply because there aren’t enough slots. So what do we say to those kids? Make sure they know that with the level of competition it’s a cr@pshoot for anyone. But then I’d probably say something about not wanting to be a place that isn’t actively wanting you there - some (better phrased) version of focusing on a school that is looking for you and loving the school that loves you back. And now I’m wondering if that’s maybe not the best way to handle this.
Given that I fully expect S25 to get a rejection in the next few weeks (maybe a waitlist) from his top choice school this is feeling like a discussion I need to be ready to have.
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Resilience is a skill that takes time to learn. I think I look at it differently because I have never really worked towards a super specific goal that I didn’t have complete control over. Such as, I would never have a specific goal that required others to “accept me” and “allow me” to meet that goal. Maybe I am just odd. I have had goals such as “earn my doctorate” but it was never “get my doctorate at xyz school.”
Maybe a way to start the conversation would be, if you don’t get into xyz school, would you have done anything differently? The whole “it’s the journey not the destination” that makes us happier in life.
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I’d simply say what you said above (explaining how things work in reality these days with selective schools) and say it’s not as personal as we might think it is. And it starts way before the rejection comes - as in, not having high expectations for any of them during the application process.
On the topic of student athletes, wanted to thank @goldbug for sharing the podcast with Amber Pierce. I am a cyclist and knew her from the TrainerRoad podcasts, but had not listened to her story and it resonated so much with me having 2 swimmers. It’s really eye-opening. That environment and level of top 10 D1 swimming would crush my daughter’s soul.
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of course, that is totally true. It is also true that many other kids may spend 30 hours a week on some other valuable (and potentially school related activities) things they don’t get the same “credit for” in admissions…you could even spend 30 hours on a sport that isn’t an NCAA sport and also not get much of an admissions boost.
It is also true many recruited athletes might have gotten into their school on academics alone (also true that many have been give a leg up).
I don’t begrudge anyone for playing the game (literally and figuratively) of admissions. It is hard to get recruited…it is showing dedication and spirit and talent.
The admissions system will never be perfectly equitable and I think we should all just admit that some things aren’t instead of pretending they are 
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I referred to the P.J O’Rourke quote all the time when our kids were little:
"I have a 10 year old at home, and she is always saying, ‘That’s not fair.’ When she says that, I say, “Honey, you’re cute; that’s not fair. Your family is pretty well off; that’s not fair. You were born in America; that’s not fair. Honey, you had better pray to God that things don’t start getting fair for you.”
Having the philosophy that things happen for a reason isn’t mutually exclusive (imo).
Another quote I refer to a lot is Will Munny from the movie Unforgiven:
“Deserves got nothing to do with it”
Things can happen for ‘not fair’ reasons and you still figure out how to move forward. And bye and large, moving forward options will work out just fine (even great!)…especially for kids whose parents are on this board.
Maybe I sound way too pragmatic and Pollyanna-ish at the same time. I’d rather frame these types of situations as “You don’t always get what you want (even if you are more than qualified) and life will still probably be pretty good”. Going to Michigan instead of Harvard, Colorado School of Mines instead of CalTech, College of Wooster instead of Kenyon isn’t a punishment…even if it can be disappointing in the moment.
There is a large element of choice in how we respond to setbacks and disappointments. Do we embrace the options we have and wholeheartedly pursue our viable options or do we pine for what we can’t have?
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I really am starting to believe that this idea of meritocracy is fundamentally toxic. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qewckuxa9hw (he wrote a great book about this, but the TED talk encapsulates it.)
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Oh totally agree with you. That’s a great ancillary point about admissions for sure. :). The 30-hour/week-sport point I was making however was in support of pointing out that many students could probably thrive in highly-rejective schools. In other words, many times those schools are harder to get in than they are necessarily “harder academically” once you are there.
But yes…if we want to talk about the equity of athlete recruitment in US academia, well that’s then a whole other can of worms that I’ll leave closed lest I have to settle in for an evening of writing. :).
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ahh, got it. agree!
I went to an ivy, there were very few athletes that couldn’t do the work, though a few transferred. They also had lots of support/tutors/structure of team to help them. (not a bad thing!)
Also, not always mentioned but a non-negligible percentage I knew who were recruited never played at all (or after first year). So all that recruiting by the school, for naught. (note that is unique to ivys since they don’t have true athletic scholarships).
Admittedly all a long time ago, but I don’t think that all has changed so much in that context..
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I find most responses are not “well intentioned” they are just plain mean. For example I routinely see responses like “well I guess your kids essays must not have been good or his ECs were unimpressive” when they didn’t get in somewhere they fit the academic profile for when the reality is that it has far more to do with insititutional priorities than anything my son had control over. He can’t change his gender, race, geography, first gen status or SES and any of those things could have been the deciding factor. To “blame” students for things outside of their control is EXACTLY why this process is totally broken.
My response when a student doesn’t get in is “This freaking stinks and I hate everything about this process but know it wasn’t personal, it had far more to do with things you couldn’t control than what you could”.
The everything happens for a reason is just placating garbage no kid ever cares to hear. We point to these magical stories of kids getting into their 10th choice and being happy but the reality is most kids would be happy NO MATTER WHERE THEY END UP. So it’s not really magical, it’s just life.
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At the same time continually accepting “not fair” portions of life can have a destructive effect on people because we just become complacent that these inequities are just a part of life and therefore should be okay. Sure, you need to pick up and move on, but you also shouldn’t shy away from pointing a finger at unfairness because history is littered with people shining a light on these things and making change happen.
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