<p>Are you an only child by any chance? If so, I can sort of understand your parents’ reluctance to let you grow up on your own timetable, esp. if they had or adopted you after years of trying. I know parents like this, even though I don’t agree with them.</p>
<p>But even if they’re just overprotective, this is something you still have to deal with. If you are adamant about not going to the schools they like, and they won’t pay for you to go to the school you like, then you have nowhere to go.</p>
<p>Is there any other school, not yet on either of your lists, that you could look at? Maybe if you just start over and compromise a little, your parents will be willing to consider another option. It’s wise to look at other places anyway, as there is a possibility you won’t get in to your top choice. (I don’t know anything about the schools on your list; I’m just pointing out that getting rejected is a possibility for anyone).</p>
<p>Another thought is that maybe you should consider getting your degree in music education, rather than just performance, as you will find it easier to get a job teaching music as you prepare yourself for your career as a performer. This might ease your parents’ concerns about employment after you graduate and may make them more likely to let you choose the school you want.</p>
<p>Lissy, I am also going to chime in here as a parent of a music major attending a school several hours away from home. First - I agree with the comments about music majors and marching band - it is a huge time commitment in college and you likely won’t be able to stick with both. </p>
<p>Have you spoken to the music departments at the schools you where would like to audition? For many, the list of audition pieces they recommend is not cast in stone - and they may be willing to let you substitute - so check into that before you rule anything out. </p>
<p>Lastly - something to think about. It’s clear from your background that your parents have supported your music - years of private lessons, etc. We supported my son’s music and never missed a performance beginning with 4th grade band - including all home football games during marching band, every jazz band competition/performance, etc. Now he is hours away, and we get to see him perform maybe twice a year. It really kills us and he gets sad sometimes as well that his parents can’t be there when so many of his friends parents do attend concerts because they are closer. So give your parents a little slack on the distance issue.</p>
<p>JMU IS a lovely school and agree it has great music school, marching band, friendly students. HOWEVER, JMU requires an audition (this Winter) and if your parents are not supportive, how are you even going to GET there to audition and have a chance at acceptance?! Sounds logistically difficult! So, people who are advising you to just apply anyway and see if your parents change their mind in the Spring are maybe not looking at that piece of it! I’d let it go at this point. Put your energies elsewhere.</p>
<p>The two SUNY’s known for music ed are Fredonia and Potsdam. Purchase for performance.
When we went to JMU concert last year, it seemed that most of the performers were in-state students. JMU is Virginia’s Fredonia/Potsdam! Why pay OOS tuition and travel is a good question. I mean, the weather is nicer, but… If your goal is to play in NY area (or teach) best to stay in the NY area and get the connnections. Try for Ithaca, Syracuse. University of Rochester (don’t know audition req. for Eastman but know some kids happy to play in UOR bands and lessons w/grad students at Eastman). Is Delaware too far? You should also have some non-audition based schools on your list, just in case.</p>
<p>As a parent who has two kids 20+ hours away, I can tell you it’s hard to get to the point that you’re ok with it. I can say for me it was a process. It was most difficult with the first child to leave home; our second child benefitted from the path the oldest blazed. I can say that with my oldest, I was in a much different place in May of the application year than I was in October of that year. There is so much that goes on between fall and spring – the child’s growth in maturity, the parent’s acceptance that the life stage of full time parenting is nearing an end. Things change. So, at this point, instead of trying to convince your parents to let you attend your dream school, just try convincing them to let you apply there so the door remains open. Then, if the opportunity for an audition arises, convince them it’s important to you to let you try. You have seven months to see how things shake out. If you are accepted and the finances work, then you can work to resolve your differences regarding distance.</p>
