Pathetic delusions of grandeur from a post high school senior, looking for advice.

Parents Forum
1

<p>All throughout my life I’ve lived under the stranglehold of a fantasy, a far off dream, a horrible feeling of hope that keeps me awake at night. Hope that one day, some far off day, in a made-up world, I would do something great. </p>

<p>Coming from a middle class family, achieving middle class grades, substantiating a middle class life, I’ve come to realize that truly, the sleep of foolishness produces no angels, and it is detrimental to my health to hope for greatness when frankly, it isn’t there. I’ve known for a long time that miracles only come true in the barren desert of probability, but the nature of my hope, gilded and cruel, has left me hoping. The gilded and cruel nature of hope urges me to try.</p>

<p>So here I am, delusional and hoping for advice. </p>

<p>If my goal is to really help society, how best to achieve it? </p>

<p>I’ve developed a carnal interest in neuroscience. Theoretical physics is beautiful and interesting, as is mathematics, but neither the former nor latter ever seem to lead to the same beautiful and interesting careers that my hope proclaims. </p>

<p>So, I have concluded, engineering is more realistic, but thinking pragmatically, systems of equations, although useful, have no use of me. Also, as an aside, “theoretical anything,” means submitting myself to chance, submitting myself to becoming a researcher, condemning my life to a fate worse than death before it had a chance to begin.</p>

<p>The same menial methodology comes to my mind when I imagine myself as an engineer. I won’t change the world. I won’t do anything. I’ll end up thinking and doing systems of equations all day (yeah solving problems and puzzles, they make it sound so great!), but the only reason I would ever want to be an engineer IS to change the world. Maybe biomedical engineering seeing as it is a ■■■■■■■ child of my interests (biology + thinking), and it gives me the greatest chance of living to save lives, to be of real importance, to die with a fleeting feeling of worth, or NZT/Telomerase/SleepEfficacy/TDCS innovation.</p>

<p>But, a little backstory before I continue:</p>

<p>A disheartened stroke of immaturity led to mediocre grades in the first three years of high school. Albeit exceptional SATs, I was rejected from every college except BYU and NCSU i.e. UNC/Yale/Princeton/Reed. I chose NCSU, and right now, I am “Math and Science Undeclared,” as my major.</p>

<p>Yet, I have always found math to be methodical, boring, and soulless, and I have found literature, reading, and writing, thinking, speaking, and teaching, to be the worthwhile, inspiring forces natural to my personality.</p>

<p>Novelist/Professor/Speech Writer or (Politician, so I could give speeches)/Singer or Actor to a degree—those are my ideal careers, but that pathway is but a fool’s errand. No matter how much a fool loves speaking, enjoys writing, or values thinking, he throws the dice and becomes a victim of chance. </p>

<p>Formulating new ideas about the sciences is interesting, but the boring and methodical is not, and the new ideas ideal happens erratically.</p>

<p>Writing feels amazing, but being poor and alone does not. </p>

<p>Public speaking, acting, and singing are all exhilarating (I know, I must be an attention-seeking, narcissistic @**hole), but never, for a single second, do they come even close to being assured options.</p>

<p>If I had gotten into a different college, those options, the humanities/arts, would be more appealing because they are backed by an “attractive diploma”, but seeing as I didn’t, they don’t.</p>

<p>At NCSU, an engineering college, I don’t know how I can do many of the things I love, and the day-to-day drawl of the methodical is most likely what that entails.</p>

<p>So, for Politicians/Speakers/Writers—is a major in a technical field like Engineering ever useful? More so than anything, like most others have said, an assured income drives me toward engineering, to ensure a secure lifestyle, so that my family will be happy (I’ve experienced the cold pangs of poverty. The stress and unhappiness it causes is an experience I never want my wife and kids to go through). Also, does a humanities career become vastly less possible without a degree in the humanities?</p>

<p>So, I need advice. </p>

<p>What should I do? Should I continue with my engineering plans, and ultimately, possibly, probably condemn myself to banal mediocrity? Does science, theoretical engineering/biology/physics/mathematics entail the creative application of thought more so than I am worried? Are any other plans still open? </p>

<p>In the end, when my time comes, and I either blank out and cease to exist or surely go to hell (based on simple probability), I don’t want my gravestone to say: </p>

<pre><code> "Here lays paddyws, A GOOD MAN who loved his family and provided for their needs. A GOOD MAN who expressed compassion and love to whomever he could. A DEAD MAN, wiped clean from the face of the Earth. A SISYPHEAN MAN, wiped clean from the bottom of a shoe.”
</code></pre>

<p>And, I know as a 7 year old, Ender’s Shadow probably really screwed my entire psyche, but all my hopes, all my dreams, and everything my heart has ever told me, wants my gravestone to say:</p>

<pre><code>“Here lays paddyws, A GREAT MAN, who inspired worlds. A GREAT MAN, who dreamed foolish dreams. A DEAD MAN, whose foolish dreams became his eternal reality.”
</code></pre>

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<p>Okay - wow. Um, seems like you should at least go to a school where you can dabble in your passion for writing and such. Why not transfer to an LAC and get a major in the bring-home-the-bacon of your choice and a minor or two in your passions?</p>

