Parents won't let me go to dream school

College Search & Lists
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<p>This is only my opinion, but right now you are looking at this from the outside. There’s a difference between kids who can get home and those who are isolated by the distance and costs. I know because they come to our house on breaks, we’re 3 hours away. You can likely find friends who will invite you. But, you should look into what’s available on campus, what options there really are for kids who stay. Dining halls closing, maybe the library, no planned activities, most kids outta there. </p>

<p>My first D wanted to go far away- we looked into the actual challenges- costs and actual flight availability (both, especially at high travel times,) getting to the airport two hours early, changing planes, then taking a bus to campus or to the closest town, then a taxi. And, vice versa. I spoke against that. I put it similarly to your mom: I’d like to think we can get to you in an emergency, get to visit on parents weekend or some other time, or that you can get home easily. That’s not hovering. To me, that was part of our family connection.</p>

<p>It’s true the military will pay for certain loans, up to a max, incl the Stafford or Parent Plus. But, you don’t know what will happen between now and then. And, talking of getting a job is different than the realities, when you are both a student and a performance kid, with odd hours, maybe no transportation. Add to that, in a part of VA with employment difficulties. And, I believe you said, with no prior work experience. You need to have your eyes wide open. </p>

<p>Before the NPC was available, we used to get lots of posts where kids had a dream school, the family assumed it was affordable or that finaid would be sufficient, etc, and they were then thunderstruck at what little aid came through. Then the parents posted at how dream school this, dream school that- and the kid would NOT rethink. </p>

<p>Don’t assume anything might be “affordable” til you run numbers, then get the aid package. Yes, there is no real loss in applying. But, if you get admitted and still think of this as your dream school, no matter what your parents say or what they cannot afford- that’s a tough situation. Are you willing to turn down an admit because your family cannot swing it, financially? That requires some thinking and maturity. At this point, you should be looking hard for addl schools you can love.</p>

<p>Just sayin’, as a parent.</p>

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<p>I have been looking at other schools. So far, in addition to hopefully applying to JMU, I’m applying to 3 or 4 other schools. And I only want to at least apply and see what they offer me. Obviously if we can’t afford for me to go there then ill accept that, i just want to at least have the opportunity to go there if we get enough financial aid. And I do understand that it would be great to see my parents for parents weekend or in case an emergency came up, I totally understand, but I do have some relatives near JMU. My older brother is currently living in va and I have relatives about 2 hours away (near dc) so if there was an emergency I could go to them if I had to (but hopefully there will be no bad emergencies happen). Thank you for the advice. I do completely understand your (and my parents’) perspective, but I still do love that school and want to at least apply.</p>

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<p>I can’t speak to whether or not you’ll get in based on grades, test scores, etc, nor can I speak to whether you’ll make it in a service band (or as a musician in general) since I’m not an expert. What I can say though, is this: do what you want! I find it alarming that, at your age, you still talk the way a child whose mother won’t let him have cookies before dinner would. If JMU is your dream school and you think you’ll get in, APPLY! Forget about your parents. They can’t tell you where to go to school. They can tell you where to live. They can’t tell you what to major in. They can’t tell you how often to visit. They can’t tell you whether you can get a job. You’re not 5 anymore; you’re an adult. Do what you wish - what’s in your best interests- and let the chips fall where they may. It’s your life and you’re the one who has to live with the consequences of these decisions, not them.</p>

<p>Well, that is unless they’re paying, of course. Being an adult assumes independence, and if you’re still being supported by your parents then you still don’t have the right to make your own decisions (same way if you’re leasing a car you have to follow certain rules like how much you drive it). If you can’t handle the tough responsibilities of being an adult, then all the benefits of the freedom which come with it go out the window.</p>

<p>You have to make a choice much greater than that of which college you choose. You have to (on your own, without your parents’ input) decide, REALISTICALLY, if you can see yourself getting two or three jobs and trying to pay off $200,000+ of student loans. If you can, go for it - tell your parents you’re moving on and you’ll be spending that $410 plane ticket on paying for college. Otherwise, if you can’t or won’t make such a sacrifice, or JMU is worth that much to you, understand why your parents wouldn’t make a similar $200k sacrifice for you and accept that your future rests at a lesser school.</p>

