I’m so sorry to hear about you cat. They are such wonderful additions to the family, and such a loss when they are gone. I’m certain your D26 will feel celebrated on her graduation, regardless of the size of the group. Our school only allows 4, I believe, and that’s all we will have. I also understand about the coping mechanisms: I don’t think I can exercise more at this point. 
1 Like
Hugs to you! Milestone moments are so hard when everyone is scattered and some have passed on and some don’t want to make the effort.
We have a small family scattered far and wide with only one remaining grandparent, so I get it.
3 Likes
I’m so sorry to hear about your cat. Sounds like kitty lived a long and wonderful life with you guys.
We lost our old cat in summer 2020 (very apropos for 2020) – and then end of October that year, adopted a sibling pair that a friend was fostering. Those kitties have brought so much joy to our family.
I get it on the family milestones. Neither DH nor I have siblings, so our kids don’t have first cousins. My parents aren’t well enough to travel. My MIL comes to things, but she’s also getting older, and she lives far. It does sting a little when you see other kids with all kinds of people who show up to support them.
Hugs to you – this life season can be hard. I also wouldn’t be sad if my D26 picked her in-state option.
I de-stress by reading mindless romance novels…or urban fantasy about werewolves. 
Happy to recommend series if you’d like!
1 Like
I’m so sorry for your kitty loss. It’s so hard. I wish they lived almost as long as we do. Our dog is aging and I can’t even think about it.
And I’m with you on the time going too fast. I am emotional at far more lately.
@SpreadsheetMom DH and I have no siblings either so no first cousins for D26!
I am very torn on where I want D26 to choose and really it’s not my choice anyway so… HA! Her best OOS option is hard to get to and from and that is the biggest downside. I think it would be the place she can grow the most though. So my heart wants her instate, but my brain says that OOS needs to be visited for accepted student day too and then let her pick.
1 Like
So sorry about the kitty, and the other stressors too. It’s so hard losing pets.
As immigrants with no family in the area - we can definitely sympathize with the grad thing. It comes out in other ways too (like thanksgiving and Jewish holidays, though for the latter we do have a group of friends to celebrate with.) With D19 we were kind of learning how the US worked as we went along - no one has high school grad parties where we come from so we didn’t even realize that was a thing (high school grad itself is much more low key too - no cap and gown ceremonies), so while some of her friends had a bunch of relatives around to attend graduation and parties it was just us for her/no party. And will be again for C26. The school guarantees 4 tickets I think per family and then more on ..some basis that we never needed to look into 
3 Likes
This is a lot at once- big hugs. I am so sorry about your kitty. Losing a beloved member of the family is awful. I feel like when it rains it pours sometimes 
1 Like
Some updates- both of D26 friends who were waiting for their ED results got wonderful news! We are so happy for them.
The biggest update is that after all the planning and agonizing and stressing about my mother, she has been safely moved out of her country and into a new place that I am confident will provide her the care she needs and deserves. This has been an absolutely overwhelming experience and I know it is not over, but I feel like the fact that I orchestrated a move over 11,000 miles. It took four flights (a 4 hour flight, an 11 hour flight, an 8 hour flight and finally a 1 hour flight). Total travel door to door was about 48 hours. It took an ambulance to get her out of her house to the airport, then wheelchair to airplane seat. The nurse who accompanied her on the flight said she was awake almost the entire time 
but thankfully did not have any issues with major agitation and she was thankfully not disruptive at all. The new place will assess her and then their goal is to get her OFF the medications she is on and ultimately have her on as little medication as possible. She has spent the last 18 months locked in her home, refusing to go anywhere and the last two-ish months bed bound, staring at the ceiling 24/7 barely lucid and not sleeping more than 20 minutes at a time. That is enough to drive anyone crazy. The nurse who I hired to transport her arrived Monday morning and by Tuesday she had her sitting up, feeding herself and she looked brighter. She sent me a video from the gate before her first flight and she was sitting in her wheelchair eating a cookie and sipping from her cup unassisted. I am honestly still in shock that I orchestrated all of this. I moved mountains to make this happen and honestly did not think it would happen due to all the roadblocks in her country and with the agency who was providing her in-home care. They did everything they could to sabotage this because they did not want to lose us as customers. Anyway, I think once the adrenaline wears off I will be able to breathe again. I did have a huge cry on Saturday night when I got word that her first flight took off. I do have a scheduled session with a therapist for tomorrow and next week to help debrief.
And finally, S 24 arrived home last night/this morning after being stuck at ATL for over 12 hours. His flight kept getting delayed and he refused to just rebook for today because I think he was just really wanting to get home. He finally got in at 2:30 this morning. They lost his bags so we have to deal with that today. He also has an online final today. I get off work at 3 so will wake him up when I get home to make sure he deals with the baggage and also takes his exam.
This mama needs a long vacation on a beach with no way to reach me!!!
26 Likes
I’m so glad that all worked out!!! Praying that you get that vacation very soon!
1 Like
Thank you for sharing this. Your beautiful words resonated so much with me and, I’m certain, with many others on this forum. My D26 is my youngest, so I feel every part of this. While I’m also secretly wishing she chooses a school that is not too far away, I’ll excitedly support whatever decision she makes … then have a good cry on my husband’s shoulder later.
4 Likes
When we were at D26 cheerleading banquet I was chatting with one of her friend’s dads and he was telling me how sad he is feeling about being an empty nester next fall. He said “so many people are talking like they can’t wait ‘till the last kid is gone, but I am so sad about it”. I told him I was feeling the same. We can feel super excited for our kid who is growing up and heading out into the world to do all the things, but also feels sadness and grieve. I am feeling a lot of this too.
4 Likes
I’m so sorry for the loss of your kitty. That’s rough, such a hard thing to lose a cherished pet, especially one that’s been a part of your family for so long.
