Parents of the HS Class of 2026

Parents of HS Class of 20xx
4912

Around here it’s the student peers that I see the pressure from about applying to “top” schools. But I refuse to discuss specific schools with other parents.

Our philosophy has been - take the rigor that you feel comfortable with but with the goal of learning. Not just to achieve an A. That a B (or even a C) if awesome if you put your best foot forward and learned. It may not have been the best strategy for college apps (since there are plenty of Bs on the transcript) but I think it was best for the mental health of our child. I think we all try the best we can with the knowledge we have.

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4913

Oh MY skin was way too thin -but that was my take away and why I closed the thread. I’m sure that there were helpful comments. I don’t want to go back and look but I’m pretty sure it was my own negativity bias (100 comments, 95 good, 5 bad and you only remember the bad ones?).

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4914

Really have a hard to understand this from a parent’s view.

Another kid from MD in Chance Me thread from high middle class family was also saying no parents support.

4915

Did they run out of money or was it a male-female thing? I am aware of the latter in a couple of cases.

4916

I don’t understand it either. D24’s BFF’s parents are of an income level that they could afford to pay for BFF’s tuition (which is markedly discounted based on the 4-yr merit scholarship she was awarded). The family moved into a bigger & newer house right after BFF graduated from high school, so there’s obviously a little bit of $$ wiggle room there. I think there are some different cultural values going on there. For example, pay for the male children to go to college, but not females.

BFF was very frustrated by it during senior year of high school because her mom and dad talked about “What about elite college X, Y or Z?” all the time. She really wanted to attend Univ of Richmond and won a sizeable scholarship there, but did not win the full ride competitive scholarship, so Univ of Richmond was a no go because it wasn’t affordable since her parents said they’d pay nothing for her to attend college.

What we all have thought was very unreasonable was the expectation & pressure from her parents that she attend a lottery school (which also all happened to be super expensive) but they wouldn’t pay anything. like, they wouldn’t even pay the application fees. Or the cost of sending test scores, AP scores? They refused to pay that, too. She had to fund it all on her own.

The result of it all is that her attitude is “I’m going to do what I want and since you refuse to help me with any of this, I’m going to ignore your demands that I live my life a specific way.” She wants to go to law school and is going to make a kick butt attorney some day.

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4917

I could not agree with you more. We are not rolling in dough, but yes, 529s, other savings, and cash flow will enable us to fund D26’s ED1 choice. It won’t be easy, but we can do it. Her ED1 choice is also my alma mater, which my single mom prioritized for me back in the late 80s. It was her legacy to provide me with that education (not legacy in the collegiate sense; she didn’t have a college degree) and I’d like to keep that going in her honor.

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4918

I read the article yesterday and have spent some time thinking about it, too.

(As an aside, Jeff Selingo was an intern at US News & World Report after his junior year of college, in 1994, as part of a national magazine journalism internship program. I met my DH in that same program the same summer, although we were in NYC instead of DC. I don’t remember if I ever met Jeff back then, but I feel a kinship! :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes: )

I’m with you on the “maximum rigor” part. My girls are/were at a private college prep school, although certainly not the most intense one in our area. It offers 27 AP courses (but no IB, and dual enrollment is not allowed) – but limits kids to 6 total. Stronger students can petition to take more, but even those kids max out at maybe 9 or 10.

Meanwhile, the kids at our local public schools are taking 14-15 AP courses – because they’re allowed to take them in the summers. That seems excessive to me, but I think it’s all relative.

And speaking of relative, I think the overall belief in the US is that attending very selective schools – certainly the Ivy League, but maybe also top 20 – is the ultimate achievement. It signifies that you are intelligent and will be connected to elite circles. Depending on the industry, it will give you a huge leg up in life. And in general – that’s all true.

Of course, most sensible people also know that there are a million equally brilliant kids at every kind of school, and a good number of them will be equally successful. Plus, there are a hundred reasons why someone might not choose a selective school, even if one had the stats to be admitted – cost, location, vibe, fit, whatever.

As much as we pooh-pooh prestige, I understand the appeal of it. I mean, it’s silly to worry about what other people think. We all know that. But I think we’re all susceptible to it on some level. I’m hella proud of my kid that is at a top 20 school – not because it’s highly ranked, but more because it offers a top-notch education, it’s hard to get in, and she’s brainy and worked her arse off and is fully qualified to be there. And at the same time, I know that’s stupid, because there are thousands of other kids equally qualified to be there who didn’t get in simply because of limited spots. So, am I proud that she lucked out?

I’m also hella proud of my younger kid who is at an in-state directional school. It’s only been a couple months, but he’s enjoying his classes and taking advantage of the opportunities presented to him. No idea if it’s even ranked, but it’s a very good fit for him so far.

I do wonder what would happen if all the rankings were to disappear tomorrow. Would there no longer be a flurry of applications to the top-50 or top-100 schools, making acceptance rates much higher? Would we then focus solely on fit instead of prestige?

