“I have stressed to my own kids the importance of never, ever placing yourself in a situation where NO ONE knows where you are and what you are up to, i.e., whatever they might tell me, they must ALWAYS their siblings the real story.”
This.
I would probably forgive you (eventually) for trotting off to meet a friend because you thought I wouldn’t approve. But to have my kids do something SO stupid as to not let anyone know where they actually were or what they were doing? Mad forever.
“Mad forever?” So what does that entail? Cannot imagine me ever being “mad forever” at one of my children. You acknowledge the stupidity, hope they learn from it and move on.
Wow, I really feel the animosity too. I see this as a very believable story. Teens have their own way of thinking and can be ruled by desire, emotion, impulse, etc. that an older person is generally not. And a 17 year old can successfully do many things we may think they can’t. My brother, many years ago, when he was 16 ran away and, on his own, flew from LA to WA, crossed the border into Canada, traveled for a few days, made his way to Alaska and back to Canada. Only on his way crossing the border back into the US was he questioned and, ultimately “caught” and then my (very stressed out) parents were contacted.
In terms of the OP’s story, we don’t know what the OP means by describing his parents as “conservative” by which he only gives the example that he can’t have friend’s over. That rule about no friends over could be because they don’t want strangers in their home, they’re very private, etc; it may have nothing to do with not being open to their kid having friends or wanting to control who he’s with. The parents may not be particularly involved in the OP’s life.
In any case, my message to the OP is that, now that you’re home safely, I would not be inclined to tell my parents at this point. I would, however, heed the words already written about never going somewhere where people don’t know where you are always. No matter how invincible you think you may be, bad things can happen. Your safety is the most important thing. I would caution you against doing this type of thing again, particularly as a minor who lives his parents.
There are periodic stories of “sting” operations where cops pretend to be a young female and arrange a meeting with an online friend and arrest said friend who is often MUCH older than stated and trying to have an intimate relationship with a minor female, which is illegal in our state.
The trouble is that folks can masquerade rather convincingly as other, including photos of 3rd parties that they pass off as themselves. Sadly, there ARE bad folks out there and one should always have someone they trust know where they are, especially when they’re meeting someone they don’t know and haven’t known for a long time.
Stoopid.
And we’re giving this kid a lot of attention.
My kid did this, in college. I won’t say how I found out, but a) I was apes**t, wondering if she was safe, and b) she easily could have not been.
It’s not realistic to claim it was or is ok cuz you exchanged photos.
All this shows incredibly poor judgement, whether it occurred or is in planning…or is a prank on us.
I say we all unbookmark.
It doesn’t matter that mine was in college. No one knew where she was when I received notice she was in another, distant area.
I think this thread has value if as some of us suspect he may not have done the trip yet. If that is true then perhaps we have talked him out of it.
It may be cautionary for other people who may lurk in the Parent Cafe as well.
It was a lot easier for a person to fly around the country and check into hotels and so forth with questionable or no ID before 9/11. Things have changed.
@lookingforward I will keep bookmarked to show my daughter as a warning. this is seriously dangerous stuff.
When my D met kids on-line and wanted to meet them in person I went with her.
Okay, I will assume this is true. Incredible, but crazy things do happen.
I did stuff like this when I was a teenager. I still haven’t told my folks because they would be furious. I am in my fifties. Same situation of very strict parents and a very resourceful, motivated teen. We are close and have a good relationship. We struggled when I was in my late teens/early twenties because of my desire to pull away and their desire to hold me close.
If my kids did it…I would be furious.
Sounds unfair? Well, I am not very strict and in reaction to my own upbringing have been encouraging them to go out and spread their wings. So I would be mad because they didn’t trust me enough to talk to me about this. But I would get over it, so they could tell me later…maybe when they are in their thirties!
If the internet had existed when I was a teen, I’d probably have ended up with an older man on the other side of the world. I never told my parents the real truth of some trips I took with friends. I would like to think I had a good sense of self preservation, but probably the only reason I didn’t get myself in an awful situation was just blind luck.
OP: please don’t go meet someone from the internet by yourself. If you can’t tell your parents, take some friends along. Better is to ask your parents for help here. There are so many ways a situation like this can go wrong.
The fact you can’t see the potential for danger and horrible consequences really makes me worry for you. Please be very cautious.
Guys, 17 year olds cannot rent cars. 18 year olds can, but they need to be on parents’ insurance and wit costs extra. Just as an aside.
There was something like this on the TV show Catfish the other night. I stumbled across the show and it appears that it is a show where the 2 hosts do some sleuthing to get to the bottom of real online relationships where the people haven’t met and one is suspicious of the other.
In this episode a guy in his late 20’s had fallen in love with this really gorgeous woman online. She also claimed to love him so he proposed that she move to Florida where he lived – they were talking of marriage. But for some reason she always had an excuse why they could not meet in person. Now I think for most people that would set off alarms, but I really think he was so taken by her beauty that he couldn’t think straight. He seemed totally normal to me – just a cute, nice guy with a good job who I guess couldn’t meet anyone who he thought compared to this gorgeous woman online.
So the hosts went to work and tracked down the person who owned the online account of this woman. They called to explain the situation and she agreed to meet them. Well, as it turns out the “she” was actually a “he” who just made up the whole account to mess with this guy – the pics were of some girl who lived in another country I think. He explained that he was bullied in high school and this was his way of dealing with it and getting back at people who reminded him of the bullies. It was just awful to see the reaction of the guy who thought she was real – he was totally devastated.
So yeah, these things can turn out bad.
I also found it odd OP said they exchanged photos, rather than ever skyping. (And I think some of our comments could be used as more fodder, by OP, if this is a prank. Eg, “Oh, LF, I forgot to mention we did skype.”) As is, I think the orig post is suspicious.
“A tale as old as time…”
When I was young, I used to read the Green Sheet every day, which was a pull out of the Milwaukee Journal that had the comics, Dear Abby, puzzles, etc. I remember reading an ad in it one day for a penpal, and the placer of the ad mentioned he was ‘incarcerated.’ I was young enough (9 or 10) that I had to look up what that meant. JAIL! This guy was in jail. Even as a 9 year old, I knew this was not a good idea.
But as I said above, the OP can tell his parents and suffer the consequences, or live with his lie. He made the choice to go away for the weekend, and now he has to decide if he wants to out himself. He’s received a lot of replies, and not one parent has said it would be no big deal.
Even if the on-line friend is “real” he has no idea about others to whom she may have described the relationship and upcoming visit and the possibility they might decide to take advantage of him if given the chance. He is incredibly vulnerable traveling alone to meet her.
As a teen, he also likely has little idea of how to get out of a jam or how to problem solve in the moment. That repertory is often just not there yet. When my kiddo took off, something happened with her return flight, she was stuck with no affordable flight options.
Although I agree with everyone the trust issue is huge, my greater concern is safety. There are safe ways to meet on-line friends. This isn’t it. Since a whole lot of our kids do internet dating, they need to understand how to do it safely. Meeting someone at your local coffee shop seems hugely different to me than this scenario. Most young people I know will have googled to figure out such an individual exists: college records, LinkedIn, etc. They have some sense of the person’s background. There is still room for deception, but not as much.
@JenJenJenJen OP didn’t claim to have rented a car.