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<p>This is important. We purposely chose a younger attorney to handle our wills, trusts in hopes that he will outlive us and someone our children can work with in the future.</p>
<p>I am sorry you are going through this, but hang in there and take care of yourself.</p>
<p>I am sorry that you are going through this. I am a member of the “club sandwich”, so I can sympathize.<br>
When my mom died, we used a realtor that “specialized” in the condo complex where she had an apartment. Between the lawyer and the realtor, all the paperwork went back and forth to us to sign by express mail/ups etc. and we did not have to be there. All the other matters could also be taken care of by mail etc. except of course, cleaning out the apartment. We sold the furniture with the apartment, but whatever contents we did not want did and were not appropriate to sell were disposed of. My Dad had died years before, so she was the last parent.</p>
<p>Both of my ILs are still alive, although suffering with various ailments which require varying degrees of participation by H and I. What is most frustrating there is that they often refuse to accept help that is proper and logical, and request outrageous accomodations that we can’t do. Cest la vie.</p>
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<p>Is it really necessary to designate just one?</p>
<p>It is possible for multiple people to be designated as co-executors. This does not mean that they all have to share the responsibility when the time comes. It just means that they can decide, among themselves, who should be the executor, after which the other(s) sign a document in which they refuse to take on the role. This could enable the person who is in the best position to be executor (perhaps the one who lives nearest to your home or the one who has the fewest other responsibilities on his/her plate at the time) to be the executor.</p>
<p>It is also possible that your children may want to actually serve as co-executors for reasons that you cannot anticipate right now. </p>
<p>My sister and I were co-executors of both of our parents’ wills. This was a bit of a pain because it meant that every document had to be sent to the other side of the country for the second person’s signature. But there was a reason – one that I doubt our parents thought of – why neither of us resigned in favor of the other. Although my sister and I trust each other, she does not trust my husband and he does not trust her. I did not resign because my husband asked me not to – he didn’t trust my sister to make the best decisions. And she did not resign because she felt that my husband might influence my decisions too much if I took on the task alone (which is probably what would have happened). So we did the job together.</p>
<p>I am sole executrix of my dad’s estate. If my brother was co-executor it would be an absolute nightmare. He is not an easy person to deal with and has his own issues that would have made it an impssible task if we had to do this together. He was estranged from the family for a long long time and has done virtually nothing for them in quite some time. Its a long story for another time, but my parents did the right thing, as difficult as is is to have to do this all myself, it would be worse if I had to do everythign with my brother, who doesn’t even own a cellphone :(</p>
<p>My parents chose me to be sole executrix (love the feminine form of that word) because they didn’t trust my sister’s husband. He was/is very controlling. She later divorced him so their instincts were right. It also worked out as my sister developed serious health problems. I think it could confusing having two or more people in charge.</p>
<p>My parents chose my sister as executor of their estates. I trust my sister 1000% – she is the most honest ethical person I’ve ever known – and she also happens to be a trust and estate attorney. So, no contest there!! I was glad to let her do it all.</p>
<p>(She told me that, in dividing everything up, whenever there was the odd penny, she gave it to me. No biggie in the overall scheme of things, but as I said, she is the most honest and ethical person I know.)</p>
<p>My brother (a lawyer) was the executor of our parents’ estate which was fine with me. As they lived closer to me, I took care of their day to day needs, moved mom to my house after dad passed away, got her house cleaned out and sold, then took care of her including doctor’s appts., hospitalization and finally nursing home. I was very content to leave the legal paperwork to my brother and we had complete trust in each other to do the right things. As each account was settled, he would send me my half and I have no doubt that it was correct.</p>
<p>Interestingly, he would hit problems with the estate-settling issues. His expertise is in corporate real estate, so he was almost as much in the dark as I was about estate legal matters, lol! I had no idea that law was so specialized. I just figured at least he had more contacts than I did in the legal world.</p>
<p>There is another thread right now addressing resources for long term care/skilled nursing resources for elderly and medically challenged parents and inlaws. This is such a big need for our generation.</p>
<p>We have only MIL left who is in another country. My F passed away suddenly but as each parent was the executor of the other and everything was left to the other, there were no issues. When M passed away 15 years later, my B was the executor. He also had POA at the end as she suffered from dementia in the final months. Everything was split 3 ways, and my S and I trusted him completely to do what was right and split everything fairly. </p>
<p>When FIL died (he had been ill for about a month with terminal liver cancer), MIL was able to handle everything. He had gone for the funeral in Jan. and was able to sign all the paperwork in the summer when we went back on vacation. </p>
<p>We do need to start thinking about MIL’s situation. She handles all her own affairs and has always handled all the family affairs. However, she is 77. She’s in good health although has some problems getting around due to bad knees. Her own mother lived to 95. We really do need to look into how to handle things long distance because she has no family members she trusts to look after things should she have a problem.</p>
<p>Good luck in your situation. There is lots of good advice here.</p>
<p>When my mom passed away 7 years ago, my dad fell apart and never really recovered, so I have been managing his stuff for the mostpart since that time. If your MIL is out of the country I STRONGLY recommend you get a system in place. Its hard enough being 1000 mi away.</p>
<p>Dear Jym626,
Sorry. Sending good thoughts and a prayer.
LA</p>
<p>Thank you, lamom, and everyone.</p>
<p>The palliative care team is now discontinuing his antibiotics. We watch and wait…</p>
<p>My folks have never discussed their legal or financial affairs much. I think my brother is named as executor for their estates, as he & dad practice law together. We trust him and know he will exercise his best judgment and he’s always been fair.</p>
<p>When my in-laws died, they named all their kids as co-executors & not much has ever been done. H did the urgent stuff & most of the rest of it continues to get deferred. H is the only one in state, so we ended up doing most of the financial stuff as well as cleaning out the decades of stuff and renting out the house.</p>
<p>My thoughts are with everyone on this thread, especially JYM & others whose loved ones are having serious health declines.</p>
<p>thoughts are with you jym626!!</p>
<p>Well, now the palliative care team WONT discontinue his antibiotics. So they prolong the inevitable. This is torture.</p>
<p>jym626 – This is a tough time. I hope you’re able to talk with the palliative care team and find out their thinking. (Does the hospital permit hospice to serve patients in the hospital? Our hospital does. That might be helpful too.) Sending thoughts of strength and courage…</p>
<p>Its a major large city medical center. I imagine they have hospice. Can I ask for hospice to be consulted with palliative care?</p>
<p>jym – I don’t see any reason why you can’t ask. The hospice and hospital team agreed that it made sense to keep my mom in the hospital while provide the hospice services since it was expected to be under a couple of days and the hospital did not have a bed space problem. The alternative was moving her to a hospice care center nearby.</p>
<p>I dont think we want him moved. If I ask for hospice will they move him?</p>
<p>Generally hospice is available anywhere even in the emergency room of some hospitals. If the hospital does not have hospice services, you can contact the local hospice and have a representative at least come to the hospital and talk to you about your options.</p>