Any thoughts on UIUC versus Penn State for engineering?
I thought UIUC was viewed as “better” for most engineering..?
Any material price differential?
Does the student prefer one option?
No knowledge of Penn State, but my husband is a UIUC engineering alum. He had an excellent experience and made life long connections, both personally and professionally, though Illinois.
Phew! It took me forever to catch up after stepping away for a few days during kids’ spring breaks. (and mine since I’m in grad school right now).
Feeling all the emotions of the ups and downs everyone is having. I love reading the bright spots of good news – the scholarship arrivals, the unexpected reach screech, the school decisions.
I’ll add that after having lots of experience in admissions cycles, I’ll say that the last two weeks can be a bit of a downer. It’s when a number of high reach decisions come in, and they are more likely to be downer news than the earlier rolling admission schools for a lot of people. Plus, even without decisions coming in, it’s also just the natural downer of something ending, as strange as that seems. Yes it’s a stressful time, but inherent in that stress is the germ of a million different dreams – Dreaming of X school, of Y school, etc etc. So I told my kids – just don’t be surprised if there is a bit of an emotional dip when anything ends, and to not let that steal the luster of the super exciting moments when they got into a top choice just a few short weeks ago (even though it feels like forever ago).
@tjd0829 4 drivable cities in 6 days sounds like a dream-come-true as far as revisits go! :). (minus the not driving part – that makes it trickier for sure!).
My twins both got very lucky with surprise early admissions to some of their top choices (USC and Berkeley) so this past month has really been way less stressful than we’d experienced with other kids. BTW someone mentioned the craziness of UCs – totally agree. Only one of my twins applied to any UCs – got WL’ed by a less competitive UC, but into more competitive UCs, including early admission to Berkeley. I think it stems from each UC valuing the 14 (13?) admission factors differently – maybe to make sure that the same kids don’t just get all the UC acceptances while others left out to dry? (that is my own editorial; not based in actual fact though.)
Anyway – happy to see everyone! here for the vibes. :).
(Ok I sounded 16 just now, but it cracks me up so I am keeping it).
29 Likes
Well if I had bothered to read the whole post and not just the cool chart I would have seen that. Sorry!
Delete.
18 Likes
Well, the revisits are all planned. Drama (musical, not life) is keeping us from doing it as soon as I would like, but we will visit 4 schools over spring break…I miss using spring break for vacation 
C25 knows that April 19 is then decision time…no more dragging it out…(the list actually grew from 4 to 6 as C25 decided to give 2 of the schools another look before eliminating them) Oh, and turned in a merit appeal at the original favorite (and most expensive). I don’t expect much as there isn’t a lot of new data to send them…but I have to try…
As others have been saying, I love seeing people making decisions and getting into great schools here. Hope to continue seeing that for another month!
(oops, this wasn’t supposed to be a reply to @DivineMarshmallow. I hit the wrong “reply”. Sorry about that.)
10 Likes
Well, today has thrown a bit of curve. D25 might not be as sure as she was about her top choice. Looks like we’ll just trudge forward with accepted student events, financial aid appeals where necessary, and see what May 1 brings. All her options are solid. I just don’t want her waffling or worrying about the what ifs. I just want her to focus on all the good things about whichever one she chooses. College choice was so much easier for me because I knew nothing. I just chose three that were far away (all different parts of the U.S.), had pretty campuses, and were close to cities that seemed cool. And then I just followed the money. They weren’t selective, not that I knew anything about that. I was thrilled to get out of my hometown. It’s all so much more complicated and fraught for these kids.
13 Likes
I’m sorry- I know it’s stressful (and not funny) , but I had to chuckle. Good luck!!!
1 Like
No worries! I was happy to feel heard, LOL.
