We have a friend with a very talented piano kid who has perfect pitch but for years didn’t want to play in any organized music setting. Finally in the junior year he decided he was willing to work with others and learn and he’s doing great now. But it took years of patience from the parents to get there.
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…that’s C26 too lol. Very talented at piano (has been playing since kindergarten*) and can pick up tunes and play them just by listening as well. They did do piano lessons for a number of years, but ended up rebelling against them so at some point I let them stop. They still play a lot for fun, but only what they want to play 
which is mainly musical songs and pop songs.
This kid picked up all the talent genes in the family but multiplied them beyond what anyone else has done!
*I just remembered kindergarten means something different here. They have been playing since about age 3!I have a video of them somewhere playing “twinkle twinkle little star” by ear! Actually may have been younger as their speech wasn’t even properly developed yet haha (as you can tell by the accompanying singing!!)
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I swear we have similar kids. My kid, too, played piano for years – she hated practicing the required stuff, so she was pretty good considering many of her lessons were basically sight reading. 
When she fell in love with clarinet in 6th grade band, she wrote me a three-page essay on why I should let her quit piano, lol. I hated the idea – I feel like piano is such a great life skill – but I let her do it because she has to live her own life, of course. Thankfully she still loves clarinet and is a fairly competent player.
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That rings some bells 
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How’s summer going for everyone? Looks like so many kids are super involved and doing so much! My d26 is working and relaxing.
She’s got a date tomorrow- a kid from school that we don’t know (it’s a regional school and he’s from the other end of the district so like 40 minutes away). My husband, always the pessimist, is ALREADY concerned that dating will derail college. She told me this boy plans to go to our state flagship. If he derailed her current plan and she went there instead, I’d be thrilled lol. We have been quietly trying to encourage her to give it consideration due to cost so if this ONE date turns into more and she chooses UMaine, AWESOME lol. But I think that’s jumping ahead JUST a bit. 
In other news- our big vacation is in April. Heading to Europe to go to a handful of countries to visit old exchange students. Part of the trip includes 5 nights in an Airbnb in Valencia that my sister in law booked. 9 of us staying (our first students are staying with us with significant others) and we just learned there is ONE bathroom. I’m stressing. D26 is incapable of being quick in the shower. Like- I have to threaten turning off the hot water (and follow through) after 30 minutes. 
Left unchecked, she has been known to take an hour long shower. . Any tips from parents of shower hogs?
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lol at your husband,especially if this is the first date?!
Make her shower last?
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Oh showering last is a given. I’m just hoping with the set up of the apartment, she’s not keeping us all awake if it’s late at night. 
There could be worse things to worry about. I’m just excited that there’s a few cafés nearby so if someone needs to use a bathroom, they can always go get a coffee and use the bathroom there lol.
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Okay I have agita on your behalf thinking about 9 people sharing one bathroom! Egad.
But we have 8 toilets in our house for our family of 5 (but only 6 showers) – so clearly I have issues.
My oldest (D22) is flying out to see her friends for a long weekend, and she’s crashing on a couch in a 4-person apartment. I have no idea what the bathroom situation is. Even that is making me anxious!
ETA: we had to put a shower clock in D26’s shower because she, too, will be in there forever. 
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Summer so far good! I’m a teacher so it’s been amazing!!
S26 finished his first week of Young Writers Workshop at Kenyon and is loving it! Can’t wait to hear if Kenyon makes it as his ED school or remains as his RD school. We will see!
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That’s great.
C26 just confided in me that while they’re enjoying the studio stuff, they’re struggling socially, so that makes me sad and a little angsty. I’ve suggested all the usual stuff, but they’re shy, and teenagers aren’t always the best at being inclusive. Sigh…. Not really sure what else to do. I’m sure they’re not the only one like that, but these days teens hide themselves in their phones or headphones to escape socially awkward situations, which makes it hard to approach others who might be in the same boat.
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I’m so sorry to hear this. I will say, though, that this is one of the reasons why I think it’s fabulous when colleges offer extended orientations. I know of schools that do a 3-week class prior to the regular fall semester, or some schools will do a volunteer trip or a camping trip, or a week-long orientation with lots of social activities, but anything that allows students to start working out the initial social awkwardness and to start building even the flimsiest of social networks is a huge plus in my book. It makes a big difference at the start of the fall semester when there’s someone to eat a meal with or to go see a movie at the union, even if you don’t think you’re going to be lifelong BFFs. Having any network is a great form of support while building the lasting social networks.
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This is actually the norm in the country I came from, called (unimaginatively) orientation week or freshers week, held the week before classes begin. I somehow forgot about that.
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Oh, that’s so hard, @SJ2727. We are checking S26 into Brown today and I too am anxious about how he will settle in socially. It’s just 2 weeks, but that will feel like forever if S26 doesn’t find a couple of people to hang out with.
