@srysstress and @my-3-sons : Thank you both for your ideas. I appreciate them! Anything I can do to get closer to my GD during this weird time is a good thing.
@ucbalumnus my question was kind of rhetorical, and thanks for spelling out the facts. Current testing options just do not provide the absolute safety that we all crave.
We were never actually planning on Thanksgiving. My kid was coming for 6 weeks, starting on Dec. 4th, with elaborate safety precautions including her staying in a separate apartment I secured for a week before testing. With the surge, and the complexity of protocols, we are reassured she is not coming.
Sympathies to all who are cancelling. Hoping these short term sacrifices mean that long term, we will be able to see our family and friends sooner.
Since airlines are returning to higher capacity, including 100% in January, it may be possible to get a full refund if that is the reason you are cancelling. We just got a full refund, rather than a credit.
ps Just want to add that the Roaring Twenties followed the 1918 pandemic. We may have the Roaring 2020’s to look forward to!
Not sure if this has been posted here or not, but posting just in case. Some useful tips about holiday gatherings:
https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/daily-life-coping/holidays.html
Here is an NPR piece on precautions when college students are returning to their family home. The article repeats the frequently mentioned fact that tests are “just a snapshot for that day,” and suggests wearing masks.
A college student is coming home. Should the whole family wear masks?
Young adults are preparing to travel home for Thanksgiving, but the coronavirus is making things complicated. Epidemiologists say there are things families can to do reduce the risk of infection.
Read in NPR: https://apple.news/AhDBpVNQ3TFWLxxHElJMLuw
My grandmother was getting severely depressed being isolated. She is 83 and healthy. Usually walks a few miles everyday. Back in April we did drive by Easter, then another on mothers day. My parents had her groceries delivered to her every week. In July we did outside social distance birthday. She is extremely self sufficient and doesn’t like people “catering to her”
She said a few months back, "I’d rather die than to live my last few years without seeing my children or grandchildren. We honored her wishes. She wears a mask and is extremely careful, but she will be with us at TG and Christmas. We had an older uncle die of COVID (alone)!
People can die from loneliness and depression. Be careful with elders!
I wonder if the folks who end up getting hit bad by Covid still feel this way.
I’m not aiming this post at you, because we made the decision to go visit our med school lad pondering the same thing. Now we’re praying for a man we know fairly well from our church (see my “Say It Here” post) and it has me wondering the same thing.
It can be easier to justify for those of us not really in high risk groups, but for those who are…
My extremely high risk FIL is still planning on going to his Ruritan meeting tomorrow night, knowing full well the danger and telling H he knows he shouldn’t go. I wish they would just cancel the blankety, blank meeting - or go virtual with it. Everyone there is putting FIL in danger.
If Covid were to be a never ending thing, I can see the answer swinging to one side, but with the hope of good vaccines in less than 6 months, I’m not so sure unless one knows they are at the end (as with my DIL’s grandfather in kidney failure).
83 is around the age as my il’s and mother. It is hard! But I keep telling my mom, there will be a vaccine. It’s coming. Stay the course.
And as I tell them about my situation as a person married to someone with an autoimmune disease.
We aren’t done yet, my husband has 2 years to retirement, he wants to enjoy it. We want to live another 30 years.
Even if you feel like you’ve lived a long life or think you’ll be fine if you get it. I have someone who may not. Please think about us also.
My in laws are 92 & 93. They also don’t care if they get COVID; they have expressed many times that they are “ready to go.” H & I tell them we don’t plan to be responsible for anything that might kill them, and their assisted living facility isn’t planning to let it happen. But my SIL has no issue with letting them do whatever. The problem is, she & her H are probably more likely to be the ones to die if they get it (obese and underlying conditions). I really hope the AL facility doesn’t let my in laws leave for TG dinner. I just don’t understand why my SIL won’t do carry out, outside. The weather will be warm enough to do that.
We split our Thanksgiving group up. What was one meal last year with about 25 people will be at least 4 separate meals at separate houses. Wife and I will host her parents and our daughter (who will be back from college and is scheduled for a Covid test the Friday before she comes home). As case numbers climb, we are talking about preparing plates to take to her parents rather than having them at our house. We have seen her parents on a fairly regular basis through all of this but just not looking to take a chance if it continues to get worse (plus daughter being home from college complicates things a little).
Without a doubt, anyone underlying conditions should not gather and put themselves at risk.
I’m talking about healthy 83 yr olds who are lonely and depressed and live alone. What really is the right answer?
The rest of us in our family are healthy and taking covid test to make sure before we gather. (it will be 7 of us)
Also, I have one cousin from a hotspot who would have to fly and cannot quarantine, so he is staying home…so not to bring anything …just incase.
There is discussion on another thread that testing alone is not a guarantee of safety, but is a “snapshot of one day.” There was a good NPR article on this today that suggests isolating for a period of time before the test, and wearing masks after the test regardless of test results. Here it is:
A college student is coming home. Should the whole family wear masks?
Young adults are preparing to travel home for Thanksgiving, but the coronavirus is making things complicated. Epidemiologists say there are things families can to do reduce the risk of infection.