<p>I now realize we aren’t in the same school district because I noticed you said you had a 3.9 gpa and we grade using percentages. But I know we’re nearby!</p>
<p>Congratulations on All-State playing the Clarinet. That’s not easy in NY! </p>
<p>I mentioned Ithaca and Syracuse (and was going to mention Eastman but forgot!) because I assumed JMU would be more expensive for out of state-- I just looked and it’s actually a good deal OOS! </p>
<p>I also understand wanting the whole college experience which tends to leave OCC out. I was the same way as you. My husband liked OCC and we met when he transferred to my school!</p>
<p>If your parents will support at least an audition at JMU, they might be starting to show a little flexibility. Show them you can arrange it all-- travel, setting appointments, a campus tour, meeting faculty, scheduling a sample lesson if possible-- they may be very impressed! Still audition at SU, Ithaca and/or Eastman, you may get lots of merit aid with a good audition. Fredonia, Potsdam and Purchase are good schools, I understand you want to go to your dream school, though.</p>
<p>I don’t know if JMU gives good merit money, but if you auditioned and got some, you could say to your parents “I earned this money with my talent, you can use more of my college fund for travel!”</p>
<p>Massmomm, I have a brother who is 8 years older than me, and I remember when he was a senior in high school, he had many arguments with our parents as well, but for him it was the issue of joining the navy. He eventually got his dream of becoming a pilot for the navy, but it took lots of arguments to get there. Anyway, I do have other schools on my list (right now it’s JMU if my parents let me, Ithaca, fredonia, and occ). And the reason I don’t want a degree in music education is 1 because I truly cannot see myself as a teacher. I feel like I’d be awful at trying to connect to the students and trying to explain how to read music, play, etc. I’m also more interested in playing as opposed to just conducting students. I also know people who have gotten degrees in performance/music ed who only teach and I don’t want to be stuck teaching the rest of my life.</p>
<p>Jsjs, I do completely understand my parents issue with distance. The only reason I want to go that far is because I love the school. If JMU was an hour from home, I’d still want to go there.</p>
<p>clarinet13mom, the whole audition issue is partly why I really want to convince my parents to let me apply/audition soon cause before I know it, the audition dates will be here. But I feel like it wouldn’t be some huge out of the way journey, to go down there to audition. We could make it more than just a stop for a college audition. My brother lives in VA, and we haven’t seen him in a year, so while we were down there we could visit him, as well as other relatives i have in the dc area. And thanks for the advice on schools, I actually have looked at Ithaca and su and while I like them both, they’re just really expensive so I most likely wont be able to attend those schools. </p>
<p>Csfmap, thank you so much for describing what your situation was like. Hearing that makes me more hopeful, because as you said, right now I’m just trying to get to the point where I can apply/audition so that I have the option of going there if all goes well.</p>
<p>Redeye, thanks! And thank you so much for being understanding and seeing my perspective. And yes I will definitively apply to other schools. I am realistic and know that I can’t only apply to one school that my parents don’t support. </p>
<p>I have a bit of a concern regarding this comment:
</p>
<p>So, you’re willing to forego an audition at one of the best music program’s in your state (one that’s likely more widely regarded than JMU, which isn’t really known on a national level) because of the repertoire? Or do you mean that it’s too advanced for your skill level? If you intend to major in music performance and eventually want work in the field, I am hopeful that NEITHER is the case. </p>
<p>My second concern is that both you and your family do not seem to be aware that gaining acceptance to a top music performance program quite often requires application to SEVERAL - eg. 8 - 10 schools if there are prescreens (and maybe auditions at 6) to have a nice variety of options AND fiscal safeties. Your SATs are very mid-range for some of the better music schools, though they will give more weight to your audition. So I’d be inclined to broaden your list somewhat. </p>
<p>It is patently unreasonable to restrict a prospective music student from applying to SCHOOLS IN CITIES, particularly IF ONE LIVES ON THE EAST COAST.
That’s a) where most of the most robust music programs ARE and b) pretty much where said music student will need to live to work.</p>
<p>For a music student, it’s usually REALLY NOT ABOUT GEOGRAPHY.
