Personal Stmt for Law School. BE BLUNT!

<p>Writing my personal statement for law school. Be blunt, if you dont like it say that you hate it. Tell me what you like about it!!!</p>

<pre><code> The frigid chills of February, white snow draped the streets, roads slippery enough to have cars dancing, incessant snow blocking the windshield of the 2002 Ford van I was driving full of youth members from my church after our usual Friday night service. Attempting to press the brakes at every corner street caused the tail of the van to swing from side to side, slightly losing control but able to manage through. Certainly I felt out of my realm of comfort but realizing my top priority was to get them home safe, driving with cautious as the streets became increasingly unsafe by the minute. The amount of responsibility was great because one wrong move could have had disastrous results, as we stopped at each member’s house they got out and each one saying “Thank you Erick”; I was able to breathe a sigh of relief. The night ended and everyone had reached their homes safely, a story ending to my preference. As I lay on my bed that night I could not help but think how I had reached this point, holding the responsibility of a youth leader and nostalgically reminding myself of decisions and mistakes which have ,so far, shaped my life.
Growing up in a Christian home my entire life was difficult mainly because there were many rules to obey; too young and naïve to truly appreciate the discipline and obedience of my faith. I remained obedient towards my parents and religion, never questioned it, just kept my head down and obeyed. Soon, it became tiresome and just like the stereotypical teenager I rebelled against my faith putting a strain on my relationship with my parents and wanted nothing more than to flee. Making the decision to transfer Nyack College, which required me to leave home, seemed like a logical choice an opportunity to find my own identity. Despite it being a Christian college it was the only place I could get my parents to agree to let me leave home. Making the drive to upstate New York I was optimistic to call Nyack my new home, a fresh start where I would make my own “rules.” With a hopeful beginning I felt I had made the right decision, unfortunately my priorities were set in the wrong place leading to declining grades, losing motivation and questioning my decisions and, especially, my future. As it turned out it wasn’t the place I would call home nor did my “rules” produce the identity I desperately seek. Dreadfully, made the decision to go back home and was now attending Queens College. Evidently, I had to accept my mistakes and move past it, but was it too late?
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<p>One afternoon after picking up the mail I opened a letter addressed to me from Queens College. Upon reading it I could not believe what the letter revealed, reading it several times hoping the message on the letter would change. It had informed me I was put on Academic Probation due to my Spring 2006 grades, disappointed in myself that I allowed my academic records to hit rock bottom. Not realizing the tears coming down my cheek onto the letter I could no longer hold back my emotions as my tears burst out; mostly tears of disappointment. Frustrated, wondering if I could change the path I had put myself on? Quickly and quite irrationally, only two thoughts remained - drop out and accept the cards I had dealt myself or continue my college career and somehow dig myself out of the rut I had put myself in. Little did I know that being put on Academic Probation may have been the greatest thing to have ever happened to me because it served as a wake-up call. It awoke in me the drive I had been missing and was able to dream bigger. Proceeding with my second option, that letter became a turning point in my academic and personal life, steadily my grades rose each semester making the Dean’s List my final two semesters while excelling in my majors.
Conveniently around the same time I was, also, given the opportunity to take over the Youth Leader position at my church, a position which has become part of my identity. My role is to lead and organize a worship service every Friday night ending with a thirty-minute hopeful rhetorical message applicable to their lives. As the youth group began to grow we were able to maintain a consistent cosmopolitan group of twenty-five members, more than double of what I had started with. Each member with different type of personality and background meshing together every Friday night and all with a story to tell, whether a recent immigrant finding difficulty to adapt to the American culture, a kid dealing with lonesomeness, a young girl affected by peer pressure, siblings growing up without a father or a teenager with self esteem issues.
During one of our usual Friday night reunions, an uninvited, tall, well built male walked in and for the entire service quietly sat at the end of the row. As with any new face everyone introduced themselves and when it was his turn he looked down mumbling his name barely able to understand him. By the end of the service I tried to get him to open up by asking probing questions about himself, unfortunately, could not get anything but a nod or shrug of his shoulder. Worried at this unique circumstance, when his father picked him up he informed me that he’s recently emigrated from Panama describing him as a loner and quiet individual since coming to the states but wanted his son to continue his life in America, hoping for a brighter future. Fortunately, after weeks of trying to get him to open up he finally spoke to me, in his native language of Spanish which made him feel comfortable, of his upbringing in Panama. Speaking of homemade dishes prepared by his mother which he deeply missed and cousins he grew up with who he could no longer spend his afternoons with. Sympathizing with his predicament I took it upon myself to invest time in him, inviting him over to play basketball with my brothers, speaking of our different cultures, and even sharing with him obstacles I had to overcome.
Recently, as I observed him mingle with the other members I felt rewarded by how this reserved individual had changed since he first walked in that unexpected night.
Proud that perhaps his lonely days were behind him and excited to continue working with individuals going through difficulties.
My work with the youth and ambitions to succeed has driven me to pursue a law degree in the public interest area. My upbringing was barricaded with rules which may have pushed me to take wrong decisions and eventually learn from them but my faith and certain wake-up call encouraged me to strive for attainable goals. Even though, at one point I could have never imagined myself pursuing a graduate degree I am now motivated to take the next step in my life and whether my outcome be an immigration lawyer, public defender, judge or whichever position I am it will be to better the lives of others while always striving to reach my goals.</p>