2 Likes
Oh. Oh oh oh. I don’t even know what to say other than to support the assessment that yes, that sounds like some not so great financial planning. Selling the house so as to achieve a nearly identical choice, when the other choice is arguably a better fit and just as well or more liked by your child? That is not a good idea. I know you know that. I think you need to just get out of the house (or away from your child at least) and really have this out. I have to assume if selling the house is part of the plan, then you are first using savings and retirement money. Why? You want your child well situated - for college and after. And if one of you has some kind of medical mishap or needs expensive care, then how do you pay for that? That’s what the equity sitting in your house can cover if you need it to. If you can’t pay for your later in life needs, then you really can’t help your daughter with grad school, or home buying, or child care costs for future babies. All the things you might want to drop $5k or $10k on if you can. At a time when it will make a real difference to her and not affect you. Oh. I’m so sorry. I’ll be thinking good conversations thoughts for you.
7 Likes
Yes to all of that, very well said.
7 Likes
Update:
Hubby told our daughter that we really can’t afford Clemson, at least not without some outside scholarships.
Daughter said he seemed disappointed, and that made her feel really sad. And that made me feel awful, because we should be celebrating her achievements and her very successful application results, with one particular result being a standout in terms of fit and finances. We should be celebrating and full of joy and gratitude, not so upset that one school is over budget. (Edit: we really liked the other school even before we knew the full aid package, so it isn’t just because of the price.)
It also made me realize that I haven’t been pushing the outside scholarship search hard enough. I don’t know if it’s too late or if she even qualifies for anything large enough to make a difference. Part of me was so caught up in waiting to hear the merit amounts that I might have dropped the ball on that.
20 Likes
So much of this angst is probably about us letting go of long-cherished hopes and dreams and mourning our ever-decreasing agency in the lives of our almost-adult children.
I am trying to imagine how I’d feel if S25 had been competitive for Princeton – gotten in – and we’d been worried about how to afford it. I think I’d have been having as hard a time as your husband, maybe. But also a lot of it is just our memories of what it was like to be 18-22 and feel like the world was ahead of us and (in some cases) meeting some of our closest friends or life partners, even. Could it have happened anywhere? undoubtedly! but some schools are experts at stoking our nostalgia and pulling us back again and again (and extracting our money).
Glad he made it to the stage of recognizing that it’s really not affordable. That dream is dying hard but once she sets foot on campus, I think her joy and enthusiasm (and maybe the relief at not having to stretch quite so much financially) will help him let go. Hope so, anyway.
20 Likes
This is so beautifully said; thank you so much for your grace and understanding.
I realized a while ago that my daughter wasn’t going to be able to attend my alma mater, both due to difficulty of getting in and due to cost. But that’s life, and there are so many excellent options out there…why get hung up on just one?
I think partly he feels like a failure for not fully being able to afford it, which is wild to me. Clemson is sooo expensive OOS and so famously stingy with merit. If we were in state it would be no issue at all. In fact, we would have money left over. Meanwhile, we can afford the other school due to generous merit and aid, but I know an alum who says he most likely won’t be able to send his kids there.
I know we say it every day, but college tuition is insane now, and anyone who has had to move from their home state or who is chasing merit or who makes too much money for aid but not enough to afford these sticker prices or whose kid can’t quite get into one of those schools that meets 100% of need is going to be in the same position as we are.
8 Likes
This is beautiful and true. And for us, it’s also about C25 having to learn some tough life lessons about finances and dealing with the outcomes of a process that is largely outside of your control and left unexplained. I’ve taken personality tests for work before and the need for “fairness”, “predictably” and “justice” is super high for me. I can tell C25 is like that too. Cue the college application process to just throw us all out of whack for the last 6 months! 
It has been a long while since our family has had to give something up that we really wanted for our children due to finances. I’m not talking about a better car or nice vacation. For us, college fits into this nebulous “I want the best for my kids” category. It feels like when we had to choose a daycare that was suboptimal because we couldn’t afford the best one. Like you’re failing as a parent somehow. C25 went on to be fine in that daycare, we all survived and she thrived. But it was hard at the time.
This is all just…hard.
