That is a whole lot of stress! It is great you asked for more money. The worst they can do is say no. We appealed our package at one school. I feel that at this point, some schools may care about yield so why not ask. I figure the kind of money that makes a difference for most of us is probably a drop in the bucket for a college. Such big decisions for kids, but also for families. There are so many factors to consider. The summer plans are a real stress. We have held off on certain plans because one school has an orientation late June when I am off. The other starts early in August. I feel like once the decision is made, things will start to fall in place, but I suspect there will be different stresses that will pop up. Thinking of you in this tough time.
Yes, exactly! $5,000 per year is nothing to the school. But it would make all the difference to us.
The ripple effect on the family is enormous and yes trying to coordinate the summer plans has me freaking out. Not to mention which she wants to do marching band at college, so add on a week of band camp in August…
I feel this. My kid too. She had one top choice, but what the financial aid officer said on the phone about some of our current circumstances affecting aid was at odds with the subsequent recalculation. It’s looking like it might be out of range financially. And like you said, what we need is just a drop in the bucket to them. She has other options, but she didn’t think she’d have to consider them and never took them seriously. But their offers are unbelievably generous. We’re talking no loans and maybe we could finally replace the old rust bucket my poor husband’s been driving for 15 years. (I just saw the news, so maybe a new car is NOT going to happen. I expect used prices will shoot up now too.) She should be shouting from the rooftops about these offers, but she’s just too depressed that the only acceptance she really cares about is too expensive. Her two other choices have high acceptance rates and she is making all kinds of assumptions about what this means for her future. I think a lot of it is just that pride has been so badly damaged by this process and she feels ashamed to go to one of these schools and not one with a similar ranking as the ones her friends are attending. Don’t get me started on how wrong her assumptions are or how offensive and elitist she sounds. But remember one of her closest friends called schools where my D was waitlisted her ”safeties.” My D would probably sterilize the scalpel herself if I told her I’d sell an organ to send her to her top choice. And it’s a great school. It is, but it’s not like it’s an ivy or a hugely famous school. It’s a LAC with good reputation in our area. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the other two colleges either, although they aren’t as financially strong. Maybe because they make it affordable! There’s still a chance her top choice will adjust their aid because I sent them more documentation, but I’m not holding out hope. The alternate two colleges are listed as peer institutions, but top choice does not seem to not care about other packages. They must be less concerned about yield.
I just don’t know how I convince her to like one of the others. Or do I encourage her to go for a year and transfer?
Replying to myself to apologize for my little freak out above. I think it’s obvious how stressed I am!
Very stressed, final admitted students day for his top 3 schools is Saturday after which time son tells me he’ll be letting us know his ranked order. Part of me wishes money was no object and I’d just tell him outright to go to Carnegie Mellon. Sigh. My husband and I both agree it’s hard to justify the cost, but I really do see it as a perfect fit for him.
Last minute scramble to find new flights due to severe weather and potential flight cancellations 
This means we have to drive 4 1/2 hours after our 4 1/2 hour flight now. Not a great start to the week of tours.
No need to apologize! We all need a safe space to let some of these feelings and worries and frustrations and so much everything out! I don’t want my kid to see how frustrated I am right now, he’s got enough stress he’s dealing with. And I don’t particularly want my spouse to see how annoyed I am with him for both the way he’s dealing with the kid’s efforts to manage his life AND the way he made last weekend’s college tour about him. So I come on CC and vent. It’s better than b!tching to my mom or girlfriends or whatever because (a) they can’t commiserate and (b) they hold things in their head for a long time that are just momentary and then come back to them when i don’t want them to.
This is the place to vent and freak out. We are a great group of people for both celebrating accomplishments and commiserating in the not so great moments, both of which are key to helping all of us maintain our equilibrium in real life.
Cal Poly SLO is the one that got away for both of my boys. Mind you, I’ve never visited, but something about them just really captured my imagination for both my kids and it felt like a great place for them. Of course, we live outside DC and both wanted something within driving distance, so it was never in the mix, but I love reading about people going there.
Had a good talk with S25 in the car on the way home from the Meet That Wasn’t last night. He admitted that he’s stressed out and doesn’t know what to do, and he’d absorbed the idea of skipping tonight’s play and decided that yes, he’d do that. It sucks, he really wants to see his friend perform for the last time, but it’s the responsible choice. We talked about prioritizing assignments just to get to C level and to try to maintain everything else and I think it made him feel better to know that I’m ok with that, and that I’m not going to push him to get his normal grades, we’re just going to take what we’ve got and do the best with what we have. So at least it felt like a little bit of a weight got lifted for him. By the time we got home and he got out of the bathroom it was 10:15 and he was just starting homework and eating some dinner (he’d had enough snacks to fill calorie and protein needs, but needed a little more) - so that was not a great night. He studied for the math quiz today then hopefully got up early enough this morning to do at least part of an overdue English assignment (I leave for work around 6:30 so usually don’t see him in the morning).
