Yes, this is a problem that may require therapy 
. My S21 hasn’t really been home except 2 weeks before school starts and 2 weeks at Christmas. I am so excited for all the opportunities and experiences he has had, but have missed hanging out with him. He is cutting the apron strings. Better than living in the basement??
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YES! Every word of this. I’m excited for him but oh I miss him. I’m grateful that he’s not in the basement, but I wish he were just… here. Sigh.
I think preparing my S25 to go off to college is really highlighting not just his journey (and my soon to be empty nest) but also exactly how far my S22 has gone, and where things are likely to be going from here. I’m hoping that if I get my angst out now, I will be better able to celebrate the time I do have with S22, and celebrate launching S25 to whatever school he ends up at.
Selfishly, I’m hopeful that once they are done with school and ready to establish their own homes and lives that they live not too far away from each other. We aren’t going to stay in our home (or likely our geographical area) much beyond that time, and we’re open to just about anywhere. I don’t want to live on their doorsteps, but I’d like to live within an hour or so of them if I could. Of course, I have one kid looking north, and one south, so that seems unlikely, but a girl can dream!
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Need to vent and share my heartache about my older son (S21). He has high functioning autism, graduated from a top rated public school, but socially awkward with terrible executive functioning skills. College turned out to be too much for him and he ended up dropping out after less than one semester. He decided to go to culinary school, graduated from a top-rated program, and landed an internship in a well-regarded NYC spot. At the end of the internship they had no openings for him, even though the Executive Chef raved about him, and he has been looking for a job ever since. It’s been nearly one year! He did some freelance work for a caterer but didn’t enjoy it. The worst part is he’s had 15-20 interviews and then chefs and interviewers just GHOST him. I mean, it’s NYC and competitive, but this is a smart kid with good skills.
So last week, he finally got an interview that went really well. Then they called him in for a second interview and he nailed it. Then on Monday he went for a four hour trail. He LOVED it. He walked out so happy and said he really could picture himself there. They said they would send him next steps before Wednesday. He emailed a lovely thank you note. Now crickets…He is so dejected and my heart is aching for him. Really hoping they just got too busy and he will hear back from them tomorrow. Can’t imagine them ghosting him after he worked for free for four hours…right?
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I can’t imagine you ghost someone who has done that much. I mean, no one should get ghosted, but really, that’s a lot of work and should merit a reply.
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Not to mention that it’s borderline wage theft.
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Give it a week and have him either email again, or just stop in, but prep him to be super positive no matter what. Food service is chaotic and likely they just suck at follow up. However, it “might” be a test to see how bad he wants the job and they want someone to come fight for it.
- sign the attorney who wishes he went to culinary school.
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Love this group. Wish I would have found you all months ago. I ran into this a week ago and have been catching up on and learn from the stories of your kids journeys. I have a son HS class of 25 and is deep into deciding on college. Applied to two many schools (because of me) so far got into them all. Weighing fit vs best academics vs cost at the moment and highly conflicted on a couple options. Still waiting on a couple but those are either unlikely to be admits or unlikely to be affordable. So much more difficult (and expensive) than when I applied to one school, with pen and paper, 25+ years ago.
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My best friend’s son is going through this exact same thing. He graduated maybe 6 months ago from culinary school and has gone on several of these “trial” days and then never heard another word. He finally was hired last week and it was because they happened to have an opening when he walked in and needed someone to start right away.
Someone could make a lot of money managing hiring for restaurants.
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Can your kid log into the portal on the teacher’s computer, the teacher uploads the letter, kid logs back out? (I mean, it might still be possible for the kid to download the letter and read it later, which the teacher is gonna have to cope with, but the teacher, at least, will know that it was submitted without any weird edits by someone else…)
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Same here with D25.
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Same thing with us. Went in saying the limit was 10. For a variety of reasons it ended up being 16. So far they are 11 for 11 but the harder ones are still to come.
But from what they tell me, 16 is less than most of their friends who maxed out the Common App at 20.
It’s an industry notorious for exploitation and abuse. In recent years that seems to have gotten more exposure. You would think that would prompt some change. I’m sorry your son is having a hard time finding work. I hope the tides change for him soon. Maybe I’m underestimating the employer and they will call tomorrow with a job offer.
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Nine college apps for S25! And those just about did us in–I think he wrote at least 30 essays. Have only heard from two schools so far. Have no idea how y’all managed to turn in 20 apps. . .
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ditto
You and I have similar kids in many ways. My D21 is neurodiverse with low EF. She dropped out after a year of college and had a challenging couple of years after. Is trying to ‘adult’ in another city/state, but it’s been difficult for her. She wants independence but keeping a job has been hard and finding a new one is taking ages. Unfortunately she does not have the skills your son does so it’s more of a challenge. She does not want to live at home, which would probably be best for her, so we have to help from afar.
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Wow…yes! So similar! My oldest desperately wants to be independent and talks about moving to Japan (his dream). Still, he struggles with daily tasks such as remembering to take medications, and he is very, very dependent on me.
I remember we had some overlap of schools with our 25s. Do you have a sense of where they may end up?
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My son only applied to 12. There are at least four that he should not have as he really had no interest in them, but at the beginning of this he had no idea where he wanted to go. There were several reaches he wanted to apply to but did not, that now he wishes he would have. Although, even if he got in cost would have likely been an issue. He is narrowed down to a couple of schools and waiting to do a couple of admitted visits, which unfortunately are not until April.
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For 11 applications my son wrote 41 essays. FOURTY-ONE.
It would have been 49 but faced with writing 8 more essays with prompts such as “whats the greatest crisis facing the world today” for Stanford he decided to bail on applying there.
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and now that he’s faced with like why do you want to join this LLC or whatever MORE ESSAYS he’s just completely burnt out. I didn’t even ask him to try for scholarships right now. It’s INSANE what we ask these kids to do.
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There are a lot of kitchen/chef positions in Wilmington and Dover, VT. There is a lack of people. If he’s open he should look.
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