Unfortunately, it just directs her to IDOC.
Can I have a petty spaghetti moment? When all decisions are in for DS, would it be terrible to DM the CC frequent flyer who told my son in a not so nice way that he probably wouldn’t get in anywhere on his list when he posted a Chance Me? It did lead us to panic a bit and apply to a very long list of schools since we were worried that would be the case.
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I totally get that. My kid posted on here once and the negativity–and the “can your parents afford that?”–in the responses drove them off the board. So far, they got into every school they applied to including two that the first responder said they had no chance (both with money).
That being said–it probably isn’t productive to the board.
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I mean, I’d be careful about relying on social media, or even hallway chatter, for a clear picture of what’s really going on—negative and (to a lesser extent) positive outcomes are more likely to be mentioned that simply normal ones.
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One college deferred my D and she was so hurt she won’t even write a LOCI. She said she prefers the other colleges that have already accepted her anyway. They’re told to make their personalities apparent in their applications. Any form of rejection, and I’m including deferral, feels so personal. This whole process is so hard on their self-esteem at an age where many of them are so vulnerable.
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oh of course!! He was just giving me his input into the discussions that have been going on this thread, and my sense of this cycle based on conversations with parents at his school, his HS counselor, Reddit, this forum as well as other forums.
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We’re still in decision paralysis over here. I thought she was VERY close to committing to college #1 but now she’s back to college #2. She told me yesterday she wishes she could just start over. I had to remind her that we put a lot of thought into the list of schools she applied to etc. This is torture.
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100%. My son is also still getting daily emails from one of the schools that deferred him during early action, encouraging him to apply, as if he hasn’t, since their regular decision deadline is in February. Their admissions and marketing teams are not coordinating. I told him to unsubscribe from their emails and move on.
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What’s the timeline for making a decision? Is there time for visits or anything? I hope whatever she chooses she can feel excited about.
Not sure what is going on in my son’s head, but UTK has just dropped like a stone over the last few weeks. And I have no idea why. Cynical me thinks it’s not that UTK has actually dropped, but that he’s looking for ways to puff up his top choice (Clemson) and make it more obvious that that’s the one. The problem, of course, is that UTK offered him so much merit aid that it’s just hard to ignore. Here’s where I think his list is, annotated by me.
(1) Clemson. He still loves the vibe. He was told he’d get merit, but won’t know how much until March. Even if he got their top award (stats merit it, but he got deferred from honors, so who knows) it would still be $40k more than VT (over four years) and $60k more than UTK (over four). Even if he gets the top merit award, school would be too $$ for us to buy him a car and getting back and forth from the DC suburbs to Clemson will be a PITA.
(2) Virginia Tech. I agree that the size and small college town feel of Clemson is more S25’s vibe. But VT is a great place to be, the program he wants to major in is stronger at VT, if he decides he doesn’t want that after all they have multiple other options that are interesting to him (Clemson has none), it’s 3.5 hours closer to home, and cheaper enough that we could buy him a car so he could do the travel easily. He doesn’t know that he’s accepted here yet, but given the consideration for Stamps, we’re hopeful. The fact that he IS being considered for Stamps has made him really feel wanted, which is appealing.
(3) Pitt. In a shocker to me, Pitt has jumped up to number 3. I honestly thought it was totally out of the running. He’s been admitted and received some merit aid, but it’s still about $25-$28k (over four years) more than VT. It’s the only school that has an urban planning major. If he starts thinking that’s more his thing, this might be the right choice. (Although at VT he could do a geography major with a focus on urban planning.)
(4) UTK. I have no idea how it dropped to fourth. At one point it was in first place. He had an awesome visit, we liked what we heard of the program, and they’ve offered him outstanding merit aid. It’s a long long drive for us, so that’s a PITA. I think he’s really concerned about the size, and the challenge to find affordable housing in Knoxville. He was a little overwhelmed at one point when we were walking on campus and the pathways were just insanely crowded (like NYC subway in rush hour crowded).
(5) UCONN - he won’t hear until March if he gets in, but unless they give him the worlds most amazing aid package, I can’t imagine this bumping above the schools he’s already been admitted to.
(6) JMU - he’s been admitted, and into the honor’s college, and who knows if there will be anything else. Without any merit aid this is the cheapest option. It has an excellent geography program where he could focus on urban planning, is only two-ish hours from home so it would be easy to get there and back and we could certainly buy him a car. He’s almost certainly not going to go here though - he just feels like there are too many kids from his school. Given that UTK is only like $6k more over four years (until we count what would likely be pricey off campus housing) I wouldn’t even use an argument about it’s relative cost as a reason to choose it. UTK has both majors he’s interested in, and he’s more excited about it. He’d certainly go there first.
