Hello all. I once envisioned myself as a fancy computer/technology based person by the end of college, with a huge understanding of technology science, more so nanotechnology. The idea of creating nano sized robots to do a certain jobs inside of a human body, to heal, and destroy any foreign bodies, completely making a sick person healthy, seemed to be what I wanted to be able to create for the world, to cure things that can’t be cured with today’s technology.
I am in Physics 1, and I thought while working this out with the Academic Adviser, I might like Physics. However, I was completely wrong about that. 3 weeks into the class, when the Add/Drop option wasn’t available anymore, I wanted to withdraw from the class more than anything. Now, almost a month later, I’m feeling borderline suicidal, because of this class. I can’t seem to function well in any of my classes because of the stresses that this class has. I am literally forcing myself to stay up all day, all night trying to make sense of the material, and I can’t understand it. This makes me think I have a learning deficiency. But really, my interest in anything technology related is gone, because this class is a pre-requisite for anything technology based in my college, and I’m finding myself loving Chemistry a lot more now, almost like I might even major in that. I don’t know how to feel, or what to do. If I manage to ace literally every homework, test, exam from now, I might get a D+, according to my teacher. I can’t do that. Plus, I won’t ace anything, considering I can’t do well in the class.
I’m really trying to not think I’m retarded or anything of the sort, but I’m not seeing another way of thinking here, I might actually be dumb, since I can’t get Physics. I can’t do nanotech without Physics, but I really want to change the world of Technology. I’m thinking if I should just take this course some other time in my 4 years here.
About feeling suicidal, it’s overwhelming. I started to see a school counselor about my life, and this class in general, and it’s really not helping. Harming myself seems to be the norm for me, (cutting, not eating for days, etc), and if I really cannot function in Physics, I just may be doomed for the next 7 semesters. I’m deciding to Withdraw from the course tomorrow, as I really don’t see a way out.
What am I supposed to do, think, etc? I apologize for the ungodly wall of text, but I needed to write this to anyone who’ll look at this, because around here, it’s competition, and I get shunned every time I talk about my feelings, and that I should just drop out, if I can’t understand or appreciate anything Physics related.