@doschicos So I confess that I don’t do much domestic work. I keep our apt tidy and do laundry but H cleans bathrooms and the kitchen and mops. We order groceries from Amazon Fresh. Cooking = microwaving, frozen pizza and ordering take-out. I know it’s terrible. But at least it’s organic terrible.
Re kid care help, in theory yes and I’ve tried it. But in practice it often become another person to manage: scheduling, planning, organizing, etc. I had one amazing sitter who could really wrangle S1 (alas she moved out of NYC to start her family two years ago). S1 needs me. I wasn’t kidding about being an emotional ICU. And then I feel so guilty about S2 that I make 1:1 time with him a priority. So I pick him up from school 3x week and we play lots of monopoly, scrabble, chess and do the NYT mini crossword together every day. And snuggle and go comic book shopping together. S1 is 9 and S2 is almost 8. Taking care of them is really the best part of my life. The schlepping to therapy isn’t fun (and gets downright brutal come dead of winter) but I need to interface with the therapists.
I’m humbled by the fact that I have a cushy (dare I say luxurious) life compared to most mothers. S1 has a lot of issues but we have amazing health insurance thanks to H. The boys go to great (so far, still new) schools. They know they are loved. So I’m guilty about not ‘coping’ with my challenges – so many have it so much worse. But the health effects are real.
“So I’m guilty about not ‘coping’ with my challenges”
Please don’t add guilt to your stress. You sound like a wonderful, caring mom who puts her kids first. It’s understandable why you feel stress given all on your plate. You have every right to feel overwhelmed. I’m glad you’re talking to the therapists and taking care of yourself in that way.
I have chronic GI issues from stress and get bizarre conditions that also can come from stress that keeps my GP always trying to decide if my problems are organic or stress induced. One of the weirdest was varicose veins in my bladder that began to bleed. That was stress. She tried to write off postmenapausal bleeding as stress (which can happen) but it turned out to be a fibroid growth. So one never knows with me.
You have to plan out a few months to get a weekend off?
No wonder you’re stressed. You have too much on your plate. What about quitting? Seriously. Would it impossibly derail your career to quit for a few years? Would the income loss be that substantial after you subtracted all the expenses from going to work? You are paying your husband’s tax rate, when you take what is left minus the expenses, is it truly worth it?
These issues have a way of forcing the outcome. Stress can be very dangerous, and a heart attack, stroke or cancer would stop you from working for awhile. But why not skip the health issues and do what you need to, to heal? Is it unthinkable?
I have heart palpitations that get worse if I don’t exercise. I’ve been checked by a cardiologist, and essentially they say they can treat it if it is bothering me. I’ve found if I exercise at least moderately and daily (even walking 45 minutes is fine), they are extremely rare. I realize that doesn’t take care of all medical conditions, but early 40s is when a sedentary lifestyle will catch up with people and start causing health issues. Just putting it out there as something to consider.
I’ve lurked on CC for years, but this thread prompted me to sign up and post.
Have you had a full blood panel, and thrown in TSH and T4? TSH and T4 are to check for thyroid function. Hyperthyroidism is fairly common in females in their 40s, and the symptoms you’ve described are often signs of hyperthyroidism. (Of course, those symptoms could be other things too.)
I’d take a step back and look at the bigger picture. It could be stress, or it could be a physical condition. Specialists seem to look at one particular symptom and make it fit in their specialty. Take a broader look.
My husband has been burping a LOT lately. Since we work side by side in our home office, it’s driving me batty. He asked his doctor about it, but there doesn’t seem to be much he can do. Pepcid is not doing a thing. We noticed it happens mainly in the office, so I think it’s stress-related.
I agree with @Crankymom . Get a complete thyroid panel if you haven’t had one already. When my mom had those symptoms, it was hyperthyroidism.
Iron panel? B12?
I also recommend pushing for a cardiology referral. It would be worth it for the peace of mind if nothing else. Tell your PCP that. It should help bring your stress level down.
I agree there are options like beta blockers but a lot can be done with hydration, regular sleep, and exercise. I’m saying this as a person with MVP and dysautonomia.
@MaineLonghorn, I went through two episodes of constant burping a couple of years ago and had every test imaginable to try and determine the origin. My PCP is a gastroenterologist and he told me that he had seen situations like this when someone is under a lot of stress. Since he knows that my life is a constant source of stress (that for reasons that are too complicated to list here, I cannot eliminate), we ultimately decided that stress was the cause. I actually do notice an increase in burping when things ramp up around here. I wish I could say I found something that helps, but not so far.
@Aspieration, that you might be experiencing stress-related physical symptoms given all you have on your plate is not surprising, but I would be in the camp of those here that recommend ruling out everything physical before chalking up your symptoms to stress. Annoying to subject yourself to all the tests, I know, but I’ve had one incident in my life when tests for one symptom identified another, more serious issue, so I’d rather be sure, to the extent that’s possible.
Please try to fit some exercise into your day so you can pound some of the stress out on a treadmill or rower. It will also show the kids the importance of self care. Hugs.
@busyparent I walk to work so that’s 2x 30 mins or 1hr M-F. I should go to the gym and get my heart rate up a few times a week. You are right. H is a serious runner (marathons) and needs a lot of time to train so finding the time is hard.
@runnersmom, thanks for sharing. Yeah, my husband’s life is pretty stressful, too -he’s the main person responsible for paying for two kids in college! I help, but it’s mostly on him.
@MaineLonghorn certainly burping means a lot of things, but with my husband, he ended up being diagnosed for celiac (at the age of 50!) It’s a simple blood test that most PCPs (and I am one!) don’t think about. But it’s worth screening for.
That walk to and from work seems like enough exercise if you are walking briskly. I guess I’d look elsewhere other than trying to fit in more exercise, unless it is something you want to do and it makes you feel better.
Walking is great, glad you are able to do that. Recently when my stress level went up I started mixing in some jogging with the walks to get my heart rate up and sweat a bit. It has helped. As busy as you are I know it’s hard to fit in.
During peri-menopause, I went through a stage of flooding (periods). It was bad. I didn’t realize I had gotten anemic. I was having mild chest discomfort, and I was surprised to find myself out of breath after taking the stairs.
Once the doctor found the anemia, it was corrected, and I felt better re: chest and out of breath.
Peri-menopause was tough for me, with the additional stress of getting through the teen years. It’s as if my dial was set on WORRY! LOOK OUT! constantly. That takes a toll on a person.
I’m not trying to dis your husband or pile on at all, but I read this as your husband takes or makes the time to train for marathons because they are important to him. (And kudos to him for having a hobby that is healthful and a stress-reliever). My question is, why aren’t you worth the same consideration to yourself?
Not that you have to train for a marathon, but you need to dial back something to maintain your health and you should feel worthy of that.
Your posts read like you are the equivalent of one “paycheck” away from physical/mental bankruptcy.
I have dealt with chronic stress and anxiety and experienced the same symptoms you describe. When you have a situation like one of your sons, who needs extra care and support, I think it is better to build in some cushion of time/energy to your schedule because there will undoubtedly be times when something in the schedule goes awry.
Even with two typical, average kids, it is unusual for everything to run smoothly with no hiccups. For me, I decided to take a lower paying but still rewarding job. It has flexible hours and this was crucial last winter when my mother was hospitalized suddenly and I had to tend to my father and then find a new living arrangement for them. At some point we are all going to be hit with a crisis with our child/spouse/parent/sibling.
