Pity Party

Parent Cafe
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<p>Welcome to my Pity Party. You are all invited!</p>

<p>CC is the perfect venue for my pity party, as my pitiful state is all about college. Yes, All Things College currently fill me with a sense of Dread. Everything at my Pity Party, by the way, will be Oversized and Out of Proportion. Because I recognize that my sense of Dread is totally out of proportion to reality. </p>

<p>For any of you lovely guests who don’t know, the occasion for my pity party is the Limbo #2 that DS and all his cohorts have been thrust into as a late aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. Having negotiated fall term as Visiting Students (and DS has had an excellent experience; no complaints there), he and his fellow Engineering students at Tulane now find themselves victim to a “phase-out” of most Engineering majors at Tulane. Bring on the College Transfer Application Process! <em>trumpet fanfare</em></p>

<p>As party favors at my Pity Party, I am handing out College Transfer Application forms. Feel free to complete as many of them as you wish. I will fill in my son’s name, rank and serial number after you, Lovely Guests, complete the essays. Yes, the essays are item Numero Uno contributing to my sense of dread. DS now gets to start thinking again about reach/match/safety (a rose by any other name…) schools, and I have Looked at the Application Forms. Oh, yes, there they are: the Reason I Want to Transfer to College X essay (makes sense); the My Most Important Extracurricular Essay (will the hs one work/does a one-semester college freshman have something new to write?); the Introduce Yourself to Your new Roommate Essay (the feeling of being overwhelmed - on behalf of DS -begins to creep in here; after all, he will be carrying 18 credits and settling in to a new school); the clever and unique essays (gotta have them - how would you spend $10 on an adventure and with whom?; …) the we are a serious university essay (share an intellectual idea that excites you)… The worry is in my head. My pity is for DS facing essay after essay after essay with a full schedule on his plate, with all the worries about “getting in” as the cherry on top of his party sundae.</p>

<p>In lieu of Live Entertainment at my Pity Party, there will be Me, Droning on and on. Oh, wait… I’ve already done that.</p>

<p>There will be games, though. Musical Recommendations, for instance: yes, each of these apps wants two from college profs (DS feels he has one great one in the bag and can probably get another good one - not too bad for 3 months in a total of 4 classes) and one from the Dean of Students - let’s see, will that be the Dean of Students at the Visiting School he is just now leaving or at his “real” school where he will have been for at least two weeks before he has to start this process? Pin the Tail on the SAT score will also be featured. Yes, gotta send them, too. These are not DS’ strong suit; ya think A’s in College Physics and Calc II might trump lackluster SAT IIs in Chem and Math? Gotta hope.</p>

<p>The dress for my Pity Party is Come As You Are. If you are bleary-eyed from lack of sleep, you might be mistaken for me, your gracious hostess.</p>

<p>Oh, yes, I know this is overblown and illogical. But so far, in every contest between Logic and Worry in my overwrought brain, Worry has been the easy victor.</p>

<p>There is method in my party hostess madness. As gifts, I am hoping for Release and Catharsis. One size fits all.</p>

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<p>What a trying time for you and your family, jmmom.
I understand that Tulane is phasing out their engineering programs, but would it make sense to stay for one more year, take some of the required courses, get some good marks behind him (looks like he’s doing that already) and then apply as a junior transfer? He could then leave the SATs behind, couldn’t he? Maybe that sounds worse to your son than just finding his new home now, but it sure seems like a lot of changes all at once.
I can’t help but think two years of good grades and some strong recs from Tulane profs would serve him well in transfer admissions.
Good luck to your son!</p>

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<p>Can’t you liberally use cut and past from essays from a year ago? or am I making this thread politically charged already.</p>

<p>I am with you, the college "A"s trump the SAT IIs.</p>

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<p>Jmmom–You deserve all the whining and pitifulness you need! Eeks and double eeks!</p>