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<p>Doesn’t JMU have Army ROTC? They may have other branches but I know somebody doing Army there. That would pay for just about everything.</p>

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<p>I will second that suggestion. Purchase has the top performing arts programs in the SUNY system. It is located in suburban Westchester County, not in NYC, but close enough that you could get into the city occasionally by public transportation.</p>

<p>Do you live in the Syracuse area? If so, Purchase is a 4.5 hour drive, about an hour further than Fredonia. Maybe your parents would consider Purchase an acceptable alternative.</p>

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<p>I’ll chance you for JMU then…</p>

<p>Maybe low match, since you have EC focus for music.</p>

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<p>Well I know we have about $50,000 saved for college (for all 4 years), but I’m not sure what they would specifically pay for each year</p>

<p>It’s best to ask about that. JMU isn’t going to give you much/any aid. You’d be paying all/nearly all of the full OOS costs…which are probably about $35k per year.</p>

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<p>you should listen to your parents…
but at the same time…they should suck it up…college is a huge part of your life and she’s not the only parent who has to send a kid off…
part of sending a child to college…</p>

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<p>Lissy – I hope you have a fallback career plan. Pit orchestra jobs are like a needle in a haystack (and I do know people who have these jobs) but alternative plans are likely necessary if you want to be able to eat on a regular basis. Even if you do eventually accomplish this goal, you will need something to support yourself until you land your gig. Also are you a ranked, top level musician in your state? Are you aware of the caliber of your competition?</p>

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<p>2bornot2bivy, I am definitely aware that it is very hard to get a gig playing for a pit orchestra, and I don’t expect to achieve that goal right out of college. I plan on getting experience after school (as mentioned earlier, perhaps auditioning for a military band) and then hopefully getting small gigs in NYC so I can start networking. And I’m sure ill have to have some unwanted jobs, such as being a waitress, until I can support myself and hopefully get a good job.</p>

<p>Catria, could you please tell me what “EC focus for music” means. I don’t really understand what you’re saying.</p>

<p>Esethree, thank you! This is what I keep trying to tell my parents, that I’m not a child anymore, that I will legally be an adult in less than a year and am capable of making my own decisions. Especially a choice as important as this, since this will affect the rest of my life. I think that I should have the freedom apply to the school I can truly see myself going to, where I feel like ill fit in and be happy, while still getting a great music education. And I can see myself getting job(s) to help pay for transportation through college and to pay off college debt. I am and always have been a hard worker.</p>

<p>As for suny purchase, I had looked at the audition requirements and they just aren’t realistic for mine and my clarinet teacher’s game plan. We had planned on me auditioning with pieces I have played before (different solos I’ve played over the years for nyssma, or different etudes from my rose book), and purchase said something about having to play orchestral pieces which I have never done before, so it just wouldn’t be realistic to have to learn a bunch of brand new material in a matter of a few months.</p>

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<p>I dunno if this will help but here’s my advice. </p>

<p>You are/will be an adult. You can do whatever you want with YOUR life. If you want to get a job at school than get a job. If you want to go to JMU than you can go to JMU. You can apply if you pay the application fee, theres no way for your parents to stop you. Its you spending YOUR money the way YOU see fit. if you somehow get a full ride, its you going off to college, not your parents. </p>

<p>Now if your parents are definitely going to be paying for most of your tutition, then this is a different case. they don’t have to spend their money at JMU if they don’t want to spend it there. Ask your parents why they want to stay so close to home. Ask them if they will allow you to move where ever you want when you graduate from college. It seems to me that they are acting the same way as my mom was a few months ago. I want to go to school on the otherside of the country and she gave me the same lame reasons as to why i couldn’t. I reminded her over and over that she was not the one going to school, I was. You have done everything you needed to do do be successful and apply to where ever you want. You do what you want to do.</p>

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<p>Without knowing your level of talent and dedication, no one here can predict how successful you will be at achieving your goal. What I can tell you is that taking out student loans to get a music degree is not wise. You will be strapped to your loans, and instead of making decisions based on what is best for your music career, you will have to make decisions that enable you to pay back your loans. </p>

