<p>Any advice or feedback you could give me would be really helpful.</p>
<p>Thanks</p>
<p>-Zach</p>
<p>Office of Undergraduate Admissions
Louisiana State University
1146 Pleasant Hall
Baton Rouge, LA 70803 </p>
<p>Dear Louisiana State University Admissions:</p>
<p>My dad has been sharing Tiger pride with me my entire life. I am convinced LSU is the college and community where I could make valuable civic contributions while earning my academic degrees. I am focused on ultimately earning a law degree and working in a legal capacity within the professional sports industry.</p>
<p>I am an all around sports enthusiast with personal competitive experience nationally and internationally. However, football is my passion and to join the official fan base of the LSU Tigers would be amazing.</p>
<p>I view my resume of awards and recognitions as guiding posts for my future contributions. While working with handicap skaters I acquired increased patience and an appreciation for physical differences. I trained as a USA Ice Hockey official at age 11 and continued to work as a ref for several years developing conflict resolution skills as a benefit of being scheduled with many adult professionals during the intense games. Volunteering for the American Legion and the Veterans of Foreign Wars gave me commitment to my country and the importance of patriotism. Being selected for Boys State provided a first hand experience working within our governments framework. Caring for aging family members offered insight into being responsible beyond my years and understanding challenges that must be faced together as a family unit. While traveling stateside and abroad, it became apparent that I am a people person and possess abilities to relate and get a long with a variety of people with differing languages and cultures. I envision carrying all of these enriching experiences and their benefits to the LSU campus and getting involved in many student and community organizations.</p>
<p>Academically I am prepared for college except for chemistry.<br>
My choice of taking marine science instead of chemistry was influenced by the opportunities offered at Seaworld in Orlando. It was an awesome experience to study a live manatee, over 25 species of fish, penguins, exotic birds, sharks, etc. An airboat exploration among the alligators was a highlight to remember during the course. Although Florida does not require chemistry to be one of the required sciences I am willing to enroll this summer if that will satisfy the LSU requirement for my acceptance.</p>
<p>Being accepted to study at LSU is a dream come true. I am 110% committed to hard work, and full participation at the University, the community and ultimately my country.</p>
<p>I am available for an interview and look forward to the opportunity of presenting myself.<br>
Thank you for your consideration, </p>
<p>Sorry, not sure what this is…your essay? Your “here’s more stuff about me” addendum to your app? A letter of intent (i.e. you’re only a junior now)?</p>
<p>It’s a nice, well-written letter, but if I could figure out why you’re writing it, I might have a better clue as to what kind of feedback you’re looking for.</p>
<p>You need to work within the framework set up by LSU for admissions. Did they request a letter? Is that an essay? It is pretty good writing, whatever it is, but it could use a run past an English teacher.</p>
<p>Did your Dad make you write it? Tradition helps build great universities. He did well to instill a sense of pride in LSU in you.</p>
<p>I am pretty sure LSU has a minority access program for people from your planet.LOL</p>
<p>So I am in an odd place. I really want to go to LSU, and I have good stats and great EC and legacy. Here’s the thing, Louisiana requires Chemistry as a high school course, but I took Marine Biology and Biology instead of Chemistry. I take full responsibility in not knowing while in HS (I can’t take anymore classes.) So, I get a call from the Asst. Dean of Admissions at LSU today. He really wants me to be a tiger, but my application has to go to a committee because less then 200 kids are allowed in under the “lack of class fulfillment” clause. Anyway, he said he sent a few emails to his boss advising my admission and he put an endorsement note on my application. He also asked me to write a personal statement for the committee.</p>
<p>Ah, so. In that case, I think your letter is great. MHO, it might be a little heavy on the Tigers rah rah, but you know the school better than I do, and the top brass may be very much into that.</p>
<p>Your letter appears to be from the heart, and sincere. That’s what shines through. I agree that you should run it by a GC or English teacher, but I don’t detect the slightest bit of b.s. or a$$-kissing. Nicely done.</p>
<p>The letter is good for your purpose. Run it by an English teacher. The letter and the official endorsement may be enough to get you in.</p>
<p>Otherwise;
Point out that marine biology is a lab science.
Offer to take a quarter of chemistry in CC. (easy to do)
Read a Chemistry review manual and try for a reputable SAT II score. (hard to do)
Read an AP Chem review manual and … no no that is f234nfg impossible.</p>
<p>And LSU is very rah!rah! and I don’t mean that as a criticism. Tigers rock! (Dawgs are better).</p>
<p>Ohh, I understand the situation now. In that case, I think your letter is great. Very sincere and genuine. It doesn’t seem forced or brown-nosy at all. Maybe give it to your English teacher just to check for grammar and all those things. Nice job.</p>
<p>So sorry, didn’t read it all, a quick glance at certain spots is all.</p>
<p>You want to say ‘handicapped skaters’. That did jump out at me. It seemed like a great letter, and I am optimistic for you that you will be admitted.</p>