We have three math tracks in our public school system. In middle school that means, basically, on grade level, one year above and two years above.
Two of my three did just fine in the track they tested into and had success in high school and college. (one was a year ahead, one was two years ahead.)
The third tested into the highest track, and proceeded to quietly fall apart while maintaining decent grades. Keeping up in that math class consumed her. We pulled her down a level, which was a great decision. She relaxed, had great success in high school and is doing fine in college.
Lesson: pay attention to what is best for your whole child. Do not get caught up in the race.
We let our kids be kids and enjoy sports the sports they liked with others, read as much as they wanted, and have as much unscheduled time as we could leave in our schedules.
We did save money as much as we could by living below our means (this would allow them and us more options going forward), visited a lot of national parks as a family, sometimes just the 4 of us, sometimes with another family we liked.
We nurtured in our kids a love of learning for the sake of learning–fortunately both still have that and will read up on whatever interests them regardless of whether there is a “practical” application for that knowledge.
We’re not sure that our kids got into “top” colleges, but they got into a U that was great for them and that we could afford. Both are happy graduates of said U, moving forward with their lives.
This is still my favorite commencement speech about preparing for life. It’s applicable whether you’re in middle school, graduating college, or going through SEAL training …
I encouraged friendships, which meant driving to movie/bowling/friend’s house. Lots of overnights.
I helped with art projects, which my son hated. I asked teachers if he could print objects on the computer and cut and paste. Most said no. I love arts and crafts. My son hoped me with tech stuff.
For the parent, make sure that the financial plan is in order, so that you won’t spend years pushing your kid toward colleges that are too expensive. You can run net price calculators on college web sites* to get an idea of what cost and financial aid look like, so that you can make your savings and investment plan.
*Try not to get yourself into the situation this parent got into:
In terms of middle school tracking leading to high school tracking, be familiar with how it works in your school district, so that your kid will be placed in the appropriate level courses. Unfortunately, some school districts do not make it easy to move between tracks later, which contributes to the pressure on a middle school kid.
Focus on the present. Encourage good habits. Sleeping on time, explore hobbies, reading different kinds of materials, and performing well in their current classes. Provide opportunities to explore areas that they have no knowledge of so that they have curiosity and genuine love of learning. Encourage giving back to the community by volunteering. Encourage them to join sports and getting involved in activities that they enjoy. Middle school should not be stressful and there should be time for fun and play. A healthy and happy child that is not stressed will transition to high school just fine. As parents focus on saving as much as you can for college expenses.
My kids are both college age, so I don’t know which colleges they will end up at. I will tell you what I’ve done at the middle school (and high school) levels as a parent to high ability girls in 7th and 10th grade.
-I’ve encouraged. I tell them I know they have the ability. That they still need to work for things. That they have to believe in themselves. That they can and should advocate for themselves as much as they do other people.
-Reminded them they don’t have to be perfect. They can have an occasional yucky quiz or test grade and it won’t be the end of the world. They can come back, with hard work, from a rough start or a rough unit. That a subject or a teacher might seem bad but it might not stay bad once they get used to it. Resilience is important and now is the time to learn it.
-taking risks. They need to try new things. Challenging classes when offered, clubs or sports, meeting new people… you don’t know what you like (and are good at) until you’ve tried it.
-we talk. A lot. We talk about friends and teachers, classes and subjects, current events, future possibilities, mistakes I made in school… all kinds of things. We share experiences and hopes and dreams. It makes a difference. When they have a problem or question, they don’t hesitate to ask me because the lines of communication are so open. They are comfortable sharing and hearing opinions. It helps them connect to things in classes and makes them more critical thinkers. We talk about colleges, from big names to state publics. Good things and bad things. We talk about possible careers and which ones make uses of subjects they are interested in or personality traits they have. Engineers, scientists, accountants, police, judges, crime scene investigators, bakers, teachers, doctors, nurses, and more have all been talked about. And money. We talk about how expensive some colleges are and how much cheaper other are, what we think we could afford and what else could maybe be done with money if we come in under budget. Seems like too much for a 7th grader? Yeah, she has already studied online which car she could get if she manages to get a full ride someplace, lol. She is the one who took the fiske guide I borrowed from the library for myself off our bookshelf and then told me which large universities in cities she thinks she would like to go to. Because it’s fun for her to picture the future and make dreams and plans. Not all kids will want to go that far though.
Luckily in our school we do not deal with tracking until 8th grade, when kids can do accelerated math and science.
From my perspective, the most important things have already been said: help them develop good study / eating / sleep habits. Exercise and reading routines.
Support them as they test out having a social life.
One thing I do believe in strongly is trying out non-academic interests that THEY choose – and that they can drop or change for another activity. Trying different things is okay so that hopefully they settle on one or two that they really enjoy. It is important for them to have something of their own outside of school. Esp when things get rough in their peer group, or if they have to face any kind of change like moving schools, etc.
i have 2 in college & 6th/9th grd kids. so i read these threads about MS students and i sort of get it – the wanting to plan for the future. It’s such a good reality check to read these threads that basically say “leave it alone for now” and just focus on having your tween/teen work hard and enjoy life. I caught myself encouraging my kid to do a math club rather than jazz band the other day. . . . because i was thinking “future.” I need to let her just figure out what she likes.
here’s a thread i have bookmarked. it’s similar to this one. I’m going to read through it again.
Role modeling excellence. Even if the parent is not college educated, you can still instill in your child the importance of post high school education. I have stopped advocating college for everyone since the vocations are well paid also. But the kid needs to know that in today’s time, some type of skill beyond high school is necessary for a decent living standard. Much different from back in my day.
I never forced my kid into academic stuff over the summer. Activities followed her interests. Sometimes a gentle nudge in a direction will help. They are pre-teens, young teens and they don’t really have a sense of “the future”.
One thing I wish I had done is fight harder to have my daughter in the appropriate math track. In retrospect it seems kind of arbitrary the way they differentiated the kids between Algebra and Algebra A/B for 8th grade. My daughter intends to be a math major and it really bothers her she’ll only be through Calc A/B rather than Calc B/C if she had been in Geometry as a freshmen.
All we did in middle school was to continue doing what we had been doing since kindergarten – making sure that the kids knew that school was a top priority.
To them, it was as inconceivable to leave your homework undone or be absent from school when you’re not sick as it would be to ride in a car without a seat belt or steal someone else’s lunch money.
Starting in the 3rd grade kids in our state are required to take a set of tests referred to as ISTEP. Each year our daughter did well but we noticed she’d fair better in language arts/social studies than math/science. Based on the pattern of her testing results, we decided to see if she was interested in activities which spoke to her strengths. It was like someone turned on a light switch! For her, math/science stressed her out. International affairs, political science and performing arts are her passions. By using those test results, we were able to provide her with opportunities to build on her strengths.
When our son was in middle school, my wife and I were trying to find a place where our son ‘fit’.
The local middle school was making him miserable. He is a year younger than his classmates.
We recognized that he needed an environment that was more interesting and challenging. We switched him from a suburban middle school to a magnet school in the St. Louis City school district.
We reminded him regularly that school was only about 1/3 of his education. Teachers could help, but learning was his responsibility. I’d sometimes tell him that he didn’t have to go to school on any given day if he didn’t want to, but he’d still need to learn.
He flourished in the Public School system, and it was the perfect situation for him.
Sleep, food, activity, books, love, care and attention seems to be helpful.