<p>Ever since I was 6 years old, I started buying my parents, grandparents, and Godparents birthday and Christmas gifts. My grandmother would help me look for gifts for my parents and my Mom would help me look for gifts for my grandparents and Godparents. It was always somethings small, but thoughful. As I grew older and started getting an allowance, I spent a little more and I gradually spend more after I started working. Well now I am a junior in college. I am working. I even got a nice raise this year! This year, I told myself I wanted to save as much as I could so I have enough money to start myself with when I graduate. I cut down on my personal spening and my spending money for gifts. I still bought very thoguhtful gifts. I always found something that they needed and could really use. </p>
<p>So yesterday, my Mom asked me what I got my grandparents and godparents for Christmas. Her response was, “That’s it”? I really didn’t know what to say. I really liked the gifts and it is what my grandparents and godparents wanted. She also said, “You can afford to buy more expensive things, so you should buy more expensive things.”</p>
<p>The contradiction is that when I started buying gifts, she told me that it’s not about the cost, it’s the thought that counts.</p>
<p>Another example is my high school graduation gift. My grandparents gave me $500 and a used car. My parents gave me $200. My grandmother commented to my mother that that’s not alot for a high school graduation since they could afford it and that I’m an only child. My parent said that that is what she wanted to give.</p>
<p>What are you views on this? Am I doing a bad thing not spending a lot of money on gifts eventhough I can afford more expensive gifts?</p>
<p>Gifts should be about the thoughfulness, not about cost. The gift choices should be things that are useful to the receiver and are thoughtful. If you found something that is nice but inexpensive, that is not a problem as far as I can tell. To imply that cost is a factor would also imply that one should always pay full price for an item and should never get a gift that is on sale.</p>
<p>I don’t know what’s going on in your Mom’s head that there’s some kind of spreadsheet in the family of acceptable amounts to spend on gifts. I think your grandparents and godparents would be the first to applaud you for beginning to save for a future. </p>
<p>There’s too much conversation, IMHO, swirling around among 3 generations about how much whoever paid for a gift. Some families don’t even mention amounts of cash gifts (mine doesn’t). Once my Mom asked me how much her sister had given my kids, and it astonished me. Turns out there was some old debate between the sisters as young girls…but it had nothing to do with the present tense. I wouldn’t tell her, since I knew they had a feud going. </p>
<p>So, in the future, don’t feel you have to account to your mom how much you spent on a gift. Just say, “I got them a nice gift.” If she wants to inquire of them, let her try. It might slow her down. She was bossy and inappropriate to you, IMHO. </p>
<p>When you rmom exclaimed, “That’s it?” she was surprised since your pattern changed in a year from being “generous” to “thoughtful.” That’s okay. There’s a time and a season to be each kind of giver, and different years bring different responses. </p>
<p>You’re young and learning how to save. Your grandparents and godparents don’t need you as serious participants in their financial support. I say: give what you are able, don’t deplete your accounts over relatives’ Christmas presents, count your real blessings, spend time with all of those people…but leave the dollar-accounting to others.</p>
<p>If your Mom doesn’t like the gift you gave, and it really bothers her, she’s free to expand HER own gift to them. This, too, is not your business but hers.</p>
<p>You’re doing the right thing. Just the fact that you thought of them and went to the effort to get a gift is more than adequate. I can’t imagine that your relatives would really want you to spend all your hard-earned money on them for things they could probably easily buy for themselves if it was that important. </p>
<p>I always tell my mother that I don’t want anything more than candy orange slices (<1$ at the grocery) and that’s what she often gets me and I appreciate it (I appreciate it more since it’s something I’d never buy myself). That’s more than adequate for me. I kind of like the more quirky gifts. My in-laws gave me an American flag once which was a great gift. So was a unique oil filter wrench that I still use now more than 20 years later. College students can give a mug, hat, or something else with the college’s name on it. This means as much or more than expensive gifts.</p>
<p>Thanks for the input. I am glad I have other people that reinforced my thoughts. By the way, I bought a watch for my grandmother and godmother and some handerchiefs and cookies for my granfather and godfather.</p>
<p>I think it’s great that you bought them something. Not sure why your mom was so tacky. I love finding the perfect present, and sometimes I spend more than at other times. I hope no one is keeping score or thinks it’s a reflection of my love that particular year!</p>
<p>Parents are peopele too… with issues and casual comments that arent sometimes well thought out… … Dont over analyze. The contradiction is obvious and just a demonstration of the shortcomings we all have, love your mom with her shortcomigns, but go with your judgements, they seem fine</p>
<p>I found with my three sons that one was always more generous with his brothers, even though his access to funds was no greater than theirs. This sometimes led to a slight feeling of let-down on Christmas morning for the more generous son (never verbalized, but hey, I’m the mom). </p>
<p>So this year I suggested to all the boys that they have a gift-budget ballpark figure to spend on each other. They all agreed with the idea and my suggested amount.</p>
<p>What made me think of this is that people with the same means can prioritize differently, and some choose to spend a higher percentage of their funds on others. Maybe the OP’s gift choices are showing a slight change in that prioritization, and mom was just surprised. </p>
<p>For those who thought mom was way off-base or rude… I don’t know. I’m still in the business of raising my young men. If I were NOT their mother, I would NEVER make a comment on any gift they gave to anyone. But… and it’s a fine line… for now I’m still trying to help them see how their actions will be perceived by others. It’s my job. For now.</p>
<p>ucsd<em>ucla</em>dad…mmmmm orange slices my favorite…share! See the little gifts often elicit the best responses when they are well thought out!</p>
<p>Insom: My DDs are young like you and they also have been very generous with gifts to family and friends. This year, with older D starting a career and younger D taking over more responsiblility for her expenses, DH and I only asked that they write us letters.
They told us how much their private HS education had meant to them, how much they appreciate their college educations, how much our love and support meant to them and how they would repay us in the future and beyond by honoring us with more hard work and tenacity and that they would “pay it forward” not only to their own children, but to others in the world.
Since the gift of their handprints annually when they were tiny, I have not felt as touched by their gifts.
(Oh, and I got a Lancome mascara and a bottle of Red Door.)</p>
<p>Write your Grandparents and Godparents and your Mom letters for Valentine’s Day and let them know how you feel they have supported you… Keep up this habit of THANKING everyone for their support and then pay it forward.</p>
<p>I agree with Opie: give your Mom another shot at getting this one right.</p>
ITA. I’m surprised that many are taken aback by the mother’s “tackiness.” My mother loves contradicting herself. As several have mentioned, parents are not perfect. Everything they say isn’t always correct or laced with tact.</p>