So today we’re really just waiting to see:
(1) What does Clemson do for merit aid.
(2) Does he get in to VT and, if he does, does he get some kind of merit aid.
I think once those things are known, he’ll be able to make a decision.
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A conversation that we are having in our house at the moment is being mindful of not holding on to an acceptance if you know you won’t attend the school. RD decisions are not out yet and many kids will be anxiously awaiting decisions. I told my son that once he knows for sure which schools he will reject he should do it sooner than later, to give others the opportunity. I don’t want him to rush the decision at all but there are some schools he already knows he won’t accept based on his current outcomes.
Edit: this comment was in no way related to October Kate’s post 
Typed this out at the same time
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My friends sons loved Clemson. They did great there! And lots of my sons friends love VT
Hah! I didn’t think that, no worries! I told him that we needed to see what merit aid comes in from everyone before we decline - because that will make a difference to the final calculus.
So for example, I think JMU he would need to get one of the big scholarships that are near a full ride for him to choose them. I don’t think that will happen, so once he hears on that, he’ll be able to let them go. Same with UCONN - he applied for some big scholarships there - he doesn’t know if he even got in, let alone potential scholarships so he’ll wait to hear. But unless he gets big money, he’ll be able to let them go once he knows that.
I just wish we had a more clear financial picture - of the six schools on his list he only know admittance decisions for four, and of those four, only knows the merit aid information for two. Unfortunately, I don’t think he’s going to have a full picture until close to the end of March.
But once we get that picture, yes, schools that are definitely not going to be chosen should be told promptly so those slots can go to other people.
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Everyone we know who has gone to either school has been very happy - I honestly think either one would be a great option. I’d like him to go with VT - I just think it makes more sense for a lot of reasons, but that doesn’t seem to be where his heart is.
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Schools are typically very savvy with their yield calculations. Don’t feel badly about holding on to all of your options. Your child isn’t keeping out someone else’s by waiting to make their decision.
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- you guys have lots of moving parts. Fingers crossed for some good merit packages!!
Thank you! It feels so different than it was with my older child - he got all of his answers with acceptance and merit aid in the same communication. So we didn’t have so much of this “if a, then b, but if not a then c” kind of calculus. Then complicating that math, is the “how much SHOULD we pay” and “how much more is the vibe of that school worth?”. And that’s going to be the hardest part for my guy to work through I think.
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We’re here as well. We didn’t allow S25 to apply anywhere we weren’t willing to pay for but he’s kind of doing that calculus on his own. Richmond was initially his number 1 choice and he was accepted on Friday but no merit. S25’s response was something like “not worth it, I’ll go to SMU.”
I really appreciate his attitude because our older child seemed to never feel comfortable about asking for what she wanted. We finally dragged it out of her but in a classic oldest child way, she wanted US to be happy. Younger kid just says what he wants 
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We’re in such a different place than we were with S22. With him (older one), of the seven schools he applied to, only one was on its face an affordable sticker price. But the other six we knew had a high likelihood of good merit that would bring them all down. Of the seven schools,
His top choice ended up giving him no merit - so it came off the list. The in-state and by far cheapest school waitlisted him, so it came off the list. He took off his safety that he wasn’t as excited about, then the remaining three were all within about $3-5kper year. So at the end of the day, the cash wasn’t a big differentiator (and in fact, he ended up at the most expensive).
But for S25, the cash differential could be extreme. But the question we’ll have to wrestle with is how much does that matter? Unlike my older kid, all of these are at or almost at our planned limit without merit aid. So if he ends up loving the most expensive, does it matter that it’s the most expensive if it’s still under the dollar amount we said we’d pay for? I don’t want to be moving the goal posts on my kid and making him go with cheaper if he’s got something that’s in the right parameters, but the frugal person that I am has a hard time with choosing the more expensive option, even if it’s low cost enough.
We’ll see what the numbers eventually look like, but I expect we’ll be having some hard conversations.
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Thank you so much for this reassurance. Some of the comments on other threads have been giving me pause about S25 having acceptances. Like others here, he didn’t apply to any place he wasn’t willing to go if none of the others came through, although there were some that were clearly preferable in his mind.
And he has mentioned about feeling a need to turn down other places to open up spots. I said to him what you mentioned here, it isn’t his job to hold that responsibility for other people’s acceptances. I do think that’s the job of the admissions department, not a 17-year-old still working through the other issues of a senior year in high school.
He also made the comment that he doesn’t want to turn down a place that he would still be happy with if suddenly one of the other campuses burned to the ground. As unlikely as that is, I can’t argue with his thinking there…
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