<p>Do I understand that Jmson will be going back to Tulane for the spring semester, even though they’ve discontinued his major? that does seem harsh–I would think all the visiting agreements would have an exception for those who have lost the programs they were going to Tulane for.</p>

<p>Overall, I think he’ll do fine. His experiences can’t hurt in the essay arena. The A’s should certainly trump the SAT 2 grades.</p>

<p>FWIW, my D went through the transfer angst as a frosh, though certainly not in the dire circumstances your S is facing. She was accepted as a transfer by the one reach school which she was turned down by first time around (I think grades trumping SAT 2s was the reason there.) She took great and nasty pleasure in turning them down.</p>

<p>Doing apps while in college is not fun, but do-able. I helped as much as I could on the homefront, getting transcripts, SATs sent, etc.</p>

<p>She also needed college recs, Deans’ rec, and a classmate rec, and was able to get all that together ok. Again, I know your S’s situation is much more difficult, but I predict the end result will be something really good.</p>

<p>Meanwhile, be as kvetchy as you want, and if you don’t always want to be funny when you do so, that’s okay, too!</p>

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<p>ASAP - that is certainly a possibility; unclear what courses will be available though. We’ll probably find that out in the coming weeks, or when he lands there. But then, these transfer apps are due 3/1. May seem a long way away, but not really with all the work involved.</p>

<p>m&sdad - that would be logical (see Worry trumps Logical, above), but I don’t know - can’t think clearly yet. He was EA, so didn’t have to do too many. His “main” essay seems possibly too much related to high school experience… don’t know, don’t know.</p>

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<p>Can I hug the hostess first??? Truly, your pity party is well deserved. </p>

<p>I just can’t believe what your son has to go through. The aftermath of Katrina and switching schools at the last second was enough for anyone. Your son fared that very well indeed and luckily really enjoyed Bates and made the most of his situation. What saddens me is that YOUR son and YOU as parents stood by Tulane. You did not look to switch schools and enroll elsewhere but just did the visiting student thing. Your intentions were for him to still go to Tulane with much excitement and willingness to wait. If that were not enough. I feel SOOOO badly about this new development. It seems so unfair but life does hand you obstacles. He’ll overcome this one because I can tell he has the tenacity to do so and the supportive parents. </p>

<p>I think it is unfortnate that he has to attend three colleges because of this. Again, what can you do, I know. </p>

<p>The whole app process as a student? Sucks. Yep, it does. You do have my pity. You also have my admiration for your TERRIFIC humor and your ability to date to weather this storm (oops about the pun). </p>

<p>My feeling is that for SOME of these essays, he should be able to resurrect the original college essays. As to why he wants to transfer…um, that is quite clear. Regarding teacher recs, it sounds like he has a chance to get some from Bates. I would also ask for advice under the circumstances at Tulane, what they expect or advise these engineering students to do regarding transfer as they haven’t even spent a semester at Tulane yet. I might also ask the colleges to which he wants to transfer, any advice under these circumstances. I also would see if he could do as much over vacation break than during the next semester on the apps as he’ll have enough to do at Tulane. </p>

<p>Now, this next idea…well, maybe it will cause a flurry of responses but, I’m going to ask in my naive way…GIVEN the CIRCUMSTANCES that he had intended to return to Tulane and was ONLY a visiting student at BATES BUT that Tulane is getting rid of his major so he must transfer for next year, does it make sense to now switch to Tulane for just one semester OR would Bates allow him to complete one more semester as a visiting student while he plans to transfer to a college where he won’t be a visiting student? Is this even possible? If it is, would he be interested, as much as he wanted to go to Tulane, but now he can’t truly stay at Tulane and is almost “visiting” there though not officially visiting. That’s my thought and I’m throwing it out there. I hope there won’t be a flurry of “but he is a visiting student and knew he was a visiting student so he can’t stay” posts because I agree with that overall sentiment (ala the whole Harvard visiting students issue) but I am seeing a very different circumstance here and extending visiting status to the end of this year since he won’t be able to stay a Tulane student either. I’d ask for advice at both Bates and at Tulane under these cirucmstances. Afterall, Tulane really should be advising the incoming freshmen who were displaced one semester but can’t stay if their intended major is to be discontinued. </p>

