We’re in CT and son, DIL and GD are in North Carolina. We were going to fly there for TG but son was not comfortable with our coming into their house after hanging around an airport, so we’re going to drive. (Ten and a half hours each way.) Neither DH nor I are looking forward to it, but I’m going to reach out to AAA and see if they can help us plan where to eat and where to stay overnight on our drive.
Other son and DIL are in Wisconsin and I’m beginning to doubt that we’ll see them for TG.
It’s going to be an odd Thanksgiving. My best friend who usually hosts what she called her “widows and waifs” holiday dinner had 2 major strokes in August and will be in a rehab hospital through at least the end of the year. I’d take dinner to her, but the hospital doesn’t not allow visitors except for 1 immediate family member. (And it has to be the same person every visit.)
Both Ds are physicians who live OOS. D2 will be working on Thanksgiving. (She’s had the last 2 T-days off so it’s her turn to be on in-hospital service this year.)
D1 will have brand new newborns–like really new newborns. (Due Nov 16) I don’t want to impose on her and her husband. They will have their hands full with new twins.
My brother & his family live OOS–too far to drive. Besides both my brother & SIL lost their jobs. (SIL in February; brother in May.) So they are stressed out already and I don’t want to add to their stress. I would invite them here, but they are not being careful about their Covid exposure. (My brother thinks Covid-19 is all blown out of proportion and we should just let everyone catch it and get over with it. Which scares me because both my brother & SIL have medical conditions that put them at high risk for Covid complications.)
My family is in Texas. I seriously doubt we’ll get to see any of them. My dad just got out of hospice and is doing well - I don’t want to take a chance on infecting him.
@VeryHappy - curious what your limit is on driving within a day? Dh and I have done 14 hours of drive time in a day with our taking turns driving. It IS long, but 10.5 hours should be quite manageable. We’d pack our own food in an ice chest and pretty much only stop for gas and potty breaks for that distance.
Look into whatever the modern day equivalent is to books on “tape.” Audible? Or listen to podcasts maybe?
Just suggestions. I would personally feel safer doing a straight through drive at that distance instead of stopping to eat or spend a night somewhere.
@Hoggirl : I would do it in one day but DH is adament that we stop. So I think we’ll do six hours the first day and four hours the second.
I also have a feeling that there will be traffic. From the sound of things on this thread at least, few people will be flying and many more will be driving.
For those of us driving, here’s some advice from the New York Times: https://www.nytimes.com/2020/09/01/travel/road-trip-safety.html?searchResultPosition=1
You know after reading the above comments and just talking to my D1 I have some new perspective.
I LOVE the idea of Thanksgiving at/near Canadian Thanksgiving! (this year, Monday, October 12).
D1 just said, “September and October are 2 of the most beautiful months here (Ohio) - we should not be worrying about Christmas we should just be taking advantage of these months we CAN be outside and seeing people in those outside conditions as much as we can”.
I know it’s not the same but maybe I will suggest we schedule a get together - maybe one for September and one for October for a few of us. I mean, we can be “thankful” any day of the week or time of the month, right?
Part of my conversation with my daughter was a discussion that it didn’t matter when we celebrated Thanksgiving (in case travel plans couldn’t be worked out for that week) as long as we had a day where we ate our traditional meal together.
We are taking my in-laws to my sons at the end of September. My husband turns 60 and his dad 85. I thought that this would be better than trying to figure out what to do during the holidays. My daughter and her boyfriend could drive in from their house (son sort of lives in the middle).
Of course best laid plans… Daughter’s boyfriend can’t find someone to take his call that weekend. The next 2 weekends my son and dil are on vacation.
So daughter want us to drive to her house (she’s coming to her brothers house no matter what) so that we can see her boyfriend. It makes a 5 hour trip with the il’s into a 11 hour trip home.
Can we just skip November and December?
The older people are getting fatigued with this. It’s hard, it’s so easy to just this little thing go, that little thing slide. Then where are you at?
This is a timely thread. I just spoke with my mother this morning who asked yet again if she can count on us for Thanksgiving. My brother and SIL and one of their daughter’s + husband + child are flying in from MI and FL to stay with her (as usual), and she’s hoping we’ll be there (as usual). For at least the fifth time I explained that if Army restrictions lift sufficiently, we’ll be with our son in GA, and if they don’t, then obviously it’s still not safe so, either way, we will not be getting together for Thanksgiving this year. Even though the weather here supports celebrating outside in November, too many people traveling through too many airports and not a single member of this group taking the pandemic seriously would still be a “no” for us. Way too many uncontrolled vectors.
Then, two minutes later, she invites me to a birthday party she’s hosting for her 84-year-old friend (with heart issues) October 1st.
I agree that many elderly are getting fatigued with this current situation. I have sympathy for that.
I understand that many have to make travel plans or put in for time off, etc.
But I have to honestly say - at least in my family’s situation…It is early September!!! Can we not put a stamp on what we will be doing and cooking and buying for November and December?!
MAYBE this will be a good push for us all to the commercialization and buying and pressure of ALL the November/December holidays.
I do enjoy hearing of any solutions or thoughts that you all have.
