During our freshman year, a friend of mine at UCLA was removed from the university after Christmas because he had gotten a D during his second semester of his senior year in high school. The family fought it, but the UC system won. They ain’t playing around when they say that grades have to meet standards.
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Our experience with Baylor was similar. We were moved to tears during Invitation to Excellence weekend.
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You are 100% right. Back in the Stone Age, I applied to 2 schools; one of them I applied ED and that was the one I got into and attended. My husband applied to 1 college and that is where he went.
My daughter only applied to 6 colleges this cycle, and we felt a lot of pressure to apply to more than that. It has worked out
for her—but for many, it doesn’t.
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There are college updates for D25, but they feel quite removed right now. There is a lot of life happening with D25. Growing up way too fast in some really challenging ways. On one hand, I’m like, these kids don’t deserve some of these hard things about human existence at this age and then other things are just things to navigate with her even though they feel hard to her. What do you do when your kid experiences something that literally knocks the wind out of you?
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What parents always do, try to catch your breath, and then let her know that you are there for her.. 
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This and remind them that everything is temporary even if it doesn’t feel like it at the time.
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If it’s a life limiting illness or death of someone close to them, get outside help to shore them up.
If it’s something else, be there for them, provide a shoulder, and give perspective.
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It might be hard, but try to support her without judgment. Depending on the situation, she might just need you to listen and not offer advice or try to fix it. I say that recognizing how difficult it is for me to follow my own advice.
I’m sorry your D is going through this. Wishing you the best.
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Unrelated to absolutely everything, we are back in the office full time, as of last week. I’ve been coming in 2-3 days a week anyway, and this isn’t a hardship. But it’s been a quiet place as many colleagues were in 1 day a week or on remote agreements, and now they are back.
I’m loving having people around, although it’s moderately exhausting.
The downside? The woman who sits in the office across from me wears so much scent. It’s overwhelming. Like I can tell where she walked several minutes earlier because it’s lingering. It’s wafting out of her office, across the hall, and into my office. It’s actively giving me a headache. Sigh. I’m her bosses boss, and her actual boss works out of a different location. So if anyone is going to say anything about it, it’s me. This is just one of those weird workplace things that I hate having to tackle.
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And I just looked and S25 didn’t get Stamps. This isn’t surprising, it’s super competitive, and I was surprised he made the first cut. But I was so so hoping for this for him. It would’ve been such a nice boost for him. I really do think VT is the best fit school for him, and I’m nervous that, not making the cut for Stamps, that it will make VT look less appealing - even though that doesn’t mean anything about fit of the school overall.
Sigh. Added to this, he hurt himself last week and is having some trouble with a tendon in his leg… and his last season of track starts Monday. He’s basically lost three seasons to injury and recovery from injury. I desperately want him to have a good last season and this injury right before the start of the season doesn’t bode well.
I wish there was some good news on the horizon, but there really isn’t much coming up to potentially shift his narrative.
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Merit awards for UMD came out today. My son got 10k per year. Worth giving it more consideration. It will be a lot cheaper than Michigan that’s for sure.
In other college news, expecting Whitman College decisions out later this week, if they follow previous years.
UW (Seattle) sent an email saying decisions coming soon. Probably not for a couple of weeks I’m guessing, but it’s good to get some news. This feels like the longest stretch right now.
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OctoberKate, I just wanted to say something (and not just hit the care emoji). You all have a lot going on between federal issues and this tendon issue for your son. I’m sorry about the Stamps disappointment; it would have taken one of the stressors away to have a paid VT as an option. Sending hugs.
I suspect your son has done physical therapy more than you even want to discuss, but if it would be of any help to get a PT’s thoughts about his injury, feel free to message me!
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+1 to everything @illneversaynever just offered (except for her expertise in PT, which I can’t match). It seems like one final injury-free season wouldn’t be too much to ask in this season of uncertainty.
@kirroyalemum I haven’t been there yet but my brother has (not sure what exactly happened but remembering a particularly horrible series of incidents for my niece that culminated in tragedy for someone close to her.) I think silent support/presence + unfettered love were the way through for them as a family. The hardest part was just having to observe their daughter’s pain, knowing they couldn’t fix it. It got better. A change of scene helped.
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Yeah, like @illneversaynever and @goldbug , I’m also wishing for a win for you and your S25 this spring. And my heart goes out to you and him that Stamps wasn’t it.
Virtual hugs, and sending good thoughts for health, healing and comfort.
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That stinks for your son. I hope that he can still try to look at VT objectively.
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Thank you all for the thoughts and kind words. I really appreciate it. S25 seemed almost relieved when I told him he didn’t make it…. Which is probably a sign. In fact, he said “good, so Clemson is still on the table” which tells me that his heart is really still with Clemson. While I’m sure it was a little bit of a disappointment to him, he seems relieved and happy to still have decision making power.
We won’t know about Clemson merit aid for a few more weeks I think, but his attitude is that if it drops down to $50k or less, then that might be the right choice. So now I’m focusing my attention on how to give him accurate data without making it sound anti Clemson. I’m not anti Clemson, and will support that choice if that’s what he decides, but I want him to have eyes wide open. Like I want to show him the off campus living costs comparison for the two schools, the transportation differential - in both cost and time, and all those other things that add up but that you don’t necessarily think about. I think there are a lot of things to go on the eventual comparison pro/con list that he’ll make, but he needs to be the one to make that list, not me. He’s just more about the vibe and the amorphous dream of the thing than his older brother, who was a little more down to earth and data driven.
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What would you change about how you did the college selection the first time? Were there any signs that Hamilton wasn’t the right fit for your D now with hindsight? I’m glad she’s thriving at St Olaf!
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This is not a timely comment, just something that’s been on my mind. Right before all the ED2 deadlines, D25 got the typical emails asking her to switch if it’s her first choice. And then one college emailed me and my spouse, but not D25, encouraging her to switch to ED2. For that one, they gave us a deadline of the end of Feb, but then maybe a week later they announced their ED2 decisions. So there must be some kind of rolling ED2 thing happening. She’ll get her decision mid to late March either. These emails create a sense of unnecessary pressure, like the only way to demonstrate interest is to commit. D25 wondered if she opt for ED2 at the college that emailed, but we advised against it. It’s not her top choice because she doesn’t seem to have one anymore. I just want her to be able to see what her options are, find the best fit, and go there. There is so much pressure on these kids already, the added pressure of feeling like your chances are lower if you don’t do ED is just so unnecessary. Ok, rant over. I guess this is what happens to me during this waiting period. Thanks for listening.
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ugh, perfumes can give me migraines, many are allergic. Strong scents shouldn’t be allowed. Not a fun conversation though!
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I agree with you so much on all of this. My son decided not to ED even though he has one very high reach school that he likes a lot and is ultimately his number one choice now (he has not been accepted yet). He was just not ready to commit to ED. He still wanted choices, he wanted to be in control of the process. I think that’s what it really comes down to - control. As much as he likes his number one school he knows he won’t be upset if he doesn’t get in, just a little disappointed. He is so happy to have acceptances and choices that he likes already.
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