I think being straight forward & succinct is a good idea. He could also choose to use the ‘challenges & circumstances’ optional question on the Common App to talk briefly about the bullying in latter part of 10th grade…and when explaining it there, I’d tell my kid (if she were in this situation) to do it from a positive point of view. Like use it as an opportunity to talk about what type of learning environment and/or campus culture you, the student, learned that you thrive more in and how you’re looking forward to becoming a part of a real campus community in college, etc., etc.
I don’t think you should assume that college admissions staff will assume that the reason your kid switched schools (and the reason for the dip in grades) was because of bullying.
D26’s college counseling class @ school is using a workbook called:
“College Match: A blueprint for choosing the best school for you,” by Steven Antonoff, PhD. 15th edition.
…in case you or anybody else might find that helpful!
Thank you for that suggestion about possibly using challenges and circumstances section. The experience of being bullied and moving schools has shaped his perspective and his actions in so many ways. He went into his new school determined to meet as many new kids as he could, he decided to be a more outgoing person and introduce himself more often, he notices kids who are new and tries to include them. He notices kids on crutches and ties doors open for them when he notices they are struggling. His current favorite school is his favorite because they specifically call out kindness in what they are seeking in building a freshman class. One of his teachers who is writing him a recommendation letter knows some of this history and she may well mention it. But I like the idea of using the challenges section to shape a positive outcome from a bad situation
Re: dorms:
At my alma mater, what were doubles are now triple rooms. yuck. No thanks!
I really really hope that D26 gets accepted into the honors college at U of A. Their double rooms are pretty fantastic.
When we toured UNM with D24 a couple of years ago, we go to go through a few different dorms there. A couple of the older dorm buildings on campus had these big beautiful & cozy common rooms, some with big Southwest-style fireplaces. There was also the Casas Del Rio dorm, which is operated by a separate company, but treated by the university as ‘on campus’ (basically right across the street) and their double room dorm layouts there were really nice:
Colleges like UT-Dallas and UAH (Univ of Alabama-Huntsville) all have singles for freshmen (single rooms, but grouped together of suites of ~ 4 students).
That is really nice! So many of my friends in college got stuck with roommates who brought “friends” home overnight. That little bit of privacy would have been very welcome.
The dorm rooms on our tours were a mixed bag, some fairly nice, some pretty basic and rough. But, as others said, it wasn’t a main concern of D26. That said, the freshman quad setup at Pitzer was spectacular! The rooms are pretty standard doubles, though with a jack and Jill bathroom shared between two dorm rooms making it like a “suite” of two doubles and a bathroom. But, the quad with the pool in the center and mountain views in the backdrop. That was something that stood out to me like none other. If I had seen that when I was a 17-18 year old, my college search might have been over right there.
I have been disappointed so far with colleges that we have toured NOT showing us the dorms. They have a “show room” but it doesn’t give us a true idea of the actual building, with common rooms and other factors. Like with Point Park, they had a show room in their suite style dorm, but we couldn’t see the other dorm, which had a completely different set up. Hopefully we can see it at admitted students day. Marist was the same way.
WVU has 14(!) dorms but we could only see one show room and none of the rest of the building.
Not sure how admitted students days work everywhere but NYU was one of the schools we did not see dorms on the tour, however on admitted students day they took students to all of the freshman dorms to check them out. (Parents and students were separated for most of the day and parents did not see the dorms!)
So end of the weekend and it’s been a pretty good one, I think, for progress on the common app. The three main supplemental essay drafts have been completed, and probably around half of the personal statement - still a pretty rough draft but it’s definitely going somewhere good. In further good news - we hadn’t been sure if D19 would be able to join us for our thanksgiving trip (as immigrants with no extended family near enough to celebrate with, we have tended to usually go somewhere fun for thanksgiving) but with her change in work circumstances that’s a go now, so I just booked her ticket. (gives yelp of pain at thanksgiving ticket prices…)
Tomorrow C26 picks up their schedule and crossing fingers they get what they want. Senior bbq & car painting tomorrow evening, and then first day of senior year is Tuesday!
Senior sunrise was apparently on Friday. D26 skipped it. The chief cat herder of the senior class told everybody to be at a specific local park at 4:45 am to go on a hike, take pictures, and then everybody (38 of them) would all go out to breakfast. Together. At the same place.
