I would be happy to spend the holidays with just my husband.
Those of you who’s parents don’t call you up crying because they are lonely and think they are going to die before they see you, you are very lucky.
None of getting together is about me. I am not thrilled that I haven’t seen my daughter since last thanksgiving. I wish that I could be as resolute as some not getting together.
But my il’s are going crazy. My mom is going crazy. My mom just last week said that we shouldn’t see our kids. But she was the one crying that she couldn’t see me. So we drove, ate in our car and only used rest stops infrequently to see her.
I’ve hosted my family for Thanksgiving for the last 19 or so years. I’m about ready to cancel! Politics has already reared it’s ugly head - my sister isn’t speaking to our (adult) niece and my brother hasn’t spoken to be in about 3 months. I feel bad because it’s about the only time besides Christmas I see my niece (her mom, my oldest sister, died about 8 years ago). My other brother comes when the mood hits him, but last year he texted me at 10am Thanksgiving morning to cancel. With the whole Covid thing, I may throw in the towel and head to the in-laws,
Christmas plans will probably change too because the family members where we usually go don’t take Covid seriously, have multiple little kids and invite lots of friends over as well. My In-laws are in their mid-70’s with several health issues, so I think it will just be us this year. Honestly, I think i’m up for a quiet holiday at home this year,
Our families live far away. We have a group of friends we have spent all holidays with for over 30 years…until 2020. There have been a smattering of times we travelled for a holiday or had it at our house. But really, most of the last 30 years Easter, Thanksgiving, and Christmas were spent with our “holiday family”.
We were looking forward to Thanksgiving this year because DD and husband would have joined the holiday family feast. But it’s likely not happening. The hosts really haven’t left their house since March (I’m not kidding). It’s very unlikely that they will be hosting a dinner.
DD has to work on Thanksgiving but has Christmas Day off.
DS hopefully will be flying here for Christmas, arriving Christmas night.
So…for Thanksgiving, I’ll be looking for the smallest turkey I can find, and I’ll be making the dinner for just DH and me.
For Christmas, we will have dinner here, hopefully with DD, SIL and DS. I have no idea what I’ll cook!
We also have spent the last 32 years with different friends on NYs Eve, dinner and spending the night and brunch. I suspect that will be canceled also.
My kids must have know this topic was on my mind this weekend, as there has been chatter on our family chat! Seems my daughter’s in-laws want to make the trip over from the UK, to visit her family, maybe at Christmas time. They have not seen the baby since last September, when she was 3 months old. D does not really want them during Christmas time (or ever at the moment,) so was asking if we were indeed not doing anything for Thanksgiving before she offered them to come mid November. She is not comfortable with them flying overseas and then staying at her home, and is sure the plans will be cancelled, but they need to have a time to hold onto in their mind.
My son then replies he was thinking of still visiting at Thanksgiving, and flying This from my child that insisted I not go to work in early March due to my age and health. His hope is there will be a rapid test by then readily available, such that they could test before flying. I think that is wishful thinking. If they come, I would rather they drive, but don’t think they will do so.
My daughter said they would not get on a plane until a vaccine was available and proven to be effective. She also swore she would never make the 18 hour drive again with a child! Now she said she would consider coming here during winter break. My son then offered for all of us to come stay with him for Thanksgiving; he lives between my D and us, so not a terrible drive for either.
So now I go from hosting 24, to trying to figure out if I can host in some crazy fashion, to maybe not even being in town! While I would love to be with my kids, there is no way I could leave my mother. The others can fend for themselves, but I think my mother would be horribly hurt. If my mother were not involved, I would be with the kids in a heartbeat. So much to think about, and it is only Labor Day My rule has always been, there was no discussion about Thanksgiving until after Yom Kippur; one holiday at a time!
We were surprised and thrilled to learn that both ShawD and her BF and ShawSon will be flying from the West Coast to the East Coast for Thanksgiving. We had no idea when we would see them as we are not flying – ShawWife has respiratory issues that put her at pretty high risk. We only see people outside.
