Ok, since you all are parents, I assume you have the unique perspective needed to help me with this, here goes.
I’m a 17 year old high school student. I met a friend online a few years ago, and we still talk every day on text, Snapchat, Instagram, etc. Reasons I say this: 1) I am 100% sure she is real and I’m not getting catfished/misled; and 2) We are very good friends, despite not having ever met. Anyway, we both had spring break together so we decided to meet up. Knowing my parents wouldn’t be okay with it, I lied and said I was going to visit a once close friend who had moved away a year or so ago. I also said some of my friends (who lived near me) were accompanying me. This is half the truth. The once close friend is real and lives in the same place that my internet friend does. But instead of going to this place with 2 friends to meet my old friend, I went alone to meet my internet friend. I have a job and a car and lots of experience flying, so basically I bought a plane ticket and reserved a hotel, drove to/from the airport and I flew there. They didn’t card me at the hotel, but I had a plan to get a room, expecting to be carded. We hung out and had a great few days, and I came back. When asked how it was by my parents, I made up some generic lies about hanging out with an old friend and they believed it.
Here’s where my dilemma comes in. I do feel bad about lying about it but I hesitate to tell them the truth because that will destroy any trust I have with my parents and (mainly what I care about) worry them to no end. The only lies I told we’re who I went with and who I met. I realize they are HUGE lies and probably nobody expects or trusts their kid to fly across the country to see someone they’ve never actually met without their knowledge. I just want to know – what reaction would you have if your son did something like this without your knowledge and told you about it afterward? (I say son because I believe that there is a huge difference in how parents would react to sons vs daughters doing this type of thing, but feel free to share from the female side as well). I also realize it’s a bit confusing, so if you have any clarifying questions, post below and I will answer! Thanks!
I would be incredibly sad and unhappy to find out my child wouldn’t be honest with me so that we could discuss the pros and cons of the trip and ways to be sure my child was safe.
I have “met” lots of folks online and actually met a few in real life after meeting online. I always like to meet people in public places like busy coffee shops where there are lots of folks around, just in case things turn out awkward or worse. This is what law enforcement recommends, for good reason. There are folks who may “misrepresent” themselves online–may be older, married, have criminal histories, who knows what else.
Any relationship that makes one of my kids feel compelled to tell me a big lie about meeting the friend doesn’t sound like a healthy one to me.
I agree that I have “online only” friends (some from here on CC). I think I’d help my kid arrange this if they wanted to, with some possible added safety checks. Maybe you don’t give your parents enough credit.
I did something similar at that age. When my parents were out of town, my friend and I took the car for a very long road trip to visit a friend in another state. We disconnected the odometer so my parents wouldn’t find out. I told my grandmother, who lived nearby, that I was staying overnight at a local friend’s house. I told the local friend whose house I lied about staying at where I was actually going. I told my parents 20 years later. At that point they thought it was very funny. But I don’t think they would have thought it was funny if I had told them closer to the event. I always felt most guilty about lying to my grandmother, and not as much about taking the car. There were some aspects to the trip that made it unsafe, so its good it all went smoothly in the end and I lived to tell about it.
Perhaps the OP is thinking about trying this scheme and is looking for us to point out potential problems with it.
OR
The OP is bored.
This is a very odd first post, and the parent cafe of a college advice website is a very odd place for a teenage boy to find, esoecially to ask that particular question.
In one breath you say you’ve never met, and in the next you say you have. It sounds to me like this is something you’re contemplating doing. Tell your parents. They may help you arrange a meeting. People should never go alone to meet someone they don’t know, especially when the only contact they’ve had has been online. It doesn’t matter what their gender is, or their age for that matter; it’s a bad idea.
I know someone who did this type of thing. Lied about where they were going and who they were staying with. While gone a close family member was killed in a car accident. The person couldn’t be tracked down for a few days. Funeral arrangements were having to be postponed. So much anxiety, fear and strife added to an already very tragic situation.
austin–OP means they both had spring break scheduled during the same week–not that they had met.
Actually we’ve arranged for D to meet an internet friend years ago. You may have underestimated your parents.
I think what you did could have been planned with more safety in mind. That’s the part where as a parent I’d be maddest about.
Honestly, if you tell them you’ll probably never leave the house again.
@bhs1978 with cell phones…it’s possible to track people down without knowing where they are.
I’m not sure I’m buying the OP either…that being said…
If you wanted to meet this person, and YOUR family didn’t like the plans of flying to meet a stranger…why didn’t your online friend come to your town?
Now to the parents here…this kid is in HS…but let’s,fast forward to college time. How many of you told your parents EVERYTHING you did while you were a student? I know there are many things I did that never were told to my parents. And this was way pre cell phone…so it would,have been an issue if they had needed to contact me!
The troubling thing is this student claims he lied. I didn’t really tell lies…I just didn’t share the truth.then again…I wasn’t living at home.