D26 was like, “Forget that. I’m not waking up that early. Besides, it’s gonna be 110 tomorrow. You’re not supposed to hike when it’s hot like that. And I don’t want to go to breakfast with all of them.”
Senior class went to IHOP. Holy wall of pancakes, Batman, could you imagine the hell that server went through having to ring up 38 separate checks for all of them? Oh. my. gosh.
Apparently, a few seniors tried to convince D26 to participate. She just laughed and said, “Nah. It’s too early. I’d have to leave my house at 4:15 am. Not happening.”
D26 said that this week, they’re all creating their Common App accounts and are going to fill out the SRAR stuff.
4:45am!!! Holy cow.
C26’s is 6am (breakfast on the football field, no hikes!) I am not sure when they’ll decide if they’re going or not.
I think they’ve got all sorts of stuff going on at lunchtimes this week for the seniors.
We moved S25 in yesterday, so I’m still reeling a bit. It was all good, though.
Both of my college kids have gotten really lucky with their freshman dorms. My oldest was in a double with a private bath and walk-in closet, but the double was HUGE.
And my son is currently in a single with private bath. There are quite a lot of them in his freshman dorm building – we just reserved it as soon as housing opened last fall (he has academic accommodations but not for housing). It’s small but not claustrophobic.
One was an elite private college (Rice) and the other a public “directional” university (West Georgia). So I really think it’s all over the map. Both are in the south, so of course both air-conditioned.
It seems like most people are saying dorms didn’t matter much in their search, but they did matter to my kids. I tease my children that they’re high maintenance, but they come by it honestly, LOL. (I never lived on campus at my large state school because I couldn’t fathom sharing a communal bathroom or even dorm room. I’m an only child and had never shared anything in my life.)
Now, D26 is more focused on schools that offer her exact major because it’s not a standard one. So, the dorms at some of the schools she’s looking at (not all) are terrible. It’s possible she’ll be granted an accommodation for a single because she has like three different diagnosed anxiety disorders – but we’ll see.
I’ve never understood why dorm rooms can’t include a little more privacy for each student. Partition walls or something. My husband went to Syracuse and had a “split double” as a freshman, which had a 3/4 wall down the middle and a side for each kid. So you could talk to your roommate on the other side, but you couldn’t see them – which is pretty great for giving each student their own space.
D26 starts school Thursday. Tomorrow (Monday) evening is a back-to-school senior party, a senior family dinner following, and then a senior parent meeting after that.
Tuesday and Wednesday she has regular band rehearsal and band cabinet meetings.
On Thursday, the senior girls wear pink boas and tiaras to school, and all the students carry a little-kid backpack all year. My kid picked out one from Pottery Barn Kids that has glow-in-the-dark dinosaur bones on it, lol.
Friday is senior sunrise, I think at 6 a.m. on the school campus. She will probably go, but it’s poor timing because Friday is also the first football game, so she’ll have lots of band responsibilities, the band will do their first halftime show, and she won’t be home until close to midnight.
RE: Dorm Rooms
For most schools, especially larger ones there is going to be quite a bit of variability on the size and configuration of dorm rooms, dorm floors and dorm buildings overall - not only between one school and the next but also dorms on the same campus can vary quite a bit Singles, Doubles, Triples, Triples which are converted doubles (ugh), Women’s only dorm versus a Men’s or co-ed, suite-mate styles with a shared ‘common area’, A/C or no A/C. Then there are the dorms amenities - such as dining hall in the dorm, next door dorm or across campus, building recreational rooms, proximity to bus lines or gym or non-campus food etc. There can also be a ton of variability between a dorm that was built in the 70s or 80s and has been “updated” versus ones that were built in the past 10-15 years.
Some campuses have ‘freshman only’ dorms or other restrictions / slotting - so you can try to get an idea of where your child is somewhat likely to end up, sometimes this may be dictated by admitted major or possibly by learning communities they have been accepted into which you may not find out until after they receive an admissions offer or in some cases, not until after they’ve accepted an admissions offer, put money down and applied for those special communities.