<p>I’m sure you understand wherever you apply,you will likely need to audition. Some schools have prescreen requirements (the first step in the audition process). Admission is based on many things, and it might even come down to how many clarinetists are needed to fill ensemble spaces next year. </p>

<p>Have you spoken to your private teacher about this, to get some suggested schools? Perhaps he/she can be of some help to you and your parents.</p>

<p>Finally, if you have questions about the music admission process, I would post them on the music major forum. In fact, I would search through that forum. Read through old conversations. Search on JMU and see what you can find. You don’t have much time to figure this out, so get a quick education, put a list together, and understand that there are no guarantees.</p>

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<p>I probably should have mentioned more about my musical background. I’ve been playing clarinet for 9 years, and taking private lessons for 5 years. I’ve participated in all county, all state, and nyssma over the years. I was the only one in my class to make wind ensemble (the premier band) freshman year, I’ve been a part of my schools marching band the past 4 years, and have been section leader these past 2 years. This year I have a solo in the marching band show. I’ve also been first chair in wind ensemble the past 2 years.</p>

<p>In addition, I’ve been taking private piano lessons for 11 years and have don’t nyssma solos for piano as well. I’ve also been playing saxophone for 6 years and I play that in my schools premier jazz ensemble. My clarinet teacher and I have already made a gameplan on what to prepare for auditions, but it wouldn’t work with purchase. We’ve got 3 different solos I’ve played for nyssma that I could audition with if they require a solo, but were mainly working on 2 contrasting etudes since all the schools on my list so far (including JMU) say that’s alright.</p>

<p>Elmohasagun, thank you for the advice! I’m glad you can relate, so you really understand this frustrating process. Like I understand the whole travel complications and possibly the financial issues, but what my parents keep talking about is how I’m going to be homesick and won’t be able to come home and how ill regret going that far, and I bet I will get homesick at times, but I don’t see myself getting that upset by it. My mom keeps saying how she wants to be able to visit me on weekends, and how she can’t do that if I go to JMU, and how if I move down south ill probably stay there and she doesn’t want me to live there. Then my dad just complains about the issue of driving there which I understand, and that he wants to be able to visit me at school but he won’t be able to if I go there because itd be 2 days worth of travel.</p>

<p>But thanks again to everyone for helping me and giving me great advice!</p>

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<p>Lissyd73. My advice would be to just get everything together and apply to a handful of schools ,get prepared for your auditions and see what happens. You don’t have to decide today ,tomorrow or next week. My guess is that you would probably have a great experience at any school you end up going to. Your parents may visit once,twice tops 3 times. You might even be happy to see them and get a nice lunch or dinner to go with it. You will be there 24 hr’s a day 7 days a week, plenty of time to be away on your own. Your parents will be missing you quite a bit I’m sure, maybe even dreading the thought of you moving so I would go easy on them for now. Maybe they will change their mind and you may also. Sometimes a little patience can put things into perspective.</p>

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<p>Your parents cannot control you once you turn 18 and move out of their house. As an adult you are free to get a job, support yourself and pay for school. There is nothing they can do about that.</p>

<p>If you need their money and a place to live while you are in college then they get to have a substantial say in where you go. When you ask someone to pay for your education then they get control, not you. If you want control you need to support yourself.</p>

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<p>Hug your mom. Tell her that you love her, and will always love her. And you KNOW that she is doing this because she loves you and is afraid of missing you. Then tell her that 4 hrs away, or 8 hrs away, you still cannot come home on weekends, or come home to your bed at night. But what you CAN do, is skype, and facetime, and all…every day…all the time…and text pictures to her. She will still be a major part of your life. AND…if she loves you, she will give you the chance to at least try on this.</p>

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<p>I teach at JMU in the Musical Theatre Program in the School of Theatre & Dance… I am from the northeast… went to Syracuse undergrad and Penn State grad… JMU is a great school! So are many other schools…</p>

<p>To be admitted to any concentration in Music at JMU and audition is required. So, while you can do the application with or without your parents financial input/ consent, it may be more difficult to make it to campus for the audition for the SOM. </p>

<p>If you are interested in Music Education or Music Industry participating in the Marching Royal Dukes may be a possibility at JMU, but I do not think many Performance majors are in the marching band. The marching band simply takes too much time away from practice and other ensembles… contact the SOM to confirm. </p>