Read in NPR: https://apple.news/AhDBpVNQ3TFWLxxHElJMLuw
@Luckyjade2024 and I know I’m not going to change your mind.
The problem is that your family is going to be going to the grocery store or the post office or any other place that people go. Every single time there is a small gathering, there are waves of people that interact with each other, who interact with other people.
This is why there is such a problem in this country. Because it’s all about what is good for me and mine.
My husband is having problems staffing his department because there are so many people out, or in quarantine. Because everyone thinks that their situation is different.
Sorry, I guess I’m cranky today. My husband told me that I need to stop doing any errands, or going to the grocery store. Because it’s just getting too dangerous. My il’s just got out quarantine because their friends decided that it wasn’t important to tell them that they had been exposed.
Having dealt with three parents dying in the last few years, and having regular conversations with a sibling who has an elderly MIL doing poorly, I can see why a senior would decide to risk it. Their lives have shrunk so much anyway, they figure, “might as well enjoy my last days.” Fatalistic and I am not sure they actually put that much thought into it, but I could see making that choice myself.
It’s fine if they live at home to make that decision, but tougher at nursing homes. Again, having put two into AL/SNF/Board & care, when they are bad off enough that they no longer qualify for AL, I could also see making the choice to risk Covid. So many people in nursing homes are miserable that they left their home and depend hugely on visitors to emotionally survive their new lives, I could see them taking the risk & figuring it’s worth it.
I cannot imagine the difficulty we would have had dealing with in laws, from afar, had all their visitors been blocked. Given the daily calls and litany of complaints with a steady stream of friends, daily, I am not sure who’s head would have exploded first, mine or FIL’s. I would have voted for him to continue to have visitors, in his late 90s. But that is not fair to the other residents who want to be careful, you’d almost have to have careful and careless homes!
Agree with @deb922 on this.
And, I don’t think there is much difference if the grandparents are healthy or unhealthy. If they DO get Covid, then it’s possible they’ll pass it on to one of their children when they go help them when they get sick. And god forbid one of those children should get sick or worse.
And, of course, they would then be further risking and stressing the hospital/health care workers.
I get it. My MIL is alone and not doing well at all, outside of covid. Her kids all come to see her all the time which is great for her. But I do worry about what could happen as a result, including to my H.
And… the thought of being totally alone in a hospital… is so scary and tragic.
all great points and all difficult choices.
As documented in this thread, my family has gone back and forth on what to do, and had last settled on the idea of not gathering outside of our immediate household. But then, this past Saturday, it occurred to me that we hadn’t been out of the house in three days (thanks to lousy weather) and that put us in the window of being able to isolate for 14 days prior to Thanksgiving and still see my parents. The idea of them sitting alone on the holiday was really bothering me.
We had a group discussion with them about what everyone would need to do in order to get together and all agreed to the terms (isolate for a week, test, and then isolate for 5 more days). So, we’re going for it.
We all have appointments for testing on Saturday 11/21. In the meantime, we’re all back to March/April levels of behavior (staying home except for taking walks). It will be hardest on my kids (D20 and d24), but they understand why we’re doing it and know that it is a temporary situation. It’s going to be so worth it to be able to actually spend the day with my parents and HUG them for the first time in 8 months. I haven’t heard my mom and dad so happy as they sounded when we made this plan - they are so excited to have something to look forward to.
We still don’t know if we’re going to go to FIL’s or not, but we’re isolating anyway. If we happened to pick up asymptomatic Covid from our visit with our son, we don’t want to give it to anyone. We didn’t shop or come into contact with anyone else up at his place, but we were in contact with him and his GF, so it’s definitely possible considering they both are in the hospital working.
Our car is fueled up. Groceries are bought. Around us, that part was risky enough as neither of the two ladies in front of and behind us were wearing masks in spite of state law saying they must (store doesn’t enforce anything). But this was all done prior to isolating. It means bread and some other things need to be frozen to stay good. Such is life. We don’t need to stop anywhere between our place and FIL’s.
We are at more risk from him, esp if he goes to the Ruritan meeting tomorrow night. At least we’ll know we didn’t give it to him.
I wouldn’t mind at all if he called it off though. Time will tell.
A data point. My workplace’s weekly poll is about how you will celebrate Thanksgiving. As of this afternoon, 42% responded with same as always. That does not include the 25% that said they would make it as normal as possible but with more precautions. (I chose I normally travel but won’t this year and there were a couple of other options.)
I sometimes wish we could do polls here.
Presumably, everyone else will be extra careful to minimize COVID-19 risk in the week or few before she visits?
Remember that a test tells you your status at the time of the test. If you are using the tests that take 2-3 days to get results, negative results would mean that you did not have detectable virus 2-3 days ago. Also, those in early incubation may not have enough virus to be detectable even with the most sensitive available tests, and someone may have gotten infected after the test, so being “safe” 2-3 days ago does not necessarily mean “safe” now.
Hence it is necessary to be extra careful for several days before the test, and between the test and the visit. Yes, this includes making sure that you are stocked up with food and consumables to minimize the need to go shopping for groceries or whatever for the time period up to the visit.