Oops @thumper1 I could pretend that was just to see if anyone was paying attention 
It was supposed to be âmy kids are both not yet college ageâ. I donât know what happened to the missing words. They probably ended up wherever my missing socks go, leaving me with singles that have no match.
One played tennis everyday, and I mean everyday. 100% his choice, we just drove and kept him fed. 
What intparent did in post #20.
But a couple more things, we kept a pretty close eye on out of school activities and did not give the kids cell phones until high school. I work in a middle school and have seen kids go off rails because of social media activities that they were too immature to be engaged in. Leading to fights, suspensions, sex videos, hooking up with older people, bullying/being bullied. Basically Iâm about limiting the opportunities to make bad decisions, knowing that eventually we as parents have to let go. But Iâve seen too many parents let go too soon.
The only thing I wish we had done is somehow in a low key way figured out how to improve standardized testing skills. Our kids are awesome high school students, but test lowish on the college entrance exams which will limit their college choices. But we guess that is how it will be at this point.
We didnât do anything specific to college prep in middle school but there are some things we encouraged that I think helped the kids find colleges that were good fits. We encouraged the kids to participate in the things they liked. We let them try things based on their own choices.
We did tell the kids that school was their job. We also made them participate in running the household because after all my husband and I participate in running the household even though we have jobs. We wanted education to be the focus, not the entirety of their lives. They were taught to fit the things they like to do around the things they have to do. Between the three kid middle school activities included, football, wrestling, lacrosse, marching band, jazz band, music lessons, and playing for the school musical (not every kid did every activity).
We also spent middle school making the kids responsible for their own schoolwork. It was a time of transition but we made sure they made the transition. We stopped checking homework but instead spent time asking the kids what assignments they had and when they planned to do the work. If they didnât do they work they suffered the consequences. We allowed that since the stakes are lower in middle school than high school. A C in middle school because the child was disorganized is not as big a deal as it is in high school. My middle son learned more from his C+ in middle school than he did from any A he ever earned.
To me, the question begs examination itself. Youâve clearly recâd some tips from parents who successfully guided their kids (or from some educators who guided other kids). However, would any of this advice be different if the question was âParents, what did you do in âmiddle schoolâ to put your kids on the path to college?â
When my older kiddo showed precociousness and great academic potential in MS and before, I had visions of her applying to my Ivy alma mater. (I even ran the net price calculator). She had a natural drive and was excited about being accepted into one of the countryâs highest ranked high schools (which happened to be a few miles from our home). She did fine â but not super super (which my crazy selective alma mater would require). Plus, her path was CS or CSEngineering â not something my alma mater was known for.
She applied to top engineering schools and a âbackupâ state public school as an afterthought. You know what? This third school is really the one that âspokeâ to her. Its Dean of Honors College personally read her application and her submitted 15 page writing sample, reached out to her with full comments on the 15 pp. essay on a Saturday. What a fantastic introduction! The other âtopâ engineering schools left her feeling cold. Another number, another top applicant. Big whoop.
She happily matriculated to the âbackupâ and it was clear that it was her best choice. My family couldnât be happier.
This school, I doubt, would be under your defân of a âtop collegeâ but we are 100% happy.
In hindsight, I can honestly say that when she was in MS, I was in no way able to judge her suitability for being a âtop collegeâ applicant one day. Thatâs not in your control.
I believe that, for the most part, children who end up at âtop collegesâ end of getting there themselves with parents/guardians/teachers supporting them along the way. My older daughter attended an independent school in a small southern city for 12 years and applied to 2 of the HYPSM schools and got into both. She is first year at one now. I mention this because she had a notion to attend a highly selective college since the 8th grade. We would walk the dogs and she would tell me what she hoped for her in her college of choice â the most important thing being surrounded by smart and intellectual peers with ready access to professors. She wasnât that social, but had close relationships with many of her teachers throughout middle and upper schools. As her parent, I knew (and so did she) that she had strengths in writing and languages. While she worked hard in school, I did research on ways she could display her talents outside of school. So, I found essay contests. She did other things to stand out, but honestly, all pursuits came from her. I just helped her showcase her talents - much like parents do when they have a gifted athlete in the family.
