<p>Just out of curiousity … How often do you phone your kids/ your kids phone you? What do you think should be the normal amount?</p>
<p>Well, from a kid…every couple days first quarter, at my mom’s insistence. This quarter, maybe 1 or 2 times a week - more work piling up here, time difference, etc. I have some friends who call daily, most around once or twice a week though.</p>
<p>:)</p>
<p>I call my daughter if I need to know when to book her flight/is her fever gone/important stuff like that. Other than that I don’t like to call, because I don’t know what she is in the middle of.</p>
<p>She calls me 2-3 times a week usually, sometimes it’s “Hi, I’m fine”, sometimes it’s with a funny story. or a rant, and sometimes it’s not for a few days . Yesterday, when she was baking for her floor, she called me 4 times!!</p>
<p>There is no normal amount, just continue the relationship you shared at home. If you are a kid, it would be nice 
to say Hi twice a week to the people that raised you, love you unconditionally, and are paying for college ;)</p>
<p>We communicate frequently by email and AIM so we rarely talk on the phone.</p>
<p>We also IM and text message both kids. Both kids leave their AIM up all the time, so I will usually just leave them a message a couple of time a day with little tidbits of info; I don’t expect a reply. My daughter tends to call often just to ask a question or tell me about a class. My son only call when he needs something-yesterdays call was, “Can I wash my fleece jacket with my towels?” When I informed him that he might end up with lint all over his jacket, he want to know if he could tehn put the jacket in with his polo shirts. He was hell bent on not doing one more load than he needed! You have to understand that the washer is in his apartment, it’s not like he has to sit at the laundry waiting to put quaters in a machine. Hopefully he will call today as UPS should be delivering his birthday present!!</p>
<p>thank you! I’m a student and just wanted reassurance that is ok to only call two or three times a week …</p>
<p>My S calls home on weekend only because we asked him to when he left in August. He regularly emails mid week then other times as needed if something to say. IM’s little B daily, which is okay by me.</p>
<p>Fluffy,</p>
<p>My S1, a freshman, calls every Sunday, and I try to leave it up to him to make the calls, fearful of being a pest. However, when he was a little down last semester, I confess I did call a couple of times a week. Now that all is going well and the adjustment is made, I only call if I really need something like his checking account balance for the FAFSA.
He has emailed me only ONE TIME this year. </p>
<p>I will be very interested to see if we will ever hear from S2 when he goes next year. When he was away at camp for three week stints we wouldn’t hear a word.</p>
<p>I’m a weird high school senior (boarding) who talks to my mom at least once daily. I just like saying goodnight, seeing what’s up at home, talking to my little sibs, etc. My mom will email me stuff about sales at my favorite stores and she also sends a couple of small packages most weeks with maybe a magazine and a candy bar. We have been like this since I was 8 and went to sleep away camp. She is one of my favorite friends.</p>
<p>I think this goes to family dynamics and personal preference. I don’t see the number of times a week that you speak to a family member as necessarily being related to a lack of independence, although in some cases it might be. I was just talking to a good friend about this very subject this morning. Her S is a freshman this year. They are from a family where frequent conversations are the norm. My friend is the most independent and capable individual on the planet, and yet always spoke to her own mom every day when she was in college and to this day. On the other hand, there are some equally loving families where the frequency of communication is much less. For example, to this day my m-i-l calls routinely on Sunday morning. My own family was not like that - we call when we want to chat, which is sometimes everyday, sometimes four times in a given day, sometimes only once in a week!!</p>
<p>Fluffy - 2-3 times a week from my student (a male) would be heaven.</p>
<p>I rarely call him because I don’t know whether I will interrupt. Anyway, when he calls here (v rare) it is always a better conversation. We do IM as well. But his approach seems to be “no news is good news.” And, to a great extent, that is true. If he is engaged in what he is doing, it doesn’t occur to him to check in. But I would love it.</p>
<p>Just thought I’d better speak up for the corner of the world who are not receiving weekly or better phone calls from the little darlings. :)</p>
<p>I am a Mom of a freshman boy who we speak to about once a week, but for a half hour or so when that happens. It is interesting that you are forecasting this issue from the point of view of a student. As a parent, we are feeling it out and coming to what is normal for our S. He is talkative on the phone if we call weekly, but clams up if we call often. In his case, hearing from us often I think robs him of the sense of “his own adventure and world”, but he is saving up things to talk to us about, and I am pleased with our family status quo. He calls when he needs money or is sick otherwise.
But I totally agree with roshke. Cell phones, IMs and emails have revolutionized what is normal and do impact what we would have called emancipation in my youth. In my day there was a phone on the hall shared by 65 people and a little buzzer went off in your room if it was for you. Naturally, calls to parents were never more than weekly and snail mail was central.
We have say 20 friends with college freshmen. No family is the same as another family on habits re cell/IMs and emails. Some kids love to IM their parents…this would be intrusive and a wrong note for my son, so I don’t even have him in my buddy list. Each family personality seems to define communications differently and some kids happily check in with parents daily without being in any way “dependent”.<br>
If you are already a bit anxious that your parents might call too often for your taste, you might simply bring it up to them.<br>
When I was worked as a mental health professional and had “on call” sometimes we had anxious clients who abused the overnight call system. One thing we did was to learn to call the person who was anxious ourselves on the shift, and thus end the risk of the 3am call.<br>
This is a bit daffy as an anecdote, but I guess…my advice is to take the intiative and be the one who calls in a certain pattern gracefully, thus ending parental anxiety and hurt feelings. Give your parents some idea of a routine day that you will call them, and then do it…say Sundays only or whatever extra day works for you…or something. This may preclude the anxious parent calls at unwanted times and keep everyone on even keel. One tip from a parent’s point of view: try not to call only to dump the problem of the day and hang up. Parents sometimes only get the worry calls and then we don’t realize that you are in fact having a blast 90% of the time. Give your parents a view of what is working and making you happy as well as what is worrisome or the problem of the week. Believe me, when we are sacrificing, working extra hours or writing checks, we also like to visualize the positive wonderful things happening at College X, not just the problem roommate or teacher. Share the good things, too…it helps us let go and move on daily. S’s life is not all Bliss at Duke but he called his Dad from fifth row center at the last basketball game and made his day…shared the fun which is appreciated.</p>
<p>thank you so much faline! your advice was just what I wanted to hear!</p>
<p>My parents and I talk on the phone everyday. At first mum was missing me, and I figured it would dwindle to something more like my bf’s “when necessary” calls. I taught her how to use skype, and gave her my email addresss, but nope, still have to call everyday (If I don’t phone her first, she has a habit of phoning at the most inconvenient times).
And to think she gets whiny when I don’t have any news to give her! :rolleyes:</p>