<p>Finding the right medication or combination of meds can be a complicated process, and there are many alternatives that may have to be tried. And since each one has to be given its recommended stretch of time to evaluate if it is helping (a week on Prozac is not long enough to declare it a failure), and since dosages often have to be adjusted once or twice to achieve the best result, the hunt can seem to take forever. I know it’s really hard to be patient when your kid is hurting, but patience is what is needed here. As far as school is concerned, is there any possibility your daughter could be home schooled for a term or two? Just knowing that she has that possibility as an escape hatch might help reduce her anxiety.</p>
<p>It sounds like she is disaster-izing. My son did the same thing before sophomore year and he still does it before a presentation in class. Literally said he would not have a single friend and would rather die than walk back in that high school. What happened was that it was ok and not nearly as bad as he had built it up in his mind. I remind him all the time that the reality is never as bad as he expects. </p>
<p>Again: make contact now with the social worker and guidance counselor at the high school. The social worker’s office is a place that stressed students - your daughter will not be the only one - can go to decompress and get some support throughout the day.</p>
<p>LongsPeak–it’s great that you guys are concerned and moving forward in getting your daughter therapy and meds as needed. </p>
<p>I just wanted to add another note, lots and lots of professional people suffer from anxiety and depression. I, and many of the other lawyers I know, are at least mildly clinically OCD. A couple of the most successful people I know take meds for anxiety.</p>
<p>This diagnosis is like any other, a bump in the road. Deal with it now, keep it under control with the right blend of meds/therapy/yoga/exercise, like you would diabetes or the like and move on with an optimistic view. This need not hobble her or her future. Best.</p>
<p>Thank you for that of optimistic tone. I needed it very much.</p>
<p>D is also getting quickly angry and demanding. Does depressed teens do it on purpose.
She is also complaining about being tired, cannot sleep, having nightmares.</p>
<p>Watching too much tv, listening to music on her phone all he time. Says that she has to distract herself.</p>
<p>I would appreciate any insight.</p>
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<p>I think you need to get out of the mindset that she’s doing anything related to her moods on purpose. They obviously have not found the right medication combination that will work for her yet, so you need to expect the depression and anxiety to manifest itself in various ways related to her behavior. All of the things you describe can be attributed to someone who is struggling with anxiety and/or depression.</p>
<p>I don’t know where you live, but if you’re in a major metropolitan area, I would google to see if there is a local chapter of Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA) near you. It is not uncommon for family members/loved ones of someone with depression and/or bipolar illness to attend these weekly meetings for support. They can be a wealth of information. Sounds like you really need some support yourself. You might also consider individual therapy for yourself.</p>
<p>Finding the right medication takes time and patience. It doesn’t happen overnight. It could take 6 weeks for it to kick in. Even then, the change is subtle. Some medications cause sleep disturbances and yes, even weird dreams----especially as the body is getting used to it. </p>
<p>Have patience and understanding. Stop worrying about future HS accomplishments/college choices and focus on helping her to find the right medication/dosage. It takes time.</p>
<p>Is she still doing the talk therapy? Was it helpful? Did she feel that the therapist was a good fit?</p>
<p>My D has found talk therapy for anxiety extremely helpful - I can tell when her appointments have been spaced out too much, because the psychosomatic symptoms really pick up. She adores her counselor, though. When I was a teenager, I got some talk therapy for anxiety, and while it was better than nothing, it wasn’t much better. I don’t know how much of that was personality mismatch, but I do know that I didn’t ever feel she “got” me.</p>
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Think about it–if you felt terrible all the time, how charming would you be to live with? And you have to add in the normal moodiness of a teenage girl. That doesn’t mean you have accept poor behavior–I refuse to be my D’s whipping boy when she’s stressed–but it helps to understand where it’s coming from.</p>
<p>LongsPeak – is she entering high school and literally doesn’t know anyone? There is no buddy or acquaintance or friend she can go to school with the first day? Social anxiety is pretty severe for a lot of kids, especially if they’re entering a huge high school after being in junior high.</p>
<p>re: not sleeping/tired all the time – this can be anxiety, depression, or something else. D couldn’t sleep-- complained that her mind was racing – she wanted to turn her brain off. She tried sleeping pills, which just knocked her out. About a week ago, her therapist said “why don’t you try eliminating dairy”? She did, and that night, fell asleep at 9 pm (instead of 3 am). I don’t know if the difference was in her mind or real, but who cares?</p>
<p>Lashing out is typical girl-teen behavior, unfortunately. They can be pretty nasty. </p>
<p>Yes, your D needs distractions, but ones that take her out of her moods. Do you have a dog she can walk? A kid that needs tutoring or babysitting? An errand she can do for money? Something where the day is just not about her, her problems, and the awful countdown to first day of school.</p>
<p>My 18 year old daughter was ‘grouchy’ the end of 8th grade and started seeing a therapist. She had a full blown panic attack on the first day of 9th grade and by October of that year was out of school with severe social anxiety and depression. That was 4 years ago. She did: almost a year of intensive outpatient therapy (2-3 times/week), most of it with an excellent psychiatrist; 18 months of medication (antidepressant, antianxiety, hormones to treat metabolic issues); 3 months of wilderness therapy; 18 months of therapeutic boarding school. Result: a completely intact, healthy, brave, social, resilient, playful, happy, active, determined high school senior.</p>
<p>There are critical factors at the age of your daughter related to the stage of brain development she is in. As a result, it is important to be very aggressive in treatment at this age. Otherwise, the vulnerability to anxiety/depression is life long. </p>
<p>Your daughter is developing more regression (withdrawal) etc. Be more aggressive than you think you need to right now, you won’t regret it. Most psychiatrists and psychologists do not know much about therapeutic programming in wilderness and schools. There are options as well in residential treatment centers. </p>
<p>Read more about depression for yourself to understand it. Read the books from the Annenberg Mental Health Initiative for Adolescents. It is very challenging to parent a teenager (your child whom you love) who appears to not be helping themselves… because you see them hurting someone you love!! </p>
<p>Best of luck with this.</p>
<p>^ Excellent post. Your daughter isn’t behaving to upset you “on purpose.” She’s having a mental health crisis. Our situation with my oldest took 18 months to get turned around. Believe me there were times I was unbelievably frustrated. That does not help her. My daughter detested the talk therapy - it takes time to figure out what will work in each case. You are in this for the long haul. Enlist all the support for her that you possibly can.</p>