<p>Better post at top-law-schools.com</p>

<p>People on this board are mostly high school students and bored parents who are more interested in arguing whether Yale Law or Harvard Law or Stanford Law is better.</p>

<p>Inspired by that comment…this parent/attorney will answer. It needs a lot of work. </p>

<p>It’s filled with grammar and usage errors. Yes, we all make them when we write something quickly. A personal statement should be polished. This isn’t. For example, you write: “…driving with cautious…” I assume you mean caution. There are LOTS of grammar and usage errors. </p>

<p>The beginning sounds like a short story or creative writing piece. That’s NOT the tone you should be going for in a personal statement. </p>

<p>More importantly, it doesn’t answer “Why law school?” Now, as I understand the requirements, a personal statement does NOT have to be about why you want to go to law school. Yours, however, purports to answer this question…and doesn’t. There’s no natural connection between working with a church youth group and becoming an attorney. In fact, the sorts of things you say you felt fullfilled by are things that attorneys ususlly do NOT do. You aren’t going to take clients home to play basketball with your brothers. Nor are you going to talk to your clients about the personal obstacles you overcame–especially if they are paying you by the hour. (If this were an essay about why I want to get into a program for teacher certification, it might work. )</p>

<p>There are some books out there about writing personal statements. Take a look at some samples. You should also talk to the pre-law adviser at your college and ask for advice. </p>

<p>Now, I don’t claim that I am an admissions officer so this is simply my personal opinion FWIW.</p>

<p>Another attorney/parent here, not bored and absolutely no dog in the Harvard v. Yale v. Stanford fight, although I might agree about the whole Ivy League fetish.</p>

<p>Anyway, bluntly, needs lots of work. Beyond needing lots of editing and polishing, I found it too long and in particular melodramatic, e.g. your tears falling on the page. Certainly, try to show who you are and how or why (succinctly), but foremost, show them why you want to be a good lawyer, and what you will do with your education and the privilege of being a professional.</p>

<p>I agree with the above post, very melodramatic. Please heed the above post.</p>

<p>Another attorney parent chiming in - yes, too unfocused and not written clearly. Too much extraneous stuff - (what does your parent’s religion or “well-built” have to do with anything?). Are you trying to excuse your choice of schools based on your parent’s religion, as if Nyack was an awful school or a terrible choice? It isn’t clear what point you’re trying to make in that part of the statement. I also thought the tears stuff was excessively melodramatic. Legal writing needs to be clear and concise. It is seldom required to be emotional. </p>

<p>It wasn’t clear if your interest in immigration law might be derived from the Panamanian student’s immigration status.</p>

<p>It took courage to post here. I think my kid’s first draft was much worse than yours (he also explained an academic turnaround), and he’s doing well in law school now. My kid chose to explain his academic turnaround in a supplemental statement, not in his personal statement. That’s another approach you might want to consider, so that the majority of your personal statement doesn’t feel like it’s about pulling yourself out of holes.</p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

<p>Grammar and usage errors aside, I thought it was a reasonably good personal statement. The opening scene with you driving youth group members home may have been a bit melodramatic, but I thought the rest struck a good tone. I would urge you not to heed the comments of those who claim you must answer the “Why Law School?” question in your PS. According to Anne Ivey, a former admissions officer at University of Chicago’s law school whose book I read, most good personal statements do not address this issue. Instead, they try to impart a sense of who the applicant is for the admissions committee. </p>

<p>For the record, I am a junior in college. Additionally, the personal statement is something I struggle with and am by no means an expert at; this may take some of the value from my advice.</p>

<p>I can’t get past the poor grammar and sentence structure. I am really concerned about the ability to get from this to polished.</p>

<p>Needs a lot of work. You lost me in the beginning when you equated dropping some kids off at their houses with a monumental task.</p>