<p>Transportation to Harrisonburg is not as terrific as it could be… although there are many shuttles to Dulles, National, as well as to other airports and trains on holidays and weekends. Often students take campus transportation to public transportation or catch rides with other students. </p>

<p>Because most of my friends and family live north of JMU in DC area, NY Metro area, CT, and NH, I spend a lot of time looking to find ways to travel out of Harrisonburg. I-81 goes through campus, so car travel is easy… and some students are often driving north on the weekends, helping with rides (although JMU is not a commuter school, and has a lively weekend life… arts majors may also have commitment on the weekends that other may not have… I would think the Marching Royal Dukes would have lots of weekend commitments, and many of those participants are not music majors… but are committed to the Marching Royal Dukes.)… but Mega Bus, Greyhound, Amtrak, etc… do not go to Harrisonburg. This has not seemed to be a problem for most students, since many students come from the northeast, rides are often available. </p>

<p>I coordinate the Musical Theatre program at JMU and there are many opportunities for interested players to gain pit musician experience on musicals and operas. </p>

<p>If you are in-state for NY, then NY-State schools will likely be less than JMU. There are NY State schools that have strong music programs… I do not know if they also have a marching band.</p>

<p>Perhaps you can coordinate a compromise with your parents… if you apply to close to home schools with the major that you like they will also let you apply to a few “wild card” OOS schools like JMU.</p>

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<p>I think you have identified a school that would be great for you. It sounds like you need parental support to pay for it, however.</p>

<p>I would suggest you contact the clarinet professor (email, phone, whatever), explain your interest in JMU, but also ask for some recommendations closer to your home. (Keep it short and simple, professors are busy this time of year.)</p>

<p>If the professor gives you some suggestions, research them and see how they fit. Then take the results to your folks and explain the positives for the options close to home that you have identified. Show that you are working with them. Explain that you think you could excel at one or more of these choices (only if it’s true!) Then ask them to work with you and agree that JMU should be one of your applications. Because it will be good to have it as an option to consider in the spring, because the nice professor there was kind enough to help you out and it would be a shame to snub her/him, and because it only costs $X and no one is making a commitment to any school right now. (And if the professor won’t help you out, then maybe JMU is not so ideal after all!)</p>

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<p>Lissyd73,</p>

<p>We live either really close to each other or even in the same school district from what I’m reading! (I’m a parent not a student btw.)</p>

<p>Have you considered Ithaca? If you already mentioned that, sorry I didn’t see it. With Cornell just around the corner you get that big city vibe in a not- so big city! And Ithaca is a GREAT music school. Did your Wind Ensemble Director go to Ithaca? If so we REALLY may be talking same school district!</p>

<p>Syracuse is not Juilliard but has an interesting music program with many different options. Right in the backyard! And if you end up at OCC, don’t worry, they are an excellent community college for music and if you read their website students have transferred to top conservatories!</p>

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<p>Hi redeye, yes Ithaca actually is one of the schools on my list. And my wind ensemble teacher did not go to ithaca, he went to fredonia, BUT my private clarinet teacher (who teaches in a school district nearby) went to Ithaca so we might be in the same area :slight_smile: but yeah I do love Ithaca, it’s just really expensive so my dad has told me to not be surprised if I cannot go there if we’re not offered enough money. I do love that school, and so do my parents, we just don’t like the cost (obviously since its a private). As for SU, I did look there too and love the fact that they have a great music program, and also have a marching band and pep band, but again it’s very expensive. And that’s true about occ, I just want the full college experience, like spending all 4 years at the same school, going through the whole freshman orientation, etc. But yes they are all nice schools and if JMU doesn’t work out then I will obviously go to a school close by home. Thanks for the advice! </p>

<p>Bobwallace, thank you for the tip! That’s a great idea to email the professor and ask for recommendations.</p>

<p>KatMT, thanks for responding! It’s nice to hear from someone who actually works at JMU, to hear all that info. </p>

<p>lmkh, this is what I tell my parents! That I can Skype, call, text, etc. so it’s not like I’m completely cutting them from my life or something!</p>

<p>Thanks everyone.</p>