With the Jewish holidays coming up, my family has been talking about how we will celebration. Almost all my immediate family, as well as my husband’s, live in our city, so holiday dinners are large. Only my kids live out of town, and I know they will not be here for any holidays this year. We are not going to get together for Rosh Hashanah or Yom Kippur, and can not imagine we will for Thanksgiving.
I have always hosted Thanksgiving, which is now held in my communities clubhouse since we downsized 3 years ago. I have it reserved for this year, with a clause that lets me out of the rental if needed. I can not imagine there is anyway we can do this, even with the 24 people in town; this is just immediate, immediate family, does not include the others one level out we usually include. My mother and I do most of the cooking, although a few other people bring an appetizer or vegetable. We serve buffet, so that isn’t happening. I wondered if we had everyone bring their own food, but that still leaves us unmasked for a long period of time at two long tables. My mother really wants to do something so she can see family. Another thought was just to have everyone come visit, without food and drinks, just to socialize. This way we could all stay masked and be together, although everyone staying 6 feet apart would be hard, even though the room is quite large.
Looking for creative ideas for a gathering for people not willing to expose others.
The Jewish holidays are around the corner. I often spent them with family and/or best friend. No one is taking any chances.
I wish my kids would fly to Chicago for T-day, and I’d join them there, with her family, but I doubt they will take the chance. It will be more than a year since I’ve seen them. Even a family Bar Mitzvah in 3/2021 had been postponed until 10/2021.
Do you live somewhere warm? If so, I would do a venue that has a patio or something like it. That will give you more space as well as ventilation b/c you could open the doors. Then I would do desserts and coffee, cocktails, hot chocolate. You’re still taking a risk, but a calculated one and at least attempting to mitigate. Everyone eats their big meal at home, but you gather for a couple hours afterwards. You could also do smaller round or square tables.
We’re playing it by ear right now and will decide based on stats as it gets closer. We have a smaller group, most of us can limit our contacts leading up to the holidays and the case count in the area is very low right now. We’ll be flexible and weigh many considerations as the dates near.
I think we’ll also wear masks when not eating.
Outdoors won’t be happening here because of weather. Maybe we should do Canadian Thanksgiving.
This has been on my mind and honestly, I dread thinking about it. I think there are going to be all kinds of awkward conversations and not so happy people/family members.
We are in a cold climate so outside will not be an option by late November/December.
I had a situation this weekend where my brother and his family wanted to do a Labor Day weekend get together. There was no “promise” of an outside event. I think he and his wife and family masks but they also don’t in certain circumstances. They have been attending church and regular church events. I begged off for now. I really felt horrible.
Part of the trouble is (and I know others are in this situation) - what if one member of the household is ok to participate and another is not? Case in point, my H is wary - how can I go and then come home?
I think it will just be our family of 4. And I feel like we will be in the minority, based on my social media feeds. I have seeen lots of people eating together outside at restaurants who are not in the same household, or doing family reunions at the beach.
And based on Easter and 4 of July gatherings, the pull of Thanksgiving will be much harder for than for those holidays. I am not optimistic that the majority of Americans will forgo family get togethers
We already know it’s just going to be the two of us; son isn’t traveling and we haven’t gotten together with other relatives for the holidays since we moved.
For those trying to observe Covid protocols, there just aren’t going to be big family meals this year. But already plenty of people figure if it’s “just their family and friends”, it’s safe enough. If they are trying to guilt relatives into attending, tell them you aren’t willing to risk your long term health or life. If one member wants to attend a potential risk event, be prepared to quarantine at home afterwards.
We’ve done video seders with our son (and brother too one year). I’m guessing there will be a big business in take out and delivered meals this year for the holidays. Of course not the same, but perhaps people could all arrange to get meals for the same time and Zoom together on Thanksgiving. Or for those who love to cook, drop off meals for family then dine virtually.
For Rosh Hashana, instead of a mass holiday meal, perhaps a staggered open house, where different family units come at different times? Set out individual portions of challah, honey cake, and apples and honey. People can socially distant visit, wish each other a happy and healthy new year, then make room for the next visitors.
FIL just brought up the holidays and wants us all to fly to FL. Ummm. There was dead silence on the family zoom. He said there is no way. I’m expecting it will just be the three of us for thanksgiving and Xmas.
I think each person has to decide and be firm, and don’t judge others who feel differently.
My family is pretty small and most of us are in the same bubble now. We’ll do our regular Thanksgiving, adding my sister’s family to ours. Why? Because my mother has cancer and we all do whatever she wants this year, and she likes Thanksgiving. She doesn’t want to quarantine from us for the last year of her life.
My daughter’s due date is 12/28 and she’d like us to spend Christmas at her house. We would probably rent a place on Airbnb if younger D and boyfriend decide to come too. D lives in Indiana and we live in Massachusetts. We would probably drive.