Top students typically apply to top programs ACROSS THE COUNTRY.</p>
<p>I’m not sure I understand why your private teacher isn’t explaining this stuff to your folks. Could you ask him/her to do so, PRONTO? </p>
<p>And, regarding marching band – 9 out of 10 rigorous performance programs simply will not encourage/allow you to do so. Your performance requirements in ensemble require rehearsal times that I predict will conflict with marching band. So I wouldn’t use the argument that a given school has a good marching band. If your a BMUS perf major, it isn’t likely to matter. </p>
<p>Now, notwithstanding all the foregoing, there are exceptions in every case, and I will send you the light to somehow end up in a perfect situation, but it might take an alignment of the stars ;)</p>
<p>Thanks kmcmom. About the repertoire, if I had wanted and known to audition for purchase, I would have started preparing the required pieces long before now (the 2 orchestral excerpts). I have played all of the other audition requirements before (the major solo works and etudes) but I’ve never played an orchestral piece with my teacher, and she said we should plan to use pieces I’ve already played. If suny purchase were higher up on my list then I might try to learn those pieces now and just practice a ton, but I don’t really want to attend there.</p>
<p>About the colleges in big cities, that was my point for the longest time. I would ask my parents if I could apply to all these schools (all in big cities) but they would say there’s no way I’m going to school in that city because its too dangerous. I had looked at schools in Boston (BU, Berklee) but we couldn’t afford them. I had always wanted to go to school in NYC but my dad gave me an example of why i cant and said I’d be waking alone in the city one night and I’d get mugged or killed or kidnapped and all this stuff, said the same thing when I mentioned schools in Philly, Baltimore, and dc. And what you said about how most music kids apply to lots of good schools across the country, I tried explaining that to my parents too, but my dad said something dumb about how those parents with kids across the country must not care about seeing their child much. I had looked at lots of different schools a distance from my home like Bloomington, DePaul, Belmont, and of course JMU, but they’re too far for my parents. But thanks again for the help :)</p>
<p>Sounds like a frustrating situation Lissy, but I would never advise a High School student to just go ahead and apply without their parents support. While your parents are not approaching this the way a lot of us would, the simple reality is you will need their backing to make any program work. You are going to need financing, transportation to and from interviews and auditions and you will need application fees. So my suggestion is to work as best with your parents as you can, and try to find some middle ground. I also think you should ask your music teacher to speak with your parents. If all else fails, I can only say that I truly believe that things happen for a reason. You will find your place!</p>
<p>Well, lots of good advice. I would say to focus your energies not on arguing with your parents but on auditions at Fredonia, Ithaca and Syracuse. I would add Potsdam as another SUNY. Another public I’d add would be University of Delaware. Delaware is a small state so they take many OOS applicants, you have the stats for it, they have music school and marching band, it is a contained campus with security but close to major cities and easier to get to than JMU (right off highway). Are you going to NYSSMA All State? What about University of Rochester, where it is held? I’d guess Eastman would be out of reach for audition/same as Purchase-but the University has ensembles that are good and you could take private lessons at Eastman maybe? That would be six auditions! I’d have some non-audition schools on your list too (BA in music) just in case. You sound very sweet and I’m sure it will all work out. Good luck.</p>
<p>My boss is in her late 20s and she still sees her parents every weekend. It doesn’t mean you aren’t growing up. Lots of people who can see their parents every weekend or once a month or whatever. I wish I lived close enough to my mother to see her every other weekend.</p>
<p>Can you not picture yourself at these SUNY schools because you really can’t, or is your devotion to JMU clouding your mind and vision? It’s simply not reasonable to fixate on only one school, because so many things can go wrong with you trying to attend that one school.</p>
<p>I did a quick search on CollegeBoard.com to ask them to find universities that are similar to James Madison University. Within the Northeast, they returned University of Delaware, Boston University, Penn State, Cornell, and Villanova. A bit further away were American University and University of Maryland (both about 4 hours from NYC, although I don’t know where in NY you live). There are tons of schools in the tri-state area. I know you want to be a clarinet performer - look at a school that has a good music program at which you can study music.</p>
<p>Can you ask your parents to come to a compromise? If you apply to schools that are close by (within a short drive so your mom can see you on the weekends) they will also support you in applying to schools in big cities. Honestly, they are being more than a little ridiculous; there are millions of people who live in large cities who have never been robbed or mugged, including myself. Since you are an NYS resident some CUNY schools will be affordable for you. What about SUNY Stony Brook or Old Westbury? Both are in Long Island, so they’re not in the city but close enough that you can take the LIRR in on the weekends. What about SUNY Purchase? I have a friend who went there and she says it’s an artsy kind of place. Or SUNY New Paltz?</p>
<p>Harvestmoon, thanks for the advice! Yes I agree with you, about needing my parents help and support. I just want to convince them to let me apply to a wider range of schools, not just all of these small suny schools close to home that they really want me to attend. I want them to let me keep my options open by allowing me to apply to some other schools as well.</p>
<p>Clarinet13mom, thanks for letting me know about u of Delaware, ill definitely look into it and thank you so much, I hope everything works out too! </p>
