<p>I had to pay my way through all my university education (about 10 years worth). I felt accomplished with my degrees…and not remotely ‘accomplished’ with having to fend for myself because my parents were broke. I didn’t ever feel, “wow, look at what I’m doing!” Rather, I saw everyone around me who didn’t have it so hard and there was nothing good about the fact that my family wasn’t able to help me out. </p>
<p>So the idea of now having the funds to make my college kids’ lives a bit easier…but choosing not to ‘just because’ seems absurd and cold…not to mention what am I going to do, buy a 6th TV set with the money I withhold!? :)</p>
<p>We help our family out- parents, relatives, kids…that is just what we do and it’s nice to know that in my old age, I absolutely know they would be there for me too if I needed it. Our kids aren’t remotely entitled, they are generous with other people, they work hard, they are very honest, and the abhor ‘brand name’ fixation and mindless consumption to impress others. They developed character over their whole childhood, and not because of some arbitrary rule I made up about who pays for what.</p>
<p>And meanwhile, you are the exact same poster who claimed to be a ‘healthcare provider’ and was earlier expressing so much disdain and judgment toward poor people who lament expensive health copays. According to you, you saw them with large sodas and iphones so “obviously” they could afford health insurance if they just made better choices! Must be very nice to live in mom and dad’s fantasy world on your pedestal :).</p>
<p>My 21 year old did not like college. He works in a low paying job but lives with 2 friends in their home (both of their parents died and left the house to them; their uncle, who manages the estate, invited my son to move in rent free). We bought him a used car ($1500) to use for work and I keep it in my name to keep the insurance lower. He’s on my cell plan ($9.99 plus an unlimited data plan which I will be taking over when I upgrade this year). He’s on my health insurance but I don’t pay an extra premium since I have family coverage. I cover his co-pays and deductibles. He buys his own clothing although we did buy him a nice new warm coat this year since he drives for a living and the one he was using was from 1993 and used to be my H’s. He buys his own toiletries now but when he first moved out he used to stop home to shower.</p>
<p>My 20 year old D is in college. She is also on her phone plan but has no data plan. She has no car. I buy her textbooks and supplies. We did not bring her up this year so she had to use whatever supplies she had left up there and buy more (she’s an RA so she’s allowed to store some stuff at school - she left her winter clothing, toiletries and things like that). She’s on my insurance obviously and I am hurrying to get all of her dental stuff done while that’s still covered (oldest boy is not covered so I am going to send him to a local dental school for his work).</p>
<p>At my son’s age, I was in law school and fully self supporting as I lived with a boyfriend. He paid the rent but I chipped in on all else. My parents did not pay anything for my college or grad school. At 16, I added my own phone line in their apartment which I paid for until I finally moved out for good at 26 (bf was volatile so I sometimes went back home for awhile when we fought. Bf is not my H).</p>
<p>Count me in as another $10/month cell phone parent. My oldest DD is 21 and will be graduating from college this spring. I have tossed about the idea of making her pay for her own Cell plan but it does just seem like a waste of money to have her pay for her own plan. Same with health insurance (even after she graduates), it costs me nothing extra to keep her on as I carry a family plan anyway.</p>
<p>Both my DD’s (17 and 21) are required to pay their own car insurance though. That has always been a rule at our home as we feel that if they make the mistake of a ticket then they must deal with the financial consequences. As girls who live in a low insurance rate area their insurance is actually not that much.</p>
<p>Like a lot of parents on this thread though I am wondering where and when to start drawing the line with DD21. So far we have incurred no debt on our behalf for her undergrad, she has gotten by with her scholarships and government loans. Up until this year she has not even had a part time job outside of summer work. Currently she works about 4 hours a week in retail. I have told her she needs to start thinking about a better PT job as she should be saving for an apartment wherever she ends up after undergrad (hint hint lol). Now she is applying to grad schools for assistantships.While I did tell her I would foot the bill for a plane ticket to a far off audition and drive her from our house to another audition 4 hours away (her car is on its last legs, more on that) I keep thinking should I offer to pay her application fees as well or just let her? If she does not get the assistantship she will not be starting grad school right away unless she can support herself in this endeavor. Reason being is that I feel like she has been very sheltered financially during college due to NOT having to worry about covering her cost of attendance thus far. To her, this has equated financial independence. To us, we know that her scholarship benefactors just took on the role of the parent support and really it is not the same as ‘being on your own’. An accomplishment for sure but I don’t feel she has learned anything from this. She has friends who have worked 1-2 jobs while being in school in order to make it financially yet she has never had ‘time’ for a job. I explained to her that some people have no choice. Not sure she gets it as while her hometown friends work and go to school her friends at college all do not work and receive allowances. I wonder how all of them are going to adjust to the real world.</p>
<p>Just want to add that I have several friends, relatives, and coworkers who are in their 20-30’s (and up) who are getting their cell phone plans paid for by parents or in laws as well as all expense paid family vacations (including the grandchildren). We just got back from a family vacation to Disney and 21 year old DD’s trip was paid for by us BUT when we mentioned going again in a few years I specifically said that she would have to pay her own way at that time.</p>
<p>I even know someone whose mother paid for all of her (and her sisters’) childrens’ baby formula, diapers, and daycare for the duration that they needed it. </p>
<p>I guess I don’t feel so bad about paying for a plane ticket now that I think of it lol.</p>
<p>Yea, my sister has the only married child amongst us. She is just starting to her her D pay when we have family gatherings and pay to go on trips with them. I have S pay for most of his trips, now that he has a salary for his full-time job but don’t feel bad that we pay his $9.99 phone and have him on H’s family medical insurance at no additional cost to us.</p>
<p>Hoping we won’t have to pay for diapers, formula or daycare for any of our grandkids–mostly hoping our kids will wait until they have the financial resources to properly care for their kids and also hoping they will nurse rather than rely upon formula.</p>
