Parents want one major, I want another....

Parent Cafe
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<p>Yes, those things are important, but then, many many many many people don’t work in the field in which they studied in college. I graduated from college with a practical degree and immediately got a job in a completely different field. I haven’t worked in the field my degree is in since I graduated! I’ve worked for managers who majored in fashion, education, music, and a whole host of other subjects; I have yet to work for a manager who has a bachelor’s in the field in which we work. Heck, I don’t have the master’s degree normally expected of someone in my position, and my husband didn’t have the master expected of someone in the last fulltime job he had. My friend who has a journalism degree manages procurement specialists for a government agency, a friend with a history degree works with languages, and his brother, who majored in Russian, teaches college English. When I was an undergrad, I managed someone who had an MBA; his degree was relevant to the work we were doing, but so what? I was the one with experience!</p>

<p>I think people should study what they love. (I also think they should not incur a lot of debt, BTW.) College is short; life is long. One does not have many opportunities to learn whatever just for the sake of learning it. I hope college students seize the opportunities they have before them.</p>

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<p>To OP, The important thing to remember is that you can always switch out easily from performance majors but it is nearly impossible to switch into them from another major. So, unless you are absolutely sure, you may want to give it a try first, and if you truly dislike it, then switch. You don’t have to take econ courses to be able to major in econ later on.</p>

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<p>Not all parents actually do (one drowned her five children in a bathtub when mentally ill and another drowned them in a car she sent into a lake just so she could be more attractive to some guy she was dating or something), but let’s go with the OP having parents who indeed do, as odds are that is the case.</p>

<p>There is a HUGE difference between <em>wanting</em> what is best for children and <em>knowing</em> what is best for children. The OP is mature enough to know she might not really know yet what is the best path, so “18 year old teen angst-doesnt-know-anything-not-mature” doesn’t seem to very well fit her, though the age and angst seem to fit, and understandably so. If parents think what is best for their children involves the child being unhappy doing something for hours of every day, especially when the child <em>has other options</em>, then I lean toward it being more a case of “40-50 year old middle aged parent doesn’t-know-anything-not-wise but perhaps plenty condescending” at hand.</p>

<p>As for my own family anecdote, my father was encouraged (to the point of pushing, it would seem) by his parents to be a violinist, and he clearly had talent, such that even after giving up music as a major in college (which he didn’t do in time for it not to cost him an extra year in college), and hardly playing the violin for years, he was still admitted to Juilliard after earning his bachelor’s in engineering, but opted to instead attend a top physics doctoral program as he felt the odds of being able to support a family better there and could more tolerate the notion of never winning a Nobel to never being the number one violinist alive. He was first chair in an orchestra for over 50 years as a hobby and never regretted his choice to become a physicist as his career. I never heard his parents give him any grief once he was in his career as an adult, either, though his sister did once recently only because she felt he didn’t take the spot at Juilliard due to being too afraid of not being number one rather than it being due to caring more about being able to support a family. But truly, this was my <em>father’s</em> life and so his choice, just as this is the OP’s life and the choice should be hers.</p>

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<p>I know Julliard grads who only do music as a hobby. Who knows where life will take you?</p>

<p>I think that the posters who have raised the point that it is tough to get back into the performing track after leaving are correct. I’d hate to see the OP leave without giving it a fair shot. On his own terms, however.</p>

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<p>Excellent suggestion. I’ll also add (haven’t read all the other responses yet and hope I’m not repeating as I did a bit earlier, I see) to discuss your issue with other music majors, economics majors, people who have careers in music and economics both inside and outside of academia, and people on the bus or wherever you can strike up conversation as you just never know from where or whom your most helpful advice will come. </p>

<p>And keep in mind that it’s probably the minority of people today who actually are in a career dealing with their undergraduate major, so whichever major you pick, it won’t necessarily even be what you are doing 10 years down the road from now. Concentrate on the journey even more than the end of the tunnel. Good luck.</p>

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<p>musicalfeet, you’ve gotten some excellent advice, but I have to ask what do your parents know of assessing your level of talent and your potential for a career as a violin performance major? Do they have the requisite background to even attempt to place you within the vast pool of exceptional talent at the top of the performance world?</p>

<p>The number of high end orchestral chairs is tiny in comparison to the large number of incredibly talented musicians across all age groups competing for same. The mid tier orchestras offer a marginal existence, and one can “squeak by” financially with two or four smaller regional chairs, some private studio teaching, and some freelance work. But YOU have to the one who wants this. Yeah, 5-6 hours a day practice is the norm for performance majors. Expect to do this for the next four years, six if planning a MM in performance. You might be able to cut it to four after you land a chair (that pays enough to live on). Maybe. </p>

<p>Even with the desire, drive, and talent to WANT a performance career, the factors of luck, contacts, whim of the gods are unknowns. Those that consider this path eat, sleep, breathe and dream it. They do not go at if half heartedly. To do so is a guarantee of failure. The competition is JUST TOO GOOD. There is not one degree of separation at the uppermost levels, but tenths of a degree. </p>

<p>If you want it, DO IT. For you, not your parents. But read this <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/music-major/460187-how-many-music-voice-performance-majors-find-jobs.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/music-major/460187-how-many-music-voice-performance-majors-find-jobs.html&lt;/a&gt;. Have your parents read it as well.</p>

<p>Consider as well that the UCLA performance degree is a BA, not a BM, and as such has more liberal arts/elective credits than the BM. Fill those slots with business/finance courses, and see if that is what you want.</p>

<p>It has already been said that you can transfer out of a performance discipline alot easier than transferring into one. </p>

