<p>I think I would be just as concerned about someone with those personality traits and those numbers/hooks who wanted to be an english major. </p>
<p>If the world is kind to humanities majors who are intensely shy and nerdy, and not grads of top schools, I have yet to see evidence of it.</p>
<p>“I do not know frankly, how you can make any difference if you are not accepting financial responsibility.”</p>
<p>by providing information to inform discussion, I would imagine?</p>
<p>^this type of discussion usually leads to worsenning situation, not resolution.</p>
<p>we only have one child so I cannot speak to the issue of sibling participation, but throughout the process we have found that fact based discussion tends to reduce anxiety and improve decision making. Though sometimes considerable decibels are needed to get a point across.</p>
<p>Yep, here we are talking the same language. There is no way to improve situation with “considerable decibels” in my world. “Considerable decibels” are putting everything into huge hole which is hard to escape out.</p>
<p>“I try telling my parents that - but since they are immigrants from a place that churns out hundreds of thousands of young engineers per year, they are generally dismissive of the liberal arts (unless it’s science, economics, or math).”</p>
<p>Hoo-boy! I smelled immigrant engineer parents in the very first post!</p>
<p>Immigrant engineer parents just are not going to get it about the opportunities in the US for non-engineers/non-medical-doctors/non-lawyers/non-fill-in-professional-degree-here. They just aren’t. In fact, they really can’t because this is part of the basic wiring of their brains due to their life experiences. Even though they may have moved here for new opportunities themselves, they still are first generation and it takes until about the third generation before families are completely in tune with life here. I’m not saying that this is bad, or wrong, just that it is the way it is. Add an artsy-type child to the mix and trouble is on the way.</p>
<p>XX55XX, your job is to love the sister you have. She is not going to change. Do your best to tone down the intellectual snobbery that is demonstrated in statements like “My sister can be quite intellectual at times - but only when the subject of discussion is about film. My parents (and even me, to an extent) see this as an inherent weakness, because she seemingly is unwilling or unable to extend this sort of intellectualism to something else.” and accept that your sister’s interests may never make complete sense to you. If you want to help serve as a buffer between her and your parents, that’s fine. But just be sure that you can really, truly, be on her side rather than on theirs.</p>
<p>Sometimes in moments of stress people yell. We have had a few of those on this journey. You are fortunate if you’ve never had such moments. We found our way through all of them, and arrived stronger and closer on the other side. </p>
<p>Certainly I do not know how we could have made it if we couldn’t have discussed it, and when necessary, argued and even expressed our frustration.</p>
<p>“My sister isn’t exactly an ambitious type, and when she’s not in school, she spends all day watching films from the 1940’s/1950’s.”</p>
<p>Never films from before 1940, or after 1960? I would think a dedicated film buff would be interested in whats being done more recently (and if you want to dismiss current stuff fine, but what about the golden era of the 1970s?) and in the early years of cinema.</p>
<p>This girl is what – 17 years old? Why should she have a career plan at such an early age? Her whole life is ahead of her, she has plenty of time to figure out what she wants to major in and what type of job she wants to have. </p>
<p>Sometimes planning too far ahead can be a mistake. Think about all those kids who decided to be education majors four years ago (“something useful”) and now can’t find a job. </p>
<p>She should apply to college as “undecided,” take a broad range of classes, and eventually something will appeal to her. Perhaps a smaller school, where she will get more individual attention and guidance and nurturing, might be better. She might be overwhelmed in a large school. If by the end of sophomore year she still has no clue, then it’s time to be concerned (and then taking time off would be appropriate).</p>
<p>She sounds like a pretty typical kid, perhaps a little more withdrawn than average, but as negative as many teens. She might not like film production now, but that could change when she takes one class in it.</p>
<p>Not everyone should be going to college. She might be one of them. She might be far far better served going to a technical school- learning to be a specialized technician in healthcare, a set designer, a plumber, an EMT, a photographer, a…fill in the blank after she does some career counselling. </p>
<p>She does not sound academically interested nor inclined so the only value here in her going to college is your parents ego or false sense of security. If they want her to do something ‘practical’ it would make way more sense for her to earn an associates degree or a diploma in something that IS career related. </p>
<p>There are tons of ‘post-secondary’ ways to a better life and interesting job than getting a university degree! I think it is such a shame we do not place the same value on those venues and we should.</p>
<p>I think it’s fine if your sister wants to pursue Film Studies. I think it’s fine if your parents want her to think practically about what kind of job she wants after she graduates. But rather than try to get her to do something she’s not interested in, she and they should try to collaborate about what kinds of jobs are available for film studies majors. Has she ever thought about film historian, film preservationist, or even film critic? The Smithsonian has jobs for such people, but you need the internship and museum studies expereince to back it up. There area lso other film museums or historical museums where she could pursue this work, but again, she’ll need the internship expereince to back it up if she wants to do something she’ll enjoy. If you think she’d make a good film critic, then encourage her to keep a blog of critical reviews of movies she sees, encourage her to wirte for the school newspaper reviewing movies (perhaps even reviewing classic movies for the college student). Tell her about places like AFI and the Film Preservation Institute in California where people work to preserve and present classic movies to a new generation. </p>
<p>Basically, it’s good for parents to encourage kids to think practically because most kids indulge in magical thinking where if they just want something, it will happen. When it takes hard work and preparation to achieve a job in any field, especially a small one. So let her follow her passions, but also help her find information about how to turn those interests and hobbies into something practical. And always hold out hope that ownce she gets to college she’ll discover something not seen before!</p>