While nobody wants to end up in a ‘■■■■■■ dorm room’, imo if you and your child are heavily prioritizing the dorm room they ‘might’ be living in (with whatever real % chance that will be the style of the ones they end up assigned to), then either you have 2-3-4-5 schools which they have decided are all equivalent in all other important categories or- you may be placing a lot of emphasis on the dorm they -might- be assigned to the detriment of other more significant factors.
YMMV but the dorm life may only be for a 9 month period where they can either opt for a different dorm (with higher priority as a sophomore) or move into other housing situations of their choice - while they will still be going to that SCHOOL for another 3 years or so. Tales of Dorm life are an integral party of many college students experience - some good, some bad, some funny and some gross.
FWIW - a lot of students post dorm life videos on Youtube usually listed by school in title. There will be ‘move in day’ videos where they walk into an empty room and then go through a walk-thru of their floor (restrooms, trash, elevators etc), but quite a few will be post move in, with their swag up and roommates laying around the rooms or throughout the dorm itself while it has inhabitants doing their thing. My two oldest (D22 UT Austin and S24 Purdue / UNC-CH) found the student videos to be much more predictive of their campus dorm life experience than the curated dorm situations provided by the schools during tours or in website pictorials.
For dorms- S24 was in an old but newly renovated dorm at his school. Still the standard double- two beds, two desks and two dressers…but they had put in really nice new floors and had nice paint. There is a mold issue since it is the south and the newly renovated dorms thankfully do NOT have that issue. S26 stayed in Boston at Emmanuel College for a week this summer- very old dorm, tiny double with windows that opened 3" and NO AC! This is typical for Boston area schools- I remember roasting at BC every September. Things have changed with Global Warming- you used to not really need AC in the NE since it was only hot the first week or so in September. Now we get heat into October.
I mentioned the large triples at Cal earlier. I saw a photo where the students had moved the furniture to put 2 desks facing each other between the beds (from against the wall) with a double sided bulletin board between them so it kind of had the same effect (as well as practical). Unfortunately most dorm rooms I’ve seen would never have space to do that between the beds!
Dorms:
This is a big one for D26.
She doesn’t care as much about the quality of the dorm- she just wants a single.
In her case she will be requesting accommodation for her dorm. Her psychiatrist, therapist and audiologist will all be providing statements about her need for a single room so hopefully she will get one. I could see her backing out of a college if she doesn’t.
9 months can be a very long time and could make or break the ability to be successful that first year at college.
We have only looked at the dorm situation for her top 2 choices. University of Limerick- all dorms are singles. Mines- there is a mix so who knows!?
Yeah- I do not understand the lack of privacy. Even with shared rooms- why are they not set up with a partition or such.
My D23’s first year dorm was “interesting”. We thought she would probably get assigned to one of the typical freshman dorms. Then we found out that she had been assigned to a 20-year old double-wide trailer. The walls were a mess and I think the rug was the original (ugh). But she had an AMAZING experience in that little double-wide. She made some great friends, her corner room was spacious, and the trailer boasted a full kitchen, a laundry room and three full bathrooms for just seven rooms. So you just never know!
S23 had a pretty standard dorm room at Duquesne, but the building itself was kind of lame. Only one communal space in the lobby, no games, no kitchenette, and the laundry machines were always on the fritz. It was bearable for him though because he and his roommate became really close and he spent most of his time with his Pitt friends anyway. D26 doesn’t care too much about the dorms, but she is leaning more toward communal bathrooms because she doesn’t want to have to clean it or supply her own toilet paper (lol). She is very persnickety so it will be interesting to see how she does with a roommate. (Side note: dorms aren’t a make or break for us BUT the fact that West Virginia makes them pay to do laundry was a definite no go!)
D26 got her schedule on Saturday- finally! She got everything she wanted except she was put into English IV Level 2 (which is the “regular” class) instead of honors. This is a problem because not only will it look like she’s taking a step back (she has had all honors English and AP Seminar up to now), but she also might be bored. We have to schedule a meeting with the Assistant Principal but she is completely open to any electives during that period so it shouldn’t be a problem. (She is in AP Lang which will satisfy her English requirement.)
We’re going to be a nervous wreck in our house until Wednesday because she also has volleyball tryouts and is definitely on the bubble of making the team. She will be heartbroken if she gets cut.
When the tour guide at Boulder mentioned this a light definitely went off for C26
D19 solidified this view with some horror stories about bathrooms in the suites she’d been in.
