Parents seek courts help to get adult son to move out

Parents Forum Parent Cafe
#21

The son may very well be an entitled jerk, but an excerpt from his responsive papers in court is not the way to figure that out – because court papers are framed to support legal arguments and defenses. The parents initiated the lawsuit, and if they claimed in their suit that they have cause to oust their son because he has broken a promise to contribute to household expenses and assist with chores — then a responsive pleading that says there was no such promise would be expected. When a person is sued, they have to respond to the allegations against them-- and anything they don’t deny can be deemed to be admitted. So we really don’t know the back story here.

It looks like the parents are claiming one of two things (or both) (1) that a legal tenancy which can be terminated on 30 days notice was established because of a specific agreement to contibuted to household maintenance and expenses; and son is denying that such agreement existd, and that instead the 6 months’ ejectment notice is required. **or/b that they have cause to oust the son that exempts fhem from the 6-month’s common law notice requirement for ejectment because of the son’s breach of an agreement… and again, the son is defending the lawsuit by denying that there was any such agreement.

No, the parents have to follow the law. And in New York state, that apparently means that absent a formal tenancy, they need to follow the process for an ejectment – though I would expect that if they were fearful of the son they would also have alternative recourse through a domestic violence restraining order process.

It is true that the son could have a mental illness or personality disorder… but it’s also very possible that the son has a physical or cognitive disability that we don’t know about, which may be part of the backstory as to why the son is living in the family home.

#22

My kid lived with us for a couple of years after graduating from college. For a good part of that time he had internships that did not pay enough to live on. One of those internships turned into a job, but by then he was disillusioned so he only stayed long enough to finish the project he was working on. Then he spent months studying for the Officer Candidate Exam, and more months waiting to be assigned to a class. We never charged him rent, but he did help around the house and garden and he bought his own clothes and his own lunch.

#23

Calmom, I was fully aware the parents cannot put the stuff outside, but they should be able to, if a son refuses to leave after multiple requests. I wasn’t advocating it! I know they have to follow the process for that jurisdiction.

#24

Undiagnosed ADD and/or anxiety may be the culprit…

#25

Or the son may simply be a jerk.

#26

We charge our kids rent if they live with us after college, but we save it and give it back to them eventually.

#27

I’d note that the law is different in each state — so this 6-months notice / ejectment thing seems to be a NY-specific wrinkle. Other states might have a standard 30 day notice requirement – and others might view the adult child as merely a “guest” who really could simply be locked out and sent on their way.

But the laws are there for good reason. In this case all the son has done is exercise the rights given to him under the law of his state. Yes, he may be a jerk – but there could be a variety of factors that we don’t know about.

I know several families who have adult kids on the ASD spectrum. Intellectually, these young adults are brilliant… but socially/emotionally they are very limited, and tasks tied to independent living or employment can be extremely difficult.

So given that in this particular case the parents haven’t complied with their own state laws… I see this really as a problem the parent have created for themselves. They could have set down expectations and agreed on rules a long time ago.

#28

I don’t think most parents go into these arrangements thinking about the eventual legal implications. How many kids do we all know who move back in with their parents for a few months until they can save up for their own apartment? I would bet the vast majority don’t make up a contract.

#29

Assuming no mental illness, you reap what you sow.

#30

Well, it depends on how you define a contract.

To go to court a written contract would be preferable to an oral agreement — but in a tenancy/living situation an oral understanding could also be legally enforceable. The problem with oral is just that it’s a lot harder to prove what was agreed upon.

But somewhere along the way to age 30, it seems to me that in most cases a family would have time to at least come to an informal agreement as to mutual expectations.

#31

A judge has ruled that the son must move out: http://www.syracuse.com/crime/index.ssf/2018/05/judge_praises_adult_sons_legal_research_boots_him_from_parents_house_anyway.html#incart_m-rpt-1

An appellate court decision had vacated the ruling that family members in NY must be granted 6 months’ notice. The son and his attorney were apparently unaware of it.

It’s tragic for his parents, and for him, as he seems headed for a very limited life. I wonder if it’s a personality disorder or some other mental health issue.

#32

The living with the parents is not the issue. In some cultures you may have three generations regularly under one roof. It is moreso the contribution expected in the household from an adult member.

#33

According to the article, the son plans to appeal. I don’t see this ending soon. What nightmare.

#34

A judge could end it by not staying the eviction order during appeal.

#35

After reading the first article, I thought maybe he had social anxiety issues, ADD etc. After reading the second article, he seems like a sociopath.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/insight-is-2020/201304/understanding-the-sociopath-cause-motivation-relationship

#36

As a parent of an adult child with a personality disorder, that was my first thought. The entitlement is over the top, along with the absolute need to be right. The judge tried to compliment him on his research, and he declared it child’s play, a simple internet search (which is probably accurate since he didn’t dig deep enough to discover the more recent ruling). I’m glad the judge wants adult protective services involved - for both his protections and his parents’. This young man could find himself in state custody, if he doesn’t in fact have a way to provide for himself.

#37

Wow, that article about sociopaths is scary.

#38

Apparently he has a son, and sued employer Best Buy when they would not give him Saturdays off for visitation. Just gets stranger imo.

#39

He sued Best Buy for over $300,000 in damages, not sure what happened, assuming he lost.

#40

The Daily Mail article has much more details
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5759301/Deadbeat-millennial-tells-parents-sought-evict-home.html
He refuses to get a job or accept his parents offer to pay for insurance because he doesn’t want to pay for court fees for the custody battle of his son which he doesn’t support.

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