<p>Holding a memorial is not praising the kid for doing the wrong thing. It is remembering a person, giving his loved ones and community the chance to to grieve for a life lost. Ok, so it seems that the last few hours of his life involved some poor and dangerous choices but he was still someone’s son, grandson, sibling, nephew, friend, neighbour, classmate, student, teammate and he will be missed by those people. It’s very simple - if you don’t agree with it, don’t go to the memorial.</p>
<p>Insomniatic doesn’t mean you can’t sleep. It is “a state of mind where one become addicated to the deprivation of sleep caused by an epic revelation of joy”.</p>
<p>I agree with those who feel you are too harsh. A young man is dead. There is a lesson to be taken from his death, but the fact remains that he is dead … and he deserves no less than any other young person who dies. If his school feels a memorial is important to those he left behind, then I certainly don’t see anything wrong with having a memorial. I can’t imagine any kid who might otherwise decide not to drive drunk as a result of the death will change his mind because of the memorial - he’s not going to say, “Oh, cool. Maybe I WILL go ahead & drive drunk. If I die, they’ll have a memorial for me, so it’s all good.”</p>
<p>“I never ridiculed him. The problem I have is people saying that “I bet you have drove drunk” and “every teen drives drunk”. They are shedding light on the situation.”</p>
<p>umm who says that? I’m a teen and I drink a considerable amount. However, I NEVER drink and drive.</p>
<p>Everyone has a side that you will never know and that is what the purpose of a memorial is. For close ones who do know the real side of the human to reminisce about the good side. No one is a deed or action.</p>
<p>“I never ridiculed him. The problem I have is people saying that “I bet you have drove drunk” and “every teen drives drunk”. They are shedding light on the situation.”</p>
<p>umm who says that? I’m a teen and I drink a considerable amount. However, I NEVER drink and drive."</p>
<p>The people who were posting comments on the article were saying those things. That is what really made me mad.</p>
<p>repeat post</p>
<p>I believe the bigger issue is how teenagers are getting the alcohol in the first place. Teens make bad decisions all the time wheather its unprotected sex, daredevil driving, risky stunts, trying drugs or driving dunk. For a while now I have wondered how these kids get alcohol without some adult involvement. Some parents furnish it or look the other way as kids “sneak” it, maybe an older sibling or friend supplyed it, and store owners barely check ID to make a sale. I realize there are good fake ID’s but I don’t think teens really need them with all these other options. We need to make adults accountable for their involvement with underage drinking. Its always been my belief that our role as parents of teens is to protect them from their stupid decisions. Insomniatic, I hear your frustration but think its misdirected and believe people need to ask what adult somewhere along the chain of events allowed this to happen.</p>
<p>The teen apparently got the beer at a house party. Who knows if the parents were there or not? Maybe the parents were out of town?</p>
<p>In the end, parents can say to not drink and drive until they are blue in the face, but the teens may still do it.</p>
<p>In the end, it is up to the teens to not do stupid things. I don’t feel sorry for bad things that happen to people that make stupid decisions.</p>
<p>“Teens make bad decisions all the time wheather its unprotected sex, daredevil driving, risky stunts, trying drugs or driving dunk.”</p>
<p>I think you mean some teens, not all.</p>
<p>I didn’t say all teens, but most teens need parents to guide them to make good choices. It was a house party and no parent asked if there was adult supervision? That was always my first question and I wasn’t above calling if I felt the need. Yes you can talk until you are blue in the face thats why parents need to be on top of it.</p>
<p>^ I doubt the kids told their parents they were going to a party.</p>
<p>This issue actually came up at our hs a few years ago. The principal wanted to have a policy that if someone wanted to set up a scholarship in memory/honor of a student who had died while doing something illegal (e.g. drunk driving) or who committed suicide, the scholarship could be given but it would not be awarded publicly at the ceremony with the rest of the scholarships. His reasoning was that we memorialize people because we use them as an example for others, and students who die because as a result of their own poor decision-making are not exactly good examples for the rest of the kids. As for suicides, he didn’t want to romanticize it and create copy-cats. I’m not sure what ever came of that policy, we haven’t had to face that situation yet (thank heavens). </p>
