Parents won't let me go to dream school

College Search & Lists
101

<p>

The words are different, but the song is starting to sound familiar. </p>

<p>We’ve all read threads like this before, although usually they’re posted by a lonely student who is miserable because they don’t have friends. Back come some reasonable suggestions – go to club day, stay on campus on the weekends, take part in dorm floor activities, etc. And just as quickly they get shot down; “I tried that once”, “That isn’t me”, “I don’t want to do that”, etc. And it spirals from there, the poster often ending up, I imagine, no better off than before.</p>

<p>And I think that’s happening here. Some really knowledgeable parents are explaining what it takes to land in a good music program, but its I can’t do this, that’s not an option, and so on. Short of someone providing a magic phrase that’s going to convince the OPs parents to pay for her to go to JMU, I think this is destined for the same unhappy outcome.</p>

102

<p>^^^I would absolutely work hard to learn the new material and audition/apply for SUNY Purchase. Your private teacher should be there to help with anything/everything you need. Besides being a strong program with an outstanding performing arts center on campus, SUNY Purchase has an additional advantage - between Westchester and NYC (which is accessible) you should be able to find an outstanding private teacher if you need to supplement what is available at school.</p>

103

<p>badgolfer, I’m just repeating what my private teacher told me i should do, it’s not because I’m lazy and wouldn’t, but she is the one I listen to when it comes to music auditions, and if she says to choose songs that I’ve played before, then I’m going to listen to her. </p>

<p>I actually have no idea what you are trying to say in that 2nd paragraph or how it relates to this thread, but certainly wherever I end up, I will definitely become active on campus by joining clubs, taking part in activities, etc. And I actually am taking in all of these comments and good advice, and I really appreciate everyone who is helping me out and giving me suggestions. So please if you’re going to comment, don’t have it be some demeaning paragraphs about how I am destined for a poor future. Please actually give advice. Thank you.</p>

104

<p>I think if you are a potential clarinet major, you should be able to learn some orchestral excerpts in time for a Winter audition. </p>

<p>I know you like performing, but the audition process may be eye-opening for you and your parents. It’s a tough world out there. I can name a dozen friends who play clarinet but are doing something else with their lives and STILL play in pit orchestras for musicals and so forth. It’s not a full time job, and it doesn’t pay the rent, unless you are an exceptional player.</p>

<p>Maybe consider another major where you can get your performing jollies by playing in the school marching band. Be a clarinet minor. Maybe?</p>

105

<p>I know someone who went to SUNY Stony Brook for music and loved it, but that was 30 years ago. I have no idea what their music program is like now.</p>

106

<p>Thank you mommusic for your advice. I do know it’s tough to be a musician and that I will have to have an additional job or two, but I’m thinking of majoring in music and getting a minor in business so I could potentially get some music industry job if I have to. And I will talk to my teacher about learning some new pieces for auditions and see what she thinks.</p>

107

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<p>Well, JMU has a highway (I-81) that goes right through the campus!
Can’t get much easier than that. :wink:
And it’s only 100 miles further away (from Ithaca) than UDel so only two hours further away.</p>

<p>Udel does have an Amtrak station right by it.
Closest train station to JMU, I guess, is Charlottesville … a little over an hour away.</p>

108

<p>Thanks for the help! That’s good info to know since what my family and I are mainly concerned with is transportation.</p>

109

<p>The thing about not wanting to go to school in the middle of nowhere-- many people call Harrisonburg the middle of nowhere. So, just think about that. And, the train from Charlottesville to, say, Utica, which is “central NY,” is roughly 11 hours, incl connections. (Almost 13 hrs, if you leave from Staunton VA, which is closer to the school.) Not to mention that its route, through DC, Balto, Phila and NYC might not please the parents. So,back to the flight ideas.</p>

<p>About auditions. Someone whose kid did pursue music in college will know more than I do- but, what our kid’s instrument teacher always said was, audition at the level “they” expect.</p>

110

<p>Lissy - I’m a parent.</p>

<p>Normally I don’t support having a parent pick a school for their child. The few cases where I’ve known this has happened (or the parents restricted kids to a certain type of school, such as Christian schools), the kids either flunked out or transferred, ultimately graduating from schools that they chose.</p>

<p>I also usually don’t panic when a student plans to pursue a liberal arts major rather than a “practical” one, because I’ve seen countless people who are successful in fields outside of their major.</p>

<p>(I haven’t seen music majors who have been financially successful in other fields beyond teaching – I’m sure there are some, but I haven’t run into any, and I’ve evaluated the careers of thousands of people in my work).</p>

<p>Advice that I’ve heard is to be careful spending a lot of money on education for low-pay careers, unless your family is loaded and you won’t have to take out any debt. This is the advice given to people planning to be teachers and who plan to enter various other low-pay fields, such as social work. In general, musicians fall into a much lower income category than these fields – most work in other fields, and moonlight as musicians. A neighbor has won three Grammies (instrumental Grammies, not for Top 40 hit songs) and they seem to always just be eking by financially.</p>