If you have one of those kids - an intellectual self-starter - I recommend starting with a couple of books by Michele Hernandez: âThe Middle School Years: Achieving the Best Education for Your Child Grades 5-8,â and âA is for Admission.â The middle school book might be out of print (and itâs a bit out of date), but it will give you good ideas for ways to cultivate your childâs natural interests.
Otherwise, I agree with the posters above. Let your child be a kid and explore interests on his/her own. I also think children reveal themselves at different ages. My above-mentioned daughter is an old soul who knew what she wanted at a young age. My younger daughter who is now in 11th grade has multiple interests and is just now specializing in a few areas that are appealing to her. Again, this is all child-directed. And while she is as academically successful as her big sister, she has no interest in applying to HYPMS because she wants a different college experience. Which leads me back to my original comment - itâs all about the child.
I think this post, in reply to a student asking for advice on getting into Harvard â is apropos to this discussion:
http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/discussion/comment/20027516/#Comment_20027516
While the thought of college hadnât even crossed my mind, I have to admit, I did âpushâ my kids into one EC that they might not have chosen on their own in MS. I believe this paid off in many ways later as studies (that I was not aware of at the time) have shown it makes kids smarter and more creativeâŠ
I strongly encouraged them to take up a musical instrument in 5th grade to be able to participate in the schoolâs band 6th,7th,and 8th grades. I would sit with them and listen while they practiced 20 mins every day in order to encourage their continuing with the instrument. All the while talking up the places they would get to see if they âmade the bandâ. Our MS had a stellar band that went on a band trip to various states/places every year- trips to California, Disney, Chicago, BostonâŠI pushed bc I had heard such great things about the program.
Some of my friends couldnât get their kids to practice enough to make the band, but I knew if I sat in there with them giving them my attention and praise they would love it. They did. They both continued to play (by their own choice) in HS and college bands/orchestra.
Had they not liked playing an instrument or learning music back then, I would have let them drop out, but I am really glad I âpushedâ !
@runswimyoga We did the same with my sweet girl 
She was the tallest student in her 4th grade class and she hated it. So much so she slumped over a bit. We convinced her to play the violin which kinda forced her to stand up straight. That was the 4th grade. Last April before grading high school her orchestra played at Carnegie Hall!! Sheâs now auditioning for the GW Symphony Orchestra!!
My pups were already testing way above grade level and demanding additional challenge/enrichment activities well before middle school. So, when middle school hit, we started giving them responsibilities they would enjoy, that would challenge them some more, and still be helpful to the family. Things like uploading digital pictures from vacations, and editing them, and sorting them before printing. In 7th grade, DD got to design the calendar for her grandparents on the computer - we had limited them with computer time and encouraged reading/chores/sleep like others, so this was a treat for her, and a benefit for the family (including contacting her cousins and aunts/uncles for their photos as well). In 8th grade, we had DS do the research for our summer vacation on the West Coast - we gave him our budget, had him research air fare, potential hotels, rental car, told him we could drive roughly 400 miles per day, and some of the things we wanted to see (which included San Francisco, Stanford, Anaheim, Sea World, etc.). We ultimately chose the flights he had picked, and most of the hotels as well.
Some of this stuff can take a long time, but letting the children in on the planning process was a big help, and made them appreciate the trip that much more - as at that age, they want to be treated more like adults than we parents might be ready for.
In 8th grade, DS picked out a used SAT prep course handbook at a secondhand store, but he decided fairly quickly that it was too easy for him. I recall a conversation I had with my DH and sister-in-law about whether we were encouraging him, or subconsciously pressuring him, or allowing him to put too much pressure on himself. We made a point to encourage him to spend as much time with his friends as possible. But any parent will doubt themselves as they watch their snowflakes grow up.
