<p>Sit down dinner never worked for us either. Which is another small tip. Do the best you can and when you do, forgive yourself for not being perfect. Good enough is really good enough over the course of a lifetime.</p>
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<p>I have known two families in which the father was the primary caregiver for the child (both were one-child families, which may or may not be a coincidence), and the situation was totally accepted in the community. It may have helped that the dads were actively involved in the community as volunteers in kids’ activities. (I co-led a Cub Scout den with one of them.) I also knew one family very well where both parents had demanding jobs and the grandmother was the primary caregiver for the child. This was a little more awkward because the grandmother was not up to doing such things as chaperoning field trips or coaching sports teams, so there was some discomfort with the fact that most people didn’t know the parents.</p>
<p>Grandparents can be of immense value, though. If there are any in the picture who are young enough and healthy enough to be of practical help – and who have an interest in involving themselves with your family – they can be the key that makes the whole thing work, provided that you live near them. My own parents were both able to work full time throughout most of my childhood largely because of help from a supportive grandparent (my mom’s mom). I, on the other hand, chose part-time freelance work for a very long time when my kids were growing up largely because there was no extended family nearby to pick up any slack.</p>
<p>The advantage of waiting until you’re in your thirties to have children is that you are probably in fairly good shape financially, and hopefully you and your spouse have finished all the graduate education that you plan to get. The disadvantage is that your parents may not be young enough to provide any significant help with child care, even if they live next door. They may have reached the age where they simply don’t have the energy to chase a toddler, for example.</p>
<p>We did the make-the-babies first thing; we found that married-student housing was a great place to raise kids, and that having two of us in graduate school at the same time made for lots of financial need and financial aid. We wouldn’t have done it any other way!!! It’s great to be 50-years-old with both kids almost out of college. (One more year of tution to pay - yeah!!!). :)</p>
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<p>When you have big kids, it’s very helpful if your kids can’t predict when you’re going to be home. Part-time, partial telecommuting, freelance-type work comes in handy here. I have heard that selling real estate has the same effect.</p>
<p>Also, if one of the parents is only working part-time while the kids are in high school, it’s a given that the family can’t possibly afford a third car. People have to share – and that means that kids have to tell their parents their whereabouts (and vice versa) so that the car-use schedule can be worked out. It’s a handy way to keep track of what your kids are doing without having them feel that they’re being checked up on. After all, it’s not them you’re asking about; you’re trying to find out when the car will be needed so that everyone’s transportation needs can be met. ;)</p>
<p>Quick note: Take into consideration what you need to be in a decent neighborhood/school district but even then there are choices. If you buy a house based on 2 incomes you have indeed sealed the deal. So many moms would say, “Oh, you are so lucky to stay home. I could never afford that.” My inside response would be something like, “We made some hard choices to make this happen and if you hadn’t bought that house you would have more choices too.” Again, as posted over and over, we all approach this career/family issue differently but you have to be honest with yourself and work toward what you want. And, as many have said, you have no idea what your emotions will be ten years from now. Kind of like the college loan debt. If you owe all of that money from undergraduate you limit your choices. A compromise might be to buy a house based on 1.5 incomes.</p>
<p>Option 1: Marry a rich man who wants to be a SAHH
Option 2: Be flexible and creative. Realize you can’t have it ‘all’, but you can have an interesting, imperfect life.</p>
<p>(am still working on work/life balance, but have managed to have a good career and raise two wonderful sons)</p>
<p>We were married right out of college, but didn’t have our first child until 30. My H and I worked like crazy in our 20s. By the time we had our first child we were established at our jobs and could afford good child care for our baby. It was still difficult, but we were not as stressed with day to day life. In NYC it was very acceptable to have a nanny, so our kid(s) had many play dates and parties. I was established enough at work that I was allowed to work part time for few years, while my H worked full time.</p>
<p>When my oldest was 8 I decided to start up a company and work from home. I kept my foot in my old industry by providing a service to them. I worked from 6am to 3pm. I did the after school driving for the 2 girls, and went to many of their activities.</p>
