Parents: Would you stop donating to a college if it rejected your son/daughter?

<p>I was just wondering what the parents' opinions are. This was the subject of recent conversation in my family. I applied to a college early decision, and was rejected. I don't feel bitter about the rejection anymore, but I did then. I asked my father, who attended the college from which I was not allowed admission, if this decision would mean the end to his annual donations to the institution, and he said no. He claims he does not see any reason why he should stop donating to his alma mater if I was rejected. Parents of college confidential, what do you think? Have you been in this position, and if so, what did you do? If you haven't, what would you do?</p>

<p>Thank you!</p>

<p>To be honest, if my child were qualified and rejected, I would stop donating, at least until I was happy with how the alternatives worked out for him/her.</p>

<p>It depends. My oldest was accepted by our alma mater, our youngest wasn't. He was clearly qualified, we didn't think youngest had much of a chance. So I'm not holding it against them. I was a bit cross that the place where dh went to grad school didn't accept our oldest, but I'm not sure they would have considered him a legacy anyway. It wasn't in fact the best fit of the places he applied, and he did very well at the college he attended (which neither of us had any connection to at all.)</p>

<p>As I posted elsewhere, my son was a solid applicant to SCEA Stanford (at a minimum, he had the stats to get to the table), plus URM and multiple legacy on his dad's side (going back four generations). We live close enough to have season tickets to two different sports and S went to summer camp there going back six years. We had always donated a fair amount annually for about 20 years. When I told my husband that S had been rejected, H went down to his car (parked at work) and tore off the Stanford license plate holder with his bare hands and threw it away. He then came home early and gathered every single piece of Stanford clothing and other memorabilia from around the house (including some wine glasses that only I used) and packed them up and put them in the attic. I do not have ANY doubt that Stanford will never see a penny from us again, nor will we be going to any Stanford games, unless/until S is graduated elsewhere and happily succeeding in life. I think this is a little (or very) excessive, but I certainly do not want to donate any further money there.
We have been nothing but positive to S. He has no idea the trauma this has caused his dad (JK). Now, on to the other apps...</p>

<p>^^can I have your Stanford football tix?
Seriously, we were PLENTY ****ed when DS , who was fully qualified, was first deferred , then rejected by Stanford 5 years ago. At his school, his deferment caused one of his friends, who had been accepted [ all who were accepted early were athletes] , to call the admissions office to protest. There had been some big time foul up in the admissions office- his transcript not filed in the correct folder and a strong LOR from DS's mentor, who was also Stanford grad, was lost. We got a call about all of this on Thanksgiving weekend from the alumni admissions liaison, who was nice enough to go into the files and find the transcript at least. But at that point it was too late for SCEA consideration.
5 years later, when DS turned down Stanford for Grad school, I will admit to thinking "take THAT Stanford"</p>


<p>I have little doubt that I would have reacted the same way as your husband. :D</p>

<p>None of my kids was/is interested in either of my undergrad or grad schools, but if my child were qualified and ultimately rejected, no, I probably would no longer contribute. I spent four years watching my best friend and roommate paraded and touted as 3rd generation at our undergraduate and every alumni magazine for the last thirty years and probably more has pictures of generational families...I would be upset.</p>

<p>If my kids were extremely qualified, and we had been donating a LOT every year, then yes, we probably would quit donating. However, in reality, we give a nominal amount to our colleges each year, and our kids have had ZERO interest in the universities we attended, so its like a cow. </p>

<p>Its a moo(t) point. </p>

<p>Its just moo.</p>

<p>I don't know how I would react, tbh. A part of me says I would say "screw them" but in the end I probably would still give, just maybe not as much. Luckily I've never had to face that problem as DS didn't even look, let alone apply, to any of the schools either my DH or I attended.</p>

<p>I've been donating to my undergraduate institution for some time, as a way of paying back the financial aid I received. But if they rejected my child, I'd probably react emotionally and might well stop donating.</p>

<p>Who could afford to donate anything the year the kids goes off to college?</p>

<p>This mentality is so alien and to some extent, even petty IMHO. Most people I know who donate money to their respective alma maters....including Ivies and elite private colleges would/have continued to donate despite having their kids rejected because they'd figure the following:</p>

<li><p>Their donations is to better the very institution which provided them an education and one factor for their current successes. </p></li>
<li><p>As qualified as their kids may be, there were probably many more highly qualified kids, admissions found their kids weren't a good fit for some reason, or there was some previously unknown deficiencies(i.e. Uninspired essays). </p></li>
<li><p>They don't buy into the idea that their alma mater "owes them" for being donating alums....even if it involves huge sums. While such alums seem to be a rarity judging by cc posts and what I've heard from friends who worked in elite college makes me feel a bit better about human nature that alums like these do exist. Condean, sounds like your father is an upstanding man IMO.</p></li>

<p>I'm in complete solidarity with WordWorld and audiophile. I have no doubt that on an emotional level I'd take it personally, even though on a rational level I'm fully aware that it's not personal in the least.</p>

<p>I would have continued to contribute at the same level if my D had been rejected. I owe all my success to my school.</p>

Just wait until you are a parent....</p>

<p>^^ LOL!!
Well said Bay!</p>

<p>mini, have you ever thought of donating to the schools that rejected your D's?

<p>DID any schools reject mini's D??</p>


<li><p>He believes this, though he does not donate to the Law School from which he graduated.</p></li>
<li><p>The admissions office told me, after we contacted them, that I was a qualified candidate for their school, citing very good essays and exceptional recommendations. They informed me that I was a victim of the highest amount of people applying for early admission to that school. I'm not sure what this means, but it sounds like I was not under qualified.</p></li>
<li><p>Well, he does believe legacies should have preference, and that donations should be considered for admission. That is why I was so baffled by his saying that he will continue donations.</p></li>

<p>I stopped donating money to my alma mater when they rejected my exceptionally qualified son for a PhD program. I was actually shocked that they didn't accept him. He was awarded a NSF fellowship so already had his own funding, had been published in an international journal as a college sophomore in a subfield in which my alma mater has a number of faculty, and had been awarded other honors/national awards, etc. I just couldn't bring myself to donate after that. I still have an emotional reaction to it.</p>