I think D26’s English class will be working on their common app essay after AP exams are done. Hoping she can use the summer to refine it and knock out the supplementals.
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Oh - I’m pretty sure most of my house in neurodivergent. When the testing person kept asking things - my husband and I would look at each other and say, “That’s not ‘normal’?” But it did help explain a few of the challenges he had in school. He felt a lot better with the diagnosis - it explained a lot of things. Therapy helped as well.
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Thank you! I had no idea this existed
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My D22 had fun with that Wake top 10 list. I think she did something like top 10 songs she sung in chorus between 7th and 12th grade, and why. 
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D26 wasn’t TOO tortured by our college visits over spring break. He seemed to like U of Alabama. They definitely do a really good job selling themselves so when we visited UT Chattanooga afterwards, they suffered by comparison. I still think both are in the running for now but there are several more I’d like him to visit over the next few months.
UA is having a meet and greet in our area next month (we’re in SC) and D26 said he might want to go. I was shocked by this as he has ASD and typically hates that kind of thing. I’m just excited that he seems to be showing some interest in the process vs. me just pushing him along.
He takes the SAT for the first time in school tomorrow so that’s our next big milestone!
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D26 took the ACT at school today. Said that the reading, writing, & science sections were easy, but math was a little tricky because it covered math that she hasn’t done for a couple of years “and the questions were worded sort of weird.” She meets w/college counselor after school tomorrow.
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Ugh, prom drama already happening over here, and I hate it so much.
D26 has always gone to the dances with a small group of friends. But three in that group were pulled into another group, from which she and one other girl were very intentionally excluded. At homecoming last fall, she was told that she (and the other girl) couldn’t join pictures and dinner because the reservation was full, and the queen bee who runs said group had made a seating chart. (No, really.)
I was disappointed in the three former friends who presumably knew this was happening but didn’t say anything. 
Anyhow. The one friend ended up coming over, and we took pictures, then they took themselves to a fancy dinner elsewhere and then the homecoming dance and had a great time.
But the same seems likely to happen for prom, and that’s hard. A couple of moms have actually planned a class-wide picture session and dinner, and I’m encouraging D26 and her friend to go to that, but they’re hedging, saying it’s only a couple of the “popular” friend groups that they don’t know, and it’ll be awkward. I get it, and I won’t force it, of course.
My poor kid is quirky and quite socially anxious (we suspect ASD but she’s been tested several times with inconclusive results), and her very buttoned-down, preppy private school is not a great social fit, despite her having been there since kindergarten. She really needs to graduate and get far away from all of it and start fresh.
I did reach out to the mom who planned the class-wide dinner (who I’ve never met) and asked how many had RSVPd so far. She said 35 out of the class of 125 (she didn’t publish the “who’s coming” because it was done by email address from the school directory), but there’s still time for that number to grow. She said if I wanted her to look and see if particular people were coming, she’d be happy to do that. I’m not sure if I should push this plan or not.
Ugh. I know this is all very high school, but it’s hard to witness as a mom. Thanks for letting me vent here!
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Sorry mama…. that’s so tough to watch. I don’t understand why people need to be so mean.
I would probably ask the other mom to let you know if x is coming but leave it up to your daughter to do what she wants with that info. Hope it all works out for the best.
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I hate it when this kind of stuff happens. It totally sucks. When I was a senior in HS, I had almost the exact same thing happen to me with the senior prom. I was excluded from the friend group, who had all gotten a big table at the prom. Prom included dinner and you had to sign up with the people you wanted to sit with. Organizer Girl said sorry, there’s no more spots, we all signed up together and didn’t ask you.
My date and I tried to then hang out with them and stuff at the dance anyway. It was obvious that they were just putting up with us. The group all went to one of the girl’s houses afterwards and I was told, “You can come over, I guess, if you want.” When we got there, it was also obvious that we weren’t welcome. They all ignored us and pretended we weren’t there.
So all in the blink of an eye, this entire group of 6 girls who I’d hung out with for so long in high school shut me out. I was hurt. On graduation night, my high school put on an all night sober graduation party at the school and the entire class went. I had a lot of fun at that and some of the girls suddenly acted like we were buds again. I knew it was fake and didn’t care by that point. I was already over it because I could not WAIT to go to college and start over.
And I didn’t speak to any of them ever again after high school. I have no idea what any of them are doing now and I don’t care and it doesn’t matter.
So I don’t think you should force the matter. If you want, you could suggest the class-wide thing to your child and let them decide. But don’t push it.
Heck, MY kid has NEVER been to a school dance and has vowed to not go to the prom this year or next year.
Don’t worry. Everything will work out. Sometimes things like this can turn out all for the best because it will get the student to start looking to what the future holds. Meeting new people, having new adventures, not being forced to hang out anymore with the same small group of kids who for whatever reason act like they’re hot tamales/big fishes in a small pond. Teenage girls can be super rude and mean sometimes. And sometimes those rude queen bees grow up to be adult queen bees who you have to deal with in mom groups or the workplace. Your kid will learn that those girls’ opinions don’t really matter in the long run. Your kid is awesome and is going to soar and succeed. This is just a bump in the road.
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Thank you so much for sharing that – I’m sorry you had to deal with the same stuff. You’d think kids would outgrow this nonsense by junior and senior year – I mean, I expect it in middle school – but I guess not. And yeah, I’ve definitely encountered these same people in my adult life. I find it so stupid.
I think I’ll try to find out who all is going to the class-wide thing, and if there are at least a handful of kids that I know my daughter is friendly with, I might encourage her and her friend to go.