If this happens to be true, this kid would,be smart to fess up. If it’s something that hasn’t happened yet…perhaps,flying the online friend to THEIR town would be a more acceptable idea.
Oh…and I do NOT believe a hotel rented a room to a 17 year old.
It doesn’t make sense that he starts out saying he is sure she is real and he isn’t being catfished…and then in the same breath says he has actually carried out this plan. Note that the plan involves his parents actually believing that two of his friends are also flying across the country, and that at no time do they mention it to those friends or their parents. Highly unlikely. (I’d love to know what the plan is to get the hotel room…is he aware that even at a cheap motel they are going to ask for ID when you check in?)
I think that this is something the OP is fantasizing about doing. Or maybe he’s writing a novel.
OP, like other parents here, I have friends I’ve known only on the internet whom I consider to be real friends. In some cases we’ve “known” each other since the days of usenet, before the world wide web. These are relationships that are conducted in “public” one might say. Many of us have met each other IRL.
If you have an internet friend of several years’ standing I suggest you share the existence of this person with your parents, and tell them you’d like to figure out a way to meet IRL. Any relationship that can’t stand the light of day is not likely to end well.
I well remember doing plenty of stuff that I didn’t tell my parents about. But not at age 17, and certainly not along the lines of this.
Right, and he addresses that he wasn’t “carded,” but doesn’t seem to realize you can’t reserve a hotel or flight in advance without a credit card. You also have to put a card down upon check in (even if you plan to pay in cash). A 17 year old has a CC with a limit big enough for flights and hotels?
His parents don’t call the parents of the friend in another state to confirm details? They don’t want to be involved with taking him and his friends to the airport so that he doesn’t have to rack up parking fees at the airport? Parents don’t call parents of the accompanying friends to work out transportation to and from airport and to confirm details?
The whole thing is baloney. He didn’t even proof his post to realize that he cannot say in one paragraph that he has not yet met this girl, and in another expect the reader to believe that he has already spent the holiday with a girl he just said he has never met.
You have to present a picture ID when you check in at a hotel. They expect that to,be your driver’s license…which has your birthdate right on it.
My kids had to have ME intervene once when they were under 21. It all worked out…I did some begging…but the hotel,was NOT going to let them check in because they were under 21. They had a confirmed reservation and credit cards. Hotel didn’t care at all. They called me…in a panic…and I spoke to the hotel manager…and put the room on my card, and explained why they were traveling alone.
Um…while I don’t believe this story, it’s not as hard to rent a room as parents here seem to think. I’m not going to post how to do it in case this is in the planning stages, but it certainly can be done.
@thumper1@KKmama@ndrsb4 I have a job, a bank account, and a MC debit card tied to the account. I have around 4 digits worth of money saved up from my time working. For those of you unaware, a MC debit card can be used anywhere a MC credit card can, whether that’s an airline website or a hotel website. I wasn’t some kid who flew across the country with $100 in cash and a change of clothes. Also, I meant “carded” as ask for a form of ID aka driver’s license. In this case, they didn’t even look at my driver’s license. If that happened on my first try, how many crappy hotels would someone have to visit before they found one that didn’t ask for id? Also some teenagers purchase alcohol with fake ids that say they are or are above legal age. I’ll let you connect the dots.
I knew her online. I “knew she was real” because we exchanged countless pictures via Snapchat and she had a credible Instagram. Look up how those work if you wish, but it’s very hard (impossible almost) to catfish someone via those methods.
@Hlmom We met in the airport and took public transportation to get food, tour a shopping district, etc. We were in public places the entire first day.
I told my real life friends about it. My parents are pretty strict and don’t let me have friends over and stuff, so they don’t see my real life friends much, just hear about them.
For those who thought I “contradicted” myself, I did not meet my internet friend PRIOR to going there. And she didn’t come to me because her parents are pretty strict too.
@eastcoascrazy I’ll admit I agree with you. The reason I found this was because I was searching up a similar topic (how to convince your parents to let you go somewhere for a while etc) on the internet before doing this and found some kid who posted a thread here asking parents for their perspective on something. It gave me the idea.
@919Ltz the more you write, the less believable this gets.
CC has a very long history of similar tales told by students. These tales tend to cluster around spring break dates, when seniors are bored and looking for something fun to feed the CC parents.
Totally unbelievable that a non-sketchy hotel/motel that takes reservations would let a 17 year old boy check in without checking for identification. Are you that one kid who has a full beard, is balding and frequently passes for age 30? (I acknowledge those boys exist. I know one. One out of the hundreds of 17 year old boys in my three kids' senior year books.)
Your parents are so strict. But they don't know your friends. And they are fine with you flying somewhere and staying somewhere alone, (possible), and yet they don't insist on any contact information in case of an emergency? The strict parents (of high schoolers) who I know would have confirmed everything, insisted on contact info, and the strictest would have tracked their kid's cell phone while he was gone.