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4919

Count ME in the incredibly stressed camp. All of the schools D26 had recruitment offers from have single digit admit rates. The school she is committed to is at 4%. Never in a million years did I picture a world where she would be committed to a highly rejective school. I thought she would be done with her sport after high school and go to our state flagship.

I went to a state public as did my husband. Maybe it was T25 at the time, I can’t remember that far back. I know for certain it was not this cutthroat. Neither of us contemplated Ivy or prestige, we just wanted to go to college and get a solid education.

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4920

You and your D26 are in a unique position. To have your schools you are recruited at be highly rejectives is what it is. Understandable to have so many eggs in that challenging basket as a recruited athlete. College athletics recruitment is its own high stress animal for most on top of the regular stuff. My hope for you is that the team interest will mean she gets in there ED and you can be done with all of this much sooner than most of the rest of us. Hopefully you are in the home stretch! :crossed_fingers:

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4921

I agree that we all can be susceptible to the lure of prestige. Hell, I spent more than half my life chasing (and catching) prestige over and over again. I learned though that I am way happier with my life since I stopped. I now work with people where very few (to almost none) have the fancy credentials I do on paper, and so many of them are incredibly talented and great at what we do. It’s more complex than what I’m about to say, but in essence, I didn’t need any of it to be happy and satisfied with my career and life. The education was fantastic, but I - like many - overvalued prestige and undervalued other important things for far too long. As a society, we overvalue prestige like we overvalue sports in my opinion. Both have their place, but our perspective on them is off kilter.

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4922

Time to order graduation gear etc now. Makes it even more real! D19’s gown is right size for C26 so can use that but obviously need a new cap.

Our school profile says average APs is 6.9 per student but obviously some don’t do any, which means some do a lot. Our school doesn’t do APs over summer. That just sounds like a burnout recipe. The school tries a lot to get students in balance such as no homework over any vacations.

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4923

Wow! D’s summer research project was just accepted to present at a conference (MIT URTC). She’s thrilled!

I hope we can manage to schedule a trip for her… they can also present virtually, but it’s not the same experience.

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4924

Wow! That is fantastic! Hope you can swing the trip.

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4925

I’m going to be really honest and hope no judgment. I have been hesitant to post a lot because D26 is applying ED to a highly rejective school. It’s the same school her brother (S24) attends and my alma mater. However, I was VERY clear with both of them they have to do this because they want it - it’s their choice. It also means less $ for grad school because even with some need-based aid and savings it’s not easy. We granted each one T20 school to try for and said we’d pay if they got in because it gives them opportunity to reach for it if they want it. We are also realistic about cost. We BEGGED our son to consider in-state flagship where he was admitted to the honors program, which in itself is selective. He wanted to start fresh. We respected that. Honestly - aside from cost it’s been the best thing for him. He’s using this opportunity to his advantage, working hard and making us feel like our money is well spent. She also wants to “get away” despite the fact that the in-state school where she’s applying is by far the best fit for her academically and socially, and FREE tuition. and it’s killing us inside. BUT, who knows what acceptances she’ll get. But we certainly have approached it from a best-fit aspect and not a “you need the T20 prestige” side. So I see both sides of it. I have always appreciated this group as a place to go and feel seen and heard because this process is not easy. It wasn’t 2 years ago and it isn’t now. and this holds true regardless of where they apply and what your kids’ goals are.

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4926

AMAZING!! I know it’s a long trip for you all but hope she can make it.

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4927

Definitely no judgement from me! My D26 has a few reach schools (T20, etc.) on her list because she likes their programs and thinks they’d be a good fit. She actually thinks Rutgers would be an overall great fit, although after a summer program where she got to experience the busses, she’s less sure it’s a top choice now. We used one of the assessments from Your College Bound Kid to come up with a list of criteria that were important to each of us. The funny thing was that after seeing a bunch of colleges, she redid the list and near the top of is now “Vibes”, lol.

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4928

No judgment at all – T20 schools are a great fit for many kids. I have one for whom that’s true, and I have two more for whom it’s definitely not, lol.

But I feel you – it is really, REALLY hard to turn down the in-state free tuition when we have such good schools here! (Maybe my D26 will get into Tech and decide to go. Fingers crossed, LOL.)

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4929

Definitely no judgement ! We all want the best for our kids.

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4930

Thank you for sharing. It sounds to me like you have a very thought out process for your kids that gives them freedom to go for something they want for the right reasons, while still being realistic about what that means financially. To the extent anyone here has thought my position is anti-highly rejective schools, that is not my position at all. I don’t like chasing them because of their rep or acting like they are the only place someone can be successful. They all are wonderful schools. They are just not all wonderful for everyone, not even for all of the top high school students. And, the choice to go less expensive state school or expensive good for private is always so individual. Seems like you are doing great by your kids!

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4931

D26 got her first acceptance - Pitt! She’s quite excited! Not sure it’ll change her app strategy much, if at all, but nice to have a college in her back pocket.

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