<p>But we might have to deal with it this year, now that I think about it. Last year an 11th grader died while driving without a license; the newspaper never really talked about the cause of the accident, I don’t think the police or the newspaper wanted to “blame the victim.” But the accident occurred on a clear day on a wide flat street in a quiet neighborhood, when an SUV rolled over and the driver was ejected and killed when the car rolled over him, while 2 other teens in the car were treated for minor injuries and released. The story as I heard it from other students and residents in the neighborhood was that the driver was smoking a joint, dropped it, and leaned over to pick it up while driving over 40 mph. He didn’t have a seatbelt on, but the other two in the car did - which is how they walked away, and how others found out what had transpired in the car. Whether that’s true or not I don’t know, but he was not licensed, he was driving, and there was no obvious reason for an accident to occur. Anyway, he would have graduated in 2009. I’m wondering if there will be a scholarship in his honor/memory, and if so will it be given publicly? We have a new principal now, so I guess time will tell.</p>
<p>I wonder whether the school would have done anything differently if, on the way to paying the ultimate penalty, this kid had slammed into another car and killed (let’s say) the mother of a small child.</p>
<p>Would that change anything?</p>
<p>I do feel it’s possible to memorialize someone without condoning what led to his death. It is the life that is gone that is being remembered, not what led to the death being justified. Do we expect those left behind not to grieve, because the one who died was doing something he shouldn’t have been doing? That just seems overly harsh. I am all for denying an otherwise great kid the spirit of the school award if he gets caught doing something illegal, but I certainly am not a fan of denying his friends the ability to celebrate his life if he dies as a result of his actions.</p>
<p>This called for a private memorial. The school should not be involved in any way.</p>
<p>Here’s a similar incident now unfolding with similar arguments on both sides.</p>
<p>[Wisconsin</a> State Journal | Forums View topic - Deaths of 3 UW students stun campus](<a href=“http://www.madison.com/wsj/forums/viewtopic.php?t=55781&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0]Wisconsin”>http://www.madison.com/wsj/forums/viewtopic.php?t=55781&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0)</p>
<p>Exactly. This was my whole point. I don’t think the school should have been involved.</p>
<p>I think that school systems work into their budgets funds to deal with these kinds of situations. I know that our school regularly sends sprays or makes donations to charities suggested, to loved ones of faculty/staff members who die. How is it different? What if it had been a teacher that died? If the need called for it, why wouldn’t the school offer something to help the community process their grief? I’m not saying it should be expected or required for every death within a school community, but if those who are most effected by it are willing to be responsible for it, do it; it’s not like they can force everyone to attend.</p>
<p>I work for a hospice agency that has a very active bereavement department. Our bereavement counselors have been invited into schools where there have been traumatic deaths (as opposed to those expected of someone who has had a chronic illness). We offer our services (free of charge) to the schools to help them discern what is the best way to help students deal with their grief. Many times it involves having a memorial at the school and this can be done in many ways.</p>
<p>It’s been almost three years since the latest alcohol/drug induced car accident killed two students (passengers in the car) at our high school. All the kids in the car (I think four or five) were under the influence. One of the kids who died was very well-known as an outstanding athlete. He also had a twin brother who was not in the car, so it was a very conflicted situation. So many of the students could not help but be remembered on a daily basis of the boy who died when they saw his twin in school.</p>
<p>The team for which he played eventually decided to create a memorial near the field where he played, but it was sponsored for and paid for by those who wished to donate in this kid’s name. This brought an incredible amount of healing that could not have been accomplished without the willingness of the school and outside counselors who facilitated this.</p>
<p>I would be disgusted if there was a memorial for somebody who evaded arrest, drove drunk, and endangered everybody else on the road.</p>
<p>What the school should do is show the picture of the smashed car and say that’s what will happen to you if you drink and drive.</p>
<p>believe me - many, many kids saw the wreck site itself… no need for pictures. Word got out so fast and students naturally gravitated toward the site that night. It even became dangerous that so many kids were there. But you know what? It happens at every high school; find me one high school where it’s never happened. Kids wise up for a little bit, but classes matriculate and soon, no one at the school remembers how many lives were shattered by a selfish decision. Perhaps having a memorial is appropriate because students who weren’t in high school at the time can be constantly reminded whenever they see it.</p>
<p>Where did I say he evaded arrest?</p>