And all the feels about graduation and lasts and time marching on. I can empathize with those as well. It’s such a bittersweet time.
2 Likes
It must be such a relief for you to have things sorted with your mom. From what you’ve shared, I know it was a lot of effort for you to get her to the best place to care for her and I am happy that it seems to have worked out.
And I’m glad your S24 made it home finally.
You definitely deserve some rest. It’s been a lot for you emotionally.
2 Likes
It will be just the three of us for D26s graduation. No family close, and honestly we’d all find it more stressful if any of them came. But we’re a fairly introverted family overall, so I think it is easier for us than most. Neither D26 nor my wife ever really wants a big party for anything. So, even if we could have an event with 50 people, she’d probably want to limit it to like 10 max. So, I think it is unlikely she’ll be envious of any big graduation gatherings anyone has. I guess we’re lucky that our reality and preferences match on this.
5 Likes
Oh my goodness – what an ordeal, and I’m so relieved that your mom is in a place that will give her proper care. Initially I thought the plan was for you to accompany her on this trip, and I was overwhelmed at the thought of that! So glad you were able to find a nurse who was able to care for her. Sounds like she’ll have much better quality of life now, and I’m so glad.
You absolutely need a beach vacation!
I’m in the process of trying to move my parents to an assisted living or similar type of facility near me – and even though it’s only from 12 hours away, within the US, it’s complicated because my dad has a g-tube, so we’re limited on the types of facilities that will take him. Their current situation is really not good. So I’m spending the majority of my days making phone calls and exploring options and talking to their long-term care insurance company. I also don’t know if he’ll need medical transport or what. Ughghg, like you, I’ll be so relieved when I have this figured out, and I can get them settled.
8 Likes
Oh goodness- I am so sorry about your cat. Our pets are truly part of our families.
Our school gives 6 tickets as long as graduation is outside in our football stadium. When S23 graduated, there were threats of thunderstorms so they moved it into the gym. Not only was S23 devastated that he wouldn’t be able to walk where he had played rec and then high school football for 7 years, but they only allowed 2 people to sit in the gym and the other guests (for us it was my D26 and my in-laws) had to watch in the auditorium on a screen. To add insult to injury, the sound was not working for the first 25 minutes. For us it wasn’t so bad, but there were some families that had people that flew in from other countries. I’m praying that D26 has good weather and can graduate outside.
For S23, we had a big grad party in August 2023 and he had a wonderful time. All of my family is in Texas and other southern states, so we only had my in-laws and my SIL and her family but S23 has a million friends and they all showed up. D26 has a smaller crew but it should still be a lot of fun. One thing I learned is that I’m going to have everything catered- I tried to cook last time and it was ridiculously stressful and not that much cheaper. I’m also going to pay for someone to clean my house!
I truly don’t know which school I am hoping for. I guess it will depend on the two that we are still waiting for. While of course I would love her to be close- I want her to choose the best fit for her. We have a very close knit family so she will have to decide if she can handle being up to 4.5 hours away. And cost is a factor- staying in-state will open up state grants. But then again, the college that is the farthest is in-state
Remember when I said senioritis wasn’t a factor for us?? Well, it has definitely reared its ugly head now that the acceptances have started. Ugh.
4 Likes
What a relief for you!! Get yourself that alone time to recover ASSP!
1 Like
I’m sure we’re in the minority, but Same– especially your last sentence. Fortunately I’ve never been one for “big family joyful chaos.” It’s the (usually) happy, introverted 4 of us 
5 Likes
that sounds absolutely harrowing. I hope you can start relaxing now. My parents live a continent away and I know I will move back there when they need more care. This was definitely not anything I thought about when I left my home country to move here years ago (though I think your situation was quite different).
Regarding graduation tickets, we are also a small family and usually have tickets to give away to those who need more. Where we live families are large and usually from here. So we are always the odd ones out. D22 was the only one of her friends who didn’t have a graduation party. She said that she would see everyone she would invite at their graduation parties, as she would have only invited her friends. They in turn had huge family gatherings.
I hope that my mom and her partner will make it in from Europe to our double graduation (S26 and D22) in May. I know they want to but their are in their 80s. That would make six of us, large gathering y our standard 
3 Likes
For graduation parties, what’s common in our area is to do an open house – which is exactly what we did for S25 in May. It worked out nicely – I put out appetizers, and a bunch of our friends stopped in to chat and eat and wish the kid well, and then S25 invited friends, and kids came over and promptly got in the pool.
It was pretty funny, there were several other grad parties happening the same afternoon, and some girls who showed up in sundresses and pearls ended up sitting by the pool and then borrowing bathing suits and jumping in…and then I guess showed up to subsequent parties with wet hair? 
My S25 also changed quickly and went to another party up the street after only the boring adults were left at our house – because that kid had also come to his party earlier.
With D22, we joined with the families of a few close chorus/theatre friends and had a similar sort of party at our house. One mom bakes near-professional cakes, and she created a small cake for each kid (six of them, I think) with a topper reflecting where they were each going to college. It was really cute.
D26 is not a party person and is not going to want anything like this at all. I think for her, we’ll find a really nice restaurant or head into town for a show or something.
7 Likes
It’s always just been 3 of us at any of the kids graduations. All our family lives far away living in the Bay Area that’s common for a lot of people. We got kittens during covid and while my wife was always against pets she’s been feeding one of the cats a bit of milk when she finishes her cereal. I think she’s secretly trying to get the cat to like her more than the kids but no dice, they are bonded to the kids and each cat has a favorite kid they follow around the house like a puppy.
I will be sad when S26 goes to college and his cat won’t be able to follow him. Last time he was away for a week the cat just slept on his bed making sad faces at the rest of us.
7 Likes