That is huge b/c nursing school really comes down to the clinical experiences you have for junior and senior year. If they cannot speak to that, the prospective student does not get the most important information (in my opinion as a nurse) about the program.
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D26 is currently taking her ACT hopefully for the last time. She had two major breakdowns this week. One was on Tuesday night while she was doing her online class. I found her in front of her computer sobbing- it was heartbreaking to see her like that. She just could not stop and told me that she knows it is âstupid to cry over a dumb testâ but that she just couldnât stop and was feeling so stressed that all this prep was going to be for nothing. Last night was much of the same 
She seemed ok when I dropped her off this morning, thankfully.
We have tried to tell her over and over that she already has a decent score and that she is so much more than the test- all of this pressure is coming from her own stuff- we really are super chill about academics, college choices, etc. It honestly makes me really worried for her for nursing school in terms of putting crazy pressure on herself. There was a suicide attempt at one of the local schools on Ivy Day when the student was denied everywhere. We talked about that and she said she could not believe that a student would be so wrapped up in attending an Ivy that they would do that. I said well a lot of kids put a lot of pressure on themselves, have unrealistic expectations, or are getting the pressure from parents. I once again reiterated that there are so many paths a kid can take and if her path is via community college, a four year college, or whatever, then that is great and we will always support her choices. These kids are seriously under SO MUCH PRESSURE it really makes me sad.
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My D26 is also taking the ACT this morning and has cracked a few times over the last couple of weeks. She didnât perform to her expectations at her sports competition, so thinks her recruiting value has dropped, which in turn made her turn her stress onto standardized testing.
I read about a couple of Ivy day breakdowns after a friend of a friend told me a kid in their area ended his life. So much pressure on these kids. Itâs heartbreaking. I keep reinforcing to D26 that we love her and so proud of her for who she is, regardless of grades, scores and the like. Itâs so hard to convince them that theyâre enough in this hyper competitive environment.
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I guess I just want to empathize with the stress kids put on themselves for testing. My D22 did the worst on her 3rd attempt on the SAT. She was trying very hard to break 1500 and had put a ton of time in with tutors and a Princeton Review class. Her super score going in was a 1470. Her last attempt dropped to a 1380 and she was heartbroken. But I think the pressure of it all affected her performance, and having done all that prep added insult to injury. She was done after that and she wishes she hadnât spent so much time on it. Looking back, I wish weâd stopped after 2 attempts. She was so close to the score she wanted and she wanted to go for the 3rd and extra prep. My S26 takes the ACT for the first time tomorrow. I would love for us to be one and done. Testing sucks.
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The pressure is real. I hate it for these kids.
I am south Asian (husband is not), so I grew up with stereotypical parents who were angry when I brought home an A- or A instead of an A+.
So Iâve bent over backwards to make sure I donât do that to my kids â and then it turns out that all three of them put pressure on themselves anyway. And theyâre three vastly different types of students, so it looks different according to each of their abilities â but still.
I think all we can do is tell them repeatedly that we only care if they are good and kind people, care for others, and if they find something in life that is fulfilling and makes them happy (and hopefully covers the rent). That is enough, truly.
It took me many, many years to arrive at that understanding, though. Hereâs hoping our kids get through these years unscathed.
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I have to remind myself that through the limited lens of their life experiences, this seems sooooooo unbelievably important, and they lack the life experience and perspective to know otherwise.
Just need to keep holding space for them and sitting with them in their disappointment, knowing that this is just a tiny blip in their lives, and they have so much ahead of them.
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Ah, B = Asian F. I feel ya.
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This is so awesome. Congratulations!!
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What do you call an Asian kid who gets a B? ⊠a Bsian
This is from my D24 and her friends.
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D26 has a lot of peers at school who have a lot of intense pressure from immigrant parents to get straight Aâs and >1500 SAT scores. Not just Asian parents, but the parents are from all over the placeâŠMiddle Eastern countries, Eastern Europe, etc. AND the coursework they all take at the school is rigorous.
When it comes to applying to college during senior year, the students end up all sort of feeding off of each other with talk like âI heard School X isnât very good.â And thereâs some other kid in the group whoâs had School X as their #1 place they want to go. Suddenly, THAT kid feels like a loser and things spiral from there.
D24âs BFF is south Asian. Parents are south Asian immigrants & they live in a multigenerational household. Parents paid for the older brother to attend college and told BFF that they werenât paying a dime for her, but she HAD to go to college. AND they wanted her to go to UC Berkeley, which is impossible to get into as an OOS student.
BFF stood up for herself, though, and asked her mom & dad if theyâd be willing to pay $X per year for her to go to Berkeley. They scoffed and said no of course not. BFF said, âThen Iâm not applying.â She got admitted to Univ of Richmond and got a really nice merit scholarship, but it wasnât enough to make it affordable since she had to pay it all on her ownâŠand no, she didnât qualify for need-based aid.
So sheâs living at home and going to ASU and is in the honors college and is rocking it so far in freshman year. Throughout senior year, her parents kept bugging her to apply to Top 20 colleges.
A few years ago at our HS, there was a student who ONLY applied to Top 20/top 25 colleges. He got rejected everywhere. He, and his turbo parents, were devastated. He went to ASU instead.
What the students donât realize yet is that the rest of their lives are not doomed if they donât get into Harvard, Yale, Princeton, or Stanford. So many people act like thereâs only 20-30 âgoodâ colleges in the US and thatâs just not true.
If your kid gets into one of those colleges AND itâs a good fit for them AND itâs affordable for your family, thatâs awesome, amazing, and I will cheer for your kid until the cows come home. 
But if your kid âonlyâ gets into the in-state public universities? Those are good schools, too, and many many many of them provide a really good education.