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<p>

Huh? :eek:</p>

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<p>NCSU is not just an" engineering school". It does have a College of Humanities and Social Sciences plus many other interesting majors/departments. I’m sure you can find something else there to broaden your horizons if you feel engineering is not really your calling.</p>

5

<p>Have you discussed this with your parents? If you were my son, this is the advice you would hear: It’s OK to dream of being “great” at something, but right now, it is time for some hard work. No matter what you wish to be “great” at, it does not come out of thin air. Every artist, engineer, poet, musician - has put in hours and hours of sometimes repetitive and yes, BORING work. So far, you do not seem to have been willing to do this, and with mediocre (as you call it) grades, you have had the good fortune to land in an excellent school. And you don’t like it? That is your problem. NCSU can provide you with many opportunities if you change your attitude. You may be a math/science major but there are humanities classes as well. It may not be as easy to access all the classes as being in a LAC, but it can be done. They have drama and other opportunities. One can major in sciences and have a passion for humanities. History has shown us many people who have done both. </p>

<p>You want to be great? So start by making use of what you have in front of you instead of seeing the flaws in something you have not even started. Start by putting in the hard work and elbow grease it takes.</p>

<p>With hard work, you may change your attitude about what it means to be great. Who is greater? The star who has his name in lights and just messed up his 3rd marriage and the lives of 3 beautiful kids- or your parents who never made a lot of money but raised a nice family? Your description of gravestone #1 is a description of many great people and you, at the start of your life, have little actual idea what it takes to be the provider for a family.</p>

<p>IMHO, you can start by becoming the good man, the one who treats people nicely, who does his very best in school, a good friend, and who helps others in need. Find a purpose outside yourself. Join a service club. Get real, but mostly get out of your head, speak plain English ( except for literature/poetry class) and make the most of the good school you landed in. Happiness begins inside of you.</p>

<p>If you simply can not shake your discontent yourself, I would also suggest the campus counseling center. Wanting to be great one day is one thing. Chronic unhappiness in your life is another. Changing colleges, major, relationships, won’t make you happy. Only you can do that by working on yourself. That is a start to becoming a great person.</p>

<p>Go to NCSU with an open mind, and a willingness to give it your best effort. It may change your life. It may be the first step to the kind of greatness you seek- being a great person. That begins inside of you too.</p>

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<p>Many kids change their intended majors after they get to college. Give it your best shot with the math/engineering, but be sure to take electives in English or literature. Does NCSU have a literary magazine? You could look into that too.</p>

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<p>OP, I not sure what to say to your post other than 3 comments.</p>

<p>1) Greatnest (or at least the start of the path) is not dependent on a magically background or training … it is dependent on skill, effort, persistence, and often luck.</p>

<p>2) Greatnest comes from action … thinking about what you want to do is good … acting on it is much better. </p>

<p>3) Greatnest come from passion … if you’re not compelled by something it is unlikely you will/can make the commitment needed to be great. </p>

<p>So my advice if you want to be great … figure out what compels you and get involved now.</p>

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<p>A few thoughts:</p>

<ol>
<li> In your quest for greatness, surely you have heard the commonplace saying, “The great is the enemy of the good, and vice versa.” If you really want to do great things, you have to take some risks, and you don’t get an “assured option.” Ever.</li>
</ol>

<p>And, yes, there’s a lot of luck, and a lot of failure, involved in achieving greatness. Most people who try don’t succeed. If that’s what you want, get used to it and embrace it. </p>

<ol>
<li><p>If you don’t want that, it’s OK. But stop whining, because that’s completely immature and unattractive. It is far harder to achieve the sort of career you characterize as “mediocre” than you can possibly imagine. You WISH you could be mediocre, as opposed to bad. Start working on it.</p></li>
<li><p>There is nothing I have less sympathy for than an 18-year-old acting as if his options are foreclosed. You can do anything you want, literally, as long as you are willing to work for it and to bear the consequences. The only thing you CAN’T do is have EVERYTHING you want, all at once, guaranteed.</p></li>
<li><p>Being an engineer hardly precludes being a politician. Ever hear of Herbert Hoover (who was one of our smartest Presidents ever, despite the bad rap he gets) or Jimmy Carter? Outside of the U.S., half the leaders in the world were probably educated as engineers.</p></li>
<li><p>Very few people who write earn their livings that way, or entirely that way. If you want to write (or act, for that matter), plan on doing other things to support yourself.</p></li>
<li><p>Don’t let this stop you, but you are a far less gifted writer than you think. You have a lot to learn, including what some of the words you like to use mean. (You are certainly old enough to be held to the standard of understanding your tools.) If you want to be a good writer, much less a great one, you need to start putting the work in. College courses can help, but what really helps is doing it a lot and having other people read and critique what you wrote. Practice making your skin thick, because you are going to feel like that “Sisyphean Man” of yours for quite a while.</p></li>
</ol>