ShawD’s BF and ShawSon are in WFH situations, so they can work anyplace. ShawD is an NP, but has organized a vacation and has subbed for others to get extra time. They will fly out (on an airline that is not filling middle seats). They will stay someplace else for 4 days and get tested. They will then come to our house for an early Thanksgiving and she will go to his mother’s house for Thanksgiving Day celebration. BF’s mother is single and has a much wider bubble of people she is in contact with. So ShawWife does not want us to celebrate together (she has come to several holiday celebrations at our house in the past).
ShawSon will stay with us post-test and is going to spend an extra week with us. Not clear if ShawD and BF will stay with us or with his mother. Our new house is enormous and has a kids BR wing where they could almost isolate. There are also two kitchens, though we use the main kitchen and not the one in the MBR suite. We will rely on ShawD’s judgment as she has been very forceful about making sure we protect ShawWife (with her naturally social/generous instincts) from folks/situations that provide beyond minimal likelihood of infection.
We have purchased patio heaters but November in New England will be too cold for an outside meal. We do have a screened in porch with a DR table in it, but would have to figure out how to heat it.
It is a challenge being in this sandwich generation position. So many torn between being with a parent or with your children.
For me, my daughter is more alone living in her studio apartment in the city than my father in assisted living (where they have started to remove some restrictions). I also feel visiting my daughter or her visiting us is safe. However, I won’t go near the assisted living facility.
We don’t have other family here (or travel elsewhere) for High Holidays, so it’ll be just the two of us as usual. The guys are 3,000 and 5,000 miles away and won’t be here til after there’s a proven vaccine. Haven’t seen either of them since January.
We usually go to my BIL’s in NJ for TG, and down to GA to see my side of the family in December, but neither will happen this year. They all know my situation, so there are no hard feelings. My dad may push, but I have no hesitation about shutting it down. He tells me how careful he is in one sentence, then mentions he went to Lowe’s, astronomy club, Kroger, the Army hospital and church in the next.
DH’s agency is making noise about going back to the office in early October. I don’t think it will happen before January.
@kiddie I also have a mother in assisted living and daughter in studio, but across the country. She has health issues, so afraid to fly. If I fly to her, I would want to get tested and stay someplace a few days. It is hard balancing the needs of an elderly parent and a relatively isolated adult child, and I think many people on here are doing just that. I live in a one bedroom, one bathroom apartment which also complicates things. I hope you enjoy a visit with your daughter!
We just visited my daughter (first time since March). We stayed one night at a hotel, ate at an outdoor restaurant, walked around the city, and it was all fine. Both of the states where we live are considered safe right now (no travel restrictions between them).
My daughter’s friends all live a subway ride away, which in normal times is terrific they get together all the time. Now, none of them want to ride the train, so they are all staying home alone (including working from home). She did have two outings recently with friends (one day she and a friend each walked over 3 miles to meet halfway and another day a friend picked her up with a car and they met others in a park). She has been enjoying walking around the city every nice weather day she can.
I think my father in assisted living is more depressed, but less isolated. He has workers that bring him food, wheel him outside to get the sun, and provide medical care. So he actually sees a lot of people in person. They are social distancing them in the dining room (an improvement from eating in their rooms). However, put a bunch of old people 6 feet apart to eat and nobody can hear each other (actually kind of funny).
I think their prospectives are also different. For the young person, it seems like forever, but they imagine a future where they can do what they used to do again. For the old person, they really wonder if this is how they will be living the rest of their life.
To answer a question earlier on the thread. As a city dweller my daughter never drives (she has a license), so renting a car to take a 4 1/2 hour drive home would be out of her league. She would also be concerned about who drove the car last etc. Probably just as safe in an Amtrak train (where I think they are keeping half the seats empty, requiring masks, and have improved the ventilation.)
I think those who are wary of traveling should avoid Thanksgiving and Christmas. No rule that you can’t get together the week before or after to avoid the big travel days.
That also helps the person cooking as stores will be very busy, as always, just before the holidays. All the planning in the world doesn’t remember that spice or fruit or quart of milk.
We’ve held Thanksgiving since 1997. I was thinking the other day about how we could safely pull it off. We normally have 18-24 people(4 families and my Dad). My kids are in Boarding school and the younger set are in college or are working from home. (All are being tested frequently). kids will come home from college by car. The older set is either retired or work from home. So limited interactions. The only problem is one of the younger set is a nurse. She’s actually the only one in the family that doesn’t work from home. I would love to uninvite them but that would be problematic at best. Sometimes she can’t come because she has to work. Sadly, but honestly I hope that is the case because my Dad is 84 and I want him to come and she is a PITA. But I love everyone else.