<p>Juillet, I truly can’t picture attending any of the suny schools that ive looked at anyway. JMU wasn’t the only school I really wanted to attend, there were others that my parents crossed off the list for me but I feel like JMU is worth the arguments, I can just really see myself attending a school like JMU. And it’s funny that you mentioned the schools that are similar to JMU but in the northeast (thank you for looking that up for me, by the way) because almost all of them were the schools I’m talking about, the ones I had on my list but got crossed off by my parents. BU, AU, university of Maryland, and penn state were all schools I really wanted to apply to as well. And Villanova was actually the school my older brother attended, but I don’t think they have a strong music program, so that’s why I haven’t looked there. And I looked at a bunch of cuny schools as well, but as you know, my parents were against me going to school in NYC. And thanks for mentioning university of Delaware too, I’ve never looked at that school but it sounds like it could be an option for me! </p>
Obviously the OP has closed her mind to all in-state public schools. The SUNYs go from very rural to very urban, with something for virtually everyone.</p>
<p>Quote:
“I had always wanted to go to school in NYC but my dad gave me an example of why i cant and said I’d be walking alone in the city one night and I’d get mugged or killed or kidnapped and all this stuff.”</p>
<p>It’s too bad your Dad thinks that of NYC. I went to school in NYC and I wish there was a SUNY school there with a good music program that my daughter could apply to rather than her going 9 hrs. away to Fredonia . It would be so easy for you to get there and back by train or bus. Plus that’s where the music is all day everyday. I would try to get NYC back in the thought process if possible. I would also re think the music ed thing. You might not see yourself as a teacher now but you’re also very young. You will mature quite a bit during the college years and might want or need to down the road. You can still perform either way. Good luck!</p>
<p>I just have a few things to add to the good advice you already received here. I missed what was wrong with the Crane School at Potsdam. My DDs friend picked it over Delaware because of the music program. Regarding Delaware, your stats might not make it a sure thing for OOS although I have no info on whether academic requirements are the same for music majors. </p>
<p>I also want to comment on your focus in going far away to school. It’s not only that JMU is far, but it is also really hard to get to. I’ve heard this first hand from DDs friend - from Long Island - who has really struggled with this. Going even further away, where there is an airport, would even be easier. It’s not even about your mom coming for lunch ( which I just can’t imagine), but it really would be difficult for you. </p>
<p>Delaware has easy transportation (Amtrak ) if you can get in. But it would be way more $$ than a SUNY as I don’t anticipate you would get merit money. </p>
<p>Good luck. Keep your options open and keep your mind open. There are several schools where you can get what you are looking for.</p>
<p>There’s a website that lists crime statistics at college campuses. Here’s the link:
[The</a> Campus Safety and Security Data Analysis Cutting Tool](<a href=“Campus Safety and Security”>Campus Safety and Security)
I don’t know how the stats for the big city schools you’re interested in compare to those at other schools, but why not take a look for yourself and see if you can present actual evidence to your parents on the comparative safety of city colleges. I personally think their fears are irrational, having attended grad school in NYC and with a daughter at college in DC, and of course I know that many, many thousands of students with parents who care about them safely attend college in big cities, but all you can do is argue the facts.</p>
<p>Poster writes: “college is supposed to be my decision” - Mmm… I hear this a lot on CC. But who says? Why are parents allowed input in virtually every decision from the time a child is born, but once you helped them navigate school and life, and are now simply allowing them to move onto college (which I’ll bet the vast majority of parents are paying all or a large part of (unless they are receiving financial aid) - why isn’t it a Joint decision, or ultimately, even the parent’s final choice, if there is no consensus? </p>
<p>Who deemed this strictly the student’s choice? This is not a personal post. I am not commenting on how much, if any input, my husband and I will have. This is just a general question posed to discover varying viewpoints. So, anyone have one?</p>
<p>If the parents are contributing, then it becomes a joint decision.</p>
<p>That said, it appears that both the OP and the parents are being unreasonably too restrictive on what colleges are acceptable, leading to the possibility of there being no colleges that are acceptable to both the OP and the parents – not a good situation if the general expectation or goal is for the OP to go to college.</p>
<p>@hsmom2013 - I agree with you about college selection being a joint decision. In our case, we are paying for our children’s college, so the school they chose had to be OK with us. But in the end, each one of our children had a lot of leeway to choose the school they felt was right for them (and our two children chose very different schools in the end - both of which we were very happy with) </p>
<p>The best advice I got was from my S’s HS Dean who suggested that before any specific schools are looked at the parents should sit down with their son/daughter and have an honest conversation on the parameters (ex. price, location, anything else) they will set for the search and then only look at schools that fit within those parameters (ex. if you are not willing to send you child to school in CA, don’t show them schools there). In return, parents should carefully listen to what their child is looking for in a college. It is also important to be realistic about what schools the students are qualified for and focus on those schools (reach schools are fine). That might seem limiting to some, but there are so many great schools out there that this worked well for us. As a parent, we found that being honest with children upfront to be a huge help.</p>