The other thing we did during middle school was to keep bringing them to get new clothes and shoes - when they grow 8 inches in a year and a half, it seems impossible.
there is so much good advice here.
imo, if you live in a good area, with caring teachers and safe fun activities and you share the values of your childâs friends then by all means, âlet your kid be a kidâ. it seems easy, but you as a parent and your community have made that choice safe and productive through your dedication and contributions.
otoh, if your environment is less than you or your child would desire, or your kid doesnât have a crowd of great kids as friends or you donât like the messages other parents are sending, or the kid is having trouble relating to teachersâŠreally any of the above i have the following advice:
make sure that your child knows your values, donât leave it to chance. The âadviceâ coming from their classmates, social media, and even teachers can astonish you. I believe that this is a factor impacting tracking for math which is a concernâŠmultiple girls I know that wanted the âhigh mathâ were directed into lower by teachers that didnât want them to âtake the riskâ of getting a B (or C) and âhurting their self esteemâ. These teacher comments have also been directed at a few boys I know but the boys mostly ignored them. There is also a level of perfectionism and self hate wafting off of some of the high achieving girls (and boys) that is very depressing and destructive for your child to hear day after day. As parents you can counter this and possibly you should. Just because you donât pressure your kids for grades doesnât mean they are not getting pressure elsewhere.
But yes, if your kidsâ influences share your values then the best approach to just let them be a kid and not worry about guiding them in any particular way.
While I hate this kind of question â itâs so ânot presentâ â I suppose that this is what I would offerâŠ
If they are curious about something, let them try it. Musical instrument, sport, etc. While thereâs always time to experiment, your child could just end up tripping over something that really excites him/her, and it may be easier to find the time now. If they already do something and like it, continue to nurture it. But starting asking them to answer âDo I like how Iâm spending my time? Why do I enjoy the things that I do? What would I do differently if I could?â
Set up a good place and plan for studying. Itâs much harder to change these habits in a high-schooler than it is to establish them in a middle schooler. If you arenât sure what this might look like, pick up a copy of the book âThat Crumpled Piece of Paper was due last weekâ.
Get involved in a volunteer activity. Few things take a kid more outside of him/herself than helping others.
Send them to summer camp for a few weeks. Let them see that they can function on their own with strangers (even if they donât wash their hair for a week or forget to apply sunscreen.)
Talk to them. A lot. About all kinds of things. You want to have a strong, trusting relationship so that they can bring issues to you. Middle school and high school bring far thornier issues than elementary school did, and if you can be a safe harbor for your child, youâll be a huge asset to them. And when they bring you problems, donât give them answers. Ask them to talk about what theyâre thinking. Offer to role play situations where they might go and try to advocate for themselves. Only intervene if itâs really serious.
Really, this phase is about getting your child ready to be independent. If they can move away from you safely and confidently, youâre doing your job right. Wherever they may goâŠ
Our âmiddle schoolâ runs from 5th-8th grade. Itâs a K-8 school, and the 5-8 kids get the top floor of the building. 5th grade is the first year that the kids rotate around to different classes with different teachers (k-4 model is one teacher for the class for all subjects except PE, library, art and music.)
So beginning in 5th grade, the kids get a day planner. The first few weeks, the teachers make sure the kids are writing down assignments and due dates. It helps the kids with organization which is a great skill to develop!
I didnât have to track homework or due dates because the school ingrained an organizational structure into the kids. Friends in other districts found it strange that I didnât have to nag or track my kids to get things done.
In middle school our oldest one was so bored by the regular school work that we encouraged him to spend time on his hobbies and other interests â such as fantasy baseball, which incentivized him to learn spreadsheets and applied statistics. Little did we suspect that these other interests would later help him to define his career interests. Heâs an applied numbers person.
Love it mackinaw. I agree with what you did. The only lesson I learned was not to be in a hurry as there is so much development between middle school and high school. Some kids are just precocious and hit the wall in high school where their peers catch up. Other kids are just little sponges of knowledge, but there are many ways to accommodate that thirst for knowledge. Set them on a college prep course at a speed that they enjoy, augment it with support for their interests whatever they are, give them enough room to breath, make mistakes, learn basic life skills, get some street smarts and they will be just fine in 5-6 years when it comes time to find a college.
Braces - now he has a great smile and the girls love him! His self confidence builds and good things follow!
So one thing that resonates with me already said, is to encourage your child to be in charge of their own education. We always went to Back to School Night, but we stopped meeting individually with teachers, even through prep school. Boarding School has a thing where parents can sign up for something like 3 minute sessions with teachers, especially to learn why your student isnât doing well in their class. We supported our kids at home. We listened a lot and gave advice, but encouraged them if they werenât getting a grade they anticipated for working hard to go talk to the teacher themselves and support their asking how to do better in the teacherâs class.