<p>I hate to burst your bubble, but you said you plan on waiting tables to earn money as you try to break in. That’s a tough lifestyle, but not an unacceptable one (make sure you have health insurance). However, if this is the course you plan to take, you should plan on emerging with no debt at all. You simply won’t be able to handle any debt payments. You’ll have enough trouble handling debt payments if you do ultimately earn $75,000 a year in NYC, which is a pittance there.</p>

<p>You could also have a backup plan – like a double major.</p>

<p>I wouldn’t be surprised if part of your parents’ reluctance is the music major part, and would discuss that issue with them if you haven’t already.</p>

<p>My recommendation is that you do your best to make a deal with your parents to apply to and audition at many schools, including James Madison, and see which ones cost the least after merit money and financial aid. See if they will agree to let you include some of your schools and some of their schools on this long list, and convince them that there is no decision necessary until May 1. By then, you’ll have some hard data – acceptances and financial packages – to run with, and perhaps by then they will have softened up on the location issue. </p>

<p>And I would still look hard at a double major …</p>

111

<p>Lissy –</p>

<p>As a follow-up: I don’t want to totally discourage you. This is not a musician story, but one of an actor, but you’ll see the corollary.</p>

<p>A friend from high school banged his head against the wall for many years, working as a bartender and trying to get into acting in NYC. He would periodically do some off-off-Broadway plays.</p>

<p>When I saw him at our 30th high school reunion, he had put together a production company that produced low-budget, independent films, and was earning a middle-of-the road living in Hollywood, where middle-of-the-road isn’t cheap, plus he gets to have a small part in each film. </p>

<p>Careers in the arts are tough, but some people do manage to make a living in them (he did have no debt coming out of college, but four years at a private school cost less than $30,000 total in our day).</p>

112

<p>Follow your heart and try and make your parents understand that if you attend a school you love you will do better (and feel better) than if you attend a school closer to home that does not excite you. Taking the latter course will likely result in a transfer a year or two down the road. </p>

<p>On the other hand, I agree with the suggestions of other posters to tell your parents you will double major in something more marketable if they allow you to attend JMU. How about music and physics (believe it or not they actually go together and several music majors at my son’s school of UVA are doing this).</p>

113

<p>Earthpig, thanks for the suggestion. That’s exactly what I’m trying to get my parents to let me do, audition for several schools including JMU and see which offers the best financial aid package. And I a planning on minoring in business, but ill think about possibly double majoring instead. And I do know that a career in music will undoubtedly be difficult, but I’m truly passionate about music, and I’m thinking about auditioning for one of the military bands after college, and those jobs offer steady pay, benefits, etc. so I think that might be an option. But yeah I completely understand about wanting to come out of college without any debt, especially for a career in music, but if I did end up getting in to one of the military bands, most of them will help pay off about $50,000 of your college debt.</p>

114

<p>muckdogs, thank you for your advice, what you said in the first paragraph is so true. And I was planning on minoring in business, do you think that would be a good subject to minor (possibly double major) in? Because if physics is a better choice then ill definitely consider it.</p>

115

<p>Physics or business could both be potential second majors or minors for you, as could many other majors. Are you good at physics and do you like it? Do you have an interest in business?</p>

<p>There’s actually a fairly high correspondence between people with math aptitude and musical talent (although not universal - some music majors are terrified by math), which is what Muckdogs was probably alluding to.</p>

116

<p>I’m not sure if I’m good at physics yet because I’m taking it this year and we’ve only gone through 2 units so far. I’m pretty good at math, not brilliant, but I have taken honors/ap math classes and will graduate with 2 extra math credits. I think I’m more interested in business than physics. So I’m thinking business (maybe music business/industry) could be my backup.</p>

117

<p>Here is the thing…you will be 18 yrs old. I think you should go ahead and apply, using your own money to apply (which could mean getting a waiver on the fees). Then, if you get in and want to go that bad, then pay your own way. </p>

<p>I paid my own way through college. Any adult who is paying their own bills can do whatever they want. You are only bound to their choices, rules, and decisions, when it is them paying.</p>

118

<p>You won’t qualify for an application fee waiver, simply because your parents don’t want to pay. You won’t be able to borrow enough to fund your way through an out of state school. </p>

<p>You need to figure this out with your parents.</p>

119

<p>If it hasn’t been said before, you should NOT borrow money (or very much money) to go to college for a music major. The odds are less sure that you will land a high-paying job than if you were say, an engineering major. There are no guarantees, of course, and exceptions to every rule, but in general…don’t go into debt for music performance, musical theater, art, and so forth.</p>

120

<p>My DD (Lizzy) was absolutely sure she wanted to attend The University of Illinois at Springfield. She was so excited, until we went to visit. Nothing wrong with the school, it just didn’t “feel right” to her. Looking online and talking to recruiters is one thing, but actually being on campus is another. As for OCC, I’m a bit biased as my sister-in-law is the Admissions Director, but it is a good CC and has dorms so you still get that freshman on campus feeling. I suggest you at least visit with an open mind. Maybe compromise with your parents, say go to OCC for 2 years then transfer to your dream school. Best of luck to you, I know how stressful this all is.</p>