9

<p>I think this need to be “great” is not healthy, frankly, and you might even want to talk with a counselor about it. Greatness doesn’t happen because greatness was a goal: it is a byproduct, and recognition of greatness does not always happen, even if great things are accomplished by a person. There are many people who spend their lives doing “great” work quietly, often in ordinary life.</p>

<p>I think this message about greatness in the ordinary can carry over to writing as well. My favorite writer about writing is E.B.White. He advocates for using simple, direct, clear language, and to resort to big words only when necessary to get subtleties of meaning across.</p>

<p>It is nice that you try to write with style, even in a post about practical matters, here on the cc forum, but you also need to be absolutely sure of the language, in order to avoid conveying meanings you don’t intend.</p>

<p>Good luck with everything. You can major in anything you want to study, and engineering as a major is not a prerequisite to the good life: there are many paths and you are young.</p>

<p>p.s. posted simultaneously with JHS</p>

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</p>

<p>I don’t think it’s difficult to say the modernization of farming or sanitation has done more for saving peoples lives than any biotech advance within the next 50 years will do. If you really want to save lives then look into problems Engineers Without Borders works on. Work on designing low-cost refrigeration, desalinization, designing new plant breeds that can live in harsher climates with less water and are more nutritious.</p>

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</p>

<p>These are important sentences. Re-read them and really think about them.</p>

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<p>Assuming you are a NC resident, from the NCSU status and UNC-CH app you could transfer. Two outstanding options within the UNC system would be UNC Asheville, a great in-state public LAC and UNC School of Fine and Performing Arts. I think they are less expensive than NCSU for tuition and for room and board.</p>

<p>However, NCSU offers so many options to you now. While you are laying in bed dreaming of greatness maybe get up and look through the plethora of programs NCSU offers. The have a new program in biomedical engineering offered jointly with UNC Chapel Hill. Brand spanking new and highly innovative. NCSU now offers a major in genetics, while other schools are ending their genetics programs NCSU is hiring like crazy!</p>

<p>NCA&T just opened their brand new facility and programs, BS,MS, Phd in nanoscience and nano-engineering. Funding is at an all time high, hot, hot field.</p>

<p>UNC has 16 campuses and each is extremely unique and unbelieavably affordable. We moved here from CA for that very reason. You are fortunate in that regard.</p>

<p>You make your greatness, not your school of choice. </p>

<p>Kat</p>

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<p>Spend less time waxing poetic about yourself and more time doing for others. Then you will be on your way.</p>

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<p>IMO you are still upset you didn’t make it into your reach schools because you blew off HS grades. You haven’t even started in college yet. Get over it. Go to college, see what you like, do well in it.</p>

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<p>Thanks for pulling that out, Pizzagirl, and making me stop and read it slowly one more time. Thanks, compmom, for writing it. If that’s your construction (or even if it isn’t) it is brilliant!</p>

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<p>Having been young once I understand where you are coming from. Having been young once here is my advice: stop the navel gazing immediately, the great ones I have been lucky enough to be associated with do not have failure and defeat in their vocabulary, they are great because they pursue their passions uninhibitedly not because someone says they are great or they are reaching for “great” status. If you want to be a great songwriter start writing songs or sit down and write the great book you have in you or login to the many free website providers and code a great website.</p>

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<p>you like writing, singing, acting, and public speaking, yes? those are things that speak to people like you want to do, so pursue them.</p>

<p>now, I’m not saying you should ONLY focus on those things. I would suggest that you continue with engineering while doing those things as well. it doesn’t have to be all or nothing.</p>

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<p>"Here lays paddyws, A GOOD MAN who loved his family and provided for their needs. A GOOD MAN who expressed compassion and love to whomever he could. "</p>

<p>You know, the older I get, the more I realize that having this on your tombstone – that you loved your family, provided for their needs, and had a good and loving heart towards your friends and family – is pretty much the meaning of it all. </p>

<p>I have a dear friend - my age, late forties - who is dying of cancer as we speak. She’s got fancy-schmancy degrees (both u-grad and grad) from a fancy-schmancy school. “All” that it will say on our tombstone was that she was a good and loving wife and mother to her three children, one of whom is mentally ■■■■■■■■. She “only” taught at a community college while raising her children. She didn’t win the Nobel Prize in literature, come up with a new invention in her field, or cure the common cold. But she will be remembered fondly, and that’s all that needs to be said. That’s all there is, in the final analysis.</p>

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<p>So true, Pizzagirl, so true!</p>

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<p>Two recent articles that might be helpful to you:</p>

<p><a href=“Redefining Success and Celebrating the Unremarkable - The New York Times”>Redefining Success and Celebrating the Unremarkable - The New York Times;

<p>[Wellesley</a> High grads told: “You’re not special” | The Swellesley Report](<a href=“http://www.theswellesleyreport.com/2012/06/wellesley-high-grads-told-youre-not-special/]Wellesley”>http://www.theswellesleyreport.com/2012/06/wellesley-high-grads-told-youre-not-special/)</p>

<p>As Mr. McCullough said in his graduation speech referenced in both the articles: “Climb the mountain not to plant your flag, but to embrace the challenge, enjoy the air and behold the view. Climb it so you can see the world, not so the world can see you.”</p>