<p>When my older one was 16 I decided I wanted to have a go at my career again. I asked H to stop working full time to stay home with the kids. I sold my company and went back to work. I was able to get a job very quickly because of my old contact. </p>
<p>When I went back, most of my old colleagues/friends were MDs head of various departments, and I had to start at a lower level. I had to work at a higher gear to catch up, and I did. Second time around, with more experience (age) and different outlook, I was able to move ahead faster than when I was younger.</p>
<p>I have many girlfriends with grown children now who really want to get back to work. Many of them were lawyers, money managers, doctors before they decided they stay home. Now at age 50+ and been out of work for 20+ years, it’s hard for them to find anything. I don’t think my path was perfect, and it certainly wasn’t easy, but it’s worked for our family.</p>
<p>I don’t think you will ever find work/life balance, and no corporation will ever find it for you. You need to figure out what’s a deal breaker for you and what you can compromise. Often when you make a choice, you will lose out on something, and you need to know if that is something you could live without.</p>
<p>At my former company, I worked out a 6:30 am - 3 pm schedule so I’d be with my then elementary aged kids when they got home from school. I then went to a very small boutique consulting firm where I work at home, but do have to travel to clients. It’s all tradeoffs. </p>
<p>I love what I do, but have made tradeoffs. My priorities have been kids and career, which has meant that I have de-prioritized volunteer work and making connections in my own community. I am a big believer in ruthlessly prioritizing and those things didn’t make the cut. But that’s true of any life choice.</p>
<p>My uncles love to remind me that when I was 16, I said I was never getting married and never having kids. That was definitely how the 16 year old me felt, but not the 25 year old me!</p>
<p>My story is … college, Masters, PhD finished at age 27. Worked hard all through my 20s. Married at 25. Had my first child at 30. When I had to tell my boss I was not coming back after having my son, I felt like I had just suffocated most of my identity. I knew I wanted to be home with my child but it was still a very difficult decision. (Once I actually HAD him, and stayed home with him, it was no contest. I LOVED being home with him.)</p>
<p>I had two more kids at 32 and 36. I stayed home for 17 years. I returned to work a year ago. My kids are now 18, 16, and 12. What I have learned from the path I chose (along with my husband):</p>
<p>I don’t and will never regret one minute of the time I spent at home with my kids. Obviously I would have a career and not a “job” if I had remained in the workforce, but my soul would’ve been torn. We were able to have me stay home because we both wanted our kids to have a parent at home (we both had SAHMs), we worked and saved before buying a home and having kids, we bought a home based on one income, and we did without things that were luxuries to us but maybe necessities to others (nice cars and vacations). </p>
<p>My approach to raising kids was the same as any endeavor throughout my life - I was/am fully committed, passionate, responsible, creative, flexible, dependable, a good listener. (With the kids, tons of love involved too, a slight difference from work!) I threw myself into everything - planning elaborate theme parties, participating in many school activities, etc. </p>
<p>Now that my oldest is leaving for college, with the others soon to follow, I am struggling with new goals for my life. But I wouldn’t change anything in my past - I’ve had an extraordinary ordinary life.</p>
<p>I also agree with many of the others here - one parent has to put the kids first, one puts work first; find a field that you like with part-time potential - it gives you more options; choose your spouse wisely - probably the most important! Also, many obstacles will be thrown your way throughout your life, and the sooner you learn that you can’t plan everything out and have it all go the way you want, the better.</p>
<p>You sound like a very thoughtful 20 year old. Enjoy your 20s and be open to everything life throws your way!</p>
<p>I always hated to be at home. I felt so separated, even though I had many contact with other parents at all of my D’s 5 after school activities and of course, at school and neighborhood. I knew that I hate it because I was out of work 8 times, after loosing a job. I have no plans to retire, they will have to kick me out. Job by far is my biggest entertainment. Everything else is simply boring after that. I do work out and have after work activity that I love, but I need to spend 8 hours at work, or I believe, I will die very quckly of depression. Taking care of kids while they are at home is a great fun.</p>
<p>My advice is: don’t put off having kids. Have them while you are young, healthy, fertile, and energetic enough to chase them around!</p>