I feel like planning anything right now is impossible. My mom (82) loves to do Thanksgiving. I don’t think that will be possible. Maybe a small group outside? Originally they were expecting a second surge in November. I am not sure if that is still a possibility.
I expect I will spend holidays alone. It will be cold out. I might be able to do a window visit with my mother at her facility, and take a walk with my daughter who lives an hour away. My other two kids are across the country and won’t be flying. My extended family is less careful than I am, so I would not see them indoors. My friends tend to be as careful as I am, so we won’t see each other indoors. Zoom holidays!
This has been on my mind as well- probably because we host most family get togethers for both sides of the family. H’s family will be understanding but my family includes my 83 year old dad who lives alone and a sibling who lives alone ( no SO or children) They both are lonely. My sibling is really struggling. But, we have been very careful and I don’t want to take any chances. They look to me for these happy occasions and so enjoy coming here to celebrate. No way we can do it outside. Zoom is ok but neither of them loves it. I get it- it’s hard being alone.
No one can predict a surge except to say that 1. the weather will be colder so less chance for people to use outside as a SD option. 2. Holidays as noted above will bring more groups together most likely which just like this Labor Day weekend there will be a spike. So you’re not really pinning it on a month, but EVENTS or CONDITIONS.
But back to the topic.
I can see us getting together with our kids largely because everyone is pretty limited in their outings. But it’s my mom that I know will have a hard time. She is already mentioning “we haven’t all gotten together for so long”.
We aren’t risk takers. No one will shun us from the family but still, awkward.
Thankfully, I JUST had a productive discussion about all of this with dh. We have reached a good compromise/solution that takes some of the pressure off the holidays. He is going to make a solo driving trip to see his mother in a couple of weeks. I get that he needs/wants to spend time with her. He was quite firm with her that he would be seeing only her and his sister - no extended family gatherings while he is there.
His making that trip removes some of the weight I have been feeling about the holidays. It also helped that he told me he really didn’t want me to go because I make the drive much slower for him (I need more pit stops - lol). It’s a long haul, but he has done it solo before. He assured me she does not think I am a bad person for not coming. Really, it’s kind of nice for mil to have time with just dh. I think mother/son time is rare once sons marry and have their own families.
His visit to see her buys time for the holidays, and if it’s gotten worse, at least he will have seen her.
I am also going to stop worrying about whether ds sees his grandmother. He is an adult, and it’s no longer my job to make sure my son visits his grandmother. He is arriving here TG and planning to stay with us through NY since he is work from home at least that long. He’s taking an unpaid leave for October/November and renting an RV and driving across country. He can choose to route his trip to see her or not. They are close, and I hope he does, but that’ll be up to him.
Thus, as of right now, I anticipate that the holidays will just be the three of us.
MIL - the matriarch we are (or were?) all trying to protect - is covid-fatigued, and determined not to live out the rest of her days in isolation. She will wear a mask and follow all protocols in public or when she is with strangers. However, with family, she has resumed family togethers with her three kids who are local (and their families, one of which I am a part). The family dinners are always indoors, no one wears masks, and grandma gets hugs from the grandkids. At Thanksgiving, her fourth (of five) and his family will be in town, so it will be a larger group (15+). I’m okay with that.
I don’t know what’s going to happen at Christmas. My parents, strict quarantine people, are scheduled to fly in, as will my sister (started out strict, but has since had so many documented close calls, we all figure she and her husband pretty much have to be asymptomatic, immune, or just not prone to catching it at this point). I don’t know if they’ll stick to their plans or not. My mother is getting really quarantine-fatigued. I think she’ll push Dad into coming.
The holidays will likely be just DH and I. It’ll be the 1st time ever of not spending T-giving with at least one of my kids.
There’s an outside chance, if the weather cooperates, that we could bring dinner to S2’s place and have a porch T-giving with him, but that’s not likely. We won’t have him at our apt since he lives with roommates and isn’t necessarily as careful as we are so outdoor dining is our only option. If we can’t do that, I’ll at least pack up a T-giving dinner for him and drop it off.
My daughter asked about this a couple of weeks ago. Our usual Thanksgiving is the three of us and she takes the train to get here. Right now she is not comfortable with riding the train. I have assured her that worst case we will do round trips to both get and return her to her home (4 hours each way and we can stay in a hotel nearby). We can probably space them out farther since she could work from home at our house for a few days - which may mean a longer visit than usual. She is also exploring other options (hitching a ride with a friend at least most of the way home).
Christmas is harder. We usually visit my dad in his assisted living some time in December (about 1 1/2 hours away). My dad had Covid and is fine now, but I am not going inside an assisted living facility any time soon.
I don’t see any issue with my daughter coming home for Christmas also (we can drive her - we usually drive her home anyway). Again, we might make it a longer visit (since she can work from home now at my house).
Christmas day is usually spent with my sister in law and her husband. Don’t know if that will happen. If not, we will have Christmas day just the three of us (which would be fine).