<p>Have heard of some who have had fully-funded extended family trips. Sounds nice – the last one we fully funded was when S graduated from college & we went on a 3-week family train & road trip that we all enjoyed. My folks have never offered nor have we asked them to fund any vacations. When we have mini-family reunions, each family unit pays for their own lodging, ground transportation and mostly their own food as well. These vacations have never involved plane travel–too many logistics with 30 people.</p>
<p>My in-laws often pay for us all to vacation together, not necessarily all the expenses, but much of them. I have multiple friends whose extended families all go on vacation together and the expenses are covered by the parents. In most cases, these vacations would not happen if the oldest generation wasn’t paying. </p>
<p>I have a friend who is a private k-12 school administrator and she reports that about 50 percent of her students have some or all of their tuition covered by grandparents. I have a friend on the board of directors of a different private school and some years 90 percent of their students have some or all tuition paid by the grandparents.</p>
<p>Truth be told, if I could, I would love to support my 23 yo d who is in a time-taxing undergrad program. As it stands she works up to 30 hrs a week, carries 18 to 19 units a semester, pays her own rent/utilities/spending money. She is learning valuable lessons in budgeting (both time and money) and is far more savvy than her friends, but is also much more stressed out through the school year than her friends. I wish I could afford to even cover half of her expenses :(</p>
<p>One of my friends has had her in-laws fully fund annual family summer vacations with the entire clan–all the sibs and their spouses and kids at various locations. They told the kids they were spending the inheritance the kids would otherwise have received on memories for all of them. They did it for about 10 summers. It turned out to be a good thing because the matriarch has developed alzheimers and they all have happy memories of all their vacations together. If the vacations weren’t financed by the older generation, there is no way most of the adult kids & grandkids could have afforded to participate.</p>
<p>My folks helped all of us get all our formal education and paid off our loans when we graduated. They have not offered to help finance any of the grandkids educations and we have urged them to spend their money on themselves.</p>
<p>My SIL did make several generous donations to help us with tuitions when were having cash flow challenges. We thought that was very thoughtful of her. We were glad that our kids did not HAVE to work long hours to be able to attend their U and that we were able to help them financially so they could focus on school & outside interests. We are glad they will both graduate debt-free.</p>
<p>I have no issue with a college student at least attempting to work. To say they have no time is kind of a cop out IMO. </p>
<p>My DH is self employed and works 7 days a week, sometimes 10-12 hours per day (his business is on our property). I myself work 50 hours per week and commute 2 hours per day and also managed to get my degree while doing so. In all of this time I managed to never miss a concert, a dance recital, a doctor appointment, or conference. When my girls were young I worked nights (working in International Banking this can be accomplished) so they did not have to go to daycare (and I know others who have done the same). The payoff for all of this is that we are completely debt free (never even had a car payment), our home is paid off, we have excellent health insurance, and we have at least two years salary saved as a fallback. </p>
<p>My point is that while yes, while some might say that maybe DH and I work too much, that it is not wrong for a college student to work and go to school (yes, there is time for one shift a week at McD’s or Denny’s) or for a young adult to have to work two jobs for awhile in order to get a financial footing. It might just be the way things have to be. Teach a man to fish and all…</p>
<p>We never received a cent from either of our parents, paid for our own vacations without incurring debt (we just didn’t go anywhere we could not afford), and paid for our own wedding (again within our financial limits). </p>
<p>Our way is not the best way, or the only way and while my kids have certainly been handed a little more than we have neither my DH and I are resentful of working our way through to our goals. It was a choice, had we asked DH’s parents for help they would have given it but we feel a huge sense of pride in knowing what we have accomplished and we want our children to be able to feel that way one day as well.</p>
<p>FWIW, both of my kids DID work, which did help. S did research in his major & D got a job in her field on her 2nd day on campus. Unfortunately, after 3 semesters, it was downsized & converted into a work-study job so she lost it. We have encouraged her to try to do more networking instead of trying to get another job, so she will graduate this spring with more contacts and more likelihood of getting a job in her field. We are glad we & she have this option. S is fully supporting himself, so we have no bills of his to pay at all; it feels good.</p>
<p>^ Then that’s not a job. It sounds like an unpaid internship. </p>
<p>A job is where you make money. I’ve never met a student who couldn’t make time to have a job. Whether they chose to or not depended primarily on how much they got from their parents.</p>
<p>romani: you are definitely not in medical school or in other full-time professional or grad school. Those students do a lot of work and definitely have no time for “a job”, as you define it.</p>
<p>^ Many grad students have jobs as TAs or other positions within the university. They are often getting paid for that in some fashion so they are most definitely still working. I also work with people getting their graduate degrees and yet still working in other positions.</p>
<p>Yes, medical school would be the exception. In general though, I stand by what I said.</p>
<p>What about veterinarians, physical therapists and other professionals in training?</p>
<p>A stay at home mom or dad does not have “a job” because they are not being paid for what they are doing. Or do they have a job? Just ask, and they will tell you that they do and quite often work overtime. A salary does not define a job.</p>
<p>I was required to complete a minimum of 20 hours a week. I worked with the athletic teams at the university. The schedule did not allow me to work a job not only because of the hours, but because the times were not always consistent.</p>
<p>My dad did this for many years until he passed away and all of us, especially my kids, nieces and nephews all have happy memories of our times together.
I hope I could afford to do it with my children and their future families.</p>
<p>I know med students & other students who DO hold jobs. It’s extremely challenging but something they do because of necessity. I believe it would be extremely difficult to balance the workload.</p>
<p>I would love to be able to pay for family vacations with my kids and grandkids someday. Will have to see what the future holds.</p>
A salary does not define a job.</p>