I also extend my vote to skip November and December. 
Can she rent a car?
When I started this thread, I meant to add that I am totally fine with skipping the holidays if it wasn’t for my mother. She is the one that is having trouble with all the separation. Since my kids and grandkids can’t be here, I don’t really care if nothing is done; I do realize that is selfish.
My aunt and I did discuss this afternoon that as soon as it cools off just a bit, we would do dinner at her house outside. We can limit that to 7 of us total. She has a deck area where we could eat and visit with each other. Again, this would be for my mother as she needs to get out of the house for a few hours. This group will be willing to wear a mask while not eat, so I think it is doable. We all work outside of the house, except for my mother, so she is the one most at risk.
My SIL called today to ask if we wanted to come to her house for dinner tonight. We would eat outside and do take out. Since her grandchildren are in high school, and 2 of them have cheer practice daily and football season started this weekend, on top of they both go out with friends all the time, my answer was a hard no! Plus my BIL made fun of us for wearing masks when we had to stop at their house to return something 
They were in the backyard with their kids and grandkids for dinner, so we walked back there to say hello. We stood maybe 20 feet away with masks as they were all unmasked. Yep, not the family I will choice to have dinner with right now!
@abasket the problem with my family is that no one lives within a 7 hour drive from us (the 5 hour drive I said before was from my il’s who live a couple of hours closer).
I have my mom in Tennessee, my sister in Ohio, her son goes to school in Boston. My son lives on one side of Pennsylvania, my daughter lives on the other side.
Getting together is COMPLICATED during non pandemic times. Flying during thanksgiving and Christmas is expensive and my nearest airport is a 100 miles away. And there are no flights that any of these people could take non stop.
So my mom usually has her Christmas flight booked already. My daughter already booked her thanksgiving flight (although I think that will probably not happen for many reasons).
Our holiday plans aren’t something you can think about November 1. I am very envious of those who are a couple of hours driving away.
It’ll be just me and my 3 favoritest people… but that’s how it normally is. Dh will go up to Ohio to help S19 move out of his dorm and they’ll be home the night before TG.
Last year I wasn’t able to walk so this year just being able to enjoy my boys and my husband w/o pain will be fantastic.
And pie.
I agree that during this environment, with so many unknowns, it is better to just wait and see what happens. We are making no plans for either Thanksgiving or Christmas yet. We aren’t a family that gets hysterical if we can’t all be together- or if a kid goes to be with a partner’s family. There are too many moving pieces right now- including what the flu season will look like. We don’t have grandkids and our kids are adults. No older folks still living (well, except us), so we’ll just see how things develop. Maybe take out Mexican food in the kitchen.
Yup. And I’d rather ensure we are all around for many holidays to come even if it means skipping one year.
@abasket - yes, agreeing with @deb922
We are on opposite coasts with dh’s family in the middle of fly-over country. It is a logistical challenge, though we do usually drive even though it is 14 hours of drive time. So there is that planning aspect.
And, I do think the elders who are particularly Covid fatigued “push” because they need something to look forward to. I don’t blame them.
I am not one who is overly sentimental, and we always spend holidays with dh’s family since I have virtually none. Selfishly, I am hoping it IS just the three of us.
@snowball I am glad you started a thread. I think this is one we will be adding to for weeks to come.
So many roadblocks for everyone to consider. Hugs to all, it isn’t easy near or far. Definitely tough far. But also even if near - and some of the family is not as careful as others - or can’t be as careful as others (like those who work in health care or retail)- the logistics become not only distance challenged but sort of situational or value challenged.
Also, don’t let anyone tease you (not anyone!) for wearing a mask!
My mother is turning 90 in a couple of weeks. My siblings and I WERE planning a party, expecting maybe 50 people. Well, that plan was kiboshed a few months ago.
We are down to a gathering of 7 people outdoors for a couple of hours, masked and social distancing. Mom + 3 kids + 3 spouses. Grandkids are grown up but local, but my mother wanted a SMALL gathering, so they’re out.
The party has been replaced by a request for everyone who was to be invited to send her cards by mail.
And we live in adjacent NE states with good numbers. God willing, next year we’ll be able to hold a “First anniversary of her 90th birthday” party.
RE: Not stressing the dates, when one of mine lived abroad, one year we held “Christmas” over a month later due to logistics. It was amazing, December was stress-free, we could pick up gifts in after holiday sales. We actually did a tree (you cut) and held our neighborhood open house, the neighbors got a real kick out of it.
December was much more chill, the winter gave us something to look forward to, it worked out wonderfully and we subsequently have done it other times to remove scheduling stress.
I am so glad my mother and my in laws are no longer a concern, my in laws would be a mess of loneliness and boredom in these Covid times and my mother would have been asking me, every day, what we are going to do.
I don’t know about the rest of you, but my family made the choice last spring to expand our bubble, carefully, to include us & the adult kids and their kids. Everyone is pretty careful, in day to day life, and is extra careful leading up to any visits from the father away adult kids. I would imagine we may see some of them for winter holidays, but will decide maybe 2-4 weeks before each occasion.