<p>Well, I stopped by your party and must admit, I’m not in party attire but I am with you in spirit…please pass the cocktails. :)</p>

<p>Susan</p>

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<p>Agree with Soozie, I would follow up with Bates about spending another semester there to ease the transition.</p>

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<p>You have my sympathy. I really think the colleges will give the Tulane kids the benefit of any doubt when reviewing the applications. His Bates grades will be a big plus, and should outweigh any concerns about the SAT. The bouncing around is horrible, and I would get out of Tulane as soon as possible. It might not work for this semester, but I would not recommend another year there.</p>

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<p>Jmmom - you and son have some room for a pity party!!! No martinis for son! I think Susan has a good idea about Bates, although the problem wil be withdrawing from Tulane, and not getting stuck with a bill. Take a look at Ga Tech. I really think that this week as the news filters around, some allowances will be made for the engineering students - think about how it will look to incoming parents if they try to squeeze a semester’s tuition out of students whose majors have been discontinued. My guess is Ga Tech will start seeing some spillover.</p>

<p>Don’t feel badly about feeling bad - you have been a great cheerleader for Tulane, you should feel sad.</p>

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<p>Oh jmmom you must feel so jilted! I totally understand that feeling of having to go thru the process AGAIN and I can imagine how difficult it must be to have to do it while IN college. I don’t know if Bates has an engineering degree but if so, I think soozie’s idea is great and I do think they’d see him as different than the other Tulane visiting students.
Sometime you gotta wonder how things can go SO WRONG.<br>
Hang in there, do a lot of deep breathing…
andi</p>

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<p>jmmom-I feel so badly for you and all the other families still struggling with the aftermath of Katrina. You deserve to take a day or two to feel really sorry for yourself, but then it’s time to let it go. No dwelling on what could have and should have been. Attitude is everything and we all know that you’ve got what it takes to meet this challenge and find a great outcome for your family.</p>

<p>Turn the lousy timing of the announcement into a positive. Look at it as you now get to have your S home for a month to regroup, brainstorm, get some preliminary essays done and have M&D around for some TLC.:slight_smile: Keep your chins up, your S is a great, resilient kid with a bright future. His Bates transcript will be a plus for him. Just use all that great CC knowledge you’ve gained and he will come out of this with some great opportunities.</p>

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<p>jmmom~</p>

<p>My heart goes out to you and your son as you face this uncertainty and disappointment. Yep, I’d say you were entitled to veritable Pity Fiesta with the works…the whole shebang!</p>

<p>I would feel SO defeated having to go through all of this again (for the SAME kiddo!). And yet, I know that somehow things will work out for your son and that he’ll find himself in the <em>perfect</em> place very, very soon. </p>

<p>Know that he has lots of people out here rooting for him to land at that perfect school SOON! And hang in there…your obviously great sense of humor will see you both through! ~berurah</p>

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<p>Jmmom,</p>

<p>You are such a genuinely nice person here on this forum that I can only assume this is somehow you being tested just to show the rest of us that we need to buck up:). And I’m not remotely religious.</p>

<p>Watch out if you see any buzzing large black things in the sky above your house. With your luck right now they will be locusts…</p>

<p>I would almost suggest you target one school, one your son would really like and you would love to see him go to - sort of a reachy match if you will - and just call their danged admissions office and get to know someone and get help from them directly. You are in a special situation, a there but for the grace of that force I don’t really believe in go I kind of situation. I am not sure that playing by the rules is the best approach. Not that you don’t have to do the apps and essays etc. but maybe you can circumvent some of that by just trying the human touch. Which you are good at anyway.</p>