<p>Consider also that a BA or BM is a four year degree, just like any other. It will position you for the same types of entry level jobs liberal arts majors apply for. It will also position you for grad/professional school in virtually any discipline you choose provided you prove your mettle.</p>

<p>Conversely, you can pursue an undergrad degree in any discipline, and continue to study violin privately (with the best teacher you can swing) and do a Masters in performance if YOU desire it. I know a number who have gone that route, but all did so deliberately, and their instrument skills were honed to the finest edge even though they were not pursuing undergrad performance degrees.</p>

<p>If YOU want it, go for it. Do not let you parents decide this for you. I doubt they realize the odds are not stacked in your favor even if it has been your fondest desire.</p>

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<p>Mr. Payne wrote: “Huh? I know several people in the exact opposite position. People who wish they got a degree in something marketable over something they loved. Food/rent/insurance…these things are important.”</p>

<p>And I am one who is ever so glad I <em>didn’t</em> get a degree in something more marketable as once I realized it wasn’t a field I wanted to be in, I didn’t feel chained to it due to bringing in six-figures. When I went to college and graduate school, I was very opposed to the concept of marriage <em>for me</em> (the idea of waking up next to the same male an entire lifetime completely turned me off until I met my husband) and even more opposed to not “earning my own living” by having a paid job in the workforce (my women’s lib mother, whose close friend was Bella Absug, brought me up to feel this way), but wow, I am so glad I went for the “formerly traditional wife role” my husband preferred (not demanded at all, but simply preferred), only without all the work traditionally assigned to even that task (as I’ve mentioned before, we eat out most meals, but on nights like tonight, he made the dinner, I did the dishes, and then I prepared a fruit and cheese platter while he opened a bottle of champagne for us to enjoy out on the deck). If I had majored in math or something like my parents wanted or engineering or medicine like my brother wanted, I am quite sure I wouldn’t be nearly as happy as I am today and have been for so many years now.</p>

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<p>violadad, that is such a great post and chockful of good advice for the OP. </p>

<p>I must say, I agree 100% with the following statement referring to performing artists:

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<p>Having a child in this field, there was no discussion of what to major in at all. Performing arts is her life and the essence of her being. I can’t imagine her not involved in this field. And the field is so intense and even uncertain, that unless one is married to it, it makes no sense to pursue it and they are not as likely to succeed at it.</p>

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<p>You can’t make your parents happy, they have to make THEMSELVES happy!
If you continue to pursue THEIR major, they will always be controlling you and your endeavors. What happens if you don’t do well? Your parents will STILL not be happy. It sounds like they wouldn’t be happy no matter how well you did…some parents are over controlling. You play one chess game and they automatically have you being a world champ or nothing. You can’t live for your parents.</p>

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<p>Hi OP - you’ve got a lot of great advice so far … I’m just going to give support to some advice given so far</p>

<p>I’m all for pursuing passions and dreams in college and the early 20s … if there is a time to try to be a performance artist, even if the prospects are quite unknown … now is the time … but only if it what you WANT to do.</p>

<p>There are a lot of other ways to stay connected to music even if it is not your main occupation. I live near Boston and some of the local theatre and orchestras are quite good … people with “regular” jobs … who pursue their music/acting as a hobby/2nd job … and are quite involved and quite good (and probably even make a few bucks on the side)</p>

<p>Personally, I’d recommend majoring in what you want to major in … even if it requires some major adjustments due to your parent’s reaction. That said please be sure you’re picking a solely on your desires … and that you’re not including any reaction to your parents. (At 50 I still tend to want to do the opposite of anyone who pushes me in one direction … just as reaction to the pushing and not necessarily because that is the way I want to go).</p>

<p>Finally, is there anyway to keep both options as long as possible … to check out the major in which you are interested … and to postpone any confrontation with your parents until is a time it has to happen. Could you double pick up the enough “electives” next year to keep you on track to switch to business economics in the future? Or could you double major for one year?</p>

<p>Ultimatley for my kids … it’s their life and we will support their pursuing their interests … ignoring the odds of success and if we would have chosen that field for them.</p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

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<p>So much good advice. Remember to not burn your bridges, with music and your parents. Pick at least one required nonmusic class you will need to graduate that you think you might enjoy along with the violin performance classes- this way you will make progress towards a degree and have a nonmusic outlet if you decide to change majors. Once you are in college you will gain knowledge about yourself and majors and be better able to discuss your future with your parents.</p>

<p>“Who do you love most…parents”. Parents hopefully always love their children, but children need to move on and hopefully will love a spouse much more than their parents. Mature, adult, children and mature parents will probably always love each other, but realize the greatest love needs to be transferred to a spouse and their own children. I realize some cultures emphasize family ties more than we do in the US, but it is much better to think forward than backwards. One reason is the diversity of cultural backgrounds and the comingling of them through marriages- the nuclear family of parents and young children is much better off when the parents consider their spouse and children more than their own parents. You can’t neglect your nuclear family for your parents and still be a good parent. Family ties are good, but not ones that bind/strangle. </p>

<p>I had to comment on that post about parents. OP, do not confuse love with obedience. As a young adult you are not obligated to obey your parents but you are in the sticky situation of still being dependent on them. You also are at a time of many changes in your life. Sometimes you have to work with your parents’ ideas until you learn more about yourself and the adult world- by taking the music classes and other classes you achieve a compromise you and your parents can live with for the fall semester. In a few months you will have the college experience and resources to make better decisions about your future and more powerful tools in dealing with your parents. Remember that many, if not most, students will change their initial college major, you are only committing one semester to it, not a full undergrad experience. Try it, you will either love it and continue or have good reasons for your parents to accept when you switch out of it.</p>