<p>
Ditto. And it doesn’t have to be something she’s passionate about - just something she doesn’t hate. Lots of people have jobs not because they enjoy it, but because it pays the bills for things the enjoy doing. If five/ten years later she finds her real interest, then she can invest in education rather than sink a lot of time and money now on something she isn’t very excited about.</p>
<p>The other thing I didn’t understand (I confess I didn’t read the whole thread) - I thought she liked watching movies - I don’t see this directly correlated to film studies. It’s like I may like to eat fine food, but don’t have any interest in being in the culinary industry.</p>
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<p>That’s an interesting thesis Happymom, and one that may be worthy of a thread of its own. Working at a university, I have a number of close friends who have come to the U.S. for professional careers. They know all about the liberal arts and the concept of education of the whole person, but they can’t really bring themselves to buy in. I suspect that in the backs of their minds, they can’t shake the idea that there will truly come a day when a single test will be given and those who pass will be sent through one door to a professional technical career and the others will be sent through another to do menial work. And what’s truly unfortunate is that they often tend to see any extracurricular activity as a distraction from education rather than a key component of it.</p>
<p>brooklyborndad,
“Sometimes in moments of stress people yell. We have had a few of those on this journey. You are fortunate if you’ve never had such moments”</p>
<p>Fortuante is not correct description. If one starts raising voice, I just walk away. I tell them later that once it is much louder, I stop comprehending the meanning of words, it is gone, I just hear loud noise and walk away. Eventually they get it. Screaming never resolves anything, it complicates everything, taking it many step back. In complicated enough situation as we are discussing here, screaming is going to make matters worse as well as involvement of any party who has no leverage in discussion.</p>
<p>Since the matter of exploring liberal arts versus preparing for a career has not been fully resolved, I would propose one more idea, that might satisfy everyone in the family: maybe encourage your sister to apply to schools that offer internships as part of the academic year.</p>
<p>On the East Coast, this would include schools as varied as Northeastern, Bennington, Endicott, Clark and Goucher. Paying for these privates can be costly, but aid is often available.</p>
<p>It can be a mistake to pursue a hobby interest that one uses to relax, in a more serious, career-building way. I loved to bake until I started selling my bagels in stores!</p>
<p>Leaving home and going to a smallish school that allows for exploration may help this girl blossom, or a larger school that can be experienced in smaller, broken down communities.</p>
<p>Most of all, this family needs to believe in this child/sibling. The lack of confidence that fairly oozes from the OP’s posts would defeat anyone.</p>
<p>It would be great if this family, apparently new to the US, could understand that the values are quite different here, and that exploring and individualism are still highly esteemed in our culture, at least in some sectors, despite financial pressures. As someone said, it may take a generation or so to get this through to the family culture. </p>
<p>And, as many of us have noted, the US educational culture is itself moving more toward pragmatism and careerism, a shift that may not be totally healthy, but one that is probably not going to be reversed.</p>
<p>I am with Brooklynborn dad on this. I love liberal Arts but to make it work for one’s career, one need to be a go-getter to suceed at an equivalent level as a preprofessional major. Many Pauline Kaels probably didn’t make it with equal talents and prestige as the one who made it. Not saying everyone needs to succeed at that level. One could become a school teacher and be happy pursueing many hobbies.</p>
<p>You can always have minors. Most pre-meds, for example, pursuing their interests outside of science by having minors in something like music,…etc. College is not fo general education which can be achieved on your own. College is to obtain ability to support yourself. However, if one has unlimited resources and do not need to work, then they can take whatever they wish at college. But again it could be determined only by parties who are closely involved in process, not by outsiders like us here on CC.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>I will not discuss further how to conduct the discussion. I think a somewhat snarky remark of mine has been misinterpreted. Every family has its own discussion style. I do think that the sibling can give information</p></li>
<li><p>I do not think we here have enough information to give meaningful advice. I do not know if this youngster really wants a career in something like film criticism, film preservation, etc or not. I don’t know if this is simply a somewhat shy nerdy kid with a strong hobby, or someone who is borderline Asperger’s. And I certainly cannot tell, if the best path for them to find a non-film way to support their hobby is to go to a 4 year liberal arts program and explore, or to look over the higher paying blue collar trades.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>…College is to obtain ability to support yourself…</p>
<p>Or finding a career that supports you reasonably.</p>
<p>Obviously the perceived goal of college has changed in the last decade or two. There are many reasons for this, including the fact that more diverse groups are attending, and the fact that people are going broke paying for it (and have loans).</p>
<p>However, just to say it again: the original goal of college was to get a broad education, combined with some knowledge of one area in depth. It was not to prepare for a career, but to broaden perspectives, encourage skepticism, and to prepare students to educate themselves throughout life. One college said their education was to “make students’ minds a comfortable place to live for the rest of their lives.”</p>
<p>Many schools are now pandering to the careerism that parents and students expect, and I think that employers, at least at the low to middle levels, may start looking for more vocationally prepared students.</p>
<p>But the best preparation, at least in my old-fashioned view, is that more general preparation that does not focus on a future job, but on learning and growth. Maybe when the recession eases, some students will again feel comfortable majoring in, say, anthropology or comparative literature, and worry about supporting themselves once they graduate. A BA will gain entrance to many kinds of work, as well as further schooling.</p>