Most HS juniors and seniors donât realize that yet.
Something else that isnât talked about a whole lot is pressure that parents get from other adults. Pressure from grandparents, other relatives, your friends. Other adults scoffing or making snide remarks about stuff like âWhy is Student applying there? I heard insert negative out of date thing here about that school.â
Prep yourself and have an elevator speech at hand that you can whip out and tell the ignorant person, to politely educate them and put them in their place.
For example, I graduated from UCSB. Do you know how many times, over the years, I have heard all of the nonsense from people that âOh UCSB is just a party schoolâ or âHaha! U Can Study Buzzed!â or âBet you didnât get much studying done there!â
When my sister was in grad school, SHE even gave me lip for it (she went to UCLA, which was and still is higher ranked).
Every time somebody pops out with their stupid commentary about that, I remind them that:
- when I was attending, UCSB had more Nobel Laureates in residence than UCLA
- Stephen Hawking decided to do some work there, NOT at UCLA.
- I guarantee you that if you want to party hard at Harvard or MIT, there are plenty of kegger parties to be found. And if you think that students attending the elite institutions donât drink and do drugs, then you are naive.
HS students also donât realize that:
- once you get to college, nobody gives a care what your SAT score was
- once you get to college, nobody cares what your GPA was in high school
- when you get your first big adult job out of college, nobody cares what your SAT score was, what your HS GPA was, or what your college GPA was
- and once youâve moved on to big adult job #2 after college, nobody really gives a rip where you went to college. The brand name, in most professions, doesnât matter.
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Wait, so these parents paid to educate their son, but refused to pay for their daughter to go to college â but required that she do so? On what planet does that make sense? If sheâd applied to top 20 schools, how was she supposed to pay for them? Theyâre ridiculously expensive.
(I am a first generation south Asian â my parents immigrated in 1970, so I was born in the States â so I donât always understand the Asian cultural nuances.)
I see this kind of toxic talk happening among the students at our school, too. Except weâre in Georgia, so everyone here wants to go to UGA or Ga Tech. (Our in-state merit scholarships are strong and make tuition at an in-state public school virtually free, and both UGA and Tech are great schools.) But, yeah. I wish kids didnât do this to each other.
I laughed about your comment about kids at elite institutions partying. My oldest is at Rice, and each of the residential colleges there throws an annual public party (students have to snag tickets because admission is limited). One college used to have a party called Night of Decadence (NOD) â it was around Halloween, and people basically showed up in their underwear. Decades ago, this party was listed in Playboy Magazine as one of the top college parties in the country (kid you not). I guess nerds know how to party, LOL.
Last year, there was a debacle at this party with overconsumption of alcohol and too many ambulances being called, etc. â and the university got rid of it. (I think that residential college is allowed to have a different public party with a different theme, but unsure.)
Anyhow, literally this week at Rice is âBeer Bikeâ â itâs an actual bike relay race today where one kid chugs (now water, used to be beer), and the next kid rides a lap, then more chugging and riding etc. But the whole week leading up to this event has been one long party.
All that to say, YES, kids at elite universities do plenty of partying. 
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Well ACT is done. D26 said she had to skip an entire science section and just bubbled in guesses at the last minute. Not looking good for her. I am praying whatever she gets she can just accept it and be done.
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My mother still hasnât forgiven me for getting waitlisted from UC Berkeley. Brought so much shame onto the family. I wound up going to a âpublic Ivyâ and everything turned out fine.
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Iâm so sorry your D26 didnât have the greatest test experience. Itâs so disheartening. I hope she can give herself some grace. Itâs only a test, and once sheâs in college, no one is gonna care.
Thereâs still plenty of time if she decides to retake again. And obviously the ACT feels the same way seeing that science is already optional on the digital version and will be optional on the paper version starting September 2025.
D26âs weakest area is the reading section and she said it was the hardest reading sections sheâs encountered to date, so not too optimistic here either.
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fingers crossed for your kid!
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When I was in college, it was a âthingâ for groups of students to sometimes play baseball/softball but at each base, you had to chug a beer. 
I donât think the games ever lasted very long.
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Yep, D24âs BFF is also 1st generation south Asian. Even the BFF thought it was kind of messed up.
D24 had another classmate, also 1st generation south Asian, who has 2 older brothers. The parents paid for both of the brothers to go to college, told their daughter (D24âs classmate) that they werenât paying for HER college, but she was still required to attend. Oh and the only acceptable majors would be those that led to employment in medicine, law, or engineering/computer science.
The pressure from all sides sometimes for some students is really intense.
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I am a South Asian, did not grow up here and was very fortunate to have parents (Dad was a college professor) who never put any pressure on my sister and I. Same with my husbandâs family. And we have been the same with our kids. So this stereotyping kind of puts me off. I am in SF Bay Area, and I do see the abundance of kinds of parents you guys are talking about. But it is really across the board, at least here. Not relegated to just one ethnicity.
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I was raised in South Asia and never saw or heard of such a situation where parents are not willing to pay for their daughtersâ education or would discriminate in any way (so long as affordability and safety is not at issue). This is probably one screwed up family/parents and should not be taken as representative of the values held by immigrants from the South Asia region. I thought of commenting on this so the above posts donât perpetuate this rather unfair stereotype.
Not saying that discrimination against girls doesnât exist, but this is rather an extreme and weird example. You wonât expect parents to say they are not going to pay for Dâs education but want her to go to top universities. Super weird; makes no sense.
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D24 had lots of South Asian friends (whose parents worked in tech); they did not diffrentiate boys vs girls education.
High expectations but were definitely willing to invest in their kidsâ college, regardless if they were boys or girls.
They werenât overbearing or crazy. Most of these kids were self motivated.
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