I was thinking of having Thanksgiving two weeks late. That will give all the kids time to come home from college and not to be flying or travelling around. We’ll have to see. But I hope we at least have some family. We usually have 4-6 people stay with us ( the younger set). We could open windows but everyone hangs out for days so I think it might not work. I think we’ll see where the numbers are for the states we live in. MA, CT and NJ got hit really hard the last time around, so it could be terrible again or maybe not. MA right now is under Ro rate 1.
Everyone would drive. So the exposure would be everyone being inside.
We had a single family party this year mostly outside. Have to say it made me nervous. It might end up being a drive in, drive out kind of thing. We also have a huge wedding tent and a large field. So we could have it outside and bring in heaters. That would work for a single day thing.
I think there is a point at which we all have to decide what to do. It has been a crazy year. Might get even crazier before Thanksgiving which would make it even harder to just see family and enjor life. Hoping for a vaccine soon.
Not sure what we will do at this point for either holiday. We have hosted Thanksgiving for one part of our families (or all) for 10+ years at this point. Three 80+ year olds on the group. But we have seen each of them over the past 5 months on a limited basis. Couple of college kids in the group who will be coming home. Will have to see how things look at the time. Likely will hold the college kids out (but one is my daughter and she will be coming home for Thanksgiving – would isolate her in her room for the day I guess – though maybe she can get a test before coming home). Grandparents will resist doing nothing.
Have had a Christmas Eve party for 50-60 of my wife’s relatives (we have hosted a few times at our house and we may be “up” this year). Its something my wife’s family has done for over 50 years. Don’t see how that happens this year.
Christmas Day is at my sister’s house with family that has spent some time together over the past 5 months. Much of that time has been outside which won’t be an option in late December. We shall see.
Older son won’t get on a plane from California until there’s a reliable vaccine. Younger son in Maryland is even more careful than we are, and I believe isn’t allowed to travel more than 100 miles in any event, though that may have changed. He had to work both Thanksgiving and Christmas last year, so we’d hoped we’d get him this year, but it looks like it’s not going to happen. He’s off overseas early next year, so it may be a long time before we see him again.
We are typically small on these holidays which is always upsetting to me. I so wish I had a situation where we had loads of extended family around - I have so many memories of holidays like that growing up and into my 20s.
It is good to read here that many of you are still being socially distant and wearing masks. I am seeing less and less compliance near me. Little by little, it’s not like people are rejecting recommendations, it just seems like people are tired of them
Hopefully, as a medical professional who understands the risks, she’ll choose not to come.
Even if there is a vaccine soon, it won’t have anywhere near 100% efficacy to the point where I’d be comfortable counting on it at holiday time. Nor will a sufficient percentage of the population be vaccinated to make it effective that quickly. Even with an effective vaccine, it’s going to take time.
My D will have to fly home from school shortly before Thanksgiving. Unless something drastically changes before then I just am not comfortable having her around my 90 year old parents shortly after leaving college and flying. My parents won’t be happy but they can spend the day with my sister and her family. We usually have Christmas at my parents - just the 3 of us and the 2 of them on Christmas Day. I assume we’ll do that again this year. My D hasn’t seen my parents since Covid except for a short 90th outside b-day party for my Dad. It’s hard because my sister is seriously covid fatigued and not being particularly careful. And while my parents are pretty careful they do spend a lot of time around my sister. Families are complicated right now…
Our D has been with us (instead of LA where she’s renting a room in a house) since Feb. We and she are ok with her staying as long as she likes. S is in DC and no idea what he plans to do. He was with us from Feb thru mid-July. He’s always spent the Christmas holidays with us and sometimes Thanksgiving.
We normally have several family gatherings with my sibs and their spouses and kids which totals several dozen. This year—no one knows and we are waiting to see how things evolve.
This from my child that insisted I not go to work in early March due to my age and health. His hope is there will be a rapid test by then readily available, such that they could test before flying. I think that is wishful thinking. If they come, I would rather they drive, but don’t think they will do so.
My rule has always been, there was no discussion about Thanksgiving until after Yom Kippur; one holiday at a time!