Is your kiddo just not into school dances? Mine could take them or leave them, but she does like to dress up. After the last couple, one boy had an after party where they all sat around and played Mario Kart – and that was by far her favorite part, lol.
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Thank you! And same! Lol
Thank you!
Thanks! He’s thrilled!
D26 isn’t into school dances for a couple of reasons: (1) she hates getting dressed up, esp. wearing dresses; (2) she doesn’t like feeling like she’s ‘on display’; (3) she’s really introverted and is far more comfortable with smaller groups of people; (4) she hates dancing; and (5) it drains her social battery really quickly and has said, “After about 30 min, I’d be ready to go so I’d rather just not bother at all.” She didn’t go to any middle school dances and hasn’t been to any high school dances yet either.
She’s said that there’s a group of ‘popular kids’ who are “super into all of that stuff” and they’ve tried to pressure her a lot in the past to go. D26 has always refused to cave to peer pressure on anything, though. When she decides she’s not doing it, it’s not happening. Period. And besides, it’s only ONE 3-hour event. So the world isn’t going to stop turning on its axis if she doesn’t go.
The Mario kart thing, though? That’s totally my kid’s speed. One of the colleges on The List has a gaming lounge. I showed her some pics & a video clip of it and she said, “Ooo, that looks cool.” 
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Besides, once you’re in college, the social scene changes and there’s a lot more options available. And nobody gives a rip if you did or didn’t go to a school dance in high school. You could go to big frat parties if you want. Or not…because there’s a cornucopia of social activities available. The world is your oyster. Just look at the growing # of DND groups & clubs that have popped up on college campuses everywhere…there’s something out there for everybody.
It’s hard for a 16-17 yr old to see that, though. They only know & understand the smaller part of the world they currently live in. And issues like being excluded by the Queen Bee become a really really big deal.
Heck, when my kids were 8 and 10, they participated in a year-round swim team. We had to go to monthly weekend-long swim meets. Practices 3-4x/week. The whole 9 yards. There were a group of us parents who became friendly with each other because all of our kids were in the same practice group together.
And there was this ONE mom who decided that she was the Queen Bee. It was so weird…here I am a grown ___ adult and this mom is announcing to me & the other moms before practice started, “Ok, when Other Mom gets here, we’re all shunning her. Remember. We’re not talking to her.”
And I thought, “Whiskey Tango Foxtrot? What? Are we 14 yr old again? Screw that.” And then I befriended the shunned mom. Ticked off Queen Bee. But I don’t care because life is too short and we all left junior high and high school ages ago. I’m too old for that ___.
You know what was also dumb? ALL of the other moms went along with Queen Bee’s decree. NONE of the other moms could stand Queen Bee, but for whatever reason, they were all afraid of her. And this was for a kids’ sport for ELEMENTARY SCHOOL KIDS, for Pete’s sake! 
You know what your child is going to learn from this experience? To not waste your time with people like that who treat their ‘friends’ like garbage. She’s also going to learn how empowering it is for her self-confidence to take her power back from Queen Bee. Living your best life is the best revenge.
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Except for the dressing-up part, sounds like our kiddos would be besties, lol. I understand that deep introversion – both of my girls are like that, although my D22 has changed a bit after meeting the right people in college.
After any event, D26 has to hide in her room and decompress – sitting in bed and watching YouTube while crocheting is her happy place. 
And she loves video games so much that she wants to study game design in college!
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Whaaaat? Oh, for the love. That is so lame.
I appreciate your kind words! There are many more details to the whole drama that I didn’t post here, but yeah. Queen Bee and my daughter both played the same role in last year’s spring play that was double cast, and my kid got a lot of accolades for her performance, then won “outstanding overall sophomore girl” at the end of last year, where the presenter specifically mentioned this play. And then, Queen Bee got dumped last year by a guy who my daughter happens to be friends with – he’s a band kid, and they have a couple classes together, so she’s friendly with him. I suspect Queen Bee just resents my kid (but it’s possible that I’m just making all that up in my head to find some justification). Historically she’s never been unkind to my kid – this is new, and I think she just likes running her own fiefdom.
But yes, it’s all stupid, and I can’t wait for my kiddo to meet new people and experience bigger and better things. The school is stifling, for sure. In hindsight, I should have chosen differently.
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ok, that explains a lot of Queen Bee’s behavior. She’s decided that maybe your kid is taking things/social status away from her, she’s jealous and isn’t handling it well, and decided that she’s going to strong arm the rest of the group to shun her. Queen Bee probably doesn’t even understand her own feelings about it all. She’s decided that your kid is now The Enemy and must be taken down socially.
Honestly, it sucks. I hate it when females/women/girls do this to each other. It’s too bad that Queen Bee is willing to so quickly throw away a friendship but hey…it’s her loss. There’s plenty of other fish in the sea.
As a side note, queen bee behavior is a huge reason why both of my kids are avoiding joining a sorority in college (well, cost is the other huge reason, because Bank of Mom & Dad aren’t going to pay for a sorority and my kids don’t want to pay for it themselves).
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I’m with you on sororities. I know they vary a lot by type of college and region, so I’m sure they’re perfectly civilized in some places. But we’re in the heart of the SEC schools, and you couldn’t pay either of my girls enough to compete to get into that kind of social culture. Just the idea of forced socializing is anathema to both of them. And all the matching pink baseball caps. 
In fact, my D22 chose to attend a school that has no Greek system at all, lol.
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Are you me? I ticked off my local Queen Bee swim mom too! 
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