<p>When I tell people my son is going to prison on March 28, everyone wants to know WHERE he will be placed, as if this were college. Why do people ask this? I love being on CC, and right now I need your support, because this is all I can think about for now. After he goes, I will be more attentive to the other forums. I guess because this is such a new experience, I need input, as nobody I know has any advice for me. I know in CCLand, there are people with experience in all things! Thanks for your input.</p>
<p>Maybe they don’t know what else to say? Maybe they’re wondering of you’ll be able to visit him?</p>
<p>It may be their way of trying to show interest and engaging in conversation, instead of just saying OH and turning away. I guess I would suggest not offering the information that he is going to prison if you don’t want to answer this question. If people ask about him and you don’t want to talk specifics with them, then just say something like “He was doing well the last time I spoke with him.” then change the subject.</p>
<p>If you have started the conversation, and someone asks…just say “we don’t know where he will be going. We won’t know that until the sentencing.”</p>
<p>That is the answer, isn’t it?</p>
<p>That’s a good point-they don’t know what else to say! I never thought of that. I guess it’s the first thing that comes to mind. I want to talk about it, but I don’t know what else to say! But we won’t know anything after sentencing, as it takes a couple of weeks to be proccessed thru the DOC and even then, it might take more time for a space to be open in the prison that is the correct placement. Hello, Thumper! Always shows up for my thread!</p>
<p>Fauxmaven, I’m so sorry about what you are going through. I do think that people have good and caring intentions and are asking that because they don’t know what else to say and want to show interest without appearing judgmental. </p>
<p>Use your instincts about who to share with and hold back in the company of others that may not have your best interest at heart. And come here when you need support from people who know that we all share the same fears and vulnerabilities.</p>
<p>I have a friend who told everyone her son was in rehab. I knew he wasn’t. But I let her have her privacy.</p>
<p>If you are talking about it, which is very cool of you, just say, dont know yet. You aren’t alone and I would bet someone you tell will have lived the same experience.</p>
<p>I think it’s the easiest obvious question, showing concern about how easy or often you will be able to visit. People also probably don’t know what the alternatives are, for example if he might be in another state. I guess it’s easier to ask where than to ask for how long, or what did he do. I don’t know if you are finding universal support from people you know, but it can be really hard for people to figure out the right thing to say.</p>
<p>I think it is a fair question. I think in our state there are 5 or 6 prisons, that I know of, so maybe it’s a conversation with the follow up being if you will be able to visit or not or something along those lines.</p>
<p>I think the question is a way of asking “what level of prison?” Everyone has heard of different kinds of prisons, from supermax to so-called country clubs.</p>
<p>My first thought was the same as NJres. I would (innocently) ask that question to determine if you would be able to see him often. It certainly could be a way of asking what level of prison, but I really think that most people wouldn’t know what to say, and “where?” is the logical question.</p>
<p>That seems a perfectly reasonable question. And I’m sure they’re hoping, once you’ve answered, that they’ll be able to follow up with something positive, such as “Oh good, that’s not far from here!” or “Oh, that’s not bad, I’ve heard good things about that facility.” Mostly, though, they’re probably wondering if it will be close enough for you to visit.</p>
<p>The reality is that if it were a federal offense, he could end up halfway across the country. So, if it isn’t, and you know that he’ll at least be somewhere in your home state, you can tell them that: “We don’t know yet, but he’ll be somewhere within State X.”</p>
<p>I just thought of you the other day and wondered how you were doing. I think most people are concerned but just don’t want to say the wrong thing. Hugs to you!</p>