I know he’s supposed to be owning things now, but I’m going to email all of his teachers to let them know about him missing a day next week and to see if there’s anything he can do ahead of time. I’m doubtful he’ll have time, but if it’s possible, I want to at least know what the universe of work is.
We had a very disappointing phone call with the financial aid office at American yesterday, following up on our denied appeal. They basically said that they have already given my kid the maximum (even though it is less than half what 8 other schools gave him), so unless I lose my job or something catastrophic happens, they can’t give us another dime. American is officially off the list. 
I’m so sorry for all the stress everyone is dealing with right now. Sending lots of strength and peace your way.
Things are fine here. Getting hammered with that midsouth storm and crossing my fingers our basement doesn’t flood. S25 turns 18 tomorrow and then has prom on Saturday. He is in better spirits this week, which is a relief after weeks of angst.
Hope everyone has a good day and you all find some clarity and peace soon!
My kid is also SO stressed, feels like finals or something in their classes at the moment - test and paper after test and paper.
A bright note! I think they have a summer job -woo-hoo! Just had a call during their free block that none of us were sure if it was an interview (they had a real one last fall- long story) or if it was about scheduling and availability - was the latter!
My older D is a freshman there and loves it!
My turn to vent. S25 had a near meltdown this morning as we are trying to schedule four admitted student visits in three weeks. What’s worse is that some of them are scheduled back to back. He’s also super worried about missing too much class. On the good news front, it looks like he’ll have a day off after his Princeton visit and I’ll be able to show him around NYC a little (he hasn’t seen the city since he was a toddler!)
Transfer admission rates for highly selective colleges are very low. Like, really low, especially for unrecruited students.
So my worry is that this could be a setup for repeated heartbreak and stress in a year.
My high school best friend went to her dream school for one year and then had to transfer to someplace affordable. It was extremely upsetting. She knew the whole first year that it was just temporary, but fell in love with the place, and then had to leave. Then spent the next 3 years comparing her next school unfavorably to the first school. I do not recommend this whatsoever.
What I would do in your shoes is have another frank discussion with my daughter about finances. Don’t feel guilty or apologize for not having enough money for the first unaffordable school. ( You have plenty of money and you have done the best you could. School prices are absolutely ridiculous now. ) Then GO BACK and revisit the other 2 schools. Try to arrange a private tour of campus or spend time in the dorms or go to a game or a performance, sit in on a class, eat on campus, meet with professors, something that would really make her see herself as a student there.
And tell her to dump the snotty friend.
Good luck.
@dfbdfb That is good to know. I don’t want to set her up for heartbreak again.
@DivineMarshmallow I don’t really want her going to a college with the attitude that she’s not staying. I want her to go into it as if she’s staying and try her best to make friends and find her place. I just wish she would try to make the best of it instead of assuming she will hate it. It’s like a self-fulfilling prophecy. Maybe she can do an overnight visit with a student. That might help. I’ll look into it.
Apart from the snotty friend she unfortunately has, students are now inundated with the Top20/Ivy messaging. It’s all over social media. It’s all over everywhere—that they have to go to the “best” school or their future is worthless. “Best” for this generation now equals name recognition and highly rejective schools, even though we all know that isn’t true.
Maybe you can find out what makes the other 2 schools “best” for her. And I would emphasize that a school that really wants a student and is willing to demonstrate that by giving a lot of money is usually an excellent fit for that student.
My D21 will be graduating in June from Cal Poly SLO.
A few of the colleges there, including her college, receive guaranteed housing on campus for 2 years. So she spent her 2nd year in PCV (Poly Canyon Village), which are newer apartments on campus. There’s also the Cerro Vista on campus apartments as well.
She’s loved her 4 years there and is getting melancholy about the whole leaving SLO thing. She has had mostly wonderful professors with very few duds. She’s had a great internship on campus, great resume builders for jobs, both on and off campus. And she’s gotten wonderful LOR’s from several of her professors in a couple of departments too.
She’s been an ISA/LA (kinda like a grad TA, since there are very few grad students at SLO) for one of the science departments and has received priority registration, plus a decent hourly wage, which has made getting classes easy.
Classes has been almost entirely 50 students or less.
Anyway, as I’ve said elsewhere on CC, for us, it’s been the best deal in CA public schools out there.
I can’t help you with club sports though. 
I’m sorry to laugh at a serious post but your line here was hilarious