<p>All my best. You are hereby exempt from any Christmas/Chanukkah shopping duties.</p>

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<p>I agree with Alumother. Admissions people are people first and will understand a special situation. Luckily there are many good engineering schools in the US so it’s more a matter of style than substance. I am sure many of the better state U’s would be happy to have him.</p>

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<p>Hi, lovely guests. I have not had time to read all the posts yet, as I actually took time out for some paid employment activity this morning. Different. ;)</p>

<p>But some thoughts re the suggestions I’ve read so far: <em>my, this is a Fun party</em></p>

<p>Re staying at Bates one more term - yes, we will certainly consider that and I have a call in to the Dean there, but I am guessing that is not what S wants to do. Bates does not have Engineering/Comp Sci or anything really close (exc. Physics). I don’t consider the visiting status agreement to hold for these students and have emailed Pres. Cowen of Tulane to that effect. He responded on Sunday morning to my email (gotta give him that) altho without specifics, but they will be forthcoming.</p>

<p>We have not had any time at all to discuss this as a family and hear S’ thoughts. This transpired as he was studying for Finals and doing papers; they end tomorrow, so we are not even blinking an eye at this subject in his direction via telephone/email/IM. He needs to focus on finishing up the term.</p>

<p>Returning and staying at Tulane for the full four years is a consideration, as he has given thought from time to time to Physics as a major. For that reason, I lean toward him going back this Spring, downhearted and upset as I am. But that all depends on his thoughts. I know many folks feel it is time to get out of Dodge asap, but I am not sure whether that is right or not. Spring term would give time to sort that out.</p>

<p>His Bates grades should help a lot - assuming they come in as he thinks. We don’t speak of them often, but he mentioned over Thanksgiving that he was carrying A’s in Physics and Math, B/B+ in Chem with a hope for better. His Poli Sci is Pass/Fail. I mention these because many have mentioned his good Bates grades, which are only hypothetical at this point. And because you knowledgeable party guests might know how to evaluate them in this context.</p>

<p>MOWC, Alu and others - I am really hoping that potential transfer schools will smooth the way for these kids, perhaps dispensing with the full-fledged formal transfer app. I am not going to wait for that to happen and will help DS prepare a Letter of Introduction/addenda (hs/college transcripts/rec, blah blah). We would then contact Admission Deans/Engineering Deans directly. That is my tentative plan, open to suggestions. Little can probably be done until after 1/1 due to vacations, but if DS focuses on one or two schools (he may not), right away, we will try contact asap.</p>

<p>As I said to DH, when Tulane stepped up with $2K for each student to defray transfer-related costs (apps, travel…), this is nice, but what I want is a Transfer on a Silver Platter. That would be what I’d like to serve up at my next party. :rolleyes:</p>

<p>More later. Is everyone enjoying the refreshments?</p>

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<p>The drinks and hors d’ouevres are just fine - the question is how is the hostess!
Sounds like a reasonable and flexible plan, the best you could want at this point.</p>

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<p>Yes, they’re lovely…you may need to imbibe a bit more of them before this is over… </p>

<p>We might need something stronger than usual to spike the punch with.</p>

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<p>The hostess is Having a Bad Day. Oh, you noticed? :o: </p>

<p>Talking to DS when he gets home could help. Or make things worse.</p>

<p>A visit from the Essay Fairy would do wonders. Why am I so fixated on this aspect?</p>

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<p>Is dear son at least feeling better?</p>

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<p>jmmom, my guess is that an easy on his experience this Fall will be easily written, heart-felt, and adaptable for any and all schools he wishes to transfer to. And I agree with barrons, I think others school are going to be particularly open to kids from the hurricane-affected colleges – especially those who have had the majors phased out.</p>

<p>And, FWIW, I think the whole anti-poaching agrrement should NOT apply to those kids.</p>