In our town, if children want to take calculus in senior year, they need to take algebra in 8th grade (middle school.) That is the âfastâ math track. Same for science. More advanced students take Environmental in 8th, followed by Bio (honors), Chem (honors), AP physics and another AP science in senior year. There is also a studio art program that begins in 8th grade that puts students on the track to take AP art as a senior.
Whether a parent choses any of these options for there child is very personal. But there are a lot of parents who were not aware that decisions they would make in 8th grade would influence their childâs option senior year. So Iâd certainly ask your middle school this question directly.
The other advice Iâd give is to let your child develop a passion and try to support it. Sometimes that entails outside classes that begin in middle school. Both Dâs took voice, art and dance lessons for years. Not only did they have a mastery that was a plus for college apps (and supplements/ scholarships), but these were the areas that they stayed with for leadership positions in HS. They did not scramble to find leadership roles or ECâs to put on their resumes. It was an authentic passion that led them to want to stay involved and assume leadership roles and start new opportunities in terms of clubs in hs.
I think the Math track beginning at Middle school is very troubling. I donât think it is fair for a school to determine a kidâs high school education when the kid was 12/13. I was one of those parents who did not realize it.
DD would have to study Algebra in 9th, Geometry in 10th, Algebra 2 in 11th , pre-cal in 12th under the âregular trackâ. She is a typical slacker and at the time, I believed it was more important for her to enjoy all the other activities.
However, before she entered 9th grade, she found out some of her friends were in one or two grade levels ahead, hence, she asked me to send her for a summer course in Algebra 1, she then challenged the sequence and was able to skip Algebra 1. As a result, she has been in honor Math classes, and as a junior, she just took her ACT and SAT. She got 34 in Math for ACT and 730 in Math for SAT. It would be very difficult if she were in the regular track.
Iâm not really sure what your question is getting at either but I can share my experiences. In addition to much of the tremendous advice above related to saving, sleep, etc. I will add that a huge key is for you to be aware of the temperament of your child. Children need parents who can meet them where theyâre âatâ on their path and be their biggest cheerleaders.
My kid had a very specific, weird career goal at an early age and sheâs never wavered. It requires STEM degrees so I knew getting her on the math track in seventh grade was crucial. Fortunately, she was very self-motivated to do that. She decided all her other courses beyond that for the rest of middle and high school.
It was pretty eye opening in high school to see parents who just did not care at all where their children went to college as well as those who were insistent, in ninth grade, that their child would be at Duke or Vanderbilt. These parents in the latter category also believed their kids were going to become doctors, dentists, etc. I never commented to them out loud, but I tend to think if your child needs a tutor for AP chem, and hates the class, then theyâre not becoming a doctor. These parents also ran their kids ragged in multiple sports and a splattering of extra curriculars that looked very âwell roundedâ but didnât demonstrate any individuality about that child.
One of those intense families had to hospitalize their daughter for anxiety and depression after graduation, and she alluded to my daughter that she tried to kill herself. She and her parents believed she was destined for Duke. That was not to be, and apparently it all came to a crashing reality that graduation was indeed happening, high school was ending, and she was not headed to Durham. Another one insisted that her daughter needed to be âwell roundedâ in high school and envisioned Washington and Lee. The parents were upset at graduation that the only viable option for their daughter ended up being our low ranked state school.
My daughter never joined a sports team and does not play a musical instrument - she likes to be in charge and sell stuff. Obviously there is no camp or class for 11 year old entrepreneurs so we worked to support her unique interests. We stood next to her at farmerâs markets while she sold things. We woke up at 4AM to drive across the state to sell stuff while other parents were driving at that hour to soccer tournaments. We wanted a happy child (as happy as one can be in high school). She got into terrific schools. What makes your child happy? Soccer, robots, doing their friendsâ hair??? What are their dreams? What are they good at? We know a community college grad who went on to a great job at Facebook, is now the top assistant to an international celebrity, and has a pretty fantastic life. Heâs excellent at organizing projects, thatâs his only skill but heâs great at it, he honed it, and it paid off. He couldâve gotten waaaay off course if his parents had insisted on a âtopâ school.
Best of luck to you.