I’m not sure if your C26 has social anxiety or generalized anxiety (my S26 has the latter), but in his DBT therapy, one of the tools he is learning and likes is called “opposite action.” He takes stock in his feelings, and rather than do what his instincts/feelings tell him (hide, leave, retreat), he thinks about something he could do that’s the exact opposite. In social situations, this has involved taking a small (or big) risk to interact with others. Sometimes it’s small, like making a joke while in line for lunch at a new school. Sometimes it’s big, like seeing his ex at prom with her new boyfriend, and he chose to get out on the dance floor (where he ended up meeting a girl and spending hours dancing with her). Maybe it could help your C26?
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Oh I’m so sorry to hear! That is so hard! For most kids, it takes time to warm up to new routines and situations. While it doesn’t make us feel good to hear that they’re struggling socially, they will eventually find their circle. Please don’t worry too much (I know that’s easily said than done). You’ve been telling them things they need to hear, it may just take time.
At the beginning of his stay at Kenyon, S26 told us he’s meeting up with “Kenyon friends” he met online before Kenyon at the dorm lounge. I was so heartbroken when I learned his “friends” never showed up. For 2-3? days he ate alone - this hurt me to hear. I told him to be brave, to get involved, show up at activities, say hi. Things outside of his comfort zone. A meeting to develop their anthology got him to interact with like-minded peers which led to eating dinner together, then a card game at the dorm, and more pics and short texts of what he’s been doing.
Hang in there! They’ll find their group! In the meantime, keep sending texts, funny memes (if they’re into that) and assure them they’ll be just fine. Hugs!!
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Thanks, yes they do have anxiety, compounded by being on the spectrum which means they don’t always pick up on social cues. I’ve been (gently) explaining that sometimes shyness can seem like unfriendliness and encouraging them to go out of their comfort zone, such as going down to the common room after dinner (response was “I’ll try but also thats like terrifying” which i totally get. Or that if someone is listening to music that could be a defense mechanism too and maybe music itself is something to talk about. But for sure they’re not going to connect with anyone sitting in their room. I think I will talk to them about the “opposite action” approach.
Thing is, both my husband and I were like this in our younger days as well (though just as the family talent genes seem to have been magnified in C26, unfortunately so have the anxiety genes) so we totally get how hard it is in the moment to do it. It’s beach day today so I’m hoping it goes ok. (Did I mention gene magnification? C26 has got paler skin than I’ve seen on anyone else in our entire extended families so I have sunburn to worry about too now lol)
(I have no idea if “gene magnification “ is a thing but you all understand what I mean!)
Thanks everyone for listening and support. It does help.
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Just read your college tour post, sounds like it was a very constructive trip!
FYI, a younger colleague of mine went to Middlebury and hated how isolated the campus was. Apparently her parents wouldn’t allow her to transfer out .. UVM sounds like one of those schools that might have been of interest to C26 if only they had the right major (there have been a few like this - schools that should be solid targets but that don’t offer architecture).
Having zero luck with getting D26 to make any progress on her common app essay or the pile of AP Lit summer homework.
Instead, she is cleaning out her closet and working on costumes for the themed days at band camp. Oh, and staying up half the night and sleeping in to late afternoon. 
Her essay topic is something about her different creative pursuits (origami, crochet, sewing, doll clothes, crafts from toilet paper tubes, duct tape, cosplay) and how they relate to different facets of her personality. She wants to try to make it funny – her opening is my reaction to finding various “potions” under her bathroom sink – and I suggested she could make it meta by saying she procrastinated on writing the essay by burying herself in more crafts, LOL.
Oh well. I’m more concerned about the summer homework. Kid has maybe two weeks left of open summer where she’s not away at camp or on a band retreat before school starts. It’s not enough time for her to do all the summer homework and write an essay. She is SLOW.
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Is she one of those kids who will scramble to get everything done at the last minute? D19 was like that and usually pulled rabbits out of hats. I eventually learnt to just accept that was her style, ie… procrastination, panic, perform!
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Yes, but my D22 is the master at that, and she’s even managing to excel in college doing that to some extent. (Does she sleep ever? No, she does not.)
D26 tries to do the same but doesn’t pull it off quite as successfully. Meantime, I have more gray hairs every day – it makes me crazy.
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Your daughter sounds like my son! I know when he gets home from Kenyon, he’ll be consumed by all things marching band. He’s the low brass section leader again this coming year. At least your daughter has an idea what she’s going to write about. I don’t think my son has even thought about it! I’m going to encourage him to start as soon as he gets back from Kenyon - keep that writing momentum going! Hopefully he’ll come home more inspired/motivated, fueled by nostalgia from all the writing he did - and not burned out. .
Wait, AP Lit summer homework?!!