Pardon me as I have not taken any self defense classes, but a scenario came up and I truly do not know the appropriate or most effective response.
Scenario:
You’re walking out of your local grocery store. A man comes up aggressively towards you as you exit asking for money/for you to listen to his mixtape/catcalling you. You ignore him and continue towards your car. He continues to follow closely and shoves your arm towards him. You tell him to leave you alone, yet he persists. You pepper spray him, get in your car and leave.
Am I to just go about my day? Am I to call the police? What if someone calls the police on me? I’m genuinely afraid of the police thinking I assaulted someone.
There are cases where I’m not sure when to call the police whether I’m being followed, harassed, or otherwise feeling off about a situation.
Call the police. They would want to know about somebody like that.
Recently, my daughter and her friends were downtown, at a First Friday Art Walk. A guy started harassing them. When the kids started walking toward their car, he followed them. When they started driving off, he followed them. He got on the highway and stayed right on their tail. They wisely called 911 and the dispatcher sent a patrol car to meet them at a nearby convenience store. The guy actually pulled into the parking lot and started yelling at them, even with the cop there. The officer told my daughter and her friends to drive off, and he didn’t let the guy leave until several minutes had passed.
That’s what the police are there for. It’s better to be cautious.
If you feel threatened , and the person persists call 911. If he continues to touch you, I feel like you are within your rights to spray him IMO. I’d warn him first .
Thank you, you guys. I’m a bit weary about calling the police, mainly because in the moment I’m not sure if it’s warranted. This will be noted if presents itself in the future.
I’m so sorry this happened to you; I used to carry pepper spray but fortunately never had to use it.
I don’t know what the answer is. I wonder if it’s worth calling a police department and asking them what they think you should do (without identifying yourself at this point).
My first line of defense is what they teach children in preschool. “Walk away from my body!” If the perp doesn’t back
off then all bets are off. I was the victim of a violent crime. I cannot predict my response when threatened.
My first thought is that the words “pepper spray” and “etiquette” in no way belong anywhere near one another.
That said,in my dreams I would start screaming like a banshee " get away from me" “stop following me” to draw attention to my situation. If the aggressor doesn’t back off I would empty the canister on him. I would get in my car, drive a safe distance and call the cops. At least this might deter the aggressor from his next victim.
I got jumped once. I should have been more aware. I ran into a 4 lane busy highway before I even knew what I was doing. It is amazing I didn’t get hit and killed by a car. Fight or flight? I now know my instinct is to run. Point is you can think about what you’ll do but at the actual moment…who knows?
The purpose of pepper spray is to enable you to run away. As such, you should avail yourself of every opportunity to run away before the need to deploy pepper spray becomes necessary. If you are going to carry pepper spray, make sure you carry it in a manner that makes it quickly accessible. While good units can shoot a stream several feet, it is really a close quarters deterrent. A mistake many women make is to carry it in their handbags. That renders pepperspray effectively useless. Instead, it should be carried in an easy access coat pocket that you can keep your hand in or attached to keys held in your hand. Another mistake is to not practice with it to become familiar with its operation and spray characteristics. An actual assault is not the time to deploy pepperspray for the first time. If your are acquiring pepperspray, buy more than one so that you can practice using it. And if a situation arises where you need to use it, don’t give a warning first. You will lose the element of surprise, risk missing the face and eyes and risk having an assailant taking it off you and using it against you. And if you have a situation where it is necessary to use pepperspray, once you have escaped to a safe place, absolutely call the police and report the attack.
There was a period in my life where I had to walk late at night in a certain dark area a few times a week and I carried pepper spray. I held in in my hand with the finger on the trigger ready to go, and had my keys in the other hand so I could open my car quickly (this was pre-the era of being able to unlock your car from a distance). I was told a big mistake women made was to put the pepper spray on their keychain - if the assailant grabs for the pepper spray, then he has your keys too. I agree not to give a warning; that just gives the bad guy motive to grab at you.
Pizzagirl, what you suggest may be ideal but it can also depend on the circumstances. You may need to have your other hand engaged in carrying a package or free to use your cell phone to call the police. Very often, if an assailant can grab your pepperspray, he will likely be grabbing you too or controlling your other arm. And in reality, if things have gotten to that point, having your keys in your other hand probably won’t facilitate you getting into your car. Under any circumstances, the most important thing is to have the pepperspray immediately at hand so you can quickly deploy it.
True. This was pre-cellphone era, so it’s possible the recommendation is different now - all I remember is that it was considered a very bad idea to keep the pepper spray on the keychain!
In the OPs scenario, if the perp touched/pushed her arm it could be seen as assault. No need to “warn” the Perp that you will spray him- just do it. Otherwise it gives him an opportunity to do something more aggressive first, or protect himself. Catching him off guard or unprepared is is your better defense. And yes, you call the police.
I managed to get away from a rather threatening/precarious situation when I was in grad school. I had a “whew” reaction and drove away. My then BF was irate that I didn’t call the police, but by the time I told him about the incident I felt it was too late to report it.
Every situation is different, but in general it seems to me if an interaction warrants pepper spray, it would almost certainly also warrant calling 911.
Are you all sure how you will react to the pepper spray if some of it hits you? I’ve read several times this can be a real problem. There’s a wide range of personal tolerance. One of my kids got watery eyes from the indirect spray; one was incapacitated quite a while. (no, I don’t pepper spray them–it was during training exercises). I’ve read wasp spray is a better alternative for women to carry, but I haven’t looked into if there are smaller canisters.
I was home and channel-surfing the other day and one of those “judge” shows came on with this very scenario. A girl was going to work out in her apt complex gym early one morning It was 6:30 am and dark. Another (male) resident had been working out but the lights were on a timer and they shut off. He was walking down the hall to turn them back on just as she was entering, and they encountered each other just as she opened the door. She was frightened (it was dark, he was wearing a hoodie and it sounds like the hood was up.) He was suing her because the pepper spray she hit him with triggered an asthma attack, he did not have an inhaler, ended up being taken to the ER and missed a flight and 2 days on a business trip (he was self employed in some aspect of the tv/film industry and lost a 2 day shoot contract). I forget the specifics. Judge ruled in the girl’s favor. Said she had reason to fear that it was an unsafe situation and use of the pepper spray was reasonable. She said she’d leave it up to the girl’s conscience if she wanted to reimburse the guy, who lived in her complex, anything. She did not.
I would not have found for the girl. I wouldn’t find her guilty of a criminal act, but civilly she is liable for the consequences of her actions to an innocent other person.