13 Likes
A lot of us grew up assuming we would give our children more than what we had, not just the same but more. We are socialized to believe that. Kids are told to believe in their dreams and that they can do anything they want if they put their minds to it. But the reality is that there are barriers, like money, that sometimes make those dreams inaccessible. (The price of college now is just insane.) And then we feel guilty or at fault because people equate money with worth or merit, as if the family who can afford Clemson OOS tuition is somehow a better parent and provider. Obviously, that’s not true. There are so many reasons why a college may be inaccessible due to things beyond control of the applicant or their parents. I’m sure he had dreams of getting to share something that meant a lot to him with your child, that they would bond over their shared connection with Clemson. It’s a really sweet idea. And that must be hard to let go. But debt and money problems can cause stress that harms relationships. The financial freedom of the affordable college will allow you other opportunities to create special bonds with your adult child.
16 Likes
This is going to sound harsher than I mean it to, but he needs to suck it up and get over this. I say that as someone who is 100% struggling with that myself. He gets to mourn - in private, or with you. He gets to be upset and disappointed and maybe even feeling like he “failed” (although we all know that’s not true). But he has to stop showing that face to her. It’s Fake It Till You Make It time.
She has worked hard, and she deserves to be excited and to have family feel excited for her. She - and you - deserve to be celebrating. She’s NOT going to a suboptimal choice, she’s going to have a great choice, a choice she’s excited about, that’s excited about her, that’s a good fit. He needs to let her feel joyful, and not like she needs to dim her excitement because he’s obviously sad or disappointed.
I realize this is 100% easier said than done. Like I mentioned above, I’m personally struggling with this, given that I so much prefer my kids other choice - and he clearly knows it. It was obviously frustrating to my child that I wasn’t as excited as he was and he clearly was starting to feel like he couldn’t share some of his happiness, because I wasn’t feeling it. I want to spend every minute I can sharing happiness with my child, because those times are fleeting.
If your husband can’t see that he’s dimming her joy, then you need to tell him that that’s happening, and tell him to back out of these conversations if he can’t be excited for the choice that she has. Then maybe assign him a research project about the school that she’s picking. Like to delve into some aspect of it that she is excited about - major or activities or location or whatever - and have him really learn about that so he can see some aspect of the new school and start to get why it’s a good choice. Maybe over time he’ll be better prepared to share positive insights about the school she does choose, and it will help him reset his outlook onto the positives of the school she chooses and not just “it isn’t Clemson”.
It’s hard to let a dream go, and that’s what this feels like to him. So that’s also important to point out if he’s not seeing that. Tell him it’s ok to mourn that this season and option is passing, but remind him that it’s his dream, and not hers. And that it’s time to help her shine and take that leap into adulthood without putting our dreams and fears in the place of hers. Our kids have enough challenges and burdens to carry without adding ours on top.
(This whole post sounds kind of holier than thou, and I don’t mean it that way at all. I’m mostly talking to myself, and imagining myself in this position, as I need to get my wants out of the way to focus on my kid and what he’s telling me, sometimes without words, is best for him.)
24 Likes
It’s interesting to see all the discussions around all of this from different perspectives. I have always been on the side of not overpaying for college. The data points pretty strongly to the most important factor in a kid’s success is the kid themselves… ie, a Harvard accepted student will most likely have the simliar life success at Clemson as they would at Harvard. So, given acceptable choices, it does not make sense to overextend yourself to pay for it.
However, I now find myself about to pay far more for college than I originally planned. And it has me examining myself to figure out why. Granted, it’s not at the point of having to sell a house (or despite my joke, my kidney)… it’s more of the need to buckle down and be strict with luxuries sort of thing. A lot of it is that strong desire to give my kids the best possible chance for success, and to give them more than I had… it’s really hard to step back from that.
So, I strongly understand that need. But I guess that’s where the rational part of your brain needs to take over and force yourself to do the logical thing that doesn’t feel so great.
15 Likes