Penn Short Answer---Please critique!

College Essays
1

<p>Can you please, please help me?</p>

<p>I have always considered the quality of instructors as a factor that makes education effective. I am fortunate enough to have encountered a number of such highly influential teachers over the course of my academic career. That’s why given the chance, it would be a great privilege to be under the instruction of Professor John J. DiIulio, whose focus on the workings of the American government has been one of most compelling and thorough studies that I’ve come upon. His books American Government: Institutions and Policies and Godly Republic were definite catalysts for my interest in how politics functions and Mr. Di Iulio’s dedication to teaching the complexity and efficacy of the government is a shared passion of mine. Combined with UPenn and its faculties’ commitment to bringing caliber education to each student, this passion could be furthered in my pursuit of effective education.</p>

<p>I’m not sure if everything works…and that last sentence is iffy.</p>

2

<p>Your short answere is very good, but I would suggest changing the sentence ‘one of most’ to ‘one of the most’. I would change the bit where you mention catalysts to ‘His books American Government: Institutions and Policies and Godly Republic spurred my interest in how Politics functions’. The last sentence is a run - on sentence that you should address. Maybe you should put ‘This is’ in front of the last sentence</p>

3

<p>it’s not “UPenn”, it’s just “Penn”. probably should also say “high caliber” education. Other than that, very good.</p>

4

<p>So dull, BLEH</p>

5

<p>Well that’s mean…why don’t you just write on how i can improve it.</p>

6

<p>I would say ignore nen_user. I believe it’s pretty well written. Just fix up your grammar/puntuation a little bit to make the ideas flow better.</p>