<p>My parents have always been physically abusive- beating me up, slapping me, kicking me and once when I was younger they used to heat an incense stick and press the hot stick onto my hands.
It’s always for really stupid reasons, like if I didn’t eat my vegetables, if I didn’t do my homework, if I sleep for 8 hours a day (my parents believe that 5 hours is the maximum sleep i need since i have to study so much) or if i watch a bit too much t.v.
And I hate it! I’m so angry and I’m so scared of them.
Last night when I really wanted to sleep but I had to study a bit more, my mom beat me up and slapped me and yanked my hair and made me finish studying and then let me sleep.
By the way, my dad is physically abusive with my mom and he beats her up a lot so it’s like my mom beats me up coz my dad beats and abuses her. Also, they swear at me like I’ve killed someone and the beatings I can handle since I’m used to it, but the swearing really hurts me coz I feel so useless and stupid after that.
I don’t even know what to say, I’ve never confessed this to anyone. I cry a lot, I’m severly depressed around my family but around my friends I’m really happy and cheerful and I have severly low confidence coz of them but I guess I get good grades and am able to go to nyu next year because of them.
I’ve tried to tell them how much they’ve hurt me and how violence isn’t necessary, but they just never listen. I don’t know what to do or how to feel because I feel so stripped and raw. So,what should I do about my parents?</p>
<p>I’m sorry to hear what you are going through. You can’t stop the abuse by talking to your parents. The abuse isn’t your fault. Please use the below resource. </p>
<p>"If you need help or have questions about child abuse or child neglect, call the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) then push 1 to talk to a counselor. </p>
<p>The Hotline counselors are there 365 days a year to help kids, and adults who are worried about kids they suspect are being abused or neglected. You can call this number if you live in the United States, Canada, Puerto Rico, Guam or the U.S. Virgin Islands. </p>
<p>The call is free and anonymous. (The Hotline counselors don’t know who you are and you don’t have to tell them.) There won’t be a charge for the call on your telephone bill if you use a regular phone or a pay phone. If you use a mobile phone or cell phone, there may be a charge and it may show up on the telephone bill. Don’t use a mobile or cell phone if you want to be sure your call is a secret. But please…do not make prank calls to the Hotline. This will tie up the phones and keep us from talking to someone who really needs help right away. "
[Get</a> Help with Child Abuse and Neglect - Childhelp](<a href=“http://www.childhelp.org/get_help]Get”>http://www.childhelp.org/get_help)</p>
<p>I can’t call them- I live in India. Thanks all the same.</p>
<p>Is there any older relative, friend, educator, or spiritual leader whom your parents would respect whom you could confide in and ask for help?</p>
<p>What the OP is describing is not “stiff parenting” its abuse pure and simple.</p>
<p>hirokee-I really don’t have much advice because I have never been in that situation nor do I know how things work in your country. I wish you luck on getting some type of help.</p>
<p>I don’t know but this may be a cultural situation…something acceptable and legal in India. Recently the news featured the story of the youngest buy actor in Slumdog Millionaire being kicked and punched by his dad because he was too tired to answer any more media questions upon his return home from the Oscars.</p>
<p>I’m glad OP will be in the US soon.</p>
<p>OP, when you are in the US, seek help from a counselor at your school. It will not cost you anything and it will give you some necessary help. It will help you put your parents’ behavior into perspective and allow you to recognize that what they’re doing is wrong.</p>
<p>Newtonian, burning a child is not “stiff parenting”.</p>
<p>Newtonian is a ■■■■■; takes an extreme view on different threads to try to raise people’s hackles.</p>
<p>One of the reasons I chose to study abroad was to get away from my parents and that’s why I even applied early decision.
And yes, it is quiet acceptable to beat up your child but I know my parents take it a bit further than that- all of my uncles and aunts know about my parents beating the crap out of me but of course they can’t say anything since they are also guilty of the same folly; my uncle once flung my cousin across the room in a fit of rage so really why would they think what my parents are doing is wrong?
I feel like I just need to endure the torture for the next few months and then when I go to nyu next year, I can get some kind of help since at the moment no one here can talk to my parents because it is very socially acceptable and anyway, if I actually ask someone to talk to my parents, they’ll probably die of the “dishonour” I’ve brought to the family and come back and beat me up some more for it.
Maybe I can ask my mom if I can see a therapist for stress and then I can talk about it? I dunno what my mom will say, I’ll have to see.</p>
<p>Hirokee – I’m only sorry we can’t help you as much as I’m sure we’d all like to. It’s not easy to keep the emotional abuse from bringing you down. When my parents would slap or hit me, it only made me furious and more intractable but you are right in saying that the verbal abuse is worse. Try every day to remind yourself that you are intelligent and worthy of love…try writing it down, and repeating it to yourself when the hurtful words are ringing in your ears. </p>
<p>When you come to the States, you will find that this kind of treatment is not acceptable. You will, if you try, find people to help you deal with the aftereffects of your ill-treatment and to help you not to repeat these patterns in your own future family. Perhaps you can even stay here permanently. Please remember that no matter what family pressure is brought, you don’t have to marry who they say, or live how they want you to live. You are a good and worthy person and you have rights even if you are still legally under your parents’ control. When you get here, check with your college counseling office for both psychological and legal help.</p>
<p>Caning (as used to be practiced by the Brits) is stiff parenting. Punching your kid in the face and burning your kid’s hands is not. That’s abuse by any definition, plain and simple.</p>
<p>Arnold was beaten by his dad(using a belt).</p>
<p>I was beaten by my parents using a chain metal belt. Also with heels of shoes. I received a black eye and fat lip with one punch from my father.</p>
<p>This was back in the 70’s and NOBODY in my school cared one bit. My parents did things to me that would be considered illegal today.</p>
<p>As someone from who has parents from a developing country (who are not abusive!), I can relate a little. The only website I found dealing with abuse was called Swayham…it deals with domestic abuse of women, but they might be able to offer suggestions: [url=<a href=“brokenspirits.com”>brokenspirits.com]SWAYHAM[/url</a>]</p>
<p>Regardless of what everyone says, this is a personal decision on your part. You know about this much more than we do, so only you can decide whether you want to bear one more year of this. If you do decide to bear it, remember not to get too attached to your parents afterward. You’re a kid, so it’s easy to still “love” your parents regardless of what they have done to you. Remind yourself every day that what is going on is wrong. This will help.</p>
<p>Also, consider going to a local temple or talking to a Guru. I don’t know the environment in India where you live, but where I’m from (in the Middle East), religious organizations play a big role.</p>
<p>Finally, I suggest you check out a book called “Man’s Search for Meaning” by Viktor Frankl. He was a psychologist who lived through the Holocaust. It’s an inspirational book and I think that it is personally suited to your situation.</p>
<p>I am wondering if you should take some pictures of your abuse. It may be useful when you come to this country if you should need protection or additional aid from your school. It may give you option of not going home for holidays - in case if your family should cut off financial support.</p>
<p>I would go out to a restaurant with your parents when they are in a decent mood. With all the courage and forced respect you can muster (in the interests of keeping a roof over your head, and funding for your education) I would try to talk to them. Perhaps explaining how the abuse effects you, in a neutral setting, will help.</p>
<p>I would explain your desire to have a healthy relationship with your parents in the future, when you have a spouse and children. Show them, in a cautious and clever way, the window to the future. I wonder if they could gently be forced to imagine how the future could look when you try to include them in your life, trust them with your children, and take care of them when they are old and frail. If they feel that your goal is to make things better, rather than to threaten them, maybe